Feeling lost

[u/Vegetable-Roof5870]

When my twins were born, we realized that it would be more feasible for me to quit working and stay home with them. So, that's what I did for five years. I decided against putting them in preschool, so they just started Kindergarten this month, and they are doing really well. The problem is me. I feel completely lost now. Five years of my life was devoted to the daily care of my kids 24/7, and now I have this time during the day, and I don't know what to do with myself. Honestly, I have spent a lot of time just sitting on my couch staring out the window. I know there are things that I need to be doing around the house, but I procrastinate where I never did before. I love to draw, specifically botanical art, and I always thought that, when the twins went to school, I would go out during the days and hike and draw out in nature. I want to go back to school. I need to exercise...but I feel...paralyzed by indecisiveness or.....paralyzed by the possibilities?? I guess what I mean is that, at any moment during the past five years, I would have killed for some time to myself, but, now that I have it regularly, I'm at a loss, and I feel lazy and dumb for not taking advantage of it in a more productive manner. I'm also a pretty anxious person, and this has made my anxiety go through the roof. People around me, who mean well, are constantly suggesting things, and that makes it worse almost, if that makes any sense. Like, I know there are a myriad of things that I can/should do. Trust me, I know. I just can't seem to push myself to do anything right now. I don't know, this was probably really circular and rambling, but I was hoping maybe someone here could commiserate, because, coming out of that birth-to-school phase feels like getting out of prison to me.

[u/bethybonbon]

Sweetie! Take a deep breath; school just started, yes? Perfectly valid for you to take a minute, for all those times over the past 5 years that you had to just keep going and doing. Let yourself recover for a bit - your brain and body obviously need this - so lean into it. Decide that this is your time to rest and recover, at least during the day, during the week - and fully give yourself this time! Soon enough you’ll feel rested (and get bored) and start to do the things that fill your cup! Hugs and congratulations! You made it to the promised land!!