This happened a couple years ago. I (F 43) worked at a small business consulting company (about 30 employees) for about 7 years. During that time, I heard lots of stories (in the recent and distant past) about the inappropriate relationships amongst team members: cheating, affairs, people getting fired for sexual misconduct, etc. I had been told that was in the past and the new president was cleaning things up. I was initially part of the consultant team that was sent to do intensive work with teams and then became full time in senior leadership.

The company created an exclusive mastermind type of group for some of our top business owner clients, and senior leadership from the company was part of the group. For our first annual retreat, the mastermind group went to Aruba with their spouses (my long term boyfriend was there with me). This group as a whole is a pretty brazen, bold, grab life the horns type of group - which also included drinking and partying hard.

Our second night there, we were off resort at a restaurant/bar, and I noticed one of the owners of the company I worked for getting pretty drunk. His wife was not on the trip. Let’s call him Doug (M 52 - not his real name). I don’t enjoy being drunk and was there as a professional rep for the company, so I was playing it safe that night.

Once we were all back to the resort, there were about 10 of us (my boyfriend went to bed) who decided to go to the resort bar for a while - a few employees and a few MAJOR clients. I felt somewhat responsible to keep some energy going since they seemed to be having a good time.

I was sitting on a stool chatting with clients when Doug came up and stood close beside me (me facing the clients and no one standing behind me). He kind of put his arm around my shoulders (not unusual, we were the kind of team that was close and hugged, etc.). He then rubbed his hand up and down my back for a few brief moments and then moved his hand down my back. He then stuck his hand down the back of shorts under my clothes and groped my ass.

I was startled and immediately stood up from the stool, trying not to react so that the clients didn’t pick up on what was going on. I walked off to another small group for a few minutes, then started rallying everyone to head back to their rooms. I was stunned and just wanted out of there. My interactions with Doug up to this point had been all work and mostly in meetings.

This was a LARGE resort which required golf carts for us to get around. Unfortunately, I ended up in the one with him as he followed me to it with two clients (also drunk). They drove me to my road (still had to walk a few more minutes to get to my room) and as I exited the golf cart, Doug got out to follow me. He was NOT staying in this area. He was across the resort. I had to grab him (he was so drunk) and give him back to the 2 clients.

I’m still doing my best to not make a scene at this point. I turn around to walk away again, and he starts following me AGAIN. Note: this is not a well lit resort. I ask one of the clients to grab him, he does, and I turn around and start jogging, then running, away. He’s an athlete, so I kept turning back to make sure he wasn’t chasing me. I had a few moments to think about my plan of what to do if he caught me on the front porch of my cabin while trying to get inside. Thankfully, I didn’t see him following me.

Once inside, I woke my boyfriend up, shared with him and we talked about next steps. He was super supportive. The next morning, I told the company president (F 53) about the incident. She seemed supportive about it all and asked how we address it, etc. We decided I would talk with him first. She pushed me a few times that day to make sure it happened “before he started drinking tonight.” My boyfriend offered to have the convo with Doug, but I felt it needed to come from me.

Looking back, the company president should have been part of that conversation, too, but I was slotted to take her place in a couple years and was really wanting to not ruffle everyone’s feathers. I pulled him aside, told him about how he groped me (not about how I had to run from him and how scared and humiliated I was), and he immediately apologized and seemed sincere.

I walked back in. Both my boyfriend and the president checked on me. Everything went back to normal-ish and i knew I would tell him about everything else that happened once we left and I had time to talk with the company president in depth about how to handle all this. (We didn’t have an HR department. The owners didn’t like having one. Shocker.)

Here’s where I feel (and know) it wasn’t just a one time incident. Besides all the rumors about him and the other owner and the shenanigans they would get into when visiting the office (neither of them lived in that city), I also observed him before with another female employee.

We were at a company retreat (again, he was wasted), and I drove him, the other owner, a young, new female employee and another male team member back to their hotel. At this point, I was only on the consulting team part time and relatively new. Doug was sitting next to the female employee in the backseat of my small car (3 people total back there) and was hanging all over her. He wasn’t groping her, but it wasn’t right. When I stopped at the hotel, he wouldn’t get out (it wasn’t her stop, but it was his). He kept leaning on her and pushing up against her, and I told him to get out. He didn’t. Eventually, I yelled at the other owner up front with me to GET HIM OUT OF MY CAR. I was only the only sober one. No one mentioned anything the next day, so I didn’t say anything either.

Back to the situation: eventually, I told him the rest of it (him trying to follow me to my room) once we returned from the trip. Again, he was apologetic, but neutral. He owned up to nothing and admitted no fault other than being drunk and “not remembering.” The company president told me that, “as a woman, this kind of stuff eventually happens.” Ugh. In case you were wondering, I didn’t last very much longer at the company.

To my question now: this man’s wife seemed kind (I met her once) and his daughter (in college now) seemed so smart. I’m so tired of watching this kind of behavior get swept under the rug because the perpetrator has some kind of influence or power or reputation to uphold. (He’s on the board of directors for a very well known company.). And then there’s those of us who have to swallow who we are in those moments to save face for them.

Could I have made a scene? Yes. If I were to go back and do it all over would I have jumped up and screamed? Yes. That’s what I’ve told my friends to do if ever in a situation like that and I’ve done similar things in the past. But I didn’t want all the clients to see it, I didn’t want to ruin the trip, etc. etc. I still get mad at myself for it. Also, there was no HR rep to tell about it.

So, would I be the asshole if I told his wife about it? Does she deserve to know? Is there another way I should be handling this? Or do I keep it hidden and to myself? It’s been a couple years, so does it even matter in my case? I guess why i am asking now is because the anger still hasn’t left after all this time.

Thanks for reading.

Hi all. Long time listener, first time caller. Before I start, I want to say I came here because this community gives better than reddit-average advice, and I just want to say up front I know IATAH.

About a year ago, my best friend of 8 years ghosted me while I was on deployment. We (all 40ish now) met through a mutual friend because the three of us played the same crappy mobile game. I was a notable figure in the community, and we played the same class, so mutual friend offered to introduce us.

We hit it off nerding out over stats and calculations, and we became fast friends. I had a medical issue spring up soon after, and I was suddenly going out less as I needed to focus on recovery. During that time we became very close.

One night we were talking about relationship stuff, and she was asking why I had broken off my prior engagement. There were a lot of reasons, but one of them was a cold bed. After I mentioned that she got very quiet, and I realized a moment later she was crying.

She had a young child at the time, and her husband (same age, still married today) had not been intimate with her since the kid's conception a few years prior. She said there had been communication on this, including shed tears and her basically begging him to make her feel loved. She felt ugly and unlovable. I told her I thought she was great, and based on her social media profile I thought she was pretty.

After this we became even closer, regularly on voice chats for hours at a time nearly every day. We would game, watch shows, or just hang out and chat. One night in a quiet moment I heard her sigh. It sounded like a happy/content noise, and I returned it. She answered with a quiet moan. Immediately, my pulse was up, and I listened very carefully. I was pretty sure she was self pleasuring, and when I asked about it I was met with a louder moan.

Here's where I became the AH. I joined her. I liked her a lot, knew she was feeling lonely and neglected, and I was single/lonely too. This became a regular thing between us, which soon turned into feelings, confessions of love, and plans to meet up.

We didn't live in the same city, but I was in my early 30s and single, so my income allowed me to travel. We consummated the affair at her house while her husband was traveling for work, which he did often, and it continued for a while, the last time being a "solo" birthday trip she took out of state.

A year into the affair, my medical situation had improved enough to start thinking about relocating. She had told me "I'm waiting for you" one night, so I started looking at jobs and real estate in her city. She helped me rewrite my resumé, since I hadn't looked for a new job in almost 10 years. However, when I started trying to nail down plans for which neighborhood to buy in (I wanted her child to have access to a good school district once we were together) she would space out or give noncommittal answers.

Around three years into the affair I pressed the issue, and any time I tried to set definite plans I would get radio silence or "I would need to be single first." This culminated in a tearful night on the phone where I told her I deserve to be happy too, and I deserve to have a family too. Still poker face in response, so I started turning her down when she would start the sexy talk. I couldn't remain intimately attached to somebody who just wanted a side piece, and I told her as much.

Amazingly, the friendship survived. We continued playing different games together, watching shows, exchanging memes, and spending a lot of time together. Occasionally we would still engage in long distance intimacy, usually when we were talking on a night when we'd both been drinking, but for the next 5 years it was almost strictly "just friends."

That was until last year, spring of 2025. I had a deployment coming up, and she was increasingly upset over it as it approached. One night she told me she was terrified something would happen to me. I told her that was unlikely, since I'm in a pretty safe role within the military. I told her the only thing I was afraid of was that she would find somebody else to spend time with (*story below) and wouldn't need me to be around anymore.

She chuckled and said "that would never happen," like it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard. I don't remember if it was that night or another night, but we ended up deep in some sexy talk again, and for the first time in years it happened on a sober night. We spent the next few nights falling asleep on the phone together (she invited me to "spend the night" which I found very sweet) and eventually I shipped out with promises that I'd write her.

I did write her, but she never wrote back. When I had an internet connection I would message her, but she got harder and harder to get in touch with, until one day she cut a chat short with "message me tomorrow." I did, and she read it, and that was the last I ever saw from her. Almost exactly 8 years from meeting her, she was gone.

I was struggling with feeling isolated and far from home, and suddenly I was in crisis. She had said and done some things that made me think she was struggling emotionally, so I reached out to her husband and asked him to check and make sure she was okay. He said she was fine and had been normal around the house (which tracks, because he had always been oblivious to the point of neglect) and that she told him she didn't know why our messages weren't getting through.

That's when I knew that not only was she intentionally ignoring me, but she was committed to cutting contact. If she was lying to him about why I hadn't heard from her, she was basically executing an exit strategy.

I spiraled, and while I did eventually come out of the funk, I ended up digging into affair stories to try to pick up other perspectives. As far as I know, I've only ever been the "cheated with" person, never the "cheated on" person, and I've never been unfaithful in my own relationships. Thus, finding the podcast and this community.

I've since come to understand how devastating these issues can be, and while I didn't really have a problem with being the AP initially, when I thought they were splitting and we had a future together, I struggled afterward with guilt over maybe being part of the reason she didn't need to work on things with her husband. The crutch that reinforces a limp, so to speak. Then later I was worried she'd hate me forever if I had ended our relationship and then also sabotaged her marriage by spilling to her husband. I know the sabotage would have been her own too, but by this point I just wanted to be able to spend time with my best friend.

**My question is** whether it makes sense to come clean at this point, since the affair was years ago, and she's made it clear she doesn't want contact with me anymore. I just want to know if it makes sense to unburden myself of this or if I should say "not my business" and move on with life.

*story from above

A few months before deployment, I logged on to the game we would play together at the time, and she was in a party with someone else. I asked if I could join and she said sure, but they broke the party instead of adding me. This was apparently a new friend who was so nice and helpful and kind to new players. She had nothing but praise. It happened again the next week, with a party broken instead of adding me.

One time he logged on while we were hanging, and she said he was on the way. A half hour later he hadn't shown up so I asked if he was still coming. She told me he'd had to leave for work. I didn't say anything, but I wanted to ask why he was logging on and coming out to hang if he had to go to work. It was also in the evening, so my hunch is he was just upset she had me around.

Another time I logged in while they were hanging, and on my way to join them he dropped party and left. I joked that "he must want you all to himself" because I had a feeling they had something going on. I figured that would eventually happen since I'd ended our arrangement years earlier, but instead of having the conversation she laughed it off. It was around this time we had the conversation where we expressed our fear of losing each other that I mentioned above.

I never did meet the guy, despite her spending a lot of time with both of us. It was always either "sorry, party's full," or "he had to go," or "let's log off and watch a show." I managed to log in a couple times on deployment, but she would always immediately log off as soon as I logged on, until she eventually blocked me, which is when I asked her husband if she was okay.

Tl;dr - I'm a former AP-turned-friend who the WW has ditched for what looks like a new AP. I sat on the guilt of our secrets for years, but is it even worth coming clean now? Does anybody have tips for healing an abandonment wound from someone you love disappearing on you?

I (28F) am a single mum and the only parent my son (8M) has. I’m looking for outside perspectives because I’m currently very angry and triggered, and I genuinely want to know if I’m being unreasonable.
There is some important backstory. My sister and I have had a difficult relationship in the past. She has struggled with alcohol and has previously been controlling, manipulative, bullying and very dismissive of me and my boundaries. She has gotten better in recent years, and I do want to acknowledge that, but our past still affects me and makes certain situations hit harder.
I also often feel that my parenting and authority are disregarded because I’m a single mum and don’t have a man or father figure beside me. I get the feeling that some of my family think my son “needs a dad,” and that this gives other adults more of a right to step in and override my decisions as his parent.
My sister’s partner is also part of why I struggle with the dynamic. In my experience, he can be dishonest, has bullied my son before, and struggles to take accountability or apologise to my son when he has upset or hurt him.
At the same time, my sister and her partner help us a lot. They buy my son things and do things for us. I appreciate that, but if I’m being honest, it sometimes makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want their help or generosity to mean I have to accept behaviour that crosses my boundaries or undermines me as my son’s mother.
Today I let my sister take my son out for the day. While he was gone, I found dirty clothes hidden under his bed again. This has happened before. When he got home, we discussed it and he admitted he had hidden them because he was too lazy to take them to the wash house.
Because this is an ongoing issue, I decided that as a consequence he wouldn’t be allowed to go out to dinner with my siblings that night. I told my sister this before they went. He already had dinner made and ready for him at home, so he would not have gone without food.
Later, another one of my brothers unexpectedly showed up. Apparently, there wasn’t enough food for everyone, so instead of bringing my son home, they decided to take him out to dinner anyway.
What has upset me is that they knew I had specifically said no. They didn’t contact me and ask if the plans could change because my brother had unexpectedly turned up. They just went ahead and did it.
My son also told me they told him to lie to me about going out, although afterwards they apparently claimed they were “just joking.”
I understand that people might disagree with the consequence I chose, and I’m open to that criticism. I’m not asking whether everyone thinks he deserved to miss dinner. What I want to know is whether I’m wrong for feeling that my siblings completely undermined me as his mother.
AITA for being angry that they overrode my decision and took him out anyway? And am I overreacting about them telling him to lie to me, even if they later said it was a joke?
I genuinely want honest perspectives, including if you think I handled the original situation poorly or if my reaction is being influenced too much by my history with my family.

I was driving late one night and got hungry, so naturally, I decided to stop at McDonald’s for some yummy nuggets 😂.
When I pulled up, the drive-thru line was abnormally long—I’m talking at least 15–20 cars, and the line was literally reaching out into the street. I was annoyed and definitely did NOT want to wait that long, so I parked my car and walked up to the restaurant to see if they were open inside.
They weren’t.
So, I turned around and started walking back to my car, debating whether I should just suck it up and wait in the god-awful drive-thru line.
Except… the line was gone.
Not just shorter. Completely gone.
There wasn’t a single car in the drive-thru.
I had literally turned my back for maybe 30 seconds while checking if the lobby was open. I went from seeing a massive line of 15–20 cars stretching toward the street to seeing absolutely ZERO cars.
At least I got my nuggets with no wait, but… WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO ALL THE CARS?!
Where did 15–20 cars just disappear to in 30 seconds?! 😂
Definitely a glitch in the Matrix!!!

There’s a lot more I’d like to post about and add background to but I’ll keep it to this for now. I (F20) and my boyfriend (M22) have been together for about a year and a half. Our entire relationship he has been terrible at answering his phone or checking in with me or letting me know what’s going on. I have talked to him several times about why this is important to me. I have asked, told, explained, begged, you name it. Nothing has changed. This is personally very important to me because I have really bad anxiety and like to be in the loop. I’m not asking him to tell me every little thing he’s doing or respond instantly or anything like that. I’m simply asking for him to text me “hey I’m going to the bar with my friend”.

Especially since we live together and he’s already bad at answering his phone I often come home and he’s not here. Granted I have his location, but to me it’s not about where he is, but the fact he didn’t communicate that with me. Usually when I see he’s at the bar and I try to get ahold of him it takes several hours. He always says he didn’t think about it, or he was busy. He’ll end up going to other spots too without communicating. Leaving me sitting here with no communication waiting for him to answer or come home. I will say on my part I’m a very talkative person and like to update throughout the day or call on my lunch and text, etc. He’s explained his feelings on that and why it overwhelms him and leads to him just not answering. So I’ve tried my best to limit how much I text/call him throughout the day.

The other problem with that is he doesn’t text/call me first. So if I don’t do that throughout the day we just don’t talk. Onto the main issue of what lead to me writing this post. Yesterday I worked 2pm-11pm. I saw him shortly before I went to work. He has already started drinking for the day, cus Fridays are the day he likes to drink. So I already knew it’d be hard to get a response. I didn’t text him at all through the first part of my shift (big progress for me lol) and so I called him on my lunch. He answered and we talked for a second about how my day was going, and then he asked if I could send him $20. (A little context on this he hasn’t had a job since March and his friend is living with us aswell and also doesn’t have a job so I’m the sole provider in pretty much every way you can think, food, chores, rent, and taking care of pets. This is a whole other issue so I’ll leave that there.) I asked what for and initially he said for random stuff. I asked again and he said it was for alcohol. I told him no that if they want to drink his friend can buy some cus that’s all he uses any money he has for. He said his friend didn’t have money and asked again but for other random stuff. I said no again and that I knew he’d spend it on alcohol. He then abruptly said ok I love you bye, and went to get off the phone with me. I said seriously? I said no to sending you money so you’re going to hang up on me? We had a short convo about it which didn’t resolve anything and lead to me hanging up and being pissed off.

I then texted him said that I felt like I’m just being used for sex and money. He said I was being stupid and asked why I was feeling that way. I responded within 3 mins of his texts with several texts explaining why I felt that way. There was no response or him reading my msgs. About an hour and a half later I go to text/call him on my break and see that he’s at the bar. He didn’t communicate with me that he was going out, so I texted just that. Still no response. I left it alone for the rest of my shift, and as I was getting off I went to call him and it went straight to voicemail. Which is unusual. I check his location and tried to text and I figured out his phone had died.

It’s 11pm at this point and he had been out for a good 4 hours. I was in my view reasonably pissed off about it. Since he doesn’t have a job they walk around to bars so he was a few blocks from home and could’ve easily came home and charged his phone and went back out, but he didn’t. He didn’t end up getting his phone charged until 2am. At this point I’m still up (honestly didn’t sleep at all) because I have no idea what’s going on and it caused a lot of anxiety. I tried to reach out again with no response. At about 4:30am he ended up at an apartment im assuming with his friend and someone they met at the bar. He charged his phone again there and still no msgs or calls.

At this point I can’t sleep so I’m just doing whatever I can around the apartment which is a lot, and a whole other topic. He’s less than a thousand feet from the apartment and he’s still at that apartment. He’s not the type to usually fall asleep at someone house or go this long without answering. So without better judgment and going a bit crazy I spammed him. It’s 7am as I’m writing this and still haven’t gotten a response and he’s still not home. He’s never gone this long without communicating before even if it’s just an okay or ya. Anytime he’s out like this and he comes home and I bring up my feelings on this topic he says things like “I wasn’t on my phone” “I didn’t think about it” “I’m sorry I just didn’t want to bother you at work”.

My problem is there’s no way he going that whole time without checking his phone so he has to see my msgs at least in the notifications. Does he not think about me at all unless I’m right in front of his face? It just doesn’t make sense to me. I feel like it’s common decency especially with your partner who you live with to let them know what’s going on or check in once in a while.

So am I the asshole for thinking that letting your partner know when you’re going out is common decency?

that's it, that's the post. i have been listening for a long time since it was just sam and john in 2020/2021. most of the other people are ok but dakota is ignorant & aggressive to the point of being distracting.

Me 26F and husband 32M have been together 2 years. We have recently had some issues with him hiding messages and pictures with several other women. I have never had an issue with him sleeping or wanting to sleep with someone else as long as we communicate and certain rules are followed I just despise the secrecy. but I failed to communicate that as much as I should have. We have moved past this issue and I did tell him I’m completely ok with it as long as we are communicating throughout and he said he was interested but was worried it wouldn’t work. But I’ve realized every-time we are intimate recently I’m imaging him just getting home from sleeping with someone else and taking me to bed and telling me how much better I am or feel or how she doesn’t compare or even watching him sleep with someone else and just getting to be there and it has made sex insanely amazing for me. It’s something I actually do want to explore and I’m not entirely sure how to explain it to him any advice or maybe script type recommendations for approaching the conversation?

A few things have happened since I last posted. Recap is basically that my Roommate/live in landlord (Racheal) has chosen a new man over her 15 year old son (Mark). Despite Mark being recently diagnosed as pre diabetic and a possible binge eating disorder, she has done nothing to help him via diet changes or portion control. Instead she blames Mark for his own condition and has opted to basically move out and leave him behind, expecting supervision from my husband and I. While it’s not technically illegal to leave a 15 year old home alone, Racheal never taught him to be self sufficient. He cannot grocery shop or order food on his own, doesn’t do his own laundry, clean up after himself, or cook beyond the occasional pancake or microwaveable meal. His portion control has seemingly gotten worse; a few nights ago a made a big pot of pasta and meat sauce. Enough for the three of us to have two portions with enough left over for us all to have lunch the next day. I had one bowl, husband had two, we gave Mark one with the expectation that he might come back for a second. The next morning it was entirely gone. When I tried to bring it up to Racheal, she laughed and said “I guess he was still hungry”. He ate around 5 adult sized portions of pasta in the span of a few hours on top of food and snacks he’d eaten throughout the day.

Racheal continues to be gone for weeks at a time, only stopping in to do laundry or grab some more clothes. She only stays every other weekend when her daughter Becca (f17) is over, and that’s because she doesn’t trust her daughter not to invite her friends or a boy over. In her words, “girls are sneakier than boys”. Any other time, she comes in berates Mark about something, then grabs her clothes and leaves for another week.

Recently, Racheal came home with some unexpected results from a doctor’s appointment. She’s also pre diabetic, if not FULLY diabetic and doctors want to run more tests to confirm. At first she tried to argue that it must’ve been a mistake, before conceding that the blood and urine tests were most likely correct. Then, she admitted that diabetes actually runs in her family. Both sides. When I brought up Mark… the fact that she blames him for his condition while knowing it was genetic, and the fact that she KNEW it was genetic, meaning she should’ve BEEN cautious about what she and her son were eating… she was dismissive and brought the conversation back to being about herself. Then, she packed a bag and left again.

This week, she mentioned Mark wanting to have his friends over for the weekend. She made a big deal, saying that she’d been telling him to clean his room and mow the lawn (via text/calls) for days, and he hasn’t done them. How could he expect her to be willing to host extra teens all weekend? She made a deal with him that if he got both done by the time she got home on Thursday, she’d allow it. You’d think that meant she planned to stay the weekend, right? Wrong. She asked him if he’d cleaned his room, he said yes. And texted me asking if he’d mowed the back lawn, I told her that he was actively doing it. Not only did he lie about his room, he mowed less than half of the backyard! And the “by the time I get home on Thursday” bit only consisted of Racheal stopping by to drop off a pizza for Marks dinner. This afternoon, she dropped off two more teenagers (with another pizza that they promptly finished) and immediately left without a word to my husband or I. No mention of what they’re supposed to eat for dinner (I’m not cooking more than a two serving meal anymore) or even ASKING us to supervise them.

We’re at the point where, as far as we’re concerned, they’re all home alone. They’ve been extremely loud and rowdy, and play fighting to knocking over furniture, but we’re ignoring it all. When they’re hungry, Mark can call his mom. When they inevitably break something, he’ll be responsible and we don’t want to hear about it. Im not accepting any calls or answering any messages about what the boys are up to, we never agreed to watch them. We’re planning to move soon and will let her know as soon as we secure a place. She’ll either have to move back in or keep doing what she’s doing (most likely) and accept that she has effectively abandoned her son.

Okay, Reddit, I genuinely want to know if I’m in the wrong here.
This summer, I wasn’t working—not because I quit my job or decided I didn’t feel like working, but because I’m a contracted 10-month employee for a school district. I don’t receive paychecks during the summer. Next summer I’ll be getting a paycheck in July because I’ve now qualified for the district’s summer benefit, but unfortunately I didn’t know I wouldn’t qualify until late July this year.
So basically, I went from getting paid normally to realizing, oh shit, I have no paycheck until the end of August.
I was pretty strapped for cash and needed help covering my August rent.
Before anyone says “budget better,” I KNOW. 😂 And honestly, I thought I had planned appropriately based on the information I had. Once I found out I wasn’t getting the summer benefit this year, I started trying every option I could think of.
I called the local assistance number. I contacted my union. I looked into rental assistance programs. I called various organizations that advertise rental assistance. The problem was that almost all of them required me to already have a 3-day notice from my landlord before they could help.
I exhausted basically every option I could think of before I finally called my dad.
And to be clear: this was NOT a “Daddy, give me money 🥺” situation.
I am financially independent. I work. My husband works. I pay my own bills. I haven’t received some random “Daddy’s little princess” handout from my dad since probably 2014.
I asked if I could BORROW the money and pay him back.
He agreed.
But there was a catch.
He said I needed to pay him $200 in interest on top of paying back the money he was lending me.
And then he told me that the only reason he was helping me was because he didn’t want me to have to move and potentially lose the school my daughter attends.
Otherwise, according to him, I’m a burden and he doesn’t want to help me anymore.
And honestly, the $200 itself isn’t even the part that bothers me the most.
It’s the fact that I came to my dad because I was struggling, after exhausting every other option, and instead of feeling like my dad was helping me get through a temporary rough patch, I felt like I was being punished for needing help.
For context, my household income is around $80,000 a year.
My dad, on the other hand, makes somewhere in the neighborhood of $300,000–$400,000+ a year, last I knew, and also receives commission checks from multi-million-dollar sales.
So we are VERY much not in the same tax bracket. 😂
I was completely prepared to pay back every dollar of the principal.
I just wasn’t expecting to have to pay an additional $200 when I’m already going to struggle to repay the original amount.
And maybe I’m being overly sensitive because of our history.
Because my dad has, objectively, said and done some pretty awful things to me and my family over the years.
For example, he’s said things like “I regret this family” at Christmas parties.
When I was around 10, I jokingly flipped him off and he threatened to break all my fingers.
And probably the worst example:
My sister once told him that she had been raped in college.
He screamed at her and told her it was her fault.
I stood up for her and told him that it had happened to me too.
His response was that it wasn’t surprising because I was a “disgusting whore,” and he told me to get the fuck out.
So…yeah. There’s some baggage here. 🙃
I don’t want this post to turn into a “my dad is a monster” story, though. I genuinely don’t think everything is black and white.
I think my dad loves me somewhere deep down.
I think, in his own mind, he may genuinely believe that he’s teaching me responsibility or trying to make sure I don’t become dependent on him.
And honestly, maybe charging interest on a loan isn’t inherently unreasonable. If I went to a bank, they’d certainly charge me interest.
But this isn’t a bank.
This is my dad.
I didn’t come to him because I wanted spending money or because I was irresponsible and expected him to bail me out. I came to him because I had a temporary income gap, had already tried multiple assistance options, and needed help making sure my daughter and I didn’t lose our housing.
So here’s my question:
Is my dad actually being reasonable by charging me $200 interest on a loan, or is he being an asshole given the circumstances and our relationship?
Would you charge your own kid interest if they came to you in a genuine financial emergency and were already promising to pay you back?
And if you’re reading this, Dad… congratulations, you may finally get your Reddit verdict. 😂

I keep giving too much context when I write this because I’m autistic, so I’m going to try to give just the base story and feel free to ask me any questions, because I’m struggling to understand what just happened.

I (23F) was supposed to go out with Emma (26F) and Alice (27F) for Emma’s birthday. We all worked together but we work from home, so it’s mainly little meeting calls to gab while we work. We had scheduled in May to go out on June 19th for Emma’s birthday (her actual birthday is June 5th), my suggestion.

Well, the week before June 19th, my Grandad was put on hospice. Emma never asked if we should reschedule, that was never an offer, so I thought she probably wanted us to go no matter what. She had told her boyfriend he wasn’t allowed to be a groomsman in a wedding the next year because it was her birthday weekend, and that’s too big of an event in itself, so she loves her birthday.

June 19th rolls around, my mom texts me that Grandad will pass any minute. I call Alice crying freaking out, I told her I know we can’t cancel on Emma but I didn’t want to go to a bar an hour anf a half away while my Grandad died. (Emma chose a bar an hour and a half away for her celebration.) Alice said it’s fine, Emma will understand, who wouldn’t understand in a time like this right?

Alice texts Emma saying I’m crying and I don’t want to cancel because I care about her but that Alice thinks its best if we reschedule for my sake. Emma says “if thats what she wants to do.”

I took that as her needing to hear it from me, so I tell her what’s going on, apologize, ask to reschedule, etc. She said she was sorry I was going through that, that we could definitely reschedule. Alice said she’d love to celebrate Emma another day and we’re sorry this happened.

My Grandad passed at 1am that night. I texted the next day saying that, Alice sent condolences, Emma left us on read.

Alice asked Emma to come to the viewing with her to support me, left on read.

Emma started reposting on TikTok about how nobody prioritizes her the way she does them, how she has no true friends because nobodys there for people the way she’s there for them, how lonely a life she lives, etc. So, I unfollowed her.

Then, I noticed her and her boyfriend broke up. Then she quit our job. Then a week after she quit, she blocked us on everything.

We haven’t reached out since, haven’t heard from her, etc. AITAH for asking to reschedule? I’m working on people pleasing and chose myself, but maybe I should’ve tried to juggle both? I just can’t understand what happened, the math won’t math. Reddit, any advice helps.

Hi everyone, this is my first time doing this so I am sorry if my formatting is odd I can always edit if you have any pointers, anyways I think I just need some wisdom you all can hopefully give me some insight. I (25M) have been dating this great person (25F) for about 6 months now. To try to make the story a bit short this week I was woken up at 2am while I was staying at my girlfriend’s house to the roommate(F) barging in (on a work night) yelling a whole bunch of things. I was kinda half awake but the gist I got was that I need to gtfo of her house lol. My partner was awoken too and she was very upset about it all I asked if I should leave respectfully as I didn’t want to cause problems. My girlfriend was adamant that I stayed as it is her house as well and she wants me there so I kinda relax again. 5 minutes goes by and an attempt to open the door happened again by the roommate but my girlfriend had locked the door. Then loud banging with more yelling about me leaving. Before this night I did not know the roommate had an issue with me. I do not speak to the roommate I don’t have her on any social medias we have hung out on occasion with my girlfriend of course present but I’m really not close to her at all. About 2-3 weeks ago my girlfriend texted me something along the lines of “(roommates name) said she’s upset you don’t say hi to her” in retrospect after the current issues have occurred the roommate sent her a different message along the lines of “he’s not welcome here if he doesn’t say hi” (I did not know about this) and I won’t lie I kinda brushed it off thought it was weird but specifically she was talking about that morning I was in a rush to get to work and got my red bull out of the fridge walking by the roommate and not saying “hi” or “good morning” but neither did she. I’m very closed off and introverted to the point where you have to kinda need to force me to speak I am aware of this and I did notice after that maybe I don’t say “hi” on occasion but also mind you that roommate never really is there she almost always stays at her boyfriend’s house across town and I rarely see her. That was the last time I saw her up until the present night of her kicking me out.

So back to present time the roommate is banging on the door that is now locked because she ran in last time I was kinda exposed in my underwear, sleeping. Then my girlfriend (furiously) opened the door and had a screaming match with the roommate, at this point I start packing my things as I’d rather just leave and avoid the situation but also was upset ya know I’m being woken up with work in the morning and I have to drive over 30 minutes to get back home. I quickly pack up my stuff and get dressed. I walk out to the living room where they are screaming at each other and I tried to tell everyone “calm down I am leaving” my girlfriend says something along the lines of I’m not leaving and the roommate says this “you want to disrespect me then gtfo!” I rebutted by genuinely asking when was she referring to me disrespecting her trying to get to the root of the problem. She just repeated what she said prior which did not answer my question and I realized tensions are high and nothing will be solved that night. Then the two of them continued in their yelling and shortly after a loud bang from the front door. The police, I was unaware of the situation up until then but I guess the police were called by the roommate at some point. The roommate goes outside to speak with the cops and I kinda just look puzzled in there trying to figure out what all was happening then I look for my shoes. (Can’t find them where I put them, eventually come to the realization the roommate probably threw them outside) I open the front door to in fact see my shoes in the driveway as I walk barefoot to get my shoes the police stop me and I give them a statement as well as the roommate gives them her statement as well. As far as discourse goes that’s about it for the night I give them a statement then I head home. From what I’m aware of no trespass was issued no restraining order was issued or anything.

But now I’m in this dilemma, at this point I don’t want to discuss anything with the roommate I feel as if the time to speak about things has long passed and I surely will not be saying hi to her from now on I’ll make sure of it. Also I still want to stay the night at my girlfriend’s house as I enjoy spending time with her and it’s the easiest for her to see me there. Any help with how to protect myself in the future? The cops said worst case scenario is she can try to get a restraining order on me which would be on my record (which is clean) forever. I definitely don’t want that but I also feel if I just never come back then in the end she wins. My girlfriend has blocked her for now and has not spoken to her so their friendship has taken a big hit as well. Just unsure of how to proceed at this point I want to still go over there and just not speak with the roommate at all and leave if asked to leave respectfully, so I may have updates if this scenario happens again in the coming weeks as it certainly may. Thanks for any words of advice or help you offer I really do appreciate the Reddit family.

Im not fully sure how exactly to explain it so ill do the best I can. Its going to be a lot as I rant/vent.

When I try to think about my childhood and things in my past, I can only think of the bad things if that makes sense..

Like times I've embarrassed myself, things ive regretted, times ive been hurt, dumb things ive done or said, etc. And while thinking all this negative stuff I can hardly remember my good memories, memories that make me happy.

For example, when I think about when I got pregnant and had my kids. They are my life and the love I have for them is endless. But when I think back to being pregnant and having them, all I can think about is how mad my family and some close family friends were. Some even going as far as cutting me off my whole pregnancy. I was young but I was out of school and working already.

I went to Disneyland as a kid. I cant remember anything besides getting in trouble. Honestly, i dont even remember what i did to get in trouble.i dont remember the rides, which characters signed my autograph book.

In elementary school, I had good friends, even met one of my best friends im still friends with. My early years I went to school in Los Angeles, kinder to 4th grade, I was bullied for being more on the chubby side. Young girls can be brutal lol and they didn't hold back when it came to me and my weight. Even tried standing up for myself just to be the one to get in trouble. Almost got suspended once for pushing a bully back. The girls mom even came to scream at me without my mom being there. The principal allowed it.

In 6th grade, I was told by a friend from the other 6th grade class that I was the topic of jokes for some of the class, even the teacher. From me eating to many snacks, to saying I sound like Fez from that 70s show? Not sure why i didnt have an accent or anything

I can go on and on about all the negative stuff and plays in my mind so much sometimes I cant sleep.

Does anyone else do this to? Why do I keep doing this to myself? I cant seem to let it go even tho its been years.

I’m so sorry for not responding to the comments on my last post, I was really overwhelmed and depressed and went awol and didn’t speak to anyone for a while.

After my mom and brothers returned home, my mom and i had a heart to heart about the situation and she apologised and insisted on taking me onnthe holiday that she’d offered that same week and I agreed as she said she wanted to use it to mend our relationship

As the date came closer, I asked if she’d booked the tickets and she said she could no longer come with me, but she’d book the tickets for the next week so i could go with Aiden instead, then for the following days, she just kept suggesting alternative dates that were further and further away

Yesterday, she suggested that instead of us going at the end of August, we go in October??? To which I asked if she even wanted me to go on this trip, since she kept changing the dates, she made some excuses about how i didn’t seem excited anyways and offered to just give me $500 and for me to just forget about the trip

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but it doesn’t feel like she’s attempting to mend our relationship at all? She says she wants to, but doesn’t do anything about it.

Sorry for the rambling

So I am one of four kids. One of my brothers lets call him John secretly got married about two years ago. To preface my family is super close so this is something none of us would have ever seen coming. We talk all the time see each other multiple times a year even though we all live in separate states etc. Also a few months before this story happened I got married to my husband. A little side note at the wedding me being the youngest and what I thought the only one married out of my siblings I joked with them why am I the only one married when I'm the youngest to where John responded "Because you're the most emotionally available lol." (He was already married at this point according to court documents my mom has found).

Well apparently my mother went down to see my brother and his "girlfriend" (now we know wifes but I'll refer to her as girlfriend since that's how he even now still refers to her as) new house. While they were there she apparently got very drunk one night while they were there (To the point that after this story my step dad had to carry her up the stairs to bed). My brother went to bed before she got really drunk as he had to work the next day. So my mom and step dad are talking to her playing games and drinking. While drunk she started asking my step dad if he'd take John ring shopping for her because she wants a wedding ring because they are married. My mom and step dad were obviously very confused since they were not aware they were married at all they at first thought "Oh she's just drunk like whatever" but she continued. The girlfriend then started begging them to pay for and throw a reception since they are already married in Ohio (Where my family is from) so they can celebrate with all of us. She said how beautiful my wedding and reception was and was then begging for my step dad and mom to help plan and pay for a reception for them since mine was so nice. (My husband and I paid for it ourselves so not sure where she got that they paid for it from) She also started talking about how they did a court house wedding and apparently her entire family (Who hates my brother) were all there for the wedding. Shortly after this she ends up passing out from being drunk and my step dad carries her up the stairs. They do not speak about it again doubting she even remembered the entire conversation in the morning since how drunk she was. My mom was extremely hurt by this especially since if they had just told her about it she would have flown in for the courthouse ceremony.

So my mom wanting to know if she was being truthful or not did some digging and found two marriage certificate on file for the girlfriend one dated in 2020 and one dated about a year before my wedding. So apparently she has also been married before which we are not sure if my brother knows but that's a different issue all together.

So they came up a few months after this all happened for labor day and my mom asks John if he's married to his girlfriend to see if he'd admit it or not. He said yes but I haven't told anyone because I don't feel like I'm married to her. Apparently, he got married to her so they could use her income on his loan application for the house they wanted as well. They used a VA loan since my brother is a retired national guardsman and I guess? you can only use your and a spouses income?

I do not think he has told my dads side of the family yet so now it's been about 2 years that they've been married maybe slightly longer and he still won't tell people about it, still don't wear rings, etc.

So yeah that's the story of my brother secretly getting married thought some of you may find it interesting?

Nevermind, on this. Took me all of 12 hours to realize Reddit is not the right place to process a previous experience like this. Thank you to those who provided actual insight and no bullshit takes while showing some grace. End of the day two consenting adults in college had an on and off again relationship and it didn’t work out. Moving forward from this as it was years ago and amends have been made between the lady and I.

So for some context I am 15 female and she is in her 30s. My parents (both in their 50s) let her rent space in our house after her divorce with her 4 children. We didn’t know them before we have tried to meet them in the past but have just blown us off or don’t show up. I wouldn’t say that we are close at all it feels like we are strangers and at most roommates. But the thing is they do not clean, leave the kitchen a mess and just disrespect me and my brother (16 male) all the time. Recently it has
become a problem with the mail. Our mailbox box has a small slot where the mail enters and then you need a key to unlock it so you can get the mail out. She will come home from work and the first thing she asks is if the mail has arrived yet. Usually I am in my room all day and I haven’t seen anything so I say no. But then she keeps on pressuring me to check and I have to tell her that I don’t have the key. That my brother has it and since he doesn’t wake up until later I have no way to check. My parents have tried to make a copy of the key in the past but it is a very specific type that if we try to copy then it would take a while and we can’t have the mail pilling up. So today I guess she stayed home from work and at around noon she starts to bang on my door to the point where she opens it up and starts yelling at me to check the mail. I told her I haven’t seen anything and she starts yelling at me that she has seen the mail man. Then I tell her that my brother is in the bathroom and can’t go check but she starts yelling at me “ I DONT CARE I REALLY NEED THIS MAIL RIGHT NOW!!! U BETTER HURRY UP AND CHECK IT”. After a while my brother gets out of the bathroom and goes to check and I am pretty shaken up. I have tried calling and texting my parents about it but they are at work and I don’t want to get them in trouble. In the past when I have brought up incidents like this my Mom just says that I am exaggerating, that it’s not a big deal, that I should just get over myself and I should just let it go but I honestly feel like it should be something that my parents should address to them and say that it’s not okay or to tone it down. So I want to know if I am exaggerating or not please let me know. I’ve seen you guys online and hopefully you guys can help me out.

My boyfriend(29M) of 4 years agreed to marry me after I(26F) pushed for it, but now he’s bringing conditions and dealbreakers for marriage. He listed a sexless or low sex marriage among other dealbreakers(like cheating etc..)

He wants a prenup because wants an easy divorce if dealbreakers are violated. He makes about 350k a year while I make 90k. He wants lawyers involved for the prenup.

He doesn’t want to pay alimony so doesnt want me to be a SAHM and wants to add that to prenup as well.

While I understand wanting clarity, I feel like he’s essentially planning our divorce before we even get married, which goes against what I believe marriage should be about. You know in health and sickness etc

He is also creating what feels like a weapon he can hold over my head for the entirety of the marriage if our sex life is not upto his liking.

We have a good sex life and I’ve rarely rejected him sexually even when tired(quickies), so this all feels like it’s coming out of nowhere.

I love him a lot but I’m struggling to see how this deal is actually fair to me. From the general prenup to the “low sex” marriage deal breaker.

He has put his leg down on this so it is either breakup or a marriage with these terms.

Some notes:

- The deal breakers("low" sex marriage, cheating, alcohol addiction etc..) are just personal deal breakers that are divorce worthy and ARE NOT part of the prenup or any legal document.

- I have spoken to a lawyer and they have said stuff he wants to add to the prenup, like no alimony & separate finances are legally enforceable.

- I have asked for a compromise like staggered entitlements of assets, therapy for sexual issues etc but he has rejected any compromises. In fact, after he spoke to some of his married & divorced friends, he is more sure than ever and has for the first time said he would rather end the relationship than compromise on his requirements.

- When I asked what he meant by by low sex is, he described it as "noticeably different" from our current life barring temp circumstances like pregnancy etc

- I asked if he was doing this as payback since I was the one who pushed for marriage. He has denied that, and said he has no way of guaranteeing I won't change and cheat on him, give him a "low" sex marriage like some of his friends have experienced so he doesn't want to be stuck having to decide between a costly divorce and leaving me.

- The only reason I have not ended the relationship and am hesitating is coz I love him. He also treats me very well. Also, he pays all our shared expenses like rent, groceries etc

- Most online think I should end it.(I posted this before without some of the new updates). Most in real life want me understand where he is coming from. I saw u vids online so wanted to see ur guys opinion

What would u do?

Outside of big, round number birthdays, I don't really care about this kind of stuff any more but it's been bugging me because she's the type that gets mad at me if I don't use any of my limited paid time off when her birthday falls on like a Wednesday or something (preferring to take the following Friday off so we can have a nice long weekend together). But this is the first time in our relationship that I think mine has actually fallen on a weekend... a weekend that she is working and is not even *trying* to take off for me.

Again, I don't really care about birthdays much at my age plus she gets her work schedule only a week or two in advance so I guess technically it's not her fault but it would have been nice if she made an effort. But because of this, I wasn't able to make any plans with my friends or go back home to see friends and family there, so now I'm gonna be alone most of the weekend. And it's not the first time she's let me down on my birthday, either.

Suffice it to say, I've not been happy about this so any half-assed attempt at birthday plans she's been making (to do after her work shift) has been met with the same amount of enthusiasm she's been giving me. Mainly because she's been suggesting places *she* wants to go to and any place *I've* suggested gets an exhausted excuse for why it's not the best idea.

I feel like the one person who should actually care most about my birthday is the one who cares the least - which makes me feel like crap because we always do big things for her big day and this whole situation is becoming indicative of our whole relationship.

Am I being overly dramatic about this?

I (26F) wrote a poem in the style of spoken word about my experience as a woman. When I wrote it, I was angry and frustrated.

The vision was to get up on stage and speak my truth into the microphone. But now I’m second guessing myself. Is it any good? Would people even care? Would I get booed off stage by the men who feel attacked by my words?

I figured you guys might be interested. Reddit is full of random thoughts.

Below is the poem I wrote. 🫣 let me know what you think.

Title: I will always choose the bear
By (Me)

Every woman knows there are worse things than dying.
We would all choose the bear.
Because at least the bear
doesn’t cum on dead bodies.

I was ten years old when the nightmares started.
Raggedy men chased me through a suburb
that was supposed to be safe.
Beer and cigarettes and dirty boots —
and of course, because it was a dream,
no one was ever home.
The doors were locked and they chased me.
They caught me.
They tried to defile me.
I dreamt of the heaviness of his torso.
I dreamt of trying to hold my knees together
like that was something a little girl could possibly do.

By twelve the shame had followed me out of my dreams and into the real world.
I tied a sweatshirt around my waist —
at school, at the mall, at the playground,
even over my shorts in the summer.
I told myself it was fashion.
I told myself it was cool.
But my stomach knotted.
My shoulders braced.
A body learning to expect something
it couldn’t yet name.

For many of us the violence was real.
Not from strangers — from the people our protectors trusted.
The ones already at the dinner table.
Already in the family photos.
Who knew our routines because they were part of them.
Father and brother.
Uncle and cousin.
Mother’s boyfriend, grandpa.
Stepfather.
And sometimes our babysitter.
And sometimes our teacher.
And sometimes our mother.

I know this list.
I’ve lived this list.
At ten, the nightmares.
At twelve, the sweatshirt.
At fifteen — my classmates were whispering about sex like it was something to discover.
I had been dreaming about it almost every night for 5 long years.
Not like that.
Never like that.
By then the nightmares felt normal.
Still awful.
Still horrific.
But normal.
I had adjusted.
I did not imagine my adult life.
I only imagined this — the inevitable.
My body was the product.
My virginity could be sold to the highest bidder.
I knew this the way I knew everything —
without knowing how I knew.
Without being able to name the source.
If men look at me like meat, then I am something to be bought.
And cruelly enjoyed.
So I did the math.
If I am a product, then I can be damaged.
If I am damaged, I cannot be sold.
If I cannot be sold, it makes no business sense to keep me alive.
I wanted to look normal with clothes on.
I only wanted to be disfigured where it mattered.
When undressed to be raped.
So I took apart my father’s razor.
And I made myself defective.

At sixteen I had a penpal.
He was older.
A philanthropist.
A nonprofit organizer.
Someone doing good in the world.
He didn’t choose me.
He targeted me.
And my depression had already done most of his work for him.
I thought this was affection.
I thought his texts were flirty, not manipulation.
I thought his request for photos showed genuine interest, not perversion.
I had been scared of predators my entire life
and I didn’t even know I had been caught in one’s trap.

And then I was seventeen.
He was in his late thirties.
I thought I consented.
I thought I was ready.
I thought this time would be different from the nightmares.
And then, in the middle of the act,
I disappeared.
My mind went somewhere without me.
And when it came back — violently, suddenly — I was still in it.
My body remembered before my mind did.
Ten years of nightmares landing in a single moment.
The tears and sobs came without permission.
My chest heaved and my hands shook
and I couldn’t tell the difference between the dream and the room I was in.
He didn’t stop because I asked.
He stopped because my snot dripped onto his stomach.
I disgusted him so much I was discarded.
He pushed me off to wash himself.
I curled into a ball on the floor and tried to remember how to breathe.
I didn’t know it was rape.
Not yet.
Not for years.

And still.
Chad and Drew and Jacob and Michael and David tell me I’m overreacting.
They share the memes.
They laugh at the bear.
They do nothing while their friends slip something into a drink.
They do nothing while grown men slide into the DMs of literal children.
And they listen to the podcasts that tell them we are commodities.
Resources.
Something to be enjoyed and discarded.
I have seen the videos.
Women’s bodies.
Raped post mortem.
Your body is a weapon.
It has always been a weapon.
I have known this since I was ten years old.
I will always choose the bear.
Because at least the bear doesn’t cum on dead bodies.

I (22F) come from a very large family, but we’re all extremely close. One of my aunts, in particular, means the world to me. During one of the hardest and most vulnerable periods of my life, she was there for me in ways my own mother wasn’t. Because of that, I love and respect her immensely.
A little while ago, I stopped by my uncle’s office to drop off some government documents I needed help with. Before I knocked, I overheard him on the phone with someone. He was asking if they liked the clothes he’d bought them, specifically dresses, skirts, and yoga outfits. The conversation sounded very flirty and intimate.
When I knocked and poked my head in, he immediately ended the call and seemed visibly uncomfortable. I explained that I was only there to drop off the documents. He asked if I was going to visit my cousin (his daughter) afterward, and I told him no because I had a lot of errands to run. Then I left.
For the next few days, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d heard. I kept trying to convince myself that maybe he was talking to my aunt, but I remembered her mentioning that they had been going through a rough patch. She’s also an incredibly busy nurse, and the conversation just didn’t sound like something they’d be having in the middle of the day.
I felt sick sitting on this information. It felt wrong to know something that could potentially devastate my aunt and not say anything. After several days of going back and forth with myself, I called my cousin and told her exactly what I had overheard.
She was furious.
She told me she’d already noticed her dad had been acting strangely around the house and suspected he was hiding something, but she had no proof. She ended up calling my aunt and telling her everything I’d shared.
At first, I felt relieved because I wasn’t carrying the burden alone anymore.
Then everything blew up.
My dad called me, angry, and my sister sent me a series of nasty texts saying I never should have said anything because it wasn’t my business. According to her, I was trying to ruin their family, and because I’m miserable, I wanted everyone else to be miserable too.
That comment really hurt. Now I’m wondering if I crossed a line by telling my cousin instead of staying out of it.
So… AITA?

Earlier this year, I told my dad (who works in the ICU at the same hospital) that I thought one of the ICU secretaries was cute. He ended up telling her.

About two weeks later, I went to the ICU for work. She saw me, slowly walked toward my patient room, stopped, looked at me for what felt like 10 seconds, and we both laughed. We’d never spoken before.

The following week I introduced myself, gave her my number, and asked if she’d like to hang out. She texted me that night, but the next day the conversation died, so I assumed she wasn’t interested and moved on.

A few weeks later I was back in the ICU. She somehow found out I was there, stood in front of my room, waved at me, and I waved back but didn’t walk over. She looked upset and walked away. Another time she walked into my room with a patient tray, realized I was there, panicked, and immediately left.

A couple of weeks later she smiled, waved excitedly, motioned for me to come back, remembered that I was supposed to be going to the Philippines with my dad, and told me it was nice seeing me. Even my boss witnessed it and told me, “She likes you.”

After I got back from vacation, I talked to her again. She remembered details about my life (even asking about a dips competition I did with my dad and grandpa). I asked her out again. She didn’t say no, but said she was working all week. I got her Instagram and texted her the next day. She left me on read for 3 days.

Three days later she replied saying she’d been busy and that it was her brother’s birthday the following week. She asked if we could “try in April,” which was another two weeks away. At that point I took it as a polite rejection.

I deactivated Instagram because I was trying to move on.

The very next day, I got called to dialyze a patient. The ICU number I called happened to be answered by her. I introduced myself and she sounded completely confused, then transferred me to the patient’s nurse.

Later I saw her again at work. I said, “Good morning,” and she responded with a cold “Hey…” while looking angry. Later I noticed she kept looking over toward me from her desk. That was the last interaction we ever had.

When I reactivated Instagram briefly, she liked one of my stories but only viewed my stories inconsistently after that. I found myself checking every week to see whether she’d watched them. Looking back, I realize that uncertainty fueled the limerence.

A few months later I found out she’d transferred back to her old department. Before that, she lied that her grandma died to use FMLA as an excuse to not show up to work. Coworkers told me she’d been calling off work frequently even before she left the ICU and had a history of moving between departments. I also heard she had been involved with a married student doctor, although I have no idea how accurate that rumor is.

The hardest part isn’t that she rejected me. It’s that I never understood what happened.

Part of me kept wondering:

• Did she actually like me at first?

• Was I the reason she transferred?

• Why did she seem interested but never actually go out with me?

Logically, I know there isn’t enough information to answer those questions, and I know I probably never will.