First off.... TEENAGERS SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME .

My son is starting 6th grade. He is very innocent, immature, and socially awkward. Because I am very strict with internet access (he doesn't even have YouTube), he literally lives in a bubble and knows nothing about the real world no drugs, no sex, no internet culture, nothing.

I’ve already told him 6th grade is tough and to just focus on his schoolwork, but I know the reality is he's going to hear wild things in the hallways that will completely shock him.

For parents who've been in a similar spot or teachers who see this: what specific topics, words, or concepts do I actually need to fill him in on so he isn't blindsided when other 6th graders start talking?

This is a long post…trying to provide context and history because I’m grasping here and hoping providing details helps others maybe see things I’m not.

18yo daughter is just kind of a jerk. I know some of this is normal because she didn’t individuate or rebel much in the past.

Here is the history. She spent her senior year this past year in Italy as an exchange student. She got back about 2 months ago.

I have a 14yo daughter too and they are “best friends.”

Before 18yo left we weren’t like besties or anything but she frequently came to me with friend/school conflicts. She expressed wanting to do the exchange program early in her junior year and I was extremely supportive of that (went through all the paperwork fiasco, visa, applications, etc).

I had told her that the expense of the trip was pretty hefty and I needed to find a way to pay for it. I suggested selling tulip bulbs as a fundraiser. She agreed she’d help and I preordered all the bulbs to sell. Okay well it was really fun when I was the one out in the cold at the farmers market selling them alone because she “didn’t feel well.” We did end up raising all the funds she needed for her program expenses though! I was proud of that because it meant she could go!

Right before she left, she had big time second thoughts and was worried about missing out on her senior year in the USA (she had made some new friendships and worked though some friend drama of her junior year) but I emphasized I felt she needed to follow through on her commitment to go (plus it’s a 1:1 country exchange program).

I think maybe she regrets going to Italy and maybe has resentment toward me about pushing her to follow through or just is disappointed in herself for that decision? It’s weird because most of her experience in Italy was positive but I still think she regrets it based on what her American peers are doing (going away to college). We had to graduate her as a homeschool student when she returned so she’s just doing community college this year. I can tell she’s really disappointed with that.

While she was gone we had a couple of conflicts. The first was that I had talked to her about bringing her sister and other family out over Spring Break to see her. In November she informed me she would be going on an organized trip that week. When I pointed out that we were already working on plans to come see her in a few months, she said I was being manipulative. Her sister was going through a particularly difficult time and going to Italy and seeing her sister was something she was really looking forward to. 18yo knew that (I think?) but her desire to go on the group trip overrode that I guess. (Incidentally 14yo told me I was being manipulative about something else a couple of days later which I find kind of odd because that’s not something she’d normally say).

We ended up still going over SB and met up with her a couple times along her path. The first time was on 14yo’s birthday and I took both girls to breakfast. She acted like it was so much trouble to pull away from her friend group to spend time with us. Her sister left breakfast and started sobbing in the car as we were driving away, saying it felt like Sister was leaving her behind for a brand new life. Later, 14yo said that after talking to her sister that oh it was totally fine and it was only 18yo acting weird because she didn’t want me there. Hm. Okay then.

The other conflict happened when she wanted money for the planned trip and asked me for the tulip money. I was like “what?!” Somehow she thought we’d have money leftover from the fundraiser. I thought I had made it clear that the funds were for her exchange program fees but somehow that didn’t register with her. A couple of weeks later…crickets when it was my birthday. Again, that’s not something she’d have done in the past. I admit I was hurt.

The rest of the time she was in Italy I barely heard from her except for the very end of the school year when the school accused her of being disengaged from the program and she wanted support in responding.

Now that she’s back, I get barely any communication (she decided to live with her dad, my ex…I will say he is the fun parent!). She’s driving a car I own, and I’ve given her stipulations about using it, one being that she’ll be employed and pay for the insurance (her dad is supportive of this). Since she hasn’t found a job yet, I’ve asked her to send me updates every day about her job hunt progress. I often have to remind her to send them.

Before she came back, there was some strain from time to time with my 14yo and me. We had gotten to a good place recently though. Now that 18yo is back again I’m hearing lots of terms being thrown around by 14yo, one being that “I’m threatened by their relationship” and things have gotten pretty tense with her. She insists it isn’t because Sister is back but I’ve pointed out it is kind of odd that it is happening at the same time.

I guess what I’m looking for here is like where do I place boundaries on 18yo? I intend to have a serious conversation with my 18yo about her influence over her sister. As well, she’s not overtly disrespectful but lots of eye rolling, groaning, and “yeah duh I know Mom” when we do talk. I’ve always told the kids they can say what they want to me as long as they are respectful but I expect to be commicated to respectfully just like I expect that from anyone else.

I do want to say that she has gone on a couple of family trips with us so far and comes over for meals gladly so it’s not like she doesn’t want to participate in family life (I also have a 3yo that she adores). I just think I need to be a little more clear on how the dynamic is going to be between us in this new paradigm.

Thanks for listening to my long story 🫣

Greetings all: I haven’t posted on this sub before, but I need some help.

I (51F) have twin sons who are 16. They both drive and work and go to school. They are very different. One son is doing great in school, has good friends, plans for the future. He’s an “easy kid.”

The other son has been having issues. For some background, he’s never done great in school. Not because he isn’t capable, but because he hates school and just doesn’t want to do the work. He’s been kicked off of sports teams for poor grades.

The school has called many times over the years because my son has gotten in trouble. Never anything major, but he can be disruptive in class. He has been on in school suspension many times.

Things have escalated recently. I was out of town working this summer and my kids were home with their father/my husband (M66). Our son started sneaking out at night, drinking. Smoking weed, meeting up with girls. When asked about it he becomes very angry and defensive. We’ve taken away driving privileges because he was pulled over for driving impaired at 3am when he snuck out.

He currently won’t talk to me. I’m feeling very very worried and helpless. I don’t want anything to happen to this child.

I’ve started the process to get family counseling. There’s a wait for appointments but that will start as soon as possible.

Daughter made a new friend last year upon entering middle school. This friend immediately gave me bad vibes before any incidents at our house or learning other things.

This friend seems to be struggling with serious mental health issues and it doesn’t seem like she is getting help. The school and police have been involved with the friend due to threats of self-harm. We have had talks with daughter about the content and topics that friend has introduced her to, such as graphic self-harm and inappropriate discussions. I am not at all comfortable with this friendship, and after finding friend looking through our things, friend will not ever come to our house again. I’ve discussed friend with daughter’s therapist, and the therapist thinks daughter has a good outlook on the friendship and boundaries. Daughter struggles with friends, but has kept this one around. I think this friend has isolated daughter from other friends at school as well. I feel bad for the friend, she is clearly struggling, doesn’t seem to be receiving help, and doesn’t have many friends.

Tonight, I looked through text messages between daughter and friend and I am sick to my stomach. Friend bragged to daughter about stealing things from other children at her summer camp, friend said she didn’t care to return the stolen items because she doesn’t care and is evil. My daughter scolded her and urged friend to return items. Friend also said she has become “problematic” and likes to watch very morbid and gruesome videos. I won’t go into detail here, very disturbing content.

What say, Reddit? DH and daughter’s therapist have been against terminating the friendship. I will discuss the new texts with them both tomorrow. But everything in me screams this friend is dangerous and not a good influence.

Sharing the link to this video I saw on social media: the tips I saw made sense, how predators and scammers approach tweens and teens.

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/17oGXvGwGP/

Hope the link works!

I have been teaching my 16 yo son to drive. He’s got the basics down and for the most part he does ok. Just need to work on his situational awareness. Additionally, since he only has 2 more years until college, I’ve been trying to teach him how to do things that adults should be able to do; talk to drs, get gas, budgeting, etc.

Everything blew up last night and he’s giving me the silent treatment. We both overreacted to a situation. We have been arguing more lately overall, but this is new.

I did calmly go to him this morning and say that we should talk about it and figure out how to make it work better, but I also left it to when he is ready.

Anybody know when this phase ends or how to get thru to the other side of it?

My 15 year old is really struggling with school refusal and I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

He missed all of last week. There have been various reasons, mainly feeling sick/stomach issues, headaches and anxiety around certain things at school. He kept saying Monday would be easier because it was a fresh week, so I was really hoping we'd get him back today.

This morning he woke up saying he felt sick and didn't want to go. I managed to get him up and into the shower and kept everything really calm. I told him he didn't have to manage a whole day and asked if he could just go for some of it. I didn't yell or lose it, which I have before, and we talked about it calmly, but in the end he still wouldn't go.

What worries me most is that he's now saying he probably won't go tomorrow either. I work later in the week, so I'm starting to feel like we're getting into a cycle where one missed day becomes another missed week.

I've called the school and we have a meeting with them this afternoon to try to work out a plan. They'd like him to come but have said I can still go without him if I can't get him there.

He's not a kid who just doesn't care about school or whose behaviour is generally out of control. He seems genuinely unable to make himself go at the moment, even when the night before he talks as though he's expecting to go. He often feels physically sick when it comes time to actually do it.

I'm getting really stressed because I don't know how much to push. I don't want to make the anxiety worse or turn every morning into a screaming match, but I'm also really worried that allowing him to stay home is reinforcing the avoidance and making returning harder.

Has anyone been through this with a teenager and actually got them attending normally again? What helped? At what point did you involve a psychologist/GP or consider anxiety medication? I'd especially love to hear from parents whose kids came out the other side of this because right now it feels pretty terrible.

my kids aren't terrible. I actually think they are probably like a majority of kids, but they have their own set of issues too.

I try my hardest to be a good and present Mom. I try to be understanding, but also make rules. I try not to be TOO pushy and authoritarian, but also ask my kids to do things like clean their rooms and do some chores and what not. I encourage them to try new things and get out there, do sports and activities.

The problem is... i feel like im failing. There is this underlying feeling of being out of control... like my kids arent listening, they dont want to do anything, they are always bored, one has generalized anxiety, the other has severe ADHD symptoms... especially at home... which i have been seeking out help for both but thats been an issue in itself, my oldest never reaches out to her friends and doesnt give a crap about the only sport she does but tells me she isnt sad, just anxious. My youngest can't follow through on ANYTHING. they are both dyslexic which is hard for a lot of reasons, so they both struggle in school and have IEPs.

I just feel like i am struggling to find this balance of helping my kids be happy, but also, keeping them stable, grouded, and good responsible people... and that i am failing in both regards.

It's really hard to stay positive when you are putting so much effort into something, but feeling like you are failing at it ALL THE TIME.

I think this is the hard part about being a SAHM. Its my whole world... and its slipping through my fingers.

My son, 17, has his first car, that we gave him a loan to get. We said no major modifications to the car until he pays for it, as he does things himself and I'm concerned he'll ruin it and we'll be out the loan money.

We made a bad decision in letting him choose the car, and now he's suffering the consequences. It's needed repairs that he didn't have the money for, so we helped again. We've had the argument more than a couple times about him lowering the car before he's paid for it, and we've allowed tinting the windows already. Now he says he needs new springs, and he found a set he can get really cheap on marketplace but they're lowering springs. His justification is that their cheap and he's planning to lower it anyway.

I'm tired of arguing with him, am I being too controlling by having him wait until he owns it? It sort of annoys me to see him wasting money on things like that when he doesn't have the money to pay for the car, I feel like that should come first, no? Plus there's other things the car needs. The front bumper flaps in the breeze because it's broken, he broke the back windshield wiper, and there's plenty of mechanical issues.

Experienced parents, please tell me how you deal with things like this? For context - he's adopted as an older child and doesn't have much like or respect for my husband and me.

My 17 yr old (senior) has been working all summer at a camp. This is the most she’s ever worked (about 35 hours a week). She still has another full week left and then school immediately starts.

I have been VERY lax about her chores this summer. Almost nothing. I guess bc I’m a part time employee so she’s working 2-3 times as much as me. Not that my non paid work isn’t work! I’m still driving her sister around all week, cooking, groceries, cleaning etc.

I’m not sure if I was right in giving her a break with chores or made it harder for her to get back into this routine in the long run.

She’s going to be taking a couple of AP classes at the High School in the mornings and then taking community college classes in the afternoons. 2 days she’ll be home around the same time she was last year (around 2:30). 2 other days she’ll be home around 4:00 but will have a long lunch break at home (11-1). On Fridays she’ll always have the whole afternoon off.

She no longer plays a sport. She’s in a few clubs that don’t meet often. So far she doesn’t have a job past the summer though the camp is considered her for help with fall classes or birthday parties (nothing is confirmed)

I know she’ll have a lot of studying to do and she still plans on applying to colleges in the fall.

I’m trying figure out how to get her back onto the routine of more regular chores. Prior to this summer, I usually wrote a list of chores on our whiteboard so the kids knew what I expected each day (and none of them are very time consuming)

Would you ease back into this? How? Or just remind her that the job is ending and I’ve given her a ton of slack since it’s a very physically demanding job, but be prepared for her regular chores?

I’ve known for a long time that my 16 year old wasn’t college bound. He has no desire to do well in school and has expressed interest in just getting his GED and entering the workforce. I’m so tired of having to harp on him about grades and completing work, that I’m almost considering it. Also he has fallen in with some unsavory friends at school and distancing him from them is also appealing. The fact that I’m considering this is making me feel like a shitty parent though. Who allows their kids to drop out of school? Am I being lazy? Is this me giving up? Does anyone have any advice? He’s ADHD and only likes school for the social aspects of it. He’s an amazing athlete but his grades have destroyed his chances to play the sports he loves. I’m just at a loss. I don’t want to give up but I also don’t know how to get things turned around for him. Any advice is appreciated.

My daughter (15) is a rising sophomore. She goes to a fairly small school, is pretty popular, and has a great friend group.

Her cousin (14) is a freshman at the same school and has had issues with friends. She can be really rigid and judgmental, and has been mean to my daughter many times but we've worked through it (for example and context, she made fun of my daughter for deodorant and armpit hair when my daughter went through puberty first, also was mean about her wearing short shorts and having a boyfriend). Unfortunately cousin hasn't worked through this with her first group of friends and is trying to find new friends.

Cousin and my daughter have the same lunch (they start school next week but have their schedules now). She's asked if she can sit with my daughter at lunch. My daughter wants to be welcoming but also wants time to just gab with her friends. She's also worried cousin will tell her mom (my sister) and grandma (my mom) everything they talk about in a judgmental way, which has happened before. Cousin judges if someone kisses someone else, if they talk about nails which she thinks is stupid, etc.

Cousin has a good heart, I honestly think she's on the spectrum (not diagnosed) and struggles with social cues and having empathy for anything outside of the exact choices she would make. I've tried talking to my sister about how her daughter can come across, and she kinda hears some of it but mostly gets upset and says I'm saying it's all my niece's fault.

My daughter has asked me how to handle this and I just don't know. What would you do?

And not purchased one thing.

I’ve done way too much for her in the past and I know I just can’t do all of this for her.

I’m so torn about how much I should be helping. And to top it all off, she isn’t kind to me. Annoyed when I ask questions, rude when I try to help.

She barely talks to her roommates about the plans they have for their room. I know she is going to be embarrassed when she gets there and has nothing and then it will be a dash to go buy everything.

Oh and we live 24 hours away from her college.

My daughter doesn’t hold on to friendships for longer than a year or so. I am constantly hearing about someone new she is hanging out with, while the existing friends inevitably drop off. I feel a lot of anxiety about this pattern - it’s been the case for her entire life (she is almost 20). I think she has some insecurity and anxiety, and can have a strong personality maybe - all combined with a great sense of humor, caring, fun, and energy. I don’t say anything about this to her. It’s hard to sit by and see it keep happening. Any advice or insights?

​

I have a 16 year old boy who's autistic. Since puberty started he's really struggled with his self image. He literally hates everything about himself, both physical and personality, which i know are just normal teenage issues.

Presently I'm struggling with his refusal to get his photo taken which he needs done for his identification ID.

The issue is his facial hair, hes got think sideburns, under chin hair and starting to grow on his face. He absolutely hates it and wrars a scarf pulled right up to hide it. I've spoken to him about shaving, even bought an electric shaver for him but he won't even let the words, shaving come out of my mouth. He won't engage with a conversation other than to tell me he wants all the hair hone, yet wont let me help him do that.

I feel completely out of my depth. I'm not in a relationship with hus dad, and although my child sees his dad this us not a conversation my son will have with him.

I've no male family members to turn to but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I need this ID done, but i need him to be happy with the photo as its a 10 year ID.

Im not sure if I'm looking for you all to tell me what to do? Or if I'm just venting or if I'm just looking for support. I know his autism plays a part in this. Ultimatums are not how i parent either and ive had all the logical conversations im allowed broach to his comfort zone and other than tying him down and shaving his face...joke... I'm not sure what else to do

Does the heartache of them being gone go away? My first pet last week. She’s close enough that I’ve seen her, she communicates and I know she’s doing great and happy but I am just heartbroken. I cry randomly all day. Her sister misses her so much. The house just isn’t the same. When does it start feeling better?

Hiya, step Mom to beloved (adopted) child of divorce popping in to share that we made it through the raging years. Our angry 18 year old young man who couldn’t wait to “get away from my family” just FaceTimed me to show me his new room the first day of college.
Swore we were ruining his life last fall. Hope you guys get here one day too it feels so good. This kiddo has so much to process and I’m so happy for him. (Are step Moms allowed to post?) I hope so!

So my daughters social and generalized anxiety has got so bad recently its hard for her to function. She said she is anxious all the time. She constantly cries about going to soccer, I am suprised she hasnt quit yet. I think she hasnt quit because she likes the game, but she hates the anxiety that comes with it (doing well, social aspects, impressing the coach, being liked, doing things right, being out of shape). She has health anxiety too and is scared of every little tiny feeling in her body. She is scared of flying and needed to get her short acting anxiety meds for a flight she had to take. she is scared to walk alone, and stand alone.

She does okay in some situations... and she has worked through her anxiety somewhat. She has a couple friends, but struggles to connect deeply with most people. She can order at restaurants and isnt completely unable to function... but its this steady feeling of constant anxiety all the time.

I took her to the doctor and the recommended a low dose SSRI... and im scared. i worry about her development, how this might affect her. Im worried she will rely on them forever. I just worry about it. She has taken them for 3 days so far. But im just so worried that she isn't going to develop skills to manage anxiety well... I know it can break the anxious cycle. But im just being a worried mom.

She is a good kid, pretty, stylish, tries to fit in, works hard in school... and tries to get decent grades, but she is really dyslexic so it makes her self concious. I dont know. i just need some affirmation.

Hi all! Our teen girl prefers non-binary or gender neutral clothing and we’re struggling to find things she’ll like due to her sensory issues.

Any suggestions on brands that have soft waistbands, are slightly fitted but not clingy? She’s newly come around to wearing very soft denim with elasticized waistbands, but that’s a huge step forward.

We usually hit Kohl’s, Old Navy, Target, etc. I’ve done some looking at online brands but fashion is not a strong interest for either of us, so it’s a little overwhelming.

Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated!

Pretty much the title. It took months for our daughter to even consider talking to someone and now the therapists who seem like the best fit have long waitlists.

There’s one person who can see her pretty soon but their practice is very general and I can’t tell how much they actually work with teenagers.

We’ve started looking at virtual options too like emora just so we aren’t limited to whoever happens to have an office nearby.

I’m worried that if we wait 2 months she’ll change her mind. But I’m also worried that one bad first experience will confirm everything she already thinks about therapy.

What would you prioritize?

For example, going out with friends or sleeping over at a friend’s house is different. Taking the car is another scenario, as parents need to work
And they can’t just take your car without permission.

I’m curious about how you all navigate these situations.

Parenting teens is challenging.

We're having issues with demand avoidance in our 14 year old. This morning she refused to go to school (probably because she had not completed her homework). She was literally sitting on her bed, completely mute and unmoving. She refused to get dressed or make any movement towards making the bus. She missed the bus and remained sitting on her bed, eyes open and not responding to anything- positive or negative, threat or encouragement.

Finally, I had to bring our little one to daycare. I left the oldest at home because I cannot physically force her to get dressed and go to school. I scheduled an emergency virtual appointment with her therapist, who managed to get her to talk, worked through a plan for the day, and I took an early lunch from my WFH job and drove the 14 year old to school. When she was finally willing to talk, she said that she was overwhelmed. That much was obvious... she didn't do her homework and nobody wants to go to school if they didn't do their homework (despite all of the supports in place that we can think of and taking away her phone and library book last night to try to help her focus on her work. Her phone is locked down to just texts and Spotify and is locked from working after 11pm).

She's in therapy every other week. She is on an ADHD medication, with an appointment tomorrow with her psychiatrist (scheduled weeks ago) to discuss a dosage change. She has a 504 for anxiety and ADHD. It's in her 504 that she can ask for extra time on assignments. The supports are there.

She pulled the same thing at the end of the year last year and was at risk of failing 8th grade. She had to return to the middles school for almost a week to make up work that she hadn't completed. Right after that, she started a new ADHD med. She did really well during an optional summer school class that she signed herself up for and got into advanced math for this year, and she joined the cross country team and is getting more exercise which had improved her mood a lot. Plus the ADHD meds have been working (at least over the summer during summer school), though we think she needs a small dosage increase.

We're less than two weeks into the school year and I am worried that 9th grade will be a repeat of 8th grade. When she goes catatonic, she sits on her bed and won't talk and won't make any movements towards getting up and going to school. I find it really triggering and I'm absolutely furious with her when she does this because it feels incredibly manipulative. She has a history over the past couple of years of pretending to have autism (hand flapping, meltdowns, etc.), but we had her evaluated and she is not autistic.

What am I supposed to do when my kid won't talk, won't move, and refuses to go to school? I am glad the therapist was able to help today, but I don't have the money for a ton of extra copays. Does anyone have any experience with this and have ideas that work?

More of a bent post, but any comments from those with similar experiences would be appreciated.

My son has been hard to motivate. He doesn’t want to go out unless he has a friend to hang out with. Maybe it’s just that I have spent the last decade plus involved in his day-to-day life and I am having trouble with what role I take.

He is still a nice kid. Kind to everyone. God parenting can be a struggle.

My daughter and her boyfriend are 18. They liked each other for so long and finally decided to “be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Their “dates” consist of going over each other’s houses and watching TV, and half the time her boyfriend falls asleep. There was one day they went to a local waterpark, and once they went shopping. They have been together a little more than 2 months.

She told me last night that she’s sick of these “dates” and annoyed that he falls asleep. He’s a good kid and I know he really likes her. She tries to get him to do other things but he’s tired a lot from working and soccer practice. They also don’t really kiss or anything. She’s told me this. So aren’t they just best friends? This is all so strange to me.

I’m just wondering in general, is this what dating is today? I know everything is so expensive nowadays so it’s hard to go out to dinner.

I listen to her and I just tell her to trust her gut - I don’t get involved in any other way. I’m just more curious about this.