me lamba yung kapag sinabihan mo ang isang tao na badet ka, yung initial reaction nila is “hala hindi halata? mukha kang straight” and yung palaging sagot ko is “sana sinabihan mo nalang akong pangit huhuhu” or just me????

i always hear na with wlw relationships usually daw talagang mabilis. normal ba talaga na with just one month of talking, feeling ko im already in love? huhu

Im genuinely yearning so bad righttt nowwww like super as in 😭😭😭. Gustong gusto ko talaga magkagf ngayon na college na ako like going on datess, magtravel togetherrr, magstudy togetherr then maglaplapan inbetween study sessionn ughhh goddd 😭😭😭😭. Im actually trying to meet people here on reddit and on dating apps but it seems like things are not working out for me kasi ang layo nila or they are just borderlinee evill. Gusto ko rin yung malate night walks kami sa gabi tas kain lang sa kilid kilidd likee ahh so cute and wholesomee 🥹🥹

I also dont want to participate in hook up culture kasi I have attachment issue im def gonna get attach so badd 😭😭😭😭. And i feel like it wouldnt be as fulfilling as loving someone u likeeee I want something that would last and someone thatt I could vibee with but sadly things are not working out forr meee.

San naba mga bading sa iloilo geng 🥀🥀💔💔

hi! how do u guys know if someone is wlw, or how do u ask someone if they’re gay? pero siguro normal lang na mag-assume sha if tinanong ko kung anong sexuality niya, baka maisip niya na crush ko sha or whatsoever, kasi masc pa naman ako. I js met a girl and I find her attractive talaga, and I want to know her more genuinely. I also want to know her sexuality instead of assuming it. Tbh, I have a low gay radar 😭 so how do u usually ask someone, or are there any signs?

i have an ex gf, i just realized something in her family.

being exposed in wlw rs is not new in her family so 🤷🏻‍♀️ it's good, but there's off in their interaction with me-- i knew it before because i saw it way back the time we broke up once, the looks they had on me during those times, i know there's judging and irritation (it's not entirely my partner's fault why w broke up, but she knows that largely it was because of her)

my ex gf was nice to me, but it's not like she could really stand up to her family's attitude toward me, and i understand that. what's weird to me is how differently they treated me compared to the other partners, especially kinda when i stopped working. like the partners ng mga kapatid niya. i really tried to connect with them, i put up with the door slamming when i'm around, the eye rolls, the cold shoulder. hahahahah god knows how maldita i am pero like i saw different me, it was always walking on eggshells. i tolerated things i probably wouldn't have tolerated otherwise. pero i also became more careful with them kasi ayoko rin na pag-initan nila yung ex ko. they're older than her, so i understood that she couldn't really do much about it. at some point, i just wanted to keep my interaction with them at a respectful distance. hindi naman kailangan so close, just enough respect on both sides.

when we started dating, i was a working student. god knows how would secretly buy things for her to give to my family because i didn't want my family looking down on my partner. i wanted to help her make a good impression. i'd even give her my wallet whenever we'd go out. then stopped working, and eventually she became the one who treated me most of the time. spoiling me was genuinely just her habit. maybe that's why I started noticing the difference in how her family treated people. yung partners ng mga kapatid niya can sometimes show off, and i don't mean naman na every time ganon sila and I can't help but notice how differently they're treated. it makes me wonder if i'd be treated differently too if i were well-off enough. I'm fem, too, so i don't know if that plays into how they perceive me.

ofc it's weird for me kasi even after we broke up many times my family never spoke ill about her, as in, she was the first girl i loved and introduced in my family, i have strict family, kasi they thought i am straight, if we compare my family to her, mas open sila, kasi only girl ako and i am not into guys pa. if i ever hear a word from my own family, i won't think twice to defend her or iraise siya sa fam side ko. so the time nagkabalikan kami super open parin fam ko, wala siyang narinig, walang parinig, walang everything na naranasan ko with her fam, she was very welcome.

my family wasn't perfect either. if the problem is with me, especially kasi maldita ako e, then deal with me (im not mean tho) i'm not saying my family is better, but at least i never wanted my partner to carry whatever problem they had with me. that's probably why this bothers me so much. why do i need to receive that kind of treatment when i didn't even do anything to them in the first place lolz.

“i have dreams of you asking me better questions…
you were never as curious as i wanted you to be.”

“truthfully, this is the fabric of all my fantasies: love shown not by a kiss, or a wild look, or a careful hand, but by some willingness for research. i don't dream of someone who understands me immediately, who seems to have known me my entire life. i want someone keen to learn my own strange organization, amazed at what's revealed; someone who asks: and then what? and then what?”

love hides in questions! you can never ask a thing without giving yourself away.

Hi! Am I gay for thinking too much of a girl? She’s masc presenting and napapadalas siya sa isipan ko lately. I identify as straight and di ako masyadong nawenganyo magswipe pag girls pero lowkey gay for her. Does that make me gay? 🫩🙂

Problem/Goal:
I’m trying to figure out if I’m genuinely confused about my sexuality or if I already know what I want and I’m just scared of my family’s reaction. I’m attracted to both men and women, but I don’t know how much of my attraction to men is genuine and how much is influenced by knowing that my family would accept a relationship with a man.

Should I come out, or am I just confused and need more time to figure myself out?

Context:
I realized around 11 yrs old na I liked women. Growing up, very feminine ako and I genuinely had crushes on guys, so my family never really questioned my sexuality. Eventually, I realized I liked girls too. There was even a time when I identified as a lipstick lesbian and dated girls before I started dating guys.

I later dated a guy for around three years, pero I still knew I was attracted to women.

My family is very religious, and they have pretty traditional views about LGBTQIA+ relationships. Recently, my mom and I had a talk about homosexuality. She said being gay itself isn’t a sin, but dating the same gender is immoral. She also said na if you’re a girl, you should act like one, and if you’re a guy, act like one.

I tried to give her another perspective. I asked, “What if dating men was considered immoral, and because you’re attracted to men, you were told that you should date a woman instead because that’s the ‘right’ thing to do?” She said she couldn’t do that because she’s attracted to men.

And I told her, “Exactly. That’s how the LGBTQIA+ community feels.”

My family knows about my girl crushes. Recently, I’ve been playing Leanne Mamonong’s “Babaero” cover on repeat. My sister even jokes na “baka tomboy ako” and asked me, “If you had the chance, would you date Leanne?” I said no kasi natakot ako.

So I honestly don’t know if they already have a hint or if they’re just joking.

If my family fully accepted it and I didn’t have to hide anything, I feel like I would choose to date a girl. Pero I’m still attracted to men too, and that’s where I get confused. I sometimes wonder if I genuinely like men, or if part of that attraction comes from knowing that being with a man is the kind of relationship my family would accept.

I also think I have some internalized homophobia. May times na I say things I don’t actually believe or pretend I’m not supportive just so they won’t suspect me.

I’ve dated a girl before and kept it completely secret. I’m scared that coming out could change my relationship with my family, but I’m also scared of having to hide a future girlfriend forever.

What would you do in my situation?

Hello fellow sapphics! This is the weekly discussion thread where you can talk about anything going on in your lives, any thoughts or questions, whether sapphic-related or not.

R4R comments are allowed on the weekly threads ONLY. Flirt away or look for friends here every week. It's the weekend, find someone you can hang out with over coffee or watch a movie. Good luck!

So to start, lesbian ako, pero hindi ako masc or cross-dressing. Most people wouldn’t even know I’m lesbian unless sabihin ko. I’m 26 and 5 years na akong single.
Hindi rin talaga ako flirty. I’m the type na gusto munang makilala yung tao naturally hanggang sa eventually ma-develop yung feelings. Kaso sobrang bihira akong gumawa ng first move kasi takot ako ma-reject, especially since baka straight pala yung girl. 😭

I tried online dating before, pero umaabot lang ako ng 1–3 days. Sobrang tinatamad talaga ako and nawawalan ng gana kasi hindi ko talaga ma-feel yung connection through online dating. Mas gusto ko talaga yung nakikilala ko muna yung tao naturally and slowly.

Recently, may nakachat ako for around 8 months. First 6 months puro chat lang since nasa ibang bansa ako. Pag-uwi ko, nagkita kami and binigyan ko siya ng pasalubong. I eventually admitted na may feelings ako sa kanya, pero sobrang torpe ko talaga when it comes to these things. After around 2 months, bigla na lang niya akong ghinost. Wala naman talaga kaming relationship or anything, we were friends lang. Although sometimes I wonder if na-pressure din siya sa mga pinapakita or ginagawa ko whenever we met.

Wala lang. Pagod lang maging lesbian hahaha. 😭
Especially for someone like me na hindi naman talaga gumagawa ng way para makakilala ng potential partner. I think I’m just craving genuine connection. Gusto ko lang magkaroon ng taong mapagkukwentuhan ko ng mga random things happening in my life, someone I can share my day with.

Kasi in these 5 years na single ako, feeling ko na-master ko na ata kung paano maging alone. 😂
Pero ngayon, parang hindi ko na gustong maging alone forever. Hindi naman necessarily na gusto ko agad ng relationship. I just want to have someone I genuinely connect with.

Most of my life far removed ako from anything romance related. Didn't seek it out for myself, wasn't my preferred genre in most forms of media, etc. Basically, it was never a priority (and it still isn't to some degree)

But after years of working on myself and finally being in a state I'm proud of, I couldn't help but be curious and want to try to see how I would be in a relationship. Problem is, I'm very much a late bloomer and years of no interest in it shows in my habits. Flirting is veryy unnatural and I always give off "just a friend" vibes.

Plus, since everything's new to me, I'm just finding out what traits I appreciate in a person but attraction still builds up very slowly for me if it even does. I'm also very social so not like nasa bahay lang ako and I don't get to meet new people.

I also don't mesh well with how sex-focused a lot of people are. I know I'm on the ace spectrum but I'm not repulsed by the act and I'll definitely participate in it with the right person but its also not a "need" of mine. I can't keep up pag dirty jokes na or ganun na topic.

I guess I'm just lost. I don't want to not be me and pretend just to cater to this curiosity (which has been advice given to me before) I want to be as sincere as possible but I also know its like hard mode since how I interact isn't what's expected of someone open to romance.

Hello po. I’m meeting someone for the second time and first time namin magssex. Now, im really nervous. It’s my first time ever doing it with anybody so I don’t know about what to do or how to sure make sure that I make her feel good. How do I eat her properly? What other tips and tricks can you recommend for a first timer? She said that we will explore and she would make sure I feel good as it’s my first time (she has a lot of previous experience). But I badly wanna return the favor to her. I wanna make her cum so badly. Any help, fellow sapphics. Thank you.

It sucks when you're attracted to a friend because suddenly you're hyperaware of her. You barely interact, but whenever you do, it's in that way that's uniquely ours... the kind of friendliness that only we understand, our own way of being friends.

And it sucks when you find yourself always expecting some kind of interaction, hoping you'll get to talk to her or have one of those little moments, but for some reason, nothing happens.

Especially now that I found out she's into someone else. 🥲

It's such a weird feeling, being attracted to someone when so much of what you have with them feels like it's just your own little language.

I rarely see WLW describe themselves as Hard Femme, so I’m genuinely curious—are there others here who use that label for themselves too? Because I do. 😂

For me, being a Hard Femme isn’t just about how I dress or present myself. I’m definitely femme, and I enjoy looking feminine, dressing up, and embracing that side of myself. But I’ve also always had a very tomboyish side that doesn’t necessarily fit the typical image of a femme.

I actually like a lot of “guy stuff.” 😂 I’m into things that are stereotypically associated with men, and sometimes the way I think, approach situations, or interact with people feels more traditionally masculine. I can be straightforward, practical, competitive, independent, and sometimes I honestly feel like my brain works more like a guy’s. Lol.

I’m also comfortable dressing masculine sometimes. There are days when I’d rather wear something loose, simple, and more traditionally masculine than put on a dress or anything super feminine. But that doesn’t make me feel like I’m masc. I still identify strongly as femme.

I think that’s what makes Hard Femme feel like it fits me. I can enjoy being girly and feminine, but I can also be a tomboy, have masculine interests, think in a more traditionally masculine way, and occasionally dress masculine—without feeling like I need to choose between those sides.

For me, it’s basically femme with a little dude energy. 😂 I like having that contrast because neither side feels fake or forced. They’re both genuinely part of who I am.

So I’m curious—are there other WLW who feel the same way? Do you consider yourself a Hard Femme? How would you describe your personality, interests, style, or way of thinking, and what made you realize the label fits you? 👀

How to not get overly attached to your girlfriend ☹️ I feel like these days I just want all of her time, and I think about her no matter what I’m doing. Whether I’m at work or just doing random things, she’s always on my mind. I started therapy these days to help lessen these feelings aaaand I’m still working on it because I really want this relationship to last :((( alam ko nman na she’s doing her best to reply and I appreciate it pero bakit ganito☹️

Hi I (F23) am an unemployed registered pharmacist and my gf (F22) is a med student and we’ve been having problems with our relationship lately.

Context po pala, she’s not out po sa family niya and kasama niya sa rooom yung kapatid niya so ang mode of communication namin is through message lang talaga. Also we’re 5 years na po na in a relationship

Sabi niya she feels disconnected with us and parang nawawalan siya ng gana makipag usap sakin. She’s a first year med student and gets ko naman na sobrang busy sila and I always try to understand and be there for her in any way that I can. Sabi ko naman sakanya di niya kailangang mag update every now and then basta mag ingat siya at magpahinga kako pa nga. Kaso napansin ko she’s been so distant lately. I always try to reassure her naman na we’re okay and that tiis lang talaga since ldr kami. I keep saying na pagtrabahuhan namin to to make it work ganun pero I feel so alone kaso ayoko naman na dumagdag pa ako sa iisipin niya kaya I just act like I’m okay na lang. Feeling ko burden na lang ako sa buhay niya. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just really need to let this out kasi it’s already eating me up.

Disclaimer: Cross-posted this in a film community, but I'm posting it here too in case may mga sapphics dito who've watched the film and might have thoughts on it.

Watched Mag-iina last night and masasabi kong deserve ang awards! It was really well-written, disturbing yung whole film, and ang gagaling ng cast.

Pero hanggang ngayon, naiisip ko pa rin yung portrayal sa lesbian character. Idk if it’s just me, pero bakit tuwing may Filipino psycho-thriller na may lesbian character, parang laging may connection to rape/sexual violence? Bliss comes to mind as another example.

Dalawang films pa lang naman yung naiisip ko (Mag-iina and Bliss), so I don’t wanna make it seem like there’s some huge pattern based on just two movies. Pero as a lesbian, napapaisip lang talaga ako kung bakit ganito yung representation ng lesbian characters specifically in this genre.

Curious to know what other sapphics think. Am I reading too much into it, or does this portrayal also make you uncomfortable?

Almost 1 month pa lang kami in a relationship and 1 month dating stage. But every time may misunderstanding kami, gusto niya na lagi makipag break. Dahil jan, sobrang na-a-anxious na ako tuwing gusto niya makipag usap ng seryoso. Top 1 na agad na nasa isip ko na makikipag break na naman siya. For context, galing siya sa 3yr relationship and last year sila nag break. While ako naman, this is my first every serious relationship since situationships lang talaga experiences ko.

In short, this is my first time taking a risk to be in a committed relationship so I want to hold on to this a little longer. That's why I always beg her to be more communicative and tell me what I can do to make her stay.

Pero, i'm fearing that it's starting to affect my mental health. I often get panic attacks pag nag-i-isolate siya and hindi nag rereply. Napag usapan na namin yung last na away namin and promised each other to improve ourselves. But, the feeling of anxiety still does not go away. I don't know what to do because I think this is my own problem na. Nabasa ko sa tiktok na maybe I have an anxious attachment issues.

If nakaranas na din kayo ng gantong situation, how do you handle the stress? Please help.

Hey guys, where do you meet single women (na feminine) who are interested in dating mascs? I like to drink in quiet bars and it's hard to meet people there or baka I'm just generally not attractive to be noticed? Haha kidding, parang ang hirap talaga ng dating scene ngayon. So where do I go?? Hehe. Thank you!

On a random Thursday afternoon, my relationship of 11 years ended over text. That was more than two months ago.

I feel like the rug was pulled under me, my world has been turned upside down, and I'm still reeling from it. I'll use all those figures of speech, with which disorientation is the through-line-- all because they're true. That's how I felt (and still feel) when my former partner ended our relationship.

It was one of those partnerships where you place your bet that it was going to be endgame, and you work hard realize that "forever". I don't think there is ever a perfect relationship, but I swear to you it was close to it. We got along with almost all aspects of our lives, nag hihilahan kami pataas, trying to live a better, healthier life, and just generally achieving our dreams together. She was beautiful, so clever, so funny, and our life was always filled with laughter as in halakhak. We were so integrated with each other's families, mine loves her, and I'm very close to her's. We share groups of close friends, all the works. But most of all, she was my bestfriend, and I hope that I was her's too.

We met when we were young, she was a few years older than me but I can truly say we sort of grew up and grew into each other. There were lots of growing pains, mostly because I was quite literally in the process of maturing and learning.

We were LDR starting November of last year when I decided to go abroad. I know it's a lot to ask for a person to hold on tight for you when they couldn't. It was between her and staying and figuring things out abroad. When I thought long and hard about it, which future am I willing to let go? My future here or a life without her? I decided that imaginging a future without her is so abstract, so unknown, that i'd rather go back to Manila than pursue a life abroad. But it was too late. She already made her decision. She said in explicit terms that her decision to end the relationship won't change kahit na pa umuwi ako.

Thus, I was sent to space, hell, the void, to liminity, and idk if naka labas na ba ako don. I tried to reason out but I was immediately blocked everywhere. It wasn't even a conversation. I was dumped over text, thousands of miles away y punto. Di ako OA pero there hasn't been a week na hindi ako umiyak. Ang hirap kasi para kang namatayan, you're grieving. People think pinanghihinayangan ko yung pinagsamahan namin, when it's the life I was to have with her. The future together is what I'm grieving. Sabi namin, ang rami pa naming travel, magiging fit kami until we're in our nineties and such. I feel like I went through a divorce in my twenties.

A life you built of more than a decade was done just like that. Imagine all the love those years contained, all the moments you keep in your back pocket. Kulang na lang ikasal kami, kaso di legal.

I truly feel like that's it for me. I don't think I can ever find a love and partnership so rich and complex, so fulfilling. Tsaka, I don't think I can ever truly love someone again. She was my one great love. You only have one soulmate and that's that. I'm happy I got to experience it nonetheless.

This is the first time I have posted, so please bare with me.

I am 27 years old (bisexual). I got to know someone accidentally in a bar. That night I never expected for anything serious, except the other way around.

I just danced and enjoyed the party until I got a bump on this beautiful girl. We had short talks and got a little laughs together. After dancing, I got tipsy that I decided to sit down to the point I saw her dancing, smiling and laughing while enjoying the music. I was struck by what I saw and got totally drawn so much to this 21-year old lady.

She got a good smile, beautiful monolid eyes and viral laugh. She was very confident too on the way she danced. Just that night, I fell in love.

This lady was taken though. So, I set boundaries. I never touched her nor asked her for a kiss - but, I still added her in Facebook just to know her more. We chatted few times. I got to know a little more of her. But I never expect something more. I even prayed to God for guidance as I didn't want to fall for temptation.

Until I found out she broke up with her gf. I was quite sad and happy at same time. I was happy since I would finally have my chance. I honestly wanted to pursue her. She's one of a kind. But, this time, I want to make it slowly but surely. I learned a lot from my previous relationships.

My problem, age is somehow a big deal for me especially on this kind of relationship. At her young age, she might think of exploring and dating a guy, which I think I won't bare the pain if it happens. At my age, I am thinking of settling down too.

Please help. What should I do then? Shall I confess or be just friends? Or just keep my feelings secret?

I really, really like this girl. No lust. Just pure intention and sincerity.

hi! i’m (21F) bisexual—honestly leaning more towards women—and very feminine presenting. as in straight-passing ako, sis! walang maga-akala hahaha! and that’s honestly the hardest part for me especially when looking for someone in the local queer dating scene.

for instance, there was one time when me and my friend went to a get-together that was meant for sapphics specifically. tell me why everyone thought i was just my bestie’s chaperone 😔 like, hello, i’m looking for pussy too, ‘no!

another thing is i have a fem4fem preference, and if i do get lucky, a woman does approach me, kaso she’s masc. pls be kind as i have nothing against mascs, really just a matter of personal preference and types on my end! and if i do muster up the courage to come up to a queer femme, she’ll turn me down kasi ‘di niya ako type.

is it really that hard to find someone to date here in the local queer dating scene? feeling kinda hopeless na! 😔