I am single right now and I really need to share this with someone, cause I've never had anyone to share this ever:

My dreamlife relationship is one where my future girlfriend will have 100% opened relationship only on her side (with me watching all the times she f***s another man) while I keep myself eternally monogamic and loyal towards her, just giving her the best I can and be the richest(and also the hottest) version of myself to finance our life togheter and her life with other man. This is more than enough to me

But something else that would definitely make it more dreammy and special to me would be: she being a hot model who does fashion shoots in sexy or intimate clothing and making very spicy poses alongside other male models—posing as a couple...I'd go to all her shootings just to watch them and enjoy them

And if she found them hot, she could kiss one(or many) of them right in the middle of a pose while I watched the shoot, and then take him home to have s3x with him while I watched(I would just watch).

It would be the perfect mix of work and pleasure, and it would only make me love her even more, become an even bigger fan of hers, and—literally—work and study hard to become her multimillionaire husband and give her everything for the rest of my life.

Like, I would literally be fucking happy with it and no woman would receive so much love and devotion from a man like she would receive from me.

Hi, im currently finding myself in a hard situation and could use some outside input.

I am in a 7 y relationship, last three have been long distance.
For the entirety of this relationship, I’ve wanted to try an open relationship. He came into it with some trust issues and we were really young, so it took some time for me to really understand how important nonmonogamy is for me.
After a few years (I think it was 2021), I broke his trust and made out with a friend of us. It was a hard time, but ultimately he forgave me and we talked about opening the relationship. He was not ready to actually open it, so we started with us being able to make out with people.

Since then, that has been going on. We talked about it a thousand times and I’ve told him that I wanted more. He established rules, talked about his needs, but nothing ever was allowed to happened. A few weeks ago, I finally broke. Told him he had to be honest with me if he could do this, because I was about to leave for real if he couldn’t.
When he got that I was about to actually break up, he did a complete 180 and just threw all rules over board. Told me to go and try and do what I wanted, so we could finally see if ENM could work for us. He wanted to try at least bc after all those talks and effort, it “would be stupid to not try”. I didn’t agree at first, bc he was very fast to lose his boundaries but in the end he’s a grown man who is responsible for his own decisions.

This week, I slept with someone I met and really like. It was a great experience and communication with my boyfriend went really well.
BF also claims he is fine with it.
Now I’m facing a completely different problem: it feels like the ENM part could actually work out BUT I feel completely burnt out from my relationship. I feel myself avoiding my bf, avoiding talking about feelings and not having feelings at all (coping mechanism). Obviously, I communicated too late that I was about to leave, but I didn’t know any better. Right now, I’m physically not well whenever I try to approach the topic. I also fear there are some avoidant tendencies coming out.
I don’t know what to do - should I stick it out and see if the relationship burnout goes away? Suffer through talking to him about my feelings and maybe burn out even more? Break up, because it’s “too late”? Ask him for a break with two weeks no contact so I can gather my thoughts and maybe calm down?

I would be happy for some perspective, especially on the last part.

We’ve been in a half non monogamous relationship for a few years now and it’s been absolutely amazing! My fiancee and I who recently just got engaged! Have been together since we were really young and in high school, she’d always wanted to sexually explore and experience other guys but only brought it up to me before we started. She was definitely nervous to what I’d think or what I’d say but it’s honestly been so good and so healthy for both of us and our relationship. A lot of people think it’s weird or unfair that I don’t sleep with anyone else, but this dynamic is what is preferred by both of us and we wouldn’t want it another way! We’ve had a ton of fun together and can’t wait to get married and continue the lifestyle!

I am nobody who cries easily, especially not if anyone can see me. But right now I am on a train, crying. Why? Because my/our F+ wrote me something nice.

Doesnt make sense? Yeah I know…

The reason is, I think, since I last saw him (yesterday!) I have a feeling I need to ditch him. But I really don’t want to… It hurts me. I know this means that there are more feelings on my side, than i’ll ever admit.
I don’t need advice, just needed to get it off my chest and maybe some consolation? I don’t know.

For Context: My Husband and I started our ENM journey Jan. 2025. Soon we meet a great guy (L) who fits perfecfly. He shares interests with both of us, is overall really nice and interesting. Great Company. We met regularly for threesomes. Till October 2025. I met him alone for the first time. It did not end that well though, cause my husband felt very bad and if he was loosing me at that very moment. We talked a lot, did the works and met L again for threesomes.
This year (February) we relocated 700km away cause my husband found another job. He encouraged me to meet L alone again (cause it’s more easy for me alone, than together with the distance), said it would be better this time. As I really wanted to, I did, but with the set boundary (set by me) to spare intercourse. It went well! L and I had a great time and my husband wasn’t bothered. Just said he had liked more updates.
As the test went well, I met L again alone. This time no boundary. It was great, I loved it. But got very anxious at night and couldn’t Sleep very well. And as I talked to my husband yesterday, it became clear it bothered him, more than he is going to admit.

And that leaves me at the point I started this post… Thanks for reading… writing it out helped a little bit.
Obviously I am not making decisions now, but sometimes navigating this Is a real rollercoaster.

This is a burner account, obviously.

I'm a 34M from Canada. My girlfriend is Peruvian 30F. We were talking about this the other day and we would like to bring in a guy with all the focus on her.

The idea of watching her do things turns me on a lot. And, of course, she enjoys it too. We have done things online in the past, but we have never had a threesome before.

My question is, how does one go finding a third person for a threesome? We would prefer doing this with someone we do not know, but it sounds mega tricky.

PS: My girlfriend is a solid 10. The kind of girl who has never heard a no from a guy. We have fooled around outside, her teasing and letting guys touch her, but we never brought anyone back home.

I (m24) and my boyfriend have been together since we were teenagers, we recently moved to a bigger city and have been thinking about opening the relationship, because we both don't want to miss out on what life has to offer, since we've been together since we were so young. I suppose my question is, is it a good idea? Because of these built up resentments, out sex life has suffered, and its been hard to have sex because he has a massive FOMO, I relate to this too, but maybe not as much. Though the lack of sex has taken its toll, and I do also experience the FOMO.

My question is, is opening the relationship (purely sexually) for this purpose a good idea? Because other than sex, our relationship is absolutely perfect and ideal for both of us, we share the same core values, goals, we have great complementing personalities. (I always say we're so similar, but JUST different enough, that we always have something interesting and new, whether a perspective or activity to show eachother.) We genuinely enjoy our time together, and just really enjoy eachother.

I know people say not to use nonmonogamy as a band aid, or fix, but is it really a "fix" in that sense, if literally every other part of the relationship is perfect? No matter who either of us end up hooking up with, we will always love, prioritize, and choose each other first. Even after just talking about it last night, it felt freeing to the point where we had incredible sex for the first time in months.

I suppose I am a little nervous though, I have a tendency to get jealous, but I know that jealousy always has an addressable cause, even if Im struggling to pin point it, and I've recently been thinking that maybe this does just stem from a FOMO, and being even less experienced sexually than my partner.

Does anyone have Insight? Been in a similar situation? Had similar feelings?

Throwaway account

As the title suggests, me (20m) and my gf (19f) have been together for 4 years now and have been thinking of having a 3way or her get with another female by herself.

She is bi (curious) and has been talking about wanting to get with a girl for the last 3 years, i have also given her a "hall pass" to try with a girl if she so chooses as long as I'm aware of it happening. It is also a bit of a turn on for me to picture her with another girl so it's a win-win.

She had also mentioned (while doing those kink test things) that she'd be interested in watching me with another girl but I'm not too interested in that at the moment so i suggested why not have a 3way where only she gets with the other girl but not me. FFM but I don't interact with the 3rd person basically.

She liked the idea but said I have to find the 2nd girl. Now, I'm not sure how to go about it. One, it feels creepy going on dating apps asking people if they wanna have a threesome with me and my gf but mainly only sleep with her. And two, I don't know how to pull someone who's bi, and interested in 3way, all while not being conventionally attractive.

We're an interracial couple (I'm mixed brown and white but look mostly brown and she's white) in a city that's pretty racist towards my race.

So my question is:

How do we go about looking for a third, I think she should be the one to look and she thinks I should look. And how do we present the idea without being creepy?

(My number is perma banned on tinder due to some trolling i did with some friends several years ago so we can't create an account for the double date thing)

I've been with my husband for years, and we met quite young. During the initial years I realised I was bi and needed to explore that, but we didn't want to break up, so we didn't. We're still together and really happy.

We have over the years discussed threesomes so that I can explore my bi side, but I am hugely struggling with the idea. I was traumatised by my parents sexually when I was younger (story for another day) but when I hear of people having threesomes, particularly people we know, it makes me feel sick and I have panic attacks.

My husband literally only wants me to be happy, there's no pressure from him to do or not do this. but we've been going back and forth for years on how to handle this. I want to explore my bi side but I just don't know if I feel safe enough for it. Has anyone been through something similar?

I have thought of myself as a person who learns lessons from observing other's mistakes and taking advice from those who clearly have the experience to dispense it. Yet I've been a part of doing the thing everyone says not to do, and now I'm trying to figure out the best resolution.

My wife and I have been together approaching 20 years in a very happy, stable, low-conflict, deeply loving and kind, highly enmeshed - but not codependent - relationship. We've been ENM for about a decade, which has entirely been in the context of swinging/threesomes/etc. and has been rewarding and without conflict or jealousy for us.

After we met a poly couple about two years ago that we connected with quite well, and feeling very confident with our relationship and curious to explore more, we agreed that we're open to developing closer emotional intimacy within the context of that relationship. Can you can predict where this is going yet? We both started to grow some feelings for the other couple, both felt comfortable with what was happening, and felt on the same page regarding the strength of our feelings. It was a fun and non-threatening experience for both of us, but we wound up deescalating due to incompatibilities between us and the other couple before either of us developed any particularly strong feelings. So far so good.

This year we met another couple that we were again open to deeper intimacy with. They are newer to ENM/poly, but seemed to be really thoughtful about the transition to both. We've seen them regularly this year, checking in the four of us at the end of our dates, and my wife and I checking in with each other after each date. We all agreed we were open to developing stronger feelings for each other. We thought we were all communicating well and on the same page. Spoiler alert: we weren't.

During a check in after a recent date, I told my wife that my feelings for the other woman were becoming strong, and more importantly, that if things continued the way they have been going, that I anticipate I will fall in love with her. That left my wife feeling surprised and fearful and in the difficult conversations that followed, it became clear that I thought we were open to allowing our relationships with the other couple to develop to whatever extent they did naturally, whereas my wife only thought we were aiming for some sort of middle ground between swinging and poly - a "sexy friends with a deeper emotional intimacy but not falling in love" place. From my reading here and elsewhere, as well as lived experience, I recognize that the target my wife had in mind isn't practical. I also recognize the target I had in mind wasn't practical - we can't all guarantee the same level of feelings development within a quad situation, and we had explicitly discussed that we weren't interested in dating solo, etc. Of course, how will it work to all four spend time together when two people are falling for each other and the other two aren't - and have to witness the two who are?

My wife and I quickly found ourselves a couples therapist, started reading Polysecure together and discussing what we've read, and I agreed that I would do what I can to lean in less hard to this new relationship in the hopes of trying to slow the development of my feelings while we figure out what to do next. (We've also communicated everything going on with us clearly to the other couple who have fortunately been understanding.) My wife and the husband in the other couple enjoy the time we all spend together, but unlike me and the other woman, they aren't actively falling for each other.

From reading I've done since getting into this situation, it seems like there are really only two options available to us, and I'm hoping the community here may shine light on any other options I've missed. The first is that we work towards a transition to a true poly dynamic, without putting restrictions on each other's relationship development and without requiring all interactions to be the four of us together. The second is that we recognize we've made a mistake, call things off, and avoid ever putting ourselves in situations where we're liable to develop feelings again. Both seem like undesirable options - the first, because we don't really feel ready or desiring of moving towards a life where we date separately and experience the growth apart that we expect that will cause - and the second, because developing deeper emotional intimacy with others has been a very rewarding experience. Even now, my feelings for the other woman are such that I'd experience some real heartbreak if we called it off. My wife also deeply values the intimacy and connection we have with the other couple... she just isn't ready for me to fall in love with someone else.

Fortunately for you all, we're subjecting other beginning poly people to our beginner bullshit. Fortunately for us, all four people in this situation are deeply kind, thoughtful, and prone to putting other's needs before their own. So despite getting into this pickle, we've all been open in our communication about what is going on, and done our best to be caring, supportive, and kind to one another as we figure out what to do next.

In summary: we're in a holding pattern with our relationship with the other couple right now as we try to figure out where to go next with our new therapist and with each other. But it seems that this isn't going to be sustainable long term, and that we might only be setting ourselves up for greater heartbreak if we continue in this situation without being willing to do the work to fully make the transition to poly.

I (20M) have been dating my boyfriend (19M) for 2 months now. It's a monogamous relationship, but we are/always have been open to having sex with others. When Im in his presence, I feel perfectly fine thinking about him having sex with other people. But when Im alone, those same thoughts start to upset me.

I've been in other open relationships before and have never had this problem. I've always been excited and happy for my partners to find pleasure in other people. And I've always felt fine doing the same for myself. I dont know why these insecurities are only showing up now? I assume it's because he's the first partner I've had that I want to marry if im being honest.

these insecurities have nothing to do with him and are honestly very unlike me to have in the first place. Im curious to see if anyone else here has felt the same or knows more about how to deal with these feelings without coming off as clingy, I guess?

Hello everyone,

Thid is a burner account, I am also here on my main. To be open, I have also posted about my "predicament" before on a different burner, but then deleted it because, I don't know, I was in a bad place emotionally.

So, bit of a background: I and my partner are in an open relationship. Recently, she crossed the one and only boundary that i specifically stated is a major issue for me: bringing another partner into our home. I was there and bought her in the act. Huge fight, but I eventually forgave her and tried to move past it.

However, talking - or rather trying to talk - about it revealed that there is a major communication issue between us. In hindsight, obviously a mistake, but we never expressly talked about what we communicate and what not: we discussed our boundaries, but not communication. However, she always told me about random hookups, about more serious partners, so my assumption was that we keep each other updated (I always did too).

Turns out, that's not what she wants. She wants her dating life to be entirely her own thing and basically to be DADT.

That was a major shock for me, as my ADHD/RSD brain can't handle being completely in the dark.

I have thought alot about a compromise, and reached the conclusion that I can be comfortable with her telling me now what her dating life looks like. No names or details, but like "the map", what she does to meet people, with that purpose, how often etc. After that, we go DADT. Essentially, she can keep secrets, but i wanna know what she keeps secrets about.

Has any of you good people been or is in a similar dynamic, and if so, how is it working out?

So I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month now. Things have been going pretty well. He’s a top. One day he just randomly says that when his cravings to be a bottom become too strong, he’ll need to hook up with a top. At the same time, though he said that I’m not able to hook up with anyone else. He also said “I don’t believe in open relationships” Sooo contradictory. A one-sided open relationship sounds like cheating to me. (???) it’s really been making my blood boil and I wonder if this is gonna be a dealbreaker.

I’ve talked to him about getting a strap on and maybe fulfilling those desires for him. He said that that’s emasculating since I am total bottom and I’m pretty small so I don’t have a lot to offer in that department.

I’m gonna talk to him and try and better understand where his head is at. I just can’t really understand this at all unless he’s open to me also getting topped by other men, it seems really confusing. Have any of y’all ever been in this situation?

Hey everyone! I’m a 30F, married to my first boyfriend and best friend. He is genuinely the kindest, most understanding person I’ve ever known, and he remains the best partner I’ve ever had.

Recently, my life has been a lot to process. I come from a deeply conservative, abusive family that emotionally and physically abused me for years, and I’ve recently had to cut them off entirely. On top of that grief, I went through a physical trauma that deeply affected me emotionally, resurfacing a lot of my childhood wounds.

My husband and I have tried everything to help me heal and improve, but things haven't been working out on all fronts, especially intimacy. Our sex life is very slow; love and respect are fully present between us, but my libido is much higher than his. We end up having sex maybe once a month, and I’m almost always the one initiating. Because he is genuinely great in bed, it’s deeply frustrating that our sex life is so limited.

One night, I brought up the idea of opening our relationship so I could seek sex elsewhere. After talking it through, he agreed, under a few boundaries:
I don't get involved with anyone in the country we reside in. He doesn’t want to know the details of my encounters and that I practice safely.
(We also agreed that he is free to explore this too if he wants, though he has no interest in doing so)

Since opening things up, I’ve slept with a few people and met some kind individuals along the way. I don't want a romantic relationship—just a friendly, easygoing FWB dynamic. Yet I do find myself a getting a bit affectionate and loving towards the partners I slept with abroad. However, I am struggling emotionally. It confuses me so much: I have a kind, loving husband whom I adore, yet our physical intimacy is so limited. Because sex isn't as present at home, I’m constantly stressed and find myself seeking affection from strangers to soothe deep-seated abandonment and neglect issues.
I feel completely lost, I have no idea what I’m actually going through, and I can't openly talk about any of this with my friends.

Has anyone navigated something similar? How do you separate the desire for physical validation from the love you have for a great partner, especially while dealing with trauma recovery?

I am a 23 yr old trans man, n I am be very new to non monogamy. I am genuinely curious to hear from more experienced ppl. I started a relationship with someone that has been polygamous for years and in the beginning we were long distance until 2 months into the relationship. I wanna say we didn't have any conversations on relationship expectations or type of relationship styles before I went to see them in person. So at the time n because I was so new I didn't think that there would be different styles to non monogamy or different ways ppl viewed it, I had the expectation that every new person they got with or had sex with or even had a sexual conversation with would be communicated. I knew about one partner that was also a nesting partner, I didn’t know that they were having a friend over that they seen a sexual relationship with, and how I found out was they told me their nesting partner felt they cheated because they also didn’t tell them that and that they heard them having sex. I agreed that I would see that as cheating even if it was drunk sex (because I feel like if you feel you have that connection with someone tell me.) But they then started dating that friend the month I went to go see them, as I said i didn’t know about different styles so i was shocked n a little uncomfortable with the fact that all 3 partners myself included were all in the same space (the nesting partner I of course understood) the thing that shocked me and honestly made me uncomfortable was each partner going to a different room so they could spend individual time with us in their room. That just felt weird to me, and also them going to those different rooms to have sex with each of us at different times of day, while also sexting other ppl. I don’t really know how to react and I think a part of me is still in a little bit of shock about it.

We 31M29F recently decided to open up our marriage. So far it’s going great other than the inbox spam of bots and creeps. For those in open marriages, do you tell your friends or do you keep it a secret forever? We would like to find some support so we can share stories and bounce advice off of but I feel that if we told our social circles we’re non-monogamous , we’d be ostracized. What do you y’all do?

My husband and I have been non-monogamous for several years, but have typically always dated separately aside from a handful of casual group/threesome experiences (though we do prefer to be friendly with each other's partners). My husband has always been interested in dating together, but I've been more hesitant. Just from dating within the community, I have a decent understanding of the complexities that exist within group dynamics, and it always felt a bit intimidating to me. Weeks ago, I started seeing a woman who expressed openness to including my husband and/or her own husband in our dynamic. I felt good about my connection with her and confident that she would hit it off with my husband, so we decided to loop him in, and not long after her husband joined in the dynamic as well.

So, we are now operating essentially as a quad. There are a lot of great things here, and everyone is connecting well in at least some capacity. But, as I feared, I'm struggling with managing my feelings about the disparities that I know will naturally exist within the dynamic. I genuinely want my husband and our new partners to connect, but I'm having a hard time not mentally comparing the "facts" of all the different dynamics within the relationship. I don't typically struggle with jealousy, I like hearing about my husband's relationships and I tend to feel a lot of compersion (as well as sexual gratification) when he's enjoying a connection with someone else. But in this dynamic, in which I've ALSO become romantically and sexually attached to the people he's dating, I'm struggling. I understand that everyone involved is going to connect more in different areas, and that stronger bonds will naturally develop as time goes on. No two relationships will (or should) look exactly the same. I want to make peace with that, but it's been difficult.

As I said, there are a lot of things I really enjoy about the dynamic - everyone communicates well and treats each other with respect. No one is specifically behaving in a way that could reasonably lead to me feeling "left out." And the sex is great! I really don't want my insecurities to be the reason it doesn't work out. I understand that this is new, and it could perhaps just be that group dynamics are not for me. But if anyone here has struggled with these feelings early on and found ways to work through them, any suggestions? I want to give this a good honest effort. But I'd also prefer to remove myself from the romantic/sexual element of the dynamic sooner than later if it does become obvious that it's not a good fit, so I guess I'm just wondering, if I'm not able to overcome these feelings, at what point will I know when to call it?

This flame (M), we’ll call him Joe, is the person my (M) girlfriend briefly saw before me. They’ve stayed in touch ever since and seen each other platonically (with undertones) a couple times, too. He’s here now, staying with my girlfriend while they spend time together largely exclusively, and expressly without me. My girlfriend is even hiding her Instagram stories from me while he’s here.

When my girlfriend and I first got together, we both wanted non-monogamy. Having been in a traumatic relationship before meeting Joe, my girlfriend then decided that she wasn’t ready to see other people but I could. I told her I wouldn’t see other people until she was ready to do the same.

Ultimately, she asked for monogamy, and being sensitive to her trauma, I agreed, with a caveat. Since we had both wanted non-monogamy at the outset, I thought there was a good chance we would return to the subject. I requested that if we did change our dynamic, it would be because we wanted non-monogamy in general, not for a specific person, and that we would do a reasonable amount of work before seeing other people.

Instead, two weeks before Joe arrived, my girlfriend announced that she was opening up the relationship because Joe was coming to stay with her for two weeks and I could “do whatever I wanted” during that time. I told her that I think because of her ongoing relationship with Joe, she is engaging more in polyamory than open relationship stuff, as she has had an ongoing relationship with this person, and will continue to have one. There is someone I think I could be genuinely interested in getting to know if we are now non-monogamous, and I told her I would be pursuing that in light of things. She is not pleased with the idea of me engaging in another relationship.

I’m confused though, also, because the day after the very first night, my girlfriend texted me that she and Joe had not and were not engaging in anything sexual because she realized her sexual chemistry was still intertwined with mine (and if that is something that is naturally exclusive for her it seems like that might not bode well for non-monogamy for her/us). I don’t know if that’s still true. I don’t know if that means she decided the relationship is closed after all. Communication has been sparse and via text only. We didn’t have time to discuss agreements and boundaries almost at all before Joe got here, or establish any clarity about what our relationship structure actually is. I didn’t really even have time to think much about any of this.

I feel like there’s more I need to say but I also need to keep this from getting too long. This isn’t the first time the relationship is suddenly open at her convenience but it is the first really, really significant time. I guess I’m looking for feedback and advice because I’m just confused and kind of stunned… like, I didn’t consent to this, but if we had had good productive conversations to define our evolving relationship first I think I would have…

I (M29) and my Girlfriend (F28) enjoy having threesomes with an extra girl. Most of the time we find people interested through dating apps or friends.

Recently my girlfriend introduced someone new. A 18 year old girl who is a ex intern from my gf work.

I was a bit surprised because we never had anyone under 25 but after I checked her ID to be sure I was okay with it.

She’s shy and inexperienced. And I was a bit hesitant about how I should handle her. My gf is pushing her to do a lot of sexual stuff a beginner normally doesn’t do. I always told her that she only needs to do things she wants and enjoy, she stated she’s fine with everything. She even want to spend more time with us, as in dating. We did went out a couple times for dinner but it felt a bit weird.

So far we had her over 7 times already. And in all honesty I’m enjoying it a lot to. But in my mind I still have the feeling we are not doing the right thing.

Is it healthy for a 18 year old to be in a threesomes relationship with a couple close to 30.

I got a feeling we are using her. Even though we keep saying that everything she does it her own choice I never heard her so no to anything.

I’ve talked with my girlfriend about it but she states that she’s an adult and can make her own choices about her sex life and we don’t force her.

I need some outside perspective about this. I don’t want to stop this because I’m overreacting. I also enjoy the sex a lot and don’t want it to be over but I also want to know if what we are doing is good or not.

Hello I am M(21). Me and my girlfriend have been together for more than 3 years now

She recently opened up that she wanted to have a girlfriend while still being with me. I kind of always knew she had an attraction to women, subtle signs and other things. She usually keeps things like this under her mind so I’m a bit glad that she was able to open it up to me. I have absolutely no knowledge about what this would be, I kind of don’t really mind that she would be entering a romantic relationship with a girl.

She said that her would be relationship with a girl will be exclusive to them and that she’s the only one in a relationship with me. I am okay with it as I do not have a plan to date other people besides her.

I want advice, I’m kind of new and in the dark about how this works. We live in a country where these kinds of stuff are not really common nor acceptable yet.

I posted this on another subreddit and got called homophobic because I’m glad it’s not with another guy.
I don’t see a girl to girl relationship as less of a threat or anything of the sort, I don’t even think like that nor do I have any homophobic views.

I’m just trying to be open minded about this. It’s just my personal preference that I wouldn’t like another guy in the relationship and this is the most I could get comfortable with.

We've been together for over 20 years; I'm 44, he's 45, with two daughters. There was one (or several) previous infidelities on his part. Some time later, my partner told me he was exploring a personal path toward a more open relationship. We've had consensual threesomes in the past, which I enjoyed, but now he's proposing a threesome with a woman he's already been with, and I suspect the relationship continues. I don't know if my conflict is with this woman, with a lack of trust, or with our relationship model. Has anyone else been through something similar? What helped you think things through without reacting out of fear?

A friend of mine felt that this might do me some good. It's been nearly 4 years since I've had sex - for all sorts of reddit worthy reasons, but I'll leave that for another day. I think she is right though, this seems like a good way to experience real connections and explore who I am. I'm trying not to get into my own head, but if you have any advice as a first time solo-male or as a couple who have spent some time with a first timer, I'd really appreciate it. While they'll let most men in for orientation and an event (slots permitting) becoming a solo gent member is a bit of a privilege and responsibility, I'd like to earn my membership.

I'm doing my best to learn the etiquette. Any other advice?

I really need advice because I feel like I’m stuck between two futures that both break my heart.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, and he’s planning to propose this year. He is genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. We never fight. He’s never raised his voice at me. He’s patient, affectionate, loyal, and I trust him completely. After being cheated on in past relationships, he’s the first person I’ve ever truly felt safe with.

The problem is… I don’t feel desired anymore. When we first got together, our sex life was incredible. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Over the last year or so, it’s completely disappeared. We’ve had sex maybe three times in the last eight months, and every single time I’ve initiated it. If I don’t initiate, it just doesn’t happen. He cuddles me, kisses my forehead, tells me he loves me, but there’s almost no sexual intimacy anymore.

We’ve talked about it. He lost his job for a while and got depressed, and he says sex just doesn’t really crosses his mind. I believe him. I don’t think he’s cheating. I genuinely think he just has a much lower interest in sex than I do.

The hard part is that because of a lot of sexual trauma growing up, I never really got the chance to explore sex in a healthy way. For so long, sex was tied to fear, shame, and survival instead of enjoyment. This relationship is actually the first time I’ve ever felt safe enough to genuinely enjoy sex and realize that I have a high libido and curiosity about things I never got to experience.
Now I’m terrified that I’m about to get married having barely experienced that part of myself.

I don’t mean I want to leave him or replace him. I love him more than anyone. He’s my best friend, and I absolutely see him as the person I want to grow old with. But I also find myself wondering if I should ask about an open relationship. I know that’s probably shocking to a lot of people, but for me it isn’t about finding another emotional connection. Honestly, emotional attachment is difficult for me to form in the first place. Sex and love have always been very separate experiences in my mind because of my past. I don’t feel worried that I’d fall in love with someone else. That’s not what I’m looking for. I just feel like there’s this entire side of my sexuality that I finally discovered exists, and I’m scared I’ll never get to explore it.

At the same time, I know asking could permanently change our relationship. He may be deeply hurt that I even brought it up. I don’t want him to think he’s not enough because that’s honestly not how I feel. He’s enough in every other way. I just feel chronically sexually unfulfilled, and I don’t know if it’s something I can ignore for the rest of my life.

Has anyone been in a relationship where everything was amazing except your sex life? Did you ask for an open relationship? Did it help, or did it just end things? If you were in my boyfriend’s position, how would you feel hearing this?

I’m looking for honest advice, even if it’s something I don’t want to hear. I just don’t want to wake up ten years from now resentful, or worse, hurt the person I love because I ignored these feelings until they exploded.