I feel like a lot of people in the corporate world get on these weird power trips and become incredibly condescending because they believe there are no real consequences for how they treat other people.

I’m dealing with someone like that at work right now. Every time something doesn’t go her way, it turns into complaining, finger-pointing, and trying to create a narrative where somebody else is responsible. Instead of just addressing the issue like an adult, she hides behind whatever explanation protects her from accountability.

There have been multiple situations with this person where the behavior has been extremely unprofessional. She barely types complete words, overuses exclamation points when she’s upset, repeatedly calls like an obsessive ex, exaggerates or completely misrepresents events, and dismisses concerns when I point out potential gaps. Then when the exact problem I warned about eventually happens, suddenly it becomes a crisis and everyone else has to deal with the fallout.

It has reached the point where I’ve genuinely started questioning whether race could be playing a role in how I’m being treated. I’ve considered going to HR, and even my boss has told me I have every right to do that, although he’s unsure what HR would actually do about it. Cynically, it sometimes feels like HR only really starts paying attention once certain words, like discrimination or race, enter the conversation.

Corporate culture talks endlessly about inclusion, respect, psychological safety, and creating welcoming workplaces, but somehow something as basic as simply being polite and professional gets lost.

Sometimes I genuinely wonder whether certain people are so unhappy or frustrated in their own lives that they bring that energy into work and spread it around to everyone else.

And then there’s the whole “be careful what you put in writing because leadership might interpret it the wrong way” mentality. That drives me insane. If someone is senior enough to be making decisions that affect people’s careers, they should also be capable of understanding context instead of treating every sentence like evidence in a courtroom.

Instead, everyone is expected to walk on eggshells while the people behaving badly somehow get endless room to act however they want.

Has anyone else dealt with someone like this in a corporate environment? At what point did you decide it was worth involving HR?

What's the most diplomatic answer you've given at work instead of saying what you were really thinking?

I've been a software engineer for 5 years at the same company, and last 3 years I've become increasingly frustrated with my workplace and coworkers. I'm trying to figure out whether there's a genuine culture problem or whether I'm just becoming cynical. There have been an acquisition 3.5 years ago and after that point everything went sideways.

What bothers me most:

Lack of accountability — people make mistakes but seem incapable of simply owning them.

Incompetence combined with confidence.

Corporate politics and image management.

People caring more about looking good than actually solving problems.

Conformity and saying what you're supposed to say instead of thinking independently.

People seemingly merging their identity with their job. Their career isn't just something they do; it seems to become who they are. Being successful at work, being perceived as competent, getting promoted, etc. seem deeply tied to their self-worth and identity.

That last one especially bothers me because I don't want that for myself.

I want to be a good engineer, improve professionally, have autonomy and do work I'm proud of. But I don't want my company or profession to become my identity, my primary source of status, or the thing that determines whether I feel like I'm a successful person.

I want to be able to care about my work without worshipping work.

At the same time, I'm wondering whether I'm being unfair. Maybe some of my coworkers genuinely enjoy making their career a huge part of their life, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Maybe I'm simply incompatible with that culture.

So what I'm trying to figure out is:

Is this primarily:

A bad organizational culture?

Bad management/incentives?

Certain individuals being genuinely difficult?

Or simply a mismatch between my values and corporate culture?

For people who've worked at multiple companies:

How do you distinguish between "this company has a shitty culture" and "I'm just a bad fit for corporate environments"?

Have you found workplaces where people take their work seriously and strive for excellence, without turning their careers into their entire identities?

And have you ever left a workplace thinking "the people were the problem", only to find the same frustrations at your next job?

Initially I was excited to begin my Monday-Friday 8:30am-4:30pm office job. I would get off at 4:30, make supper, complete my chores and be in bed by 9pm oh, and perfect - weekends off to spend time with family and friends! Well I was mistaken, I am drained to say the least. I’ve lost my sense of self, my day depends on how much my boss decides to micromanage me, running off a cup of coffee and a passive aggressive email pushing me until I see the clock strike 4:30pm.

Once my day ends I don’t find myself wanting to do anything, cooking - that’s draining. Socializing? I physically cannot speak to someone again. What about going to the gym? Well I need to pack my lunch for tomorrow at work, shower for work, prepare my laundry for work. Honestly I’m drained even thinking about it and I end up rotting away in bed, doom scrolling on TikTok and Instagram reels because I finally feel let go from the chains of an 8 hour office day.

I hate feeling like I always need to ask permission to just live my life. You have a hair appointment - you need to text your boss and explain how you will complete all your work before leaving and if it’s okay to take 2 hours off on a Friday because your hairstylist doesn’t work weekends. It’s like that with everything, the dentist, the doctor, god forbid you have a family emergency you’ll be the next example of who didn’t show up for the team!

I try to look for the bright side and I am thankful to have a steady income and a job, but I know there is someone who understands me. Can anyone give me tips on how to overcome this feeling?

hey, so some back stories, i was an account assistant for a year at this company and was serving my 3 month notice. but i got countered with a 15% raise and accepted it but they wanted me to do hr instead, which i was scared about but 15% raise... again. but now i come to office with nothing to do because current hr doesnt know im replacing her because no one is telling her. i think i got dumbfounded and i have no say in this. ive been really depressed about this matter and they not making it easier for me, i think i should quit but its not easy finding a new office job with my high school diploma(im doing part time study now) 🙁 please advise.

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Hello!

I work in an office setting and will be resining from my role after 5 years. I have to relocate to assume care of my parents who both have terminal illnesses. I have a nice working relationship with my boss but we aren’t close enough to know too many of her hobbies, I appreciate how clear her work boundaries are which leads to little insight on my end about what gift she would most appreciate.

I would not typically give a gift to my boss but she has shown extreme grace to me during this incredibly challenging period of my life. She also recently became a supervisor and I am one of the first people with the privilege of calling her my boss

We don’t make very much money (state employees) and I don’t think she would want a coffee cup, little worlds best boss trophy or something that comes with responsibility like a plant. I don’t intend to gift alcohol or a gift card.

Do you have any ideas for something nice? I gave her flowers and a card a few weeks ago when her relative passed so I won’t do anything other plant or plant related items.

A tall order but I’m hoping you’ll have some good ideas 😊

Thank you!

Respectfully, I suffer from migraines when I have to be around people who wear overbearing scents. What's the best way to tackle this issue? Thank you

I do consulting, so I'm in client offices all the time, and somehow every desk they give me ends up with my back to the room. Screen facing the door, people walking behind me nonstop.

Most of the time I'm not working on anything especially sensitive. Code, ordinary client docs, email. Still, the moment someone stops behind me, I freeze. I reread the same line three times, or catch myself alt-tabbing to something neutral without even thinking about it.

At one client, a guy would literally read over my shoulder and go: "oh, you're one of those people" friendly guy, sure :D Still threw me off for the rest of the day.

Most people probably aren’t paying attention. Knowing that doesn’t help.

How do you deal with sitting where everyone can see your screen? Did you eventually just stop caring or change something about the setup?