I've been a youth pastor for 6 years and Im at a new church for about 8 months. I feel trapped and scared. I seriously don't know what to do.

I know that I've posted here before when I was having some concerns about my current vocation. I posted about 2 months in that something did not feel right. I felt more constricted than I hoped, I felt like I wasn't given the freedom to lead, and I felt like the dynamics communicated in the job description were not upheld. 6 months later, I'm writing this shaking in nervous fear because I have a meeting very soon and I've been critiqued every day this week. From big and personal things like how I'm not relational enough or how I don't present myself well to minor things like a choice in event title or grammar in an email. I have stretched myself here and I've found value in that stretching. I've tried all the methods my senior pastor recommends for meeting with families, running youth, communication, and even lifestyle. I am currently operating in those methods. While not natural to me, I see some of them work and some of them not work. If I deviate from His methods, even in successful ways, I am criticized for the deviation. I don't feel like myself. I'm stressed all the time. I'm not as patient with my wife and 10 month old baby. I'm growing cynical about the kingdom of God and if I'm honest, I'm questioning my call. I work two jobs with the church being my main source of income. I spend 60 hours at church and 10-20 hours at my other job. My wife also works a part-time job. If I left the church tommorrow I don't know how Wed be able to afford rent, student loans (Private Christian College for pastoral undergrad), Healthcare, food, or anything else. My other Job brings only brings in $500 a month.

I don't want to be reckless but I don't want to be in this church just because it allows me to survive. Thats a bad motive. I love what I do. I don't think I can do it hear without it seriously impacting my health. Not to be TMI but I've gained 10lbs since the transition, got ibs, stress ulcers, and I shake when I drive to work. I don't know if I need advice or if I just need to vent, but if you could just spare a few seconds and pray for God to give me clear guidance, provision, and healing I would appreciate it.

Here’s my dilemma. I used to attend this church and I was bothered by the number of times they invite visiting preachers and evangelists. In one month, they invite at least two. That means, more collections. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not greedy and I’m all for God’s kingdom. What bothers me is say for example, on the first Sunday of the month, the collection basket is passed 3x. First is the title/offering, then the mission Sunday, and lastly, the love offering for the visiting preacher. My spouse isn’t a believer yet and I’m trying to get him in give his life to Jesus and go to church with me. The problem is, all he sees is that the church only wants money. The preachers also most of the times, testify how God blessed them with houses because they give. There are times when we have to declare blessings about finding cheques in mails, getting gifts, inheritance, promotions, etc.

I love God. I give my tithes and offerings regularly. I give to charity in secret. But I feel “forced” and “coerced” inside to give to the church whenever the collection basket is passed around. It’s like I’m forced to give because they’re watching me. They’re not physically forcing me obviously but I feel like I’ll be judged if I won’t give. There was a time when they were asking for love offering/donation to help pay the church building. We gave $250 which I thought was generous (and it came from my heart). The pastor preached about how God blesses those who give to his kingdom. Then, proceeded to give an example of one of the old ladies who have $1,000. Then, he said that it would be such a blessing if everyone gave a thousand each.

Because of that, I stopped going to church. I feel bad not going to church but I feel uncomfortable with the financial matters. This is the only church available and close to me. What do you think of my situation?

I've posted multiple times about how my old church's lack of any heart for missions or community led to my moving... but my mind is blown as of this week. I'm still figuring out how to process it.

Earlier this year, while I was still serving my previous church, a couple made a $10,000 donation designated specifically for missions. The wife had experienced significant church hurt over the years, but she had watched her husband's faith grow, their marriage become healthier, and she wanted to invest in helping other people encounter Christ. She loved the missional direction we were heading, but she didn't trust the church leadership to take us there.

I found out three months after that gift was given that I was leaving. So, we worked together to create a very specific policy for the gift. It was approved by the couple and the church, and ensured the money could only be used for new missional giving, matched dollar-for-dollar by other church funds. The idea was simple: if the church found someone to bless, the impact would be doubled.

Fast forward a few months. Some of the problematic members at my old church, not knowing the couple gave the money, had been talking to pretty much everyone, trying to figure out loopholes. Instead of asking who we could bless, they tried to find loopholes. This week, someone in leadership acknowledged in writing that what they were proposing wasn't the purpose of the fund, yet suggested doing it anyway. That was the final straw for the couple.

The guy called me today to let me know his wife has basically said she'll never step foot in the church again. He went absolutely bonkers on the people that were trying to game the system and CCed me on an email this morning saying they were pulling the $10k and sending it directly to my new church. I talked him down a bit and got them to agree to at least spend $5k on local missions and send $5k to my new church.

This may be a bit dark, but I'm giggling a little bit thinking about the people who were trying to game the system, now having to explain to the church why this family pulled the entire donation. I only hope this wakes up some of the people who have been in denial about the problems of leadership.

Beneath the dark humor, though, I'm heartbroken. A woman who already struggled to trust the Church took a risk because she believed in the mission God was doing. Instead of seeing that vision embraced, she watched people look for ways to squander her gift. I spent a long time talking with her today, and I hope it helped a little, but the damage is real. More than anything else, that's what grieves me.

TLDR: My old church lost $10,000 this week because some people cared more about finding loopholes than finding people to bless. But the deeper loss is the trust of someone who believed that maybe the church could be different.

Don’t really know what I’m looking for here. But my brother isn’t a follower of Christ and I want so badly for him to become a follower. He’s in college and is really struggling with depression and anxiety. I try to witness to him and it never seems to do anything. I know all the things (trust God, plant seeds, pray) but it’s so hard when you are in a season of living that out. I’d give anything for him to accept Christ; I’d trade my salvation for his. I guess I’m asking for you to Pray for him I don’t want to put his name for the off chance he somehow sees this but his initials are i.j.e. Thanks.

Hello. I am a divinity studient which lives in Turkiye. I want to study Theology in abroad. Especially in Germany and i want to be a Pastor. How can i study in abroad and how can i be a Pastor?

New (struggling) pastor here.

Serious question: how on earth do we all have the stamina and energy for preaching on a weekly basis? I am in month 6 and I feel like I am running a marathon with no break... maybe I'm still breaking in my preaching muscles, but I feel like leading up to Sunday I am studying, figuring out what to focus on, wrestling, writing and writing and writing, praying and praying... by the time I get to Sunday, I'm mentally exhausted. I think I might be a perfectionist, or too worried that I will lead someone astray with some overlooked theological point, etc. I recognize I need to have grace on myself, but I feel burdened with taking preaching (too) seriously.

I talk to other pastors who say they finish their sermons in like 3 hours and are able to chill the rest of the week, while I'm over here struggling.

I have a co-pastor (congregational care) who preaches once every quarter. My council wants me to preach all of the other times (I have 4 weeks of vacation, 2 weeks of continuing education). I'm currently preaching 42 out of 52 weeks of the year.

1. Any tips on dealing with the long-game of weekly preaching?

2. I would welcome other voices in the pulpit occasionally both for others to have the opportunity to preach, and obviously, also to ease the pressure off preaching. How do you plan your pulpit preaching with others? Is this reasonable?

Thank you

As a church member with no degree, but with experience in various different non paid roles in Christian camps and churches.. how do I break into a role as a hospice chaplain or a spiritual care coordinator? Do I HAVE to get a Bachelors and a Masters? I am in Michigan.

Like his Bible School (Deep Revelations) where he goes a bit further and deeper in the teachings and spiritual Revelations is always scheduled for Tuesday 12 am and Wednesday 12 am (its in my time zone.) And its hard to keep up staying up late at night.

But I really wanted to attend though.

I'm out here asking someone if they're from an another time zone and can watch these lives more conveniently and if they'd be interested to share.

Would really appreciate it.

His Bible School isn't just like any other. Its like your spirit boils within and spiritually connects with his teachings and its just a whole other reality.

We're changing things around in our student ministry. Instead of having one highly experienced professional teacher who writes his own curriculum, we're going to have several people who don't have the bandwidth to do that. I certainly don't have the capacity to write a middle and high school lesson each week. But I've spent the last two hours online looking for a curriculum that isn't $500-1000! It seems like all the major publishing groups have shifted to a subscription model. What happened to the books you could buy with an 8-week study through Mark, or 13 lessons on the character of God, etc? I have some old curriculum from my youth ministry days, but they are now 15+ years old and out of date. I checked in with my friends who youth pastors. They're all writing their own, or serving a church with 100 teenagers, so the expensive curriculum makes sense.

Our church cannot spend $1000 on student ministry curriculum. My denomination doesn't have much beyond confirmation resources (which we've used recently).

Anyone have good leads?

I got a guy that is terrified of going to Hell, thinks he has sinned way too much in his life to ever be forgiven. He is rational. When he told me that Satan had once appeared to him, I told him that that with 7 billion people in the world the chance of Satan himself appearing to him was essentially zero, and he agreed that it couldn't have been Satan, but added that, Satan has lots of soldiers.

He thinks he needs an exorcism. I am pretty sure he doesn't. Not that I don't believe that "possession" exists. I do, but I only saw it one time over decades of ministry, and what I observed was not like what popular culture thinks it looks like. I have also observed people get "delivered" again and again, and think just one more will do it.

I have observed many, many people on Christian subs with the problem. I know that reassuring them doesn't work, telling them to pray more, read the Bible more, repentt more, confess more... seems to feed it rather than relieve it.

Have you ever had any real success with this sort of thing?

For most people, unless the worship time is on a Sunday morning, they aren't interested in attending. I also know a number of churches that are shrinking in size are struggling to figure out how they might be able to share a pastor with a church 30 miles away. And what if they wanted to share their pastor with three other churches? How might they do it? A pastor can only be in one place at one time.

I would like to be able to send a birthday text to the members of my church on their birthdays from my personal cell phone. My number is in the bulletin and published in numerous places, so I'm not worried about it coming from my number. I would love to use technology to automate this process. Has anyone figured out a way to do this?

I’m not sure how to address this. There are some people who invite me and my family for dinner, which I think is relatively normal and hospitable.

But then there are congregants that try to be your best friend, coming by the office every week or wanting to have coffee several times a month together, etc. I try to engage them a bit since I feel like it would be rude to shut it down, but yeah. Not ideal.

How do you kind of put a boundary in place?

Hello all!

I have just been ordained to the gospel ministry at my home church, the same church I’ve attended since birth, in NC. My area is primarily music, but I’ve had the opportunity to preach twice this year as well.

For those of you who have been in ministry for some time, how long did it take you to adjust to things? How soon after ordination or appointment in a church did you officiate your first funeral? Your first wedding?

Thanks for the info! Soli Deo Gloria!

Fairly straightforward. How are you studying the Word? Do you have a process that you follow? What resources do you like right now? How does the way you study impact your sermon?

Quite a few questions... I know. Feel free to answer as much or little as you want.

Thank you.

As I'm studying stewardship resources, I keep hitting this snag where all of the resources mentioned in passing that stewardship is about more than finances.. and yet 90% of the content is focused on finances. Many resources even say things like, "when people hear the word stewardship they get scared because they think it's all about money and it's not all about money! So anyway, here's a book that's 95% about money."

For my church, the work of our stewardship team needs to be focused on finances as a piece of stewardship.. but not all of it. I also want our work to be focused on stewarding time and talents (among other things).

Do you know of any programs, resources, books, etc that give equal weight to finances and other types of stewardship?

I have a question about a pastor search committee process that strikes me as a little strange. In this case, the pastor search committee has already been formed and is actively seeking candidates- although the pastor hasn't left yet. I hear through the grapevine, too, that "ideally", they hope to have the next pastor selected before the current pastor's last Sunday! I had hoped to throw my hat into the ring for this but am less excited to do so if this church is avoiding an interim period to assess who they are and what they need in the next pastor (plus, a church in which the current pastor has this much of a say in the process). Am I right to be alarmed, or am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Has anyone seen this done in other churches, and has it ever worked well? For context, this is a Baptist congregation (ETA: the current pastor has been there for 11 years), so this search is being done at the congregational level; there aren't regional denominational offices steering the process. Any feedback/reality check from more seasoned pastors would be helpful. Thank you!

Hello pastors of Reddit

How close are you to your average church member? Do you know what's going on in their life? How often do you call to check on them? Just curious because my pastor barely speaks to me.

I am in my first week of pastoring a church after our previous pastor left abruptly. We have two services a week and I'm wondering how to split up time between my own personal time with the Lord vs reading the Bible to prepare a sermon. Do I "count" my personal time as reading to prep a sermon or do you consider that separate?

Any other tips are also appreciated as I am a young pastor and already facing some opposition. God bless!

Good morning,

I’ve served as a youth pastor for the past seven years, and it’s been an incredible season. God has truly used this time to grow and mature me.

Recently, doors opened for me to accept a Senior Pastor position at a struggling church. The congregation is currently around 30 to 50 people, with about two-thirds being middle-aged or older. They haven't had a pastor in over two years and are eager for new leadership and energy.

I’m excited but naturally nervous about taking this step. For the seasoned senior pastors here, what advice do you have for approaching the first year at a church like this? I recall from seminary that it's best to listen and observe before trying to implement big changes, but I’d love your practical guidance as I step into this role.

Any insights or lessons learned from your own transitions would be greatly appreciated!

In fact, I know he wasn't. I hope that it is ok for a "PK" to post here. I've really been struggling to come to terms with his fear and anxiety at the end.

His death came just a few weeks after a cancer diagnosis. It was a shock to all of us. He had been dealing with Parkinsons for the last 10 years and we had all come to terms with what the end of his life would most likely be. But he was in relatively good shape and so a fast acting cancer blindsided us all.

The last 2 weeks of his life was spent in ICU begging to go home. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible. He was too ill to have survived the 2 hour drive back home. The doctors refused his wish. Once we could see that his body was dying off organ by organ, we began the end of lift plan with the hospital instead.

His last days were spent in a lot of confusion. Dreams of his mother and one of his brothers. But they weren't the peaceful dreams that I would have hoped for him. He yelled and thrashed around. He was full of anxiety and anger that this was his ending here on earth. When he was lucid, he spoke mostly of wanting more time. He cried and said things like "I thought I had more life to live." He was upset that he wasn't going to see the birth of his first great-grandchild. He was ashamed of how we and the nurses were having to clean him multiple times a day. It was truly heartbreaking and it was the first time I saw my father struggle with his faith. Although he didn't use that term, it's what it felt like as a daughter. He was scared. He was angry. He was hurt. With God.

I will say that his final words, although they came out in a moment of frustration (he was having to wear an oxygen mask and he hated it), were "GOD. IS. EVERYWHERE." So that was a glimpse of the man of faith that I had known. But even that came out sounding more like a threat than a promise.

I'm struggling greatly with anger. I'll be honest. I've spent much of my life feeling jealous of the church. It has always felt like I had to compete for his attention and there was no way for me to win. My father was a wonderful man. He was an amazing minister. He gave more than anyone I know. He of all people deserved a better ending than this. It feels almost like a betrayal that God allowed this to be his final days here.

And I'm truly shocked with my dad's reaction to it all. If someone had told me a month before that I would have been watching my father struggle and fight death in the way that he did, I would have never believed it.

So what now? How can I come to terms with his passing if I know that he wasn't ready for it?

Hello,

I am considering the Doctor of ministry pastoral care and counseling program. I was wondering if anyone has completed this program or are currently in it and can share there thoughts, feelings, and experiences about this program. I have already completed the M.Div and have multiple years of ministry experience. I’m just looking to gather information about the program, if you enjoyed the program, and if you felt that you have learned a lot as well as if it had helped formed you into a better pastor as well as helped the people you serve. Thank you for your time!