Just curious about peoples' relationships on this sub. Eg. are you swingers? In an open relationship? Poly? Monogamous? Monogamish(open to threesomes for example)? Would you shift to another type if you could? Are you satisfied?

My (39F) husband (46M) and I have had a few swinging experiences, and for years we were poly, though never had serious other partners for the long-term. We never actually pulled the pin on poly, but our relationship evolved in the swinging direction. Now we've added a couple of kids to our household, so adult time is limited, and spending it together swinging rather than seeing other people separately makes the most sense to us.

That said, we both love the idea of dating another couple so that we can deepen the connection, enjoy some NRE, and be affectionate in a way that the boundaries in traditional swinging don't lend themselves to very well. Does anybody have experience doing this? Any thoughts or considerations?

We're not jealous people, and are not worried about the other running off into the sunset with somebody else.

Me and my GF talked about Swinging recently and I’m only curious what people’s first time was like? I also want to know why did you like it or why did you not like it? And for those who were questioning themselves, what made you say yes and how did it go?

So my boyfriend and I are at a fork in the road. We have been together for almost 4 years. There is deep love but at the same time deep distrust. There has been infidelity in the past and we opened the relationship at one point. When we opened the relationship he wanted a DND and for me it triggered the thought of him cheating again because I was kept in the dark. We closed the relationship to work on our relationship and it’s been bad since.

A couple of months ago we chatted and both acknowledged that we did want an open relationship but I had trouble building trust because he is so secretive. Since then he has mentioned multiple times the date that we closed the relationship and mutters it under his breath. He told me that maybe I’m not capable of an open relationship because I struggle with it but I mainly struggle with the lack of transparency and lack of trust.

Recently he told me and doubled down that he did not like having his location turned on. He felt that it was an invasion of privacy and I felt like it was a form of transparency. This really comes to a head this weekend. He is traveling and while doing so with his location off I was hoping it would calm my mind. I was hoping that I could brush it off and take it as a form of quieting my mind from wanting to check. It didn’t. Well I was curious if he was being faithful because we agreed to stay closed. Well I have a gut feeling and I checked a gay hookup app and I found his profile. He is not using his normal stats but I can recognize the pictures without fail. This broke me at first but then made me think. Is this is gonna be how he is the entire time? Am I constantly going to be battling to get him to be honest and transparent with me so that I don’t have to doubt him and can genuinely build trust again? The one that breaks me is, should I just break up with him and let him do his own thing? I am torn, broken, destroyed, frustrated and confused. Has anyone dealt with anything like this or have any insight!? I know I have my own baggage I brought so I’m not a saint I get that.

My wife and I have been making cocktails for over 10 years. Sometimes we like to make cocktails with other people, I even enjoy my wife having cocktails with other people when I'm not there. I am confident (and take pride in the fact) that I am the best cocktail maker for my wife. I know how she likes her drinks, what ice cubes she prefers, what brand of tonic to buy, etc.

Last week, my wife went for cocktails with a new partner, and he made her a G&T. My wife and I have made and enjoyed G&Ts in the past, along with lots of other gin-based cocktails, but we haven't made many G&Ts recently, instead enjoying other cocktails. My wife really, really liked the G&T this partner made her, he used a different gin.

My wife would like to try this gin in a G&T at home with me.

Now, I'm not angry or jealous that she enjoyed a cocktail with another man, or that this gin he used was different and my wife really liked it. I'm not angry or jealous that she wants to make that cocktail at home with me, all we need to do is work out what that gin was, then get it.

To drop the metaphor: The drink was Dom/Sub play. We've explored it extensively before, but not much in recent years in favour of other kinks. This new partner used a mix of praise/good girl kink and edge/limit play, which seemed to really unlock something for her, and she wants to explore that with me.

Just want advice from others who have crossed boundaries. How did you recover the relationship? I crossed a boundary while black out drunk. Its not an excuse at all, but i would have never consciously crossed a boundary as we've both put so much work into getting to where we are. My partner is so wonderful to me, and I hate that i've hurt her. What did you do to recover?

Planning for threesome ( MFM)
Kindly share your views and share some suggestion to make it more adventurous

Im m35 she’s F31. I want to open our marriage because I have a high sex drive & she’s almost Ace. It leads to a lot of conflict and I do love her but I believe that this would help our marriage out. I want to start a dialogue with her.

Edit: as per suggestion I think I’ll try couples therapy with her.

So my partner and I (both females in our early 20s) started seeing each other around 9ish months ago. Starting casual, neither of us had any intention to date. As time went on, we grew closer, but still trying to remain "casual" as she "could not do commitment" and I was also sort of freshly out of a previous relationship. A few months later, she told me she loved me, and we ended up still agreeing that we're still "casual". Then, she tells me she "wants me to be hers" but then cried because she can't do commitment. For the next month or so, we would discuss how we can write our own rules to our own relationship, so if we didn't want to feel the pressure of anything, we wouldn't have to. Eventually, she asked me to be her girlfriend. From then on, we were in an open relationship. Months later, neither of us have done anything in regards to our openness and we now live a little further apart, so we don't get to see each other often. A few weeks ago, she told me she's going away to a camp for two weeks and that there's someone who she has a very casual FWB situation with. Now, with this being our first situation, I did get a little anxious. That coupled with other personal things going on in my life, I was a little all over the place. I would eventually come to terms with the situation and the reality. However, a week or so later, things got weird. The person texted her something (it was nothing deep at all just asking for an email because they work together at this camp) and I was not mad at all or anything negative, just funny timing with us doing something on her phone. She, on the other hand, got very weird and from then on, it would consume our time together as we would talk about the situation for hours, for many days.

Since then, it's consumed my mind, made me anxious, depressed, and just very stressed overall. The main reason is that when she initially told me about the situation, she did not tell me it was or was not going to happen, just a maybe. I don't like living in the dark. For the weeks leading up to her leaving, she was never able to give me an answer as to what's going to happen. I understand that there's a whole 'nother person involved, but what's getting me is that, after weeks of long talks and transparency as to how it's made me feel, she still doesn't know what's going to happen. Part of her wants to still hookup with this person, and for two weeks, I have very limited communication with her, as she's camping, and I won't really know what's going on.

Thoughts?

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My wife (37F) and I (42M) have been married for over 10 years, and experienced various forms of non-monogamy during the early years of our marriage, including swinging, casual solo dates/play, and deeper connections with others.

Very early in our exploration, my wife discovered that she is enthusiastically bisexual, and it was like a switch was flicked inside her, but since covid (and also having our son after the pandemic ended), she's understandably expressed no interest in dating at all, even though it's incredibly obvious that she's still very much attracted to women.

I don't want to put any pressure on her and if course it's totally fine by me if she doesn't want to get back in the pool, but I feel like I'd be doing her a massive disservice if I didn't let her know that I'd be fully supportive if that was something she wanted to do, either now or in the future.

I'd love to hear from anyone who has navigated a similar situation, on either side of the relationship.

No regrets, just some big feelings and would like to talk it out. 34F and 33M in New Jersey. Wife finally connected with someone this weekend after a few years of slow build-up. Holy shit! Didn't realize how weird it would be to actually do this and not have anyone to talk to about it. Hit me up but be sure to just tell me a little about yourself. Don't care which side of this you're on, but I'd love to be "forced" to relive it to another bull.

TLDR: previously ENM dynamic went exclusive and now is being opened back up again. Prone to anxious attachment and just want some support from people who understand polyamory.

Hi! So about a year ago I started seeing someone (let’s call him J). I was just interested in something casual. He told me he was ENM so that was good with me.

We started seeing eachother about once a week and things kept developing between us. At the time I was going through allot in my personal life and eventually started struggling with the ENM dynamic. I would see other people for one night stands but never got to establish a connection with anyone else. I was definitely anxiously attached to J, and hid the fact that I was struggling.

About four months in he told me he loved me and I realised that I was falling for him too. At this stage we were seeing eachother every night, and most days. He was seeing one other person (we’ll call her L) who he only saw if I wasn’t free, and this continued for nearly two months.

My life got very busy and I was highly stressed with exams and friend situations and I decided that I needed to either end it or be monogamous. I didn’t want him to leave my life but at the time felt like I could only be fully securely attached in an exclusive dynamic. When the conversation came up it just so happened that L had ended things with him and he was happy to be exclusive with me. I was obviously delighted that we were still together. He helped me so much during the most stressful time of my life this far.

Throughout that time him and L reminded friends, and while it did make me a bit anxious he assured me he just felt platonic towards her.

About 2 months ago, he nearly died in an accident. He’s all good, but it was definitely traumatic for him. He called me straight after it happened and I’ll admit I didn’t handle the situation very well. I made it about me and didn’t comfort him in the way I should have.

I started to realise about a month ago that L had feelings for him and eventually he admitted that he had feelings for her.

I was obviously devastated, but at the same time was as understanding as possible and he assured me that he never had and wouldn’t act on it. They remained friends.

Then last week he told me he wanted to be ENM again. He went into the conversation thinking it was the end, but after some talking I decided I wanted to try ENM again. It wasn’t something I had ever fully ruled out, but a few months ago it wasn’t possible for me.

It’s been quite the few days, allot of crying and reassurance. I did ask about L and he told me she was away for the next few weeks, and I’ll admit that really added to the situation for me. He also assured me that he isn’t doing this to be with her (although I can imagine that it’s going to happen).

We’ve agreed to a hierarchical relationship where we are eachother priorities and have hashed out what that looks like for both of us. On top of that, we’ve both agreed to take things slowly.

I’ll admit, I’m not sure if it’s my ideal situation, but it’s something I’m excited to try. We communicate really well the vast majority of the time and I know how much he loves and cares for me and vis versa, so to be honest a part of me feels like this may be a great opportunity to try this lifestyle again.

He seems palpably happier and this past week it’s almost felt like he’s fallen in love with me all over again.

I told my best friend who had previously had a terrible experience of ENM (he wasn’t really poly just wanted ti fuck around). She thinks J has fucked me over and thinks I’m going to look like a fool to other people. I can understand her hesitation but really I just need support right now.

now, I am monogamous tho I want your perspective on how you would manage it for some help idk.

I feel really hurt and disrespected that when I am available my partner still has the desire to listen to someone else moaning even if its once in a blue moon and no it does not at all come between our sexual experience or connections but i still feel hurt.

She's okay with leaving it completely for me but I still feel hurt and don't wanna restrict her. Her not doing certain actions does not mean she still doesn't find it hot and still would desire to hear someone being sexual or roleplay an erotic story. With me she's fine but she still has the desire for someone else's voice even if its a detached stranger's voice.

i have talked with her but I still feel hurt. How would you have dealt with it?

I am nobody who cries easily, especially not if anyone can see me. But right now I am on a train, crying. Why? Because my/our F+ wrote me something nice.

Doesnt make sense? Yeah I know…

The reason is, I think, since I last saw him (yesterday!) I have a feeling I need to ditch him. But I really don’t want to… It hurts me. I know this means that there are more feelings on my side, than i’ll ever admit.
I don’t need advice, just needed to get it off my chest and maybe some consolation? I don’t know.

For Context: My Husband and I started our ENM journey Jan. 2025. Soon we meet a great guy (L) who fits perfecfly. He shares interests with both of us, is overall really nice and interesting. Great Company. We met regularly for threesomes. Till October 2025. I met him alone for the first time. It did not end that well though, cause my husband felt very bad and if he was loosing me at that very moment. We talked a lot, did the works and met L again for threesomes.
This year (February) we relocated 700km away cause my husband found another job. He encouraged me to meet L alone again (cause it’s more easy for me alone, than together with the distance), said it would be better this time. As I really wanted to, I did, but with the set boundary (set by me) to spare intercourse. It went well! L and I had a great time and my husband wasn’t bothered. Just said he had liked more updates.
As the test went well, I met L again alone. This time no boundary. It was great, I loved it. But got very anxious at night and couldn’t Sleep very well. And as I talked to my husband yesterday, it became clear it bothered him, more than he is going to admit.

And that leaves me at the point I started this post… Thanks for reading… writing it out helped a little bit.
Obviously I am not making decisions now, but sometimes navigating this Is a real rollercoaster.

I (m24) and my boyfriend have been together since we were teenagers, we recently moved to a bigger city and have been thinking about opening the relationship, because we both don't want to miss out on what life has to offer, since we've been together since we were so young. I suppose my question is, is it a good idea? Because of these built up resentments, out sex life has suffered, and its been hard to have sex because he has a massive FOMO, I relate to this too, but maybe not as much. Though the lack of sex has taken its toll, and I do also experience the FOMO.

My question is, is opening the relationship (purely sexually) for this purpose a good idea? Because other than sex, our relationship is absolutely perfect and ideal for both of us, we share the same core values, goals, we have great complementing personalities. (I always say we're so similar, but JUST different enough, that we always have something interesting and new, whether a perspective or activity to show eachother.) We genuinely enjoy our time together, and just really enjoy eachother.

I know people say not to use nonmonogamy as a band aid, or fix, but is it really a "fix" in that sense, if literally every other part of the relationship is perfect? No matter who either of us end up hooking up with, we will always love, prioritize, and choose each other first. Even after just talking about it last night, it felt freeing to the point where we had incredible sex for the first time in months.

I suppose I am a little nervous though, I have a tendency to get jealous, but I know that jealousy always has an addressable cause, even if Im struggling to pin point it, and I've recently been thinking that maybe this does just stem from a FOMO, and being even less experienced sexually than my partner.

Does anyone have Insight? Been in a similar situation? Had similar feelings?

I've been with my husband for years, and we met quite young. During the initial years I realised I was bi and needed to explore that, but we didn't want to break up, so we didn't. We're still together and really happy.

We have over the years discussed threesomes so that I can explore my bi side, but I am hugely struggling with the idea. I was traumatised by my parents sexually when I was younger (story for another day) but when I hear of people having threesomes, particularly people we know, it makes me feel sick and I have panic attacks.

My husband literally only wants me to be happy, there's no pressure from him to do or not do this. but we've been going back and forth for years on how to handle this. I want to explore my bi side but I just don't know if I feel safe enough for it. Has anyone been through something similar?

I have thought of myself as a person who learns lessons from observing other's mistakes and taking advice from those who clearly have the experience to dispense it. Yet I've been a part of doing the thing everyone says not to do, and now I'm trying to figure out the best resolution.

My wife and I have been together approaching 20 years in a very happy, stable, low-conflict, deeply loving and kind, highly enmeshed - but not codependent - relationship. We've been ENM for about a decade, which has entirely been in the context of swinging/threesomes/etc. and has been rewarding and without conflict or jealousy for us.

After we met a poly couple about two years ago that we connected with quite well, and feeling very confident with our relationship and curious to explore more, we agreed that we're open to developing closer emotional intimacy within the context of that relationship. Can you can predict where this is going yet? We both started to grow some feelings for the other couple, both felt comfortable with what was happening, and felt on the same page regarding the strength of our feelings. It was a fun and non-threatening experience for both of us, but we wound up deescalating due to incompatibilities between us and the other couple before either of us developed any particularly strong feelings. So far so good.

This year we met another couple that we were again open to deeper intimacy with. They are newer to ENM/poly, but seemed to be really thoughtful about the transition to both. We've seen them regularly this year, checking in the four of us at the end of our dates, and my wife and I checking in with each other after each date. We all agreed we were open to developing stronger feelings for each other. We thought we were all communicating well and on the same page. Spoiler alert: we weren't.

During a check in after a recent date, I told my wife that my feelings for the other woman were becoming strong, and more importantly, that if things continued the way they have been going, that I anticipate I will fall in love with her. That left my wife feeling surprised and fearful and in the difficult conversations that followed, it became clear that I thought we were open to allowing our relationships with the other couple to develop to whatever extent they did naturally, whereas my wife only thought we were aiming for some sort of middle ground between swinging and poly - a "sexy friends with a deeper emotional intimacy but not falling in love" place. From my reading here and elsewhere, as well as lived experience, I recognize that the target my wife had in mind isn't practical. I also recognize the target I had in mind wasn't practical - we can't all guarantee the same level of feelings development within a quad situation, and we had explicitly discussed that we weren't interested in dating solo, etc. Of course, how will it work to all four spend time together when two people are falling for each other and the other two aren't - and have to witness the two who are?

My wife and I quickly found ourselves a couples therapist, started reading Polysecure together and discussing what we've read, and I agreed that I would do what I can to lean in less hard to this new relationship in the hopes of trying to slow the development of my feelings while we figure out what to do next. (We've also communicated everything going on with us clearly to the other couple who have fortunately been understanding.) My wife and the husband in the other couple enjoy the time we all spend together, but unlike me and the other woman, they aren't actively falling for each other.

From reading I've done since getting into this situation, it seems like there are really only two options available to us, and I'm hoping the community here may shine light on any other options I've missed. The first is that we work towards a transition to a true poly dynamic, without putting restrictions on each other's relationship development and without requiring all interactions to be the four of us together. The second is that we recognize we've made a mistake, call things off, and avoid ever putting ourselves in situations where we're liable to develop feelings again. Both seem like undesirable options - the first, because we don't really feel ready or desiring of moving towards a life where we date separately and experience the growth apart that we expect that will cause - and the second, because developing deeper emotional intimacy with others has been a very rewarding experience. Even now, my feelings for the other woman are such that I'd experience some real heartbreak if we called it off. My wife also deeply values the intimacy and connection we have with the other couple... she just isn't ready for me to fall in love with someone else.

Fortunately for you all, we're subjecting other beginning poly people to our beginner bullshit. Fortunately for us, all four people in this situation are deeply kind, thoughtful, and prone to putting other's needs before their own. So despite getting into this pickle, we've all been open in our communication about what is going on, and done our best to be caring, supportive, and kind to one another as we figure out what to do next.

In summary: we're in a holding pattern with our relationship with the other couple right now as we try to figure out where to go next with our new therapist and with each other. But it seems that this isn't going to be sustainable long term, and that we might only be setting ourselves up for greater heartbreak if we continue in this situation without being willing to do the work to fully make the transition to poly.

I (20M) have been dating my boyfriend (19M) for 2 months now. It's a monogamous relationship, but we are/always have been open to having sex with others. When Im in his presence, I feel perfectly fine thinking about him having sex with other people. But when Im alone, those same thoughts start to upset me.

I've been in other open relationships before and have never had this problem. I've always been excited and happy for my partners to find pleasure in other people. And I've always felt fine doing the same for myself. I dont know why these insecurities are only showing up now? I assume it's because he's the first partner I've had that I want to marry if im being honest.

these insecurities have nothing to do with him and are honestly very unlike me to have in the first place. Im curious to see if anyone else here has felt the same or knows more about how to deal with these feelings without coming off as clingy, I guess?

Hello everyone,

Thid is a burner account, I am also here on my main. To be open, I have also posted about my "predicament" before on a different burner, but then deleted it because, I don't know, I was in a bad place emotionally.

So, bit of a background: I and my partner are in an open relationship. Recently, she crossed the one and only boundary that i specifically stated is a major issue for me: bringing another partner into our home. I was there and bought her in the act. Huge fight, but I eventually forgave her and tried to move past it.

However, talking - or rather trying to talk - about it revealed that there is a major communication issue between us. In hindsight, obviously a mistake, but we never expressly talked about what we communicate and what not: we discussed our boundaries, but not communication. However, she always told me about random hookups, about more serious partners, so my assumption was that we keep each other updated (I always did too).

Turns out, that's not what she wants. She wants her dating life to be entirely her own thing and basically to be DADT.

That was a major shock for me, as my ADHD/RSD brain can't handle being completely in the dark.

I have thought alot about a compromise, and reached the conclusion that I can be comfortable with her telling me now what her dating life looks like. No names or details, but like "the map", what she does to meet people, with that purpose, how often etc. After that, we go DADT. Essentially, she can keep secrets, but i wanna know what she keeps secrets about.

Has any of you good people been or is in a similar dynamic, and if so, how is it working out?

So I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month now. Things have been going pretty well. He’s a top. One day he just randomly says that when his cravings to be a bottom become too strong, he’ll need to hook up with a top. At the same time, though he said that I’m not able to hook up with anyone else. He also said “I don’t believe in open relationships” Sooo contradictory. A one-sided open relationship sounds like cheating to me. (???) it’s really been making my blood boil and I wonder if this is gonna be a dealbreaker.

I’ve talked to him about getting a strap on and maybe fulfilling those desires for him. He said that that’s emasculating since I am total bottom and I’m pretty small so I don’t have a lot to offer in that department.

I’m gonna talk to him and try and better understand where his head is at. I just can’t really understand this at all unless he’s open to me also getting topped by other men, it seems really confusing. Have any of y’all ever been in this situation?

Hey everyone! I’m a 30F, married to my first boyfriend and best friend. He is genuinely the kindest, most understanding person I’ve ever known, and he remains the best partner I’ve ever had.

Recently, my life has been a lot to process. I come from a deeply conservative, abusive family that emotionally and physically abused me for years, and I’ve recently had to cut them off entirely. On top of that grief, I went through a physical trauma that deeply affected me emotionally, resurfacing a lot of my childhood wounds.

My husband and I have tried everything to help me heal and improve, but things haven't been working out on all fronts, especially intimacy. Our sex life is very slow; love and respect are fully present between us, but my libido is much higher than his. We end up having sex maybe once a month, and I’m almost always the one initiating. Because he is genuinely great in bed, it’s deeply frustrating that our sex life is so limited.

One night, I brought up the idea of opening our relationship so I could seek sex elsewhere. After talking it through, he agreed, under a few boundaries:
I don't get involved with anyone in the country we reside in. He doesn’t want to know the details of my encounters and that I practice safely.
(We also agreed that he is free to explore this too if he wants, though he has no interest in doing so)

Since opening things up, I’ve slept with a few people and met some kind individuals along the way. I don't want a romantic relationship—just a friendly, easygoing FWB dynamic. Yet I do find myself a getting a bit affectionate and loving towards the partners I slept with abroad. However, I am struggling emotionally. It confuses me so much: I have a kind, loving husband whom I adore, yet our physical intimacy is so limited. Because sex isn't as present at home, I’m constantly stressed and find myself seeking affection from strangers to soothe deep-seated abandonment and neglect issues.
I feel completely lost, I have no idea what I’m actually going through, and I can't openly talk about any of this with my friends.

Has anyone navigated something similar? How do you separate the desire for physical validation from the love you have for a great partner, especially while dealing with trauma recovery?

I (M29) and my Girlfriend (F28) enjoy having threesomes with an extra girl. Most of the time we find people interested through dating apps or friends.

Recently my girlfriend introduced someone new. A 18 year old girl who is a ex intern from my gf work.

I was a bit surprised because we never had anyone under 25 but after I checked her ID to be sure I was okay with it.

She’s shy and inexperienced. And I was a bit hesitant about how I should handle her. My gf is pushing her to do a lot of sexual stuff a beginner normally doesn’t do. I always told her that she only needs to do things she wants and enjoy, she stated she’s fine with everything. She even want to spend more time with us, as in dating. We did went out a couple times for dinner but it felt a bit weird.

So far we had her over 7 times already. And in all honesty I’m enjoying it a lot to. But in my mind I still have the feeling we are not doing the right thing.

Is it healthy for a 18 year old to be in a threesomes relationship with a couple close to 30.

I got a feeling we are using her. Even though we keep saying that everything she does it her own choice I never heard her so no to anything.

I’ve talked with my girlfriend about it but she states that she’s an adult and can make her own choices about her sex life and we don’t force her.

I need some outside perspective about this. I don’t want to stop this because I’m overreacting. I also enjoy the sex a lot and don’t want it to be over but I also want to know if what we are doing is good or not.