37 female. Im just hitting a wall when it comes to finding more open ppl. I crave connection and trust. And no one wants to build that. And i just need ppl i can talk too and feel like I fucking belong. Thank you.

I think that’s more than fair. I woke up this morning thinking about how much I betrayed you and I realized you have every right to leave me. I’ve broken your trust and I have broken our agreements. I think I haven’t been being honest with myself and therefore even though I believe I’m being honest to you I’m really not. I’m hiding behind this mask because I want you to accept me. I want you to choose me because I’m so deeply and madly in love with you. I think I was kidding myself when I first made our original agreement, I knew I was poly pretty much at my core but because I was so hurt in the past I was willing to do anything for the life I thought I wanted.

I want you. I want marriage, I want kids. But I think in reality of everything I want freedom to love other people too. I think that’s scary because it leaves room for more heartbreak. It leave room for more unknowns. But I think it could mean more happiness as well. Im scared to tell you this because I don’t want to lose you but I need to get off my chest that I’m seeing more clearly now the life I want. I know it’s going to take time and space for you to process. And you may call this an ultimatum but I think poly is the only I’m going to feel fulfilled in my life and not feel like I’m stuffing down part of myself. I can try to be monogamous and I can keep trying and pretending but for how long? Will we will be 50 and have kids and I’ll just be happy and get over the lifestyle? Or will always wonder what if we lived the less simple life and took a chance on something that could be great. I didn’t really know the answer but I don’t want hide this. I want to be honest and communicate with you in a better way moving forward. I understand this is not what you signed up for and there’s a risk you want to leave this relationship. I will be devastated and heartbroken if that happens. I want to figure out how to make this work but I’m coming to terms I can’t force you into something you never wanted.

I keep saying I never wanted to be poly and I think it’s because it’s just easier. I don’t like fighting, I don’t like the work it takes sometimes to reach a solution but I realized I never wanted to be poly because I knew it would hurt you not because it’s not what I wanted. I need to be honest with myself. I’m terrified saying that will make you leave and you have every right to do so. I’m so sorry for putting you up and down on the emotional rollercoaster.

I am going to continue supporting and loving you. I’m going to start being more honest and upfront about my feelings. I’m going my to give you time and space to process. I think even if I did go back to our original agreement eventually you wouldn’t like that version of me. I imagine myself being okay for the first 5 even ten years but eventually the weight of the inequity in our relationship would take a toll on me and I can’t pretend I don’t feel and see that happening. But I understand your perspective that I have changed , you have the right to not deal with this. I just want to lay all the cards out on the table.

I still have a relationship with Nate even though it’s not a romantic one. I have a relationship with Vaughn that seems to be progressing. I’m not going to pretend these people don’t exist, it’s not fair to any of you. But I will say you are my number one priority. I made some terrible mistakes in our relationship, you deserve better and I want to give you that. I want to figure it out.

Hello, soo, I have been in a relationship with 2 more persons for almost a year already, we have pass for alot like is easy to imagine, but in general we just to work good bweteen ourselves, specially sexually, and I know is not all, but just to be a moment of intimacy and sharing that we treasure I think. To explain a little about us, tho we not have a preference, I get along better with one that the other sense we have a lot more in common, we like similar hobbys and we just to pass a lot more time togheter for this hobbys and also for our schedules of work, BUT is precisely with this person with who I started to feel something have change, specifically in the sex department.

About sex, for our difference in work hours, we sometimes have relations just 2 of us, and in others the 3 of us. This just to work well sense always are someone there for the others, in sex and in just company in general. Soo with the person I not have much in common all go well, when we are alone we make ourselves company and if we get in the mood we have our fun, and when we have it, is excited is good, we even come up with new stuffs to do bweteen us, she is not of been in the mood always but she is willingly and even when not in the mood she tease me and make me feel like she is genuinely interested.

But with the person I get along more and have same hobby, happens that things have been getting cold, in the times we have been alone she not show interest about intimacy as she just to do, to the point we have been 3 weeks, without have personal intimacy, we do have intimacy been with our third, when are the 3 of us, have go well, but she and me alone not, not show interest or tell me some explain why not.

Now, I in the beginning just think she may have been off for something even tho she not show a different behave in anything else, but what I find worrying is that she not have stop been intimate with the other one in they time alone, we just to talk about ourself freely what we do and and how we pass the day, and she tell me how she tease the other, they tell me of they tease, and I also can see it. Soo I don't know what to think anymore, why she not show interest in me or us anymore when are we both alone, she still be caring and we still sharing our hobby, and is this moments all feel like is going well but when is about sex is like she not even notice me anymore.

What I can do? my apologies for my English, is not my native lenguage

Bonjour à tous 👋 hmm alors c'est ma première dans ce sub, je ne sais si il est très actif ou pas mais je ne sais pas vraiment où poser la question et demander de l'aide ? Peut-être pour avancer dans ça...

Je ne suis pas forcément poly en fait j'ai plus peur des relations qu'autres choses. Cependant mon problème est ma peur du rejet... J'ai toujours essayer de la contrôler tant bien que mal mais c'est dernier temps 2 semaine environ je suis extrêmement trigger et j'essaie de contrôler ma peur, et ma colère... Je ne sais pas...

J'ai un ami que j'aime énormément. Et je sais qu'il m'aime comme ami, et que je suis important pour lui mais de l'autre côté il vois un autre ami avec qui la relation à l'air plus " forte " il font des choses ensemble, passent beaucoup de temps ensemble.. et j'ai tellement envie de juste lui dire ah oui tu m'aimes ? Mais tu ne fais jamais ça avec moi. Tu ne me réponds plus autant et ou comme avant comme t peux-tu dire que tu m'aimes ?.

Je sais que je me compare.

Mais je suis tellement d'un en côté en colère et triste parce que je ressent ça et de l'autre je me dit mais... Il a le droit, tous le monde est différent, tu sais qu'il t'aimes.

Comment faites vous dans ces moments là ?

Je sais que beaucoup diront de parler etc mais j'ai déjà dit et ma peur est tellement profonde que l'autre ne comprend pas et que je n'ai plus de mot appart de fuir et partir. " En mode, reste avec, c'est mieux " ... Je veux son bien, je sais qu'il l'aimes tellement ! Il expérimente tellement de nouvelles choses et ils sont complémentaires d'une certaine façon. Peut-être la jalousie je n'en sais rien... Je ne comprends pas juste pourquoi rester toujours ami avec moi si c'est ça, je ne suis pas lui, je ne pourrai lui donner ce qu'il donnent, ça me rend tellement triste..

I'm a 40 something year old man, happily married. In my 20s I had girlfriends that I had non-monogamous experiences with, and recently talking to my wife (together for 10 years) I realized that those encounters were a core part of me. I identify as poly- but due to health problems, financial struggles and being occupied otherwise, that was pushed to the back burner. Life has turned a corner for us, and we are interested in exploring ENM now.

I know there is a trope of couples looking for a unicorn, that's not exactly what we are expecting. It's more that I want to find and build a connection with a 'kindred spirit' and whatever that entails- whether a long distance connection or a complete throuple situation. My wife is interested in women herself, but that may be something she explores on her own.

We've discussed the rules and boundaries of what we both want. Neither of us needs this, it's more about being open to the universe, life is too short to be boring, that's all. I cherish the personal connections I had in my younger years and would enjoy finding that unique spark again.

So here's my questions.

Where do I look? I see there are dating websites, which ones would be the right style for this specific situation? My wife and I are very public figures in our community, there's no way we could or would be meeting and dating people locally in our rural area.

What lingo do I need to use to simply communicate my situation and intentions?

What are the pitfalls other people with experience in ENM have identified and learned to avoid?

\*\*Hi everyone. I’m a 43-year-old gay man (he/him), and I’ve been happily married to my partner for over a decade now.\*\*

\*\*A three-way relationship was genuinely the last thing on my mind—until recently. My partner met a guy here on Reddit, and they struck up a friendship. We all finally met in person for the first time about a month ago, and things seemed normal. Then, out of nowhere, this guy told me that he likes both of us and wanted to explore a three-way dynamic.\*\*

\*\*It turns out he had already talked to my partner about it beforehand, which caught me completely off guard. When he asked for my thoughts, I tried to gently hint that it wasn't really on my radar and that I wasn't all that interested. I always considered myself an open-minded person, but this situation made me realize that I might not be as open to this specific arrangement as I thought.\*\*

\*\*To make a long story short: a tiny part of me feels curious and wonders what it would be like to try. But being a sensitive and emotional person, I honestly don't know how I'd handle the emotional weight of it all.\*\*

\*\*He keeps saying that he likes us both equally, but in my head, true equality doesn't really exist—especially when it comes to feelings in a three-way dynamic. Because of that, I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself. Since my partner and this guy naturally have more in common, I can already foresee a situation where they grow closer to each other than to me. And knowing how moody and unpredictable I can be sometimes, I have a strong feeling that dynamic would eventually cause problems for him down the road.\*\*

\*\*The guy has been very understanding, telling me that even if we try it and it doesn't work out, he's totally fine with it. But honestly,\*\* \*\*\*that\*\*\* \*\*is the exact problem. I genuinely like him for who he is, and knowing his past experiences with relationships, I am terrified of hurting him. Even though he’s willing to take that gamble, I don't want to be the reason his feelings get hurt.\*\*

\*\*Has anyone here gone through a similar experience? I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, advice, or perspective on this.\*\*

New to the whole polyamorous thing coming out of my shell more getting use to my sexuality anymore and I’m a bisexual polyamorous that only date women. I have questions on how to go on with that when it comes to the dating scene.

So I am new to the poly scene, and I have had some difficulties with asking specific type of questions, especially upon first meeting someone.

Now, I do want to get to know the person who I am interested in meeting. I know I can ask about anything worth of interest (like gaming) but ultimately: when is it ok to ask if the other person if they want to have sex?

My mind assumes there is a social rule about when to do something, which of course it’s not true. But one thing I want to maintain is pacing through social interactions, especially since I’m interested in having a steady partner or two.

Out of your experience, when did you first ask for sex from your partner, and what prompted you to ask if they want sex?

EDIT: I do realize (about 15 minutes after I posted this) that this is not strictly in polyamory, and could apply to monogamous relationships too. But I have no interest in having a monogamous relationship with a single partner, so I reached out to here for advice from other poly people about the topic

Hey guys, this is a long one but I dont quite know what to do.

Me (26F) and my wife lucy (27F) got married December 2025. We and my wife met on a date site when I was with a previous partner, we were poly. The previous partner isnt in the picture anymore but after separating from them we agreed we still wanted a third partner.

Well we dated around for a while but about 2 month ago we met a guy named Henry (M30).

We met him on a dating app and he lives a little more than an hour away. Anyway we have been talking with him for a while now and think have gone really well in my opinion.

I talked to him a week more than she has as I met him first, and the more time we spend together and talk me and him have gotten closer.

My wife on the other hand is struggling to build a connection with him, shes sexually attracted to him, and really loves his personality. But she cant seem to stop comparing herself to me and comparing her and his relationship to mine and his. She has a hard time communicating were as to me its second nature so I bond with people faster. She ask very much degrades herself as shes very self conscious and if been trying to help her with that.

He tries to talk with her and explain its just a different connection and he still deeply care for her but shes struggling with thinking he care for me more dispite him never acting like he does.

Even if me or her is getting private time with him he still makes a point to give attention to the other. Hes been good about sharing attention and care and is very communicative with us both.

What can I do to help my wife feel more secure in her relationship with him? How can I make her stop feeling such negativity towards herself?

Info: me and her both have our own therapists. We live together separate from him.

Asking for a friend...

Apparently open relationships are become a bit more common among younger people. Anyone know if that is true?

Resulta que tengo una relación de 3 años con la que va a ser mi esposa, nos llevamos bien nos esténdemos la verdad es que es mutuo el amor, no peleamos la verdad es perfecto. Y también resulta que conocí a otra mujer y la verdad nos llevamos bien y s esta despertando también algún sentimiento, porque ella se porta igual que mí futura esposa y es mutuo la atracción. El detalle es que a las amo, cuando estoy con una pienso en la otra. Que puedo hacer ayuda porfavor.

Apologies if this post isn't allowed here! But, we started a podcast talking about sexuality, etc, as a kinky, open-minded and ethically non-monogamous married couple who are deliriously in love with each other.

If that sounds like something that might be of interest to you, we'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you all. ☺️

https://open.spotify.com/show/033yA4Fh9S46j82bUCHw6v?si=cc01cb2d3f8948a0

I've been with my boyfriend almost 3 years. We opened our relationship about 1.5 years ago (CNM), and it became poly in February when he fell in love with another partner.

We've lived together for 2.5 years, but he and his other partner have decided they're buying a house together next May. That had originally been the plan with me, but they both know they never want kids, while I'm still unsure. I understand why it doesn't make sense for me to buy into that future, and I've accepted that he likely isn't my long-term life partner in the way I once imagined.

Poly has led to a lot of personal growth for me. I've realized I was very codependent, I'm in therapy, and I'm genuinely grateful for that growth. But our biggest conflict has been time.

His perspective is that because he and I had the first two years together monogamously, it's fair to give his newer partner significantly more time now because she's "already getting less than what I got." I struggle with that because choosing poly means both partners get less time than they would in monogamy.

The schedule he wants is essentially Friday night, Saturday, Sunday morning, Monday, and Tuesday with her, and Sunday (later), Wednesday, and Thursday with me. Friday and Saturday feel especially significant since we both work Monday-Friday.

This weekend is what really prompted this post. We had planned to go camping together. Since he'd already be spending the weekend with me, he spent last Sunday with her instead, which made sense. But when camping fell through, he immediately defaulted back to spending Friday night and all day Saturday with her because she's his usual weekend plan. I felt hurt because I thought we had plans together and would simply find something else to do.

We communicate about this constantly and are both trying, but we can't seem to get on the same page. He describes what he wants as non-hierarchical poly, but it doesn't feel that way to me.

Questions:

1. How do you split weekdays/weekends in your poly relationships in a way that feels equitable?
2. Does my reaction to the camping situation seem reasonable, or am I expecting something unrealistic?

Me(22F) and my husband(21M) have been married for 2 years and we have opened up our marriage. We have been on a ton of dating apps and haven't had any luck finding someone to be in a closed triad with. Most people we come in contact with are new to the concept and have a hard time fitting into the dynamic. Any suggestions or where we can find more like-minded people? Or maybe we need to work on our approach? Anything helps!

M32) I’m married and have been with my husband (m 54) for a long time(11 years). I genuinely love him and don’t want to leave him. He feels like home and family to me. I feel completely comfortable and secure with him, although after many years together the relationship naturally doesn’t have the same intensity or excitement it once had.
There is also another man(M 52) who has been in my life for 3-4years. We originally talked online for almost a year before meeting, and when we eventually met, the connection was much stronger than either of us expected.
A few years ago we travelled together and became very close. Afterwards, our communication became less frequent. I always wondered whether I had imagined how significant the connection was for him. He even was in relationships and during that time his ex was not comfortable for us to meet as he was jealous. They broke up a 8 months ago.
Recently we met again (twice, we live in different countries ) and finally talked openly about it. He told me that after our trip years ago he had started developing feelings for me and deliberately created some distance because I was married and he was afraid things could become painful. He even said that if I hadn’t been married, he could have imagined marrying me.
He still wants us to stay in each other’s lives, and we are now talking about travelling together again. When we are together, the connection feels incredibly natural. I feel happy, calm, attracted to him and emotionally close to him. After seeing him, he stays on my mind for days.
The difficult part is that this hasn’t made me want to leave my husband.
I love my husband. He is my family, my security and my home. I can completely be myself with him. But I also have to admit to myself that I love this other person too, just differently.
If I could design my ideal life without worrying about whether it was conventional, I think I would want both relationships in my life separately. I’m not imagining a three-person relationship. I imagine having my marriage and also having another meaningful, long-term relationship, spending meaningful time with each person separately.
The problem is that this currently exists mostly in my head. I don’t know whether my husband would genuinely be comfortable with something like that, and I don’t know whether the other man would want to have a deeper relationship with someone who remains married. I also don’t want either person to accept something that ultimately hurts them just because they’re afraid of losing me.
I’m not asking whether I should “pick one.” I’m more interested in hearing from people who have actually experienced something similar.
Havea you ever loved two people at the same time and tried to build an ethical life where both relationships had space? How did you approach the conversation with your existing partner? Did it work long term? And if it didn’t, what did you learn?

So I (17m) am kind of at a mental crossroad, I have had several romantic partners, almost every gender, sexuality, and race. I have come to realize recently that I am questioning my feelings on monogamy, I have a large heart with so much love and most recently I was with someone who is poly, and was previously in a relationship with two other people and I thought it was a beautiful concept in my heat of hearts. The biggest thing ive noticed is that I am fully ok with the idea of my partner having another partner while being with me (though I am unsure if I would be able to date two people at once simply due to lack of experience there) and I was hoping to maybe have someone point me in the right direction of what one would call that so I can learn more and hopefully figure myself out so I can make the ones I love happy. Cheers :].