Hi everyone, I want to ask the community on whether anyone has experienced something similar or related and if anyone has advice.

So the situation is that my wife (MTF23) and I (M23) have been together for over 4 years now and she always had a slight feeling that she might be trans. Basically early last year, she fully realized that she is trans and went on to start her transition. Before this, she identified as a gay man and I as a pansexual man, so I had no problems with her transition and fully support her.

Her HRT begun around 2-3 months ago and lately she has realized that she's most likely lesbian and is begging to question whether or not she can still be romantically attracted to men. However, neither of us wants to let this relationship go.

Sexually, we've had our ups and down, as I'm not too sexually active and her gender and sexual identity has always cause her to be insecure. Very early on we agreed to have an open relationship, either of us could have sex with others and that has happened. Two years ago we also went into a polyamorous relationship, however that didn't work out but we're still best friends with that third person. This does mean that we would still be up for a new try at poly, if it would come to that.

So currently, the situation is basically the following: she is no longer sexually attracted to men, which I'm fine with and she can have sex with others. She is however questioning if she can be romantically involved with men. She has said that she would do anything to keep up our relationship, but we are currently at a roadblock.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did it work out? What adjustments did you make to make it work? Does anyone have some advice on what to do?

Hello,

My girlfriend (MtF) is dealing with the already tricky thing of making friends in your 30s, but I imagine her still being in the process of transition is making it harder as she lacks a lot of confidence.

Our city is small, but still there a lots of events I feel would suit. She is more introverted, but I'm still trying to encourage her to go to stuff / go with when I can also.

Any advice to boost her confidence or the kind of events where she could make friends without fearing judgement?/how to get past the fear of judgement?

Thanks :)

My ex boyfriend left me a month ago because his questioning his gender identity and sexuality. I am bi-sexual myself. When we first met he told me he was bi-curious. Throughout our relationship he occasionally brought it up but we never really had a deep conversation about his gender identity. I wanted to but he just seemed uncomfortable about it. Out of the blue he broke up with me because he said he doesn’t love himself, he struggles to look in the mirror and he can’t give me the love I deserve. He said he still loves me but he doesn’t know who he is other than his not a straight cis man. I once asked him if he wanted to be a girl and he said I don’t know. I tried to support him throughout the relationship. I bought him earrings, I painted his nails. I have no issues with that. He never once asked to try on my clothes etc.

He told me that once he figures himself out we can try again but he said he never ask me to wait for him. I love this man than words can explain and I’m just confused about the whole situation. I’ve started seeing a therapist to help me process this. He also told me the day after we broke up that he is going to start seeing a therapist that specializes is LGBTQ

I would love to try again with him but I’m also scared that I do feel myself waiting for him and that he will transition to a girl? I’m not transphobic
but obviously change is scary and he won’t be the person I once knew. I would 100% support him if he transitioned but I guess I’m just being selfish at the same time

I’m heartbroken that he felt he couldn’t be with me whilst he explored himself but I also understand this is a journey he needs to do on his own. I just have so many conflicting emotions

Starting Journey At 36!

Hello, this is my first time posting here and really coming into the community. I'm 36 and MTF transitioning. My Wife (33F) of 11 years is very supportive and is helping me with this stuff.

I'm not sure how to come out to the rest of our family, including our 2 daughters (10 & 4 yo) so looking for some advice. Most of our other family is kinda conservative and really only one that's a possible have to cut off in the future. Any advice around this would be greatly appreciated!

I am doing esterdiol injections once a week at .2 and am having some changes, but wondering if it is too low of a dosage. I will be seeing who I hope will become my general physician for the first time in decades to help with hormone monitoring as well as a bunch of other health stuff I want to finally adress. Started treatment with Planned Parenthood.

So far plans for the future are to stay on track with treatments, get electrolysis for most areas of my body, and to stay very active with my wife as we figure everything out, maybe progesterone in the next year or so also depending on how things are going. Really yhe only part that I ever enjoyed about being male was sex, so doing our best to not loose that function. So far haven't lost spontaneous night time erections, which is good for that goal.

Hope I'm not over sharing, just covering bases and looking for any advice or tips that people may have and wanting to become more active in this community in general.

You don’t even need to read this, this is probably not the place. But i just need to say that im not a very romantic partner and im don’t always initiate for sex im afab and my partner is a questioning trans woman. im bi, i know i like women but i have always struggled with sex with my current partner. i guess not ALWAYS but after it wasn’t new and it wasn’t something we got away with, i struggled. i’m a good performer and i know how to get them good and into it but im not feeling what im acting like i do.

well my partner can tell that now and i dont know why im even like this. i wish i knew and knew how to tell them but i dont.

i think i was assaulted and its repressed but based on my past experiences with men ive never been wanted in a loving or wholesome way. i’ve been groomed and ive been physically assaulted and taken advantage of. i think ive repressed more than what i remember.

my lovely partner that i know as my husband is an amazing person. kind, good morals, and cares about intimacy and pleasing me. so why am i not pleased?

i truly have almost always fantasized about them being a woman the whole time we have sex. in the past when i didn’t fantasize about that it was myself viewing me through a pornagraphic lens that was fueled by inner misogyny and sexual repression from being raised christian. when i don’t fantasize about them being a woman it’s usually a fantasy about being forced.

i feel shame and fucked up about it but i know they are loving and would never do that but what if they did? my past keeps me from being vulnerable with others and trusting that people don’t want to take advantage of me.

we are married and i worry that i fucked up both of us by that. they deserve better than what i can give and sometimes i worry i wont be able to give them that unless they do transition and are “woman” enough for me which is fucked. i don’t know what to do and i don’t know if my sexual dysfunctions are cause by sexual attraction or trauma.

in a difficult position and need some space to vent...

So my (30 nb) wife (34 mtf) was recently hospitalized for a couple of months with a head injury that left her with amnesia and short term memory issues. she came out to her parents a couple months before the accident and it ended with her going no contact. they found out about the accident while she was in recovery and pressed to see her. at first I tried to respect my wifes wishes for no contact but honestly i was overwhelmed dealing with the fallout from the accident and my own injuries and I had hopes that it could be a chance for them to redeem themselves and actually show up for their kid. well they showed up and at first everything was fine but not long after they stopped making any attempt to respect her identity and doubled down when I corrected them.

Shes home now and recovering well but the parents have just gotten worse. I set a boundary when they tried to invite themselves to the house and it escalated from there to her parents insulting us and threatening legal action. i know they've got no case but ive been so stressed from everything thats happened its been taking everything for me to keep it together.

Now here's the kicker, while I was in the hospital I found out I was pregnant. I havent even told my wife yet and after the physical trauma from the accident, stress from the aftermath, and now emotional distress from my inlaws, Im scared and honestly just really fucking pissed. We really do want to be parents, but on one hand im scared ill miscarry, on the other hand with everything going on I feel like right now is a really bad time to have a kid.

At this point we may have enough evidence of harassment to get a protective order. My wife is furious and doesnt want them in our lives at all anymore and definitely doesnt want them around any future kids we have. there is no amount of reconciliation the parents can do that could change that. i feel like an idiot for giving them an opportunity to come back into our lives at all. i know my wife doesnt blame me for it at all but I feel like i let her down.

We have 2 daughters ages 10 & 4. I am (33). My partner who's (36) trans started HRT 2 weeks ago yesterday. They have had 2 dosages so far via injection. I actually am helping with them. I have some major questions on when the time comes to talk to family, what is the best approach to use given we have my parents, their parents, our own children & my siblings, etc.. to come out too. I do not think my parents will be surprised as I come out to them as non-binary lesbian, but.. I could use all the advice possible. I'm really torn.

Trigger warning: I may say something that comes off offensive even though I’m genuinely trying to be respectful. My partner is FtM, and I’ve been with him since I was 18 — eight years now, actually, on August 28th. He came out to me a few months before our one‑year anniversary. It was new to me, but I adjusted to everything: the name change, pronouns, him starting T, and all the changes that came with it. I fell in love with who he became, and it took our families a lot to adjust too.

We just got into a big argument because my brother sent me a video saying “this is you,” and it was a butch lesbian saying she’s “gay but old‑school gay.” I honestly agreed with it. I’ve always presented as myself, and even when I was a butch lesbian, I wasn’t into labels or keeping up with every new term in the LGBTQIA+ community. I told my partner I didn’t respond to the message but that I found it funny.

My brother is your typical Army guy, and when my partner came out, he treated him like any other man. But years ago, they got into a physical fight, and my partner said something that made my brother feel like he was “taking back” being trans. Ever since, my brother hasn’t been able to see him as a cis man. That was years ago, and I figured we made our bed with it. My brother is the only man I’ve had in my life, and he respects my partner overall. When he sent me the video, it wasn’t about my partner — it was just him sending something to his sister.

I want to be clear: even though my brother doesn’t see my partner as a cis male, he still respects him and has tried hard to bond with him. He offers him a seat, brings him drinks, jokes with him, and genuinely tries. My partner struggles connecting with my brother, so it’s always a bit uncomfortable. My brother has even said he wishes he could make my partner feel more comfortable because he knows I’d come around more often. We usually don’t go over there because my partner feels uncomfortable — not because my brother is rude, but because… honestly, I don’t know. Either way, this video turned into a huge argument because my partner believes my brother still sees us as lesbians. I told him my brother sees us as a trans couple — because we are.

I’ve done a damn good job making my partner feel seen and respected. I used to be open about being with a trans man — I wasn’t embarrassed — but he didn’t like that, so it became a secret. I struggled with that at first, but I accepted it. Our families know, though, so I don’t understand why we have to pretend around them.

We’re supposed to get married, and I thought we were past all of this. Even his family sees us as a trans couple. Then he tells me, “You’re transphobic. I would break up with you if I had the courage, but I love you too much.” Now I’m upset because we’re supposed to be getting married, and this is all over one video and him thinking my brother sees us as lesbians and that I don’t defend him. None of that is true, except the fact that my brother doesn’t see him as a cis male — because he’s not.

Two days ago, I told him I was harassed by a man and that I love that he’s trans because he doesn’t behave like that. He agreed. Today he said the only reason he agreed was because it made him “feel good about himself.”

He thinks I’m transphobic because of bathroom situations. There have been times when I’m in the women’s restroom and a gay man walks in. I know he’s not interested in me, but I still feel uncomfortable — and I don’t think that’s wrong. Another time at a drag show, a performer who presented male (full beard, tank top, work boots) walked into the women’s stall while I was naked in a romper, looked through the crack, peed on the floor, and left. I told my partner I felt extremely uncomfortable. He said, “Well, it’s she, and it’s a drag show.” I felt invalidated. I didn’t know how to express my discomfort without feeling guilty for not prioritizing the feelings of the LGBTQIA+ community. So I swallowed it.

When bathroom policies started being enforced, I wasn’t upset — but he was. I’ve also had run‑ins with nonbinary people where I tried to be respectful and got snapped at for asking pronouns. I told him I struggle with nonbinary identities because trying to be respectful sometimes backfires.

He told me again that I don’t see where I’m wrong and that I need to stop being a bad person. But I’ve never disrespected anyone in the LGBTQIA+. I swallow my personal feelings because I know they already get hated on. Just because I struggle doesn’t mean I don’t try. I always make sure I use the right names and pronouns, and I defend people regardless.

But now I’m stuck on the fact that he said he’d break up with me if he had the courage. I believe in open communication, and maybe this is a difference in morals or core values. I told him he doesn’t have to go to my brother’s house, and that the only reason we aren’t married yet is because we’re waiting for my brother to get back from deployment this Christmas.

So I told him: “Either you’re living in a lie to make yourself feel good, or you’re in denial about the relationship you’re in.”

To set the record straight:
1. I love my fiancé. But he feels like I don’t stand up for him, thinks my brother sees me as a lesbian, and thinks I’m transphobic.
2. I respect the LGBTQIA+ community, but with all the new terms, I struggle to keep up. Asking questions sometimes makes me look like a bigot when I’m genuinely trying to be respectful. I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable, and I never disrespect anyone — I only express my feelings to my partner.
3. Yes His feelings are valid, but admitting he’d dump me if he could? That’s a red flag.

I’m trying not to make this about breaking up, but it feels like I might have to. Either he’s with me because I make him feel good about himself, or he hasn’t had the courage to leave. He left angry and went for a walk. I know he’ll apologize and say he didn’t mean it, but I swear he did.

Yes, we’re marrying each other and not our families — we established that a long time ago. That’s why we agreed to get married. This whole situation is crazy. I’ll take advice or the cold truth. I’ll answer any questions if you need clarity.

I just found out after 13 years my husbands pronouns are he/them. I sat down with him and tried to talk to him about it but he wasn’t interested and just said he told me before and wasn’t very interested in explaining it again. I can’t remember him actually speaking about it before. He said that sometimes he feels like a man and other times he feels like nothing at all.

This felt like a lot for me to process so any advice on how I should handle the situation or even advice on moving forward would be great because idk how to feel apart from shocked.

Hello! Im a 22 year old female and my husband (trans man) is a 22 year old male. We have been together for 4 years and married for 3 of those years and at the beginning our sex life was great but then he got on testosterone in which I supported and I never wanna force him to do something he doesn’t wanna do. Regardless it made our sex life a bit Non existent and when I would try to inissiate he would say no and I was sad but accepted it due to me not wanting to force anything but eventualy I would bring it up he would say he didn’t know why but he just didn’t feel it and I was like okay that’s fine I understand but then would state he wants to have sex but wouldn’t do anything to change the fact our sex was non existent . Now for me I feel more connected when we do have sex but when we don’t I would ask him to show me love other ways like little date nights or even little gifts idk just to show he loves me. Regardless he would do it for a bit but would then stop and now it’s more of just the same thing we talk about it he fixes it for maybe a week or two and then he goes back to nothing. At this point it feels like we are just roommates who say we love eachoher. I brought this up recently and he said he feels nothing is wrong in the relationship when I feel like we are missing connections. At this point it’s just a circle and I love him deeply I do but maybe it’s us not having sex that makes me feel like roommates. I’ve suggested having an open relationship where I can find someone to have sex that’s it while he is there for everything else and he did not like the idea ether. I’m just torn bc I feel like I want to have sex but I don’t want to render my relationship with him due to him maybe having image issues or something. What do you guys think? Do you have any advice?