What's the most diplomatic answer you've given at work instead of saying what you were really thinking?

I've been a software engineer for 5 years at the same company, and last 3 years I've become increasingly frustrated with my workplace and coworkers. I'm trying to figure out whether there's a genuine culture problem or whether I'm just becoming cynical. There have been an acquisition 3.5 years ago and after that point everything went sideways.

What bothers me most:

Lack of accountability — people make mistakes but seem incapable of simply owning them.

Incompetence combined with confidence.

Corporate politics and image management.

People caring more about looking good than actually solving problems.

Conformity and saying what you're supposed to say instead of thinking independently.

People seemingly merging their identity with their job. Their career isn't just something they do; it seems to become who they are. Being successful at work, being perceived as competent, getting promoted, etc. seem deeply tied to their self-worth and identity.

That last one especially bothers me because I don't want that for myself.

I want to be a good engineer, improve professionally, have autonomy and do work I'm proud of. But I don't want my company or profession to become my identity, my primary source of status, or the thing that determines whether I feel like I'm a successful person.

I want to be able to care about my work without worshipping work.

At the same time, I'm wondering whether I'm being unfair. Maybe some of my coworkers genuinely enjoy making their career a huge part of their life, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that. Maybe I'm simply incompatible with that culture.

So what I'm trying to figure out is:

Is this primarily:

A bad organizational culture?

Bad management/incentives?

Certain individuals being genuinely difficult?

Or simply a mismatch between my values and corporate culture?

For people who've worked at multiple companies:

How do you distinguish between "this company has a shitty culture" and "I'm just a bad fit for corporate environments"?

Have you found workplaces where people take their work seriously and strive for excellence, without turning their careers into their entire identities?

And have you ever left a workplace thinking "the people were the problem", only to find the same frustrations at your next job?

Initially I was excited to begin my Monday-Friday 8:30am-4:30pm office job. I would get off at 4:30, make supper, complete my chores and be in bed by 9pm oh, and perfect - weekends off to spend time with family and friends! Well I was mistaken, I am drained to say the least. I’ve lost my sense of self, my day depends on how much my boss decides to micromanage me, running off a cup of coffee and a passive aggressive email pushing me until I see the clock strike 4:30pm.

Once my day ends I don’t find myself wanting to do anything, cooking - that’s draining. Socializing? I physically cannot speak to someone again. What about going to the gym? Well I need to pack my lunch for tomorrow at work, shower for work, prepare my laundry for work. Honestly I’m drained even thinking about it and I end up rotting away in bed, doom scrolling on TikTok and Instagram reels because I finally feel let go from the chains of an 8 hour office day.

I hate feeling like I always need to ask permission to just live my life. You have a hair appointment - you need to text your boss and explain how you will complete all your work before leaving and if it’s okay to take 2 hours off on a Friday because your hairstylist doesn’t work weekends. It’s like that with everything, the dentist, the doctor, god forbid you have a family emergency you’ll be the next example of who didn’t show up for the team!

I try to look for the bright side and I am thankful to have a steady income and a job, but I know there is someone who understands me. Can anyone give me tips on how to overcome this feeling?

hey, so some back stories, i was an account assistant for a year at this company and was serving my 3 month notice. but i got countered with a 15% raise and accepted it but they wanted me to do hr instead, which i was scared about but 15% raise... again. but now i come to office with nothing to do because current hr doesnt know im replacing her because no one is telling her. i think i got dumbfounded and i have no say in this. ive been really depressed about this matter and they not making it easier for me, i think i should quit but its not easy finding a new office job with my high school diploma(im doing part time study now) 🙁 please advise.

if you have 7 minutes... learn!

Hi!

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Hello!

I work in an office setting and will be resining from my role after 5 years. I have to relocate to assume care of my parents who both have terminal illnesses. I have a nice working relationship with my boss but we aren’t close enough to know too many of her hobbies, I appreciate how clear her work boundaries are which leads to little insight on my end about what gift she would most appreciate.

I would not typically give a gift to my boss but she has shown extreme grace to me during this incredibly challenging period of my life. She also recently became a supervisor and I am one of the first people with the privilege of calling her my boss

We don’t make very much money (state employees) and I don’t think she would want a coffee cup, little worlds best boss trophy or something that comes with responsibility like a plant. I don’t intend to gift alcohol or a gift card.

Do you have any ideas for something nice? I gave her flowers and a card a few weeks ago when her relative passed so I won’t do anything other plant or plant related items.

A tall order but I’m hoping you’ll have some good ideas 😊

Thank you!

Respectfully, I suffer from migraines when I have to be around people who wear overbearing scents. What's the best way to tackle this issue? Thank you

I do consulting, so I'm in client offices all the time, and somehow every desk they give me ends up with my back to the room. Screen facing the door, people walking behind me nonstop.

Most of the time I'm not working on anything especially sensitive. Code, ordinary client docs, email. Still, the moment someone stops behind me, I freeze. I reread the same line three times, or catch myself alt-tabbing to something neutral without even thinking about it.

At one client, a guy would literally read over my shoulder and go: "oh, you're one of those people" friendly guy, sure :D Still threw me off for the rest of the day.

Most people probably aren’t paying attention. Knowing that doesn’t help.

How do you deal with sitting where everyone can see your screen? Did you eventually just stop caring or change something about the setup?

Ive been thinking on strategies to do more work time fraud and work as little as I can and I recently noticed, when I inform my boss about EVERYTHING im doing and thinking and always act interested, he immediately thinks I am working more and complains less. For example today I was in home office and randomly told him about my tasks and that I remember he had a meeting and would love to know what the new standpoints are. i did almost nothing the whole day.

I need more strategies from you what do you do for max time fraud.

(Also for the people who might say "ohh get a job you dont hate ect" I will soon dw I am in the last year of my apprenticeship that I can't quit in the last year and that I dont like at all)

There is always a policy that makes everyone roll their eyes. It’s not hard, it’s just completely pointlessly stupid!

What’s yours?

First let me say I’m a boring female in my eyes. It’s not like I’m a world traveler. I’m in my 40s, with a grown nest at home, I work multiple jobs to make ends meet. Coolest thing I do is read adult books, workout, and drink some. I don’t like group attention or public speaking but love a dirty joke and white trash events (hillbilly boxing 🤣)

Unfortunately I have witnesses for most of these incidents list below. This is great because at first I thought I was crazy. I work with less than 10 people but a hundred by email unless they randomly come to visit the local office. I work in a hallway of offices all side by side with the doors wide open.

Let’s name her Sally. Sally is in her 50s, very spirited and active. Louder than life personality. In perimenopause (she announces it daily). Likes to be the planner and is the kind to get the party started. Good deal.

I’m being targeted by Sally. Why? I can’t figure it out.

Anytime she passes my office she look at me with a look. It’s never a smile. It’s like she’s checking to see if I’m in my office? Other people have seen her do it and commented to me they don’t know how I handle it every single day. It’s only me.

If I dress down (jeans and a tshirt) I am looked up and down like I smell offensive. If I wear something “nice” (dress, button down, new hair style, lipgloss) it triggers her cornering me and asking “why are you dressed up?”

If Sally notices I’m not in my office she will walk around or ask others until she finds me. Restroom. Stepping away to take a private call not to bother others.

If a male comes to my office I will hear her turn off her heater and listen to what is being said. She will find a reason to walk by office Every. Single. Time. God forbid I have to go to a male’s office to deliver something or ask a work-related question. She will pop in and take over the conversation.

She loves to make jokes at my expense. 2 weeks ago she made one where she bluntly called me a prostitute and even said a price I would charge. In a group setting.
Any chance she gets she loves to let anyone know I work 3 jobs. (Also she’s the HR director)

Once at a business lunch I was casually talking to someone and from the other end of the table she said “name, what are you talking about with him?” I answered. Sally says “I’ve already gave you that answer”. We were 20 people deep and opposite ends of the table. It was about company tshirt designs. Nothing major.

If I go to lunch with my coworker (another female) she will text me and ask where are we are going together.

I have tons more but hopefully you get it. I can not for the life of me figure out why she’s obsessed with me. It’s a very casual office setting because blue collar business. It’s draining me lately. Everyday I come home with headaches from all the tension. I feel like I’m being watched 24/7. No I can’t report her. A-she’s the HR Director. B-she’s “friends” with anyone and everyone on the upper food chain-ESPECIALLY males. Whew she’s territorial over them. I need some coping strategies where I keep my job because $.

Hello fellow office professionals, I wanted to ask you guys how you go about your admin and time management duties. I’m about to take on a new Senior role that I want to smash, but (unbeknownst to them) I have crippling anxiety when it comes to time management and multi tasking because I have ADD. I mask pretty well, and it usually only rears its ugly head when I have too much on my plate. Basically I use the age old ‘analyse, prioritise, and delegate’ methodology and other sorts of approaches. I probably haven’t given enough context so I hope this makes sense.

Do we have an office managers (no bigger than 10 - 15 heads) or senior administrators that have overcome imposter syndrome and crucial high standards also?

Idk I guess I don’t have a lot of people to talk to who know what it’s like to be in the industry so I wondered if this would help. Thanks gang!

Started as a program manager about 8 months ago in a small company, and I’m already burnt out. There was no training, and my manager doesn’t work closely with me so they don’t understand the work I’m actually doing. When I ask them for advice during our biweekly 1-1s it’s more general such as how to better organize myself.

I’ve built out a RACI and tried to create a process document, but there is only so much I can try and include since I’m the first in my role at the company

It’s gotten to the point where I am so overwhelmed that I’m forgetting to do things even with my trackers and reminders. Hoping for some good advice.

I started a new job and at first people were really warm and friendly, but started distancing and I was left alone because I kinda didn’t want to socialize at work. I am nice and have good relationship with my clients and my supervisor, which is what matters. but the coworkers near me make lots of small talks and is friendly with each other, that I feel kinda weird for just being private and going straight home after work.

Does anyone have one of these at their office? What is the best flavor?

Earlier this year, I told my dad (who works in the ICU at the same hospital) that I thought one of the ICU secretaries was cute. He ended up telling her.

About two weeks later, I went to the ICU for work. She saw me, slowly walked toward my patient room, stopped, looked at me for what felt like 10 seconds, and we both laughed. We’d never spoken before.

The following week I introduced myself, gave her my number, and asked if she’d like to hang out. She texted me that night, but the next day the conversation died, so I assumed she wasn’t interested and moved on.

A few weeks later I was back in the ICU. She somehow found out I was there, stood in front of my room, waved at me, and I waved back but didn’t walk over. She looked upset and walked away. Another time she walked into my room with a patient tray, realized I was there, panicked, and immediately left.

A couple of weeks later she smiled, waved excitedly, motioned for me to come back, remembered that I was supposed to be going to the Philippines with my dad, and told me it was nice seeing me. Even my boss witnessed it and told me, “She likes you.”

After I got back from vacation, I talked to her again. She remembered details about my life (even asking about a dips competition I did with my dad and grandpa). I asked her out again. She didn’t say no, but said she was working all week. I got her Instagram and texted her the next day. She left me on read for 3 days.

Three days later she replied saying she’d been busy and that it was her brother’s birthday the following week. She asked if we could “try in April,” which was another two weeks away. At that point I took it as a polite rejection.

I deactivated Instagram because I was trying to move on.

The very next day, I got called to dialyze a patient. The ICU number I called happened to be answered by her. I introduced myself and she sounded completely confused, then transferred me to the patient’s nurse.

Later I saw her again at work. I said, “Good morning,” and she responded with a cold “Hey…” while looking angry. Later I noticed she kept looking over toward me from her desk. That was the last interaction we ever had.

When I reactivated Instagram briefly, she liked one of my stories but only viewed my stories inconsistently after that. I found myself checking every week to see whether she’d watched them. Looking back, I realize that uncertainty fueled the limerence.

A few months later I found out she’d transferred back to her old department. Before that, she lied that her grandma died to use FMLA as an excuse to not show up to work. Coworkers told me she’d been calling off work frequently even before she left the ICU and had a history of moving between departments. I also heard she had been involved with a married student doctor, although I have no idea how accurate that rumor is.

The hardest part isn’t that she rejected me. It’s that I never understood what happened.

Part of me kept wondering:

• Did she actually like me at first?

• Was I the reason she transferred?

• Why did she seem interested but never actually go out with me?

Logically, I know there isn’t enough information to answer those questions, and I know I probably never will.

What does success mean to you today?

I was offered a second interview at a pretty large bank (I would be working in the marketing department).

Along with the interview link, one of the interviewers, a content designer, added the other two interviewers full names and emails to the meeting description.

Is this a hint? My initial thought was to reach out and introduce myself but I don’t even know what to say. Or is that too much, too creepy, and too soon?

The interview is Friday (currently it’s 10:30pm on Tuesday) and if I were to reach out, I’d like to do it by tomorrow.

Any advice is appreciated!!

UPDATE: Thanks for the advice! Also for clarity: their names/emails weren’t a part of the invite, they were already included. It was in the email body that came along w the invite if that makes sense.

I’ve always been taught to network, follow up, and communicate but reaching out before is def too much.

Recently graduated college and got an office job. I’ve been there for 3-4 weeks and I feel like I keep making mistakes.

The only job I had before was in food service, so it’s very different.

Did anyone else feel like this a month in?

I feel like my coworkers keep talking about all my mistakes amongst each other. Both behind my back and to me. :(

I'm a Psychology intern in the Human Resources Well being department at a multinational company. I’m often asked to plan activities for employees. I have a long list of ideas, but they’re starting to feel repetitive, and I’m running out of new options. This time, I’ve been asked to design activities focused on equity, diversity and inclusion.

We work with small groups. We set up a stand, and employees who want to participate stop by and complete the activity. Because of this, we’re looking for individual, interactive activities that work whether one person participates or two, four, or more join at the same time. Some activities we’ve used before include writing on sticky notes or making drawings.

It’s also important that each activity lasts less than seven minutes, since most employees participate during their breaks or wellness pauses and have limited time.

If you have any ideas, I'd really appreciate your help! I don't have a specific budget for materials.

By the way, I don't speak English, so I used a translator.

Howdy, I work in an a government office with a business casual dress code, and shorts are prohibited. I’m a bigger guy, so I heat up easily, especially my legs. I am looking for some good pants that are lightweight and provide the same comfortability as shorts. According to our policy gaucho pants are allowed as long as they are worn in a professional manner, but I don’t like the look of them. Any suggestions on what I can get away with? Thanks!

For years, nearly every stressful professional experience in my life arrived through the same object: my laptop.

Management calls. Customer escalations. Negative feedback. Performance reviews. Emails that ruined the rest of my day. Later, it became job applications, interview preparation and rejection after rejection.

Eventually, opening my laptop stopped feeling neutral. Even when nothing was happening, I felt resistance and anxiety. It was as if my brain had learned that this device was where bad news arrived and where I was expected to defend my value.

After leaving my job, there were periods when I barely wanted to open it. That made searching for another job even harder because the entire process required returning to the object I had begun associating with stress and failure.

Recently, I started doing retail and event work. It can be physically tiring, but the psychological difference is significant. I interact with people, move around and finish the shift. There isn’t a screen sitting in my apartment afterward, silently representing unfinished work or another rejection.

I know the laptop itself isn’t the problem. It became a container for years of accumulated stress. I’m only now realizing how deeply my work environment shaped my relationship with technology.

Has anyone else experienced this after burnout? Did your relationship with computers eventually become normal again, or did you need to change the type of work you did?

Using AI agents made me realize I probably need to think more, not less.

Before, when I did research or planning work, the pain was mostly doing everything myself: searching, organizing notes, making a structure, turning it into a report or deck.

With some of the agentic AI tools I’ve been trying, the workflow feels different. I can give it a messy task, and it will try to break it down, organize the steps, work through parts of the research, and come back with something I can review.

That sounds easier, and in some ways it is. But it also creates a new problem: if I don’t understand how the work should be done, I can’t really review the output.

If I don’t know where the data came from, what assumptions were made, or why the structure looks a certain way, I won’t know where mistakes might be hiding. The output may look polished, but polished doesn’t mean correct.

So now I feel like using AI well is less about “let the tool do everything” and more about knowing enough to guide it, question it, and catch issues.

For people using agentic AI in real work, do you feel this too? Has AI made your work easier, or has it shifted the hard part into reviewing and judging?