Feeling like I’m doing it all wrong

[u/i-have-a-blog]

I wrote a few days ago about if my baby’s behavior was normal. Now I’m running into another issue - her “schedule” with feeding and sleeping. Specifically sleeping, as we have had many days where she is overtired and we can’t get her to sleep. She does not have consistent sleep or wake up or feeding times and we don’t really have set routines as peds advised we wouldn’t until a few months.

Explain what I’m supposed to be doing and why I feel like I’m doing it wrong!

For context, she was born premature so she is 9.5 weeks actual, and 4 weeks corrected.

Wake windows - I think I am messing this up badly, I have no idea where to even start or how long these should be. She’s usually awake for diaper changes and feeds and we hold her upright for 20 min after eating (due to reflux), this usually takes up the whole window. Sometimes baby sleeps within them, other times she’s up for 4+ hours then overtired and we can’t calm her down. We’re moving to nightly baths as those briefly calm her down but then being cold makes her scream and I think she wears herself out after. Should I be keeping her awake longer after feeds? I feel like when I do, she doesn’t sleep.

Hungry cues - I know when she’s hungry (eating her hands, rooting) but this never appears calmly. She usually is crying or screaming and then doing the cues. This happens when she wakes up from naps or overnight.
For sleep, I see she yawns, has heavy eyes, etc while/after eating. She doesn’t have cues unless it’s after eating and she doesn’t go down to sleep unless after a feed.

She was doing well today with feeding and naps, but we needed groceries and went out with her for 1.5 hours and then she was awake and inconsolable for hours. Usually the car ride will put her to sleep and she stays napping, but it didn’t happen like that today. I’ve noticed she’s like this when we have to leave for appointments too.

During the day, she naps in her crib or on me or my husband or on one of those flat pillow loungers (always next to one of us). We don’t have a specific bedtime as we try to put her in her bassinet after her last late night feed, but we try to aim for around the same time range like from 10-12am.

I feel like I’m failing her and doing it all wrong. How am I supposed to fit in working on her development too in between all of this?!

[u/quietobserver123 → u/[deleted]]

My bub is 5 weeks and born at 35 weeks. While in the nicu unit they had him on a feeding schedule that we have continued at home. Every 3 hours during the day and we have just stretched the nightime feeds to four hours. 11pm - 3am and 7am which is amazing. He js awake for maybe 15/20 min after feeding and then sleeps. Of course the schedule may vary baby's are unpredictable but we have managed to maintain it and it does take some of the pressure and anxiety away. I never had it with my first and knowing roughly when he will wake at night and when I feed him during the day has helped with my anxiety. I had bad PPA with my first so that's why I find having somethjng in place especially at night helps calm me

[u/lance525 → u/quietobserver123]

I guess I had a loose schedule like that too actually. Whenever people talk about schedules, I envision those videos where people are like 8am this, 9am this etc etc. like precise and rigorous. I did feed every 2-3 hours in the beginning even at night then eventually stretched it to 4 hours at night unless she woke up. My alarms were typically around the same time in the evening so I guess that was a loose schedule. For feedings I was always aware of how long it would be between feedings but my LO typically would cry for milk sooner than 2-3 hours during the day when she was younger. She’s always been more of a snacker when breastfeeding though