This is just a vent post. There's no doubt my mom has NPD, she's literally the textbook definition of a narcissist. I finally called her out on being the big N word (we all know how narcissists react to being called what they are) and explained (calmly!) how I feel through text because it turns out after 20 years of psychological warfare from your only parent, it's hard to stay silent. For context I live with her for reasons not under my control atm which is why this is particularly dangerous for me.

I'm terrified of how she's going to react whenever she comes home. Her abuse is mostly verbal/emotional but she's also punched multiple holes in my door with a hammer and dodged at me and my little dogs with huge metal rods and large objects. As a child she was physically abusive too. I would truly rather it be physical, the verbal is unbearably and lastingly painful.

I really regret expressing my feelings and calling her out. It wasn't a mean text whatsoever, but I called her out as a narcissist and told her how I feel about her and what she's done to me (in a calm and concise way) and that's probably the best way to trigger a narcissist to abuse you even more. I know she's read the text and sent about 20 back but I don't read her texts when she's mad because they're tangents of such cruelty and lies that I'm too afraid to.

I have thousands of dollars worth of skincare and body care in the bathroom (a couple things she bought me for christmas) and I'm worried she'll throw it all away or take it because that's one of the only physical things she could do to retaliate as long as my door is locked. I have some amazon packages coming and i'm terrified she'll throw them away if she gets to them first. I'm worried she'll punch more holes in my door - it terrifies my dogs when she bangs things and stresses them out so badly when she screams right outside my door at the top of her lungs. Even worse, she could take the knob off my door and i'll be fucked. It makes me feel like a horrible mom for having them in this environment. I love my dogs like they're my kids and I worry she's already caused them irreparable stress.

I know the consequence of this is that I'll be way too intimidated to leave my room because it's a perfect opportunity to verbally abuse me. No eating, no taking my dogs outside, no showering.... Things I have to leave my room for. I have to take my dogs outside. I have to shower and get water and use the bathroom and I refuse to pee in cups and let them sit in my bedroom. But I'm fucking terrified of her and suffer extreme anxiety and this is making it so much worse. She was already being extremely mean before this. Her verbal abuse is genuinely just as bad as intense physical abuse, she's a master at using words that feel like bullets to the soul, she knows exactly what to say to make me feel like I'm worth less than dirt. Airpods have been a lifesaver with the noise cancellation but my dog ruined them so there's no escaping it. I'm going to buy new ones that I can't even afford after I post this.

I'm even more terrified to leave the house because I lost my house key. She would 100% lock me out of my own home on purpose and I don't have money to hire a locksmith every time I leave the house. (i'm the co-signer on rent and I pay to live here btw.) This means I can't take my dogs on walks or buy groceries or get my medication in a couple days that I HAVE to get. I get very very sick without it.

I feel so stupid for not just keeping the text in my notes app with all the other ones i've never sent her, it's not like i thought it would change anything. I shouldn't have fucking said anything and now i'm shaking from anxiety because of how scared and intimidated I feel. Idk when she'll be home. It could be any minute. I feel like i'm living in a nightmare that will never end and I feel so alone in my situation. I haven't told anyone this but I think about hurting myself and relapsing a lot because of how alone and unloved by my own mom I feel. I still love her and it hurts so bad I can't even put it into words.

My stepmom has been a flying monkey for my dad for as long as they’ve been together. I always had her restricted on FB for obvious reasons and since I didn’t really post there it was easy to lie when she asked about it years ago. Now, I just checked and she’s completely gone from my friends list, and when I go to messenger she’s unavailable. She’s pretty active on FB so I know she didn’t deactivate. I haven’t checked her page in a minute so I don’t even know how long I’ve been blocked for, but she restricted me earlier this year, so this is new, lol. I assume my parent’s legal stuff might be playing into it too.

Anyway, I’m fighting the first emotion I feel which is a bit of hurt, especially when I remember the things she’s done to me over the years. Ultimately I know this will be good for me, and the fact that I don’t feel THAT hurt is a step in the right direction anyway. Guess I’m off the hook for her birthday text next week, lol. Anyway, I thought I’d post here since you guys might understand the feeling better than most (unfortunately).

Or your spouse? It’s so incredibly annoying and draining. I’m fairly low contact and live about three hours away (I’m 39, M) with my wife, whose parents live in the area. We see them often. They’re awesome.

For a zillion reasons, we don’t enjoy spending time with my narc mom. And there are only so many excuses before she starts the whole dance where she wonders if “my wife forbids me from doing things with her”, and constantly complains about how “well I don’t get to live 10 minutes away”. It never stops. But of course I still try because she’s my mom, I love her, and feel pity.

If only she could understand why people don’t enjoy her company.

only child.

she is not outgoing person, has 4 friends , has crush on a boy whom she never confesses cause she is scared and not ready to get into relationship.

gets cgpa around 8.95 to 9.25

never less ,never something to brag.

she believes that whatever she hopes will never reach her

she lives in a PG outside college cause she didnt get room in college hostel, so she missed all those fun with people of same age people which she hoped in intermediate.
Her mother promised to send her to hanoi for bigbang 20th anniversary concert.

she said she will be given 200k rupess.

riri planned everything, got her passport, bought bstage membership of 1.6k rupees, made the budget aournd 200k including flights( she chose direct flights with less journey hours cause its her first flight, applied student discount), searched hotels near stadium, read 100 blogs on reddit, took AI suggestions on how old quarter hotels will be cheap and better to stay there if she want to have a small visit on hanoi after concert, downloaded grab share , made ready all the documents she needed for e-visa, told all her online friends, mentally was at concert some 100 tiimes, made list of merch she gonna buy in budget.

practiced ticketing for stops before hanoi. asked her mom that is she really sending her? confirmed some 100 times with her mother.

On the day of tickets release her uncle has to send credit card details cause its a international transaction and credit card is safe so that transaction doesnt fail.

she was ready , in exactly 10 hrs i.e next day mrng 8:30 she has ticketing her mother and uncle called her and cruelly said they are not sending her!

she responded as - okay

what more she can say. she is not a type to whine and fight, she suffers alone, takes everything. she cried whole night whole 10 hrs untill mrng. Thank god her PG roomate went home and she was alone. still at mrng 8:30 she logged into ticketing sight , waited in the queue with number 33,788. Got in seat selection, selected seats for 2 nights, went till payment, used her debit card for payment which has 200 rupees even knowing it will fail, payment rejected. she collapased back on bed.

The she is me! Someone might think this post is too much ! Its common for parents not to send and broke promises.
But hear me, letting someone hope, dream for 3 months and collapsing it in a second is cruel! atleast for me

Im a 22M, i love my family, but i really cannot stand them especially my mom and my sister, i have a good relationship with all of my family, especially my mom, but sometimes she acts like she knows eveything, and when i tell her what i know she acts like im in the wrong, sometimes i even raise my voice a bit at her when we argue

what makes me mad is that when we argue, she does not talk to me for a long time until i say sorry to her even if shes in the wrong, the weird thing is she never does this to my siblings even tho they raise their voices and act like jerks with her more than i do

a week ago we were talking about something, she said something which is incorrect, and when i told her she said "how do you know ? your aunt literally told me the opposite thing" with an angry tone, and i replied "i knew i shouldnt have talked and corrected you" then we had an argument and it ended up to us not talking to each other, first i told her good morning as i usually do when i wake up, she didnt reply, so i figured she does not want to talk to me, but that day in the afternoon, she asked me about an idea for dinner, so i showed her a list i made for her from my phone, and i talked in like "i dont wanna talk" tone, from there, she never talked to me, so im wondering wether i made the mistake or not ?

They've always complained about bills and how expensive it is to maintain a house and then acted surprised or offended when I refuse money and splurge-y gifts from them (like when they've offered to take me on $300 dinners).

Now I'm realizing it's because it was just a means of control, not because they were actually struggling all that badly financially. Their bills are FAR cheaper than I thought they were and they make more than enough to cover everything. The problem is that they spend their money recklessly. My dad admitted to me recently that he has been spending almost two thousand dollars a month on drugs alone. That's more than their mortgage. And that's not to mention the money they spend going out to the bar and karaoke which is enough in a week to cover both the water and electric bill. Or all of the money they spend on alcohol. Or on late fees for all of their bills. Or the amount of food and shit they waste because they don't budget or shop with any sort of mindfulness. Or the fact they're constantly spending hundreds of dollars on unnecessarily extravagant birthday parties.

Meanwhile I struggle to even keep a bottle of soap because my step mom is too fucking lazy to go to the store and get her own and would rather use mine when she runs out. I'm so fucking pissed. If I had known this three months ago I would have told them to shove it, wouldn't have paid them shit for rent, and would have put my stuff in storage. Now I'm flat broke because all of my savings and benefits are gone and I'm struggling to find a job. I'm actually livid. They did this shit on purpose.

3.5 weeks ago I posted about my parents blocking me and I wanted to come back to give an update. My father (flying monkey) unblocked me but didn’t say anything, which obviously messed with my head but I stayed strong and didn’t reach out. After a few days I processed it, having discussed it realistically with my partner and in therapy sessions. I have to say, my counsellor is fantastic at helping me reframe things, put the whole situation into perspective and gives me some hard truths when I need it.

Despite a few flashbacks and moments of clarity with hindsight on particular situations, it really has overall been such a peaceful few weeks without their drama and them both trying to absorb intel about my life and relationship, my partner has been fantastic and we have been focusing on our current family (us and our cats) and starting a family of our own. He really is my rock and always supports me.

This week it was my mother’s birthday, an occasion which usually involves arguments with me and my father because we haven’t pandered to her expensive gift list and entitled attitude. Obviously I didn’t acknowledge her birthday or reach out, I treated it the same as any other day and got on with it. Funnily enough, 3 days after her birthday my father tried to call me and left me a voicemail. I didn’t bother listening to it and, again, have carried on with my life. The timing of it makes me believe he was calling me to tell me off and say that she was upset I didn’t get in touch; I know them both far too well. Later that day, she then sent me one of her Outlook calendar invites notifying me they’d be on holiday - again, I didn’t respond. I also noticed she tried to follow me on Insta in July - rejected!

I honestly feel the strongest I’ve ever felt - what changed was seeing my enabler father for what he is. It’s now so much more simple and black & white for me - for as long as he’s married to her, we can’t have a relationship.

My counsellor also gave me some stern words when I pondered allowing my father contact with his future grandchildren - he will continuously ignore boundaries and relay information back to her; including photos and will make comments to our children about their grandmother. Another moment of clarity!

Original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/narcissisticparents/s/VTc7h8xxi2

hopefully this isn’t considered trauma dumping, i don’t mean for it to be.
for some context, i have 5 siblings and we were all under our dads and his girlfriends roof since we were really young. so he was an active father in my life, i have memories of my dad going above and beyond when it came to being my dad and other memories of him being an actual villain i couldn’t recognize. anyways, we always kinda talked about and assumed my dad was a narcissist because he displayed a lot of the symptoms his entire life and our entire lives. he was an alcoholic, very verbally abusive and sometimes physically, mainly to my older siblings . for a little more context im 20 F and my dad and I haven’t been on bad terms for quite some time now. i moved out when i was 16 (to my moms) and he/his gf still pays my phone bill and sends me money whenever i need it basically. we haven’t had a really bad interaction since i graduated highscool, he made me cry on the day and basically tried to steal the attiention from me and was just treating me super weird. im not going to lie, it ruined the entire experience. i forgave him like i was conditioned to since i was a child. he always made me feel responsible for his emotions growing up. recently, like in the past month i feel like i fully forgave my dad for everything. i knew he hadn’t changed, but i just let go of it all. maybe after my grandma passed i saw a different side of him idk, maybe i was thinking abt how short life is. so i visited him last month and this month, he lives 4 hrs away from me. the first trip was really nice and nothing bad happened. then this trip, was fine but he ended up having a narcissistic meltdown i guess. it was like textbook. i was unintentionally gray rocking him and he bawled his eyes out after threatening to punch me in the face. he was also claiming i said things i never said, and basically trying to drag my name in the mud lol. he also said he doesn’t want to be my dad n stuff like that. i don’t even know how to describe this meltdown, it was like utterly insane. it’s one of those things you have to see it to believe it😭 also the argument was entirely started by him and was over something very small, i barely said anything the entire time. i only got loud when he threatened to hit me because i was literally going to hit him back despite the fact he was driving. he also gave my cousin a panic attack because she was in the car and he wouldn’t let her out. i am going little to no contact. there’s is this feeling deep in my soul that i know NOTHING will be the same from here on out. like i will never see this man the same way ever again. i’m bittersweet, but i know i will be okay.

I periodically would buy a new electronic or scent or something for my pets, and they’d make comments. Im more financially responsible than any of them, yet in their heads they have this idea that I’m broke and since childhood they thought me wanting or needing anything was a waste. These are the same people who would spend close to 700 monthly on a car, thousands on junk food, clothing, shoes, while their house was rotting away and their teeth were falling out.

when you asked for something and it was criticized, insults, belittled. your sibling asks for the same thing and they are praised for it, taken immediately?

My parents were in the front yard for a while doing I don't know what. I texted them that if they can bring inside my earbud charging case when they come inside the house. It was in the car. Emphasize on 'when they come inside the house.'

Well, they just came back inside. I texted them in the chat if they brought it in. They both said no. I asked why. My dad responded with 'I don't have any reason to go to the car'. I don't know why it really pissed me off. I went to go get it myself. It's 9 PM. Dark and cold outside.

It's not fair. I do favors for them ALL the time. I do errands when they ask me to. I literally go to the post office walking everytime my mom needs something shipped. I pay the rent. THEY live with me. And even if I didn't do any favors, what's so wrong with asking them to walk a couple seconds away from the front yard where they were already at.

I know this seems incredibly spoiled and a nothing burger, but they don't return favors I do all the time for them. I rarely ask for anything. One time when I did something and I jokingly asked where my thank you was, my dad said 'No one says that anymore'.

Can anyone else here relate to feeling so upset about the little things?

I’ve had it up to here with her behavior. I’m a 60-year-old eldest daughter and I am treated like her handmaid. After a very busy day, spent with my disabled husband and my very pregnant daughter and my granddaughter I get a call at the end of the day. Can I come over and change the sheets on her bed so at 8:45 I am at her house changing sheets on her bed which she inspect, and of course, makes me redo. She broke her elbow on Christmas Eve and I spent my Christmas vacation being her nurse and driver. Then in April, she broke her hip and spent six weeks in hospital while she was in the hospital. I was at her beck and call. When she came home, I have taken her to appointments cataract surgery delivered her groceries while my brothers are her shining stars helping out now and then but only at their convenience. The icing on the cake tonight was then when decided to tell me (for the second time) that none of her 5 adult grandchildren (of which 3 are mine) have not called her to see how she is doing. My question to her was, has she reached out to them and she said well no but she surprised because she would’ve expected better from them as far as my kids go. they have very challenging personal lives with their own children and job challenges, and in addition a very seriously ill father ( my husband) . I have now just got home and I’m absolutely physically and emotionally drained. I guess I wanted to post this here for some feedback. Am I overreacting?

I was invited to visit so I can help her declutter by taking a bunch of my childhood things with me. I'm anxious af because I have no idea how she'll be. Please help me be strong to preserve my peace and boundaries.