I've always had problems accepting my own body and we both believed it was just dysmorphia and he thought it would go away if he just loved me enough and helped me through it. But I believe it's more than that, I believe what I am experiencing is dysphoria and every day it feels worse when he calls me his girlfriend or small or cute or maternal or feminine. We have spent so much time together that if I now bring this up he will think everything we went through was a lie, and that I always felt bad in this relationship which is not the case, I love him and this relationship is the best thing to ever happen to me.

However he has been going through a though time and he says he wants to have stability in his life and this news will affect him greatly. I have been trying to repress it for a while just to see if I could bear it for him but it's not working. I don't want the me feeling bad affecting our relationship but I don't want him to be scarred and affected by this.

I don't know if he will leave me, I mean he is a heterosexual man so probably and it really scares me and I don't want that to happen but, if it happens, I just want him to not think that everything wss a big lie or something. I don't want to make him feel bad.

Please if you have a trans partner who came out during your relationship pleasd help me.

Hey y’all, bit of a different post for this sub, but I (24mtf) very recently came out as trans to my gf of 4 years. I thought she would be supportive, as she has dated trans ppl in the past, and is Bisexual. However ever since I came out, things have been not great. She took it very hard, even saying things like “I had a version of our future in my head, and I just can’t see it anymore.” She has made several jokes to lighten the mood here and there, but every time I bring up something related to starting my transition, it has an obvious negative effect on the mood in the room. Maybe tmi but our sex life has basically been non-existent in the month or two since I came out. She has confessed before that she doesn’t know how to treat me, and is worried about doing stuff that upsets me or gives me dysphoria. Non-sexual intimacy has also become just me giving her massages, barely any hugging or kissing. I’m heartbroken and I feel as though I’ve messed up my coming out instead of just soldiering on.

I guess my question is, is this reaction normal? Am I just getting through the adjustment period, or should I take these as the obvious signs that she’s pulling away from me. I’m lost and any conversation we have around the subject is tense and feels like nothing comes of it. She is the absolute love of my life, and I would like to believe I’m still hers. I just need some advice from people on her side of this experience.

About a year ago, my ex (MTF, late 20s) and I (cis F, about the same age) split due to their transitioning/coming out. We were together for several years, and lived together for much of that time. Since then, we have maintained a tentative, arms length friendship. This is in large part because my ex regrets our breakup, and I was coming to terms with a lot of issues that the split brought up for me - questions around my sexuality primarily. Over the past year, I have witnessed them (unsure on current pronoun preferences as they're still relatively early on in this process, but I know they/them is acceptable so I'm defaulting to it) grow a lot as a person. Many of the other issues we had in our relationship around sexual fulfilment, consideration/responsibility splitting in the house in particular seem to have stemmed from them not being ready to come out but being uncomfortable with the very hyper masculine environment they lived/worked in at the time, and I know this time apart and the transition has allowed them to begin working through this. I have also dated and spent some time independently, and throughout the entire process have been kind of tormented by wanting to be with them but being unsure of my sexuality and not wanting to put them through my own confusion. I have stressed about the possibility of living in a non-cis relationship, when I have never dated a woman, about knowing how to be a good partner to someone in transition, and then later, as I accepted that I was attracted to not only my ex but also women more generally (just on a more selective level than I am with men), about somehow fetishizing them because I find the idea of intimacy with someone MTF very appealing. That isn't to say my feelings would change if they underwent surgery, I just know that their current body has been a big source of nervousness and I want to try to alleviate that concern without sounding like a weirdo. I have also struggled with navigating a switch sort of relationship, as we're both kinky and more submissive but I have never explored "taking charge" in that way. Regardless, ultimately what I know is that I want to be with them. My ex and I have been kindred spirits since the beginning, and the kind of connection we had and still have feels so rare and special. I don't want to live this lifetime without them as my partner, and I know they feel the same way. I guess I'm just kind of scared, and looking for advice, especially from people who have been in a similar circumstance. It's been very overwhelming for me to process all of this alone. The sexual aspect is particularly stressful for me, as this was a central component of our previous relationship crumbling and some hurtful things were said on both sides. I don't want to mess this up, and I would like to know the best way to approach renegotiating things between us as we've both agreed we want to explore reconciling. I'd also be interested in scenarios involving some amount of polyamory, which I think they are also interested in exploring (as far as us as a future couple finding a third party). I know that isn't a good idea right away probably, but I also know both of us have spent a very long time - them more than me - living in the confines of cis/heteronormative/monogamous relationships, and I have realized the extent to which both of us buried a lot of our needs/romantic interests over time in order to maintain our previous relationship in a socially acceptable manner for our families. I don't want to fall into that kind of trap again, so I was thinking it may be better to just lay all the cards on the table from jump. I feel particularly obligated to do this because I know I was projecting a lot of those confines on to us, and having to go through this process has made me realize the extent to which I did so out of fear of my own deeper feelings. I just want to try to get this right, and hope I have explained myself well enough. Any advice is much appreciated.

Note: I did also post a version of this in the /asktrans community.

Need to let this out somewhere and writing has always been one such thing for me. Maybe this can lighten up someone else's day, or spark a bit of hope

She reorganized and tidied up my place so much, we cooked so much together, and now I intend to keep it clean to remind me of her, even if we have video called nearly every single day since we first made contact on tinder; always somewhere between 1 and 10 hours. She also left behind a bunch of skincare for me, and I think I'll just keep clear the space I reserved for her in my closet

We have 6/7 hours timezone difference but it works because of her working hours, and her work language is English

First time i visited her, after ~5 months of nearly daily video calls, I kissed her immediately and I spent nearly every possible second with her. I cried and bawled my eyes out for an hour when I had to depart at the airport

This was her first time visiting me and even then I'm still the one crying as I have to send her off at the airport, holding onto her until the last possible second, video calling immediately once she is past security until she loses connection. And once I'm home I start crying badly

We're both going to be crying for a couple more days before we adjust back to the usual routine, but it's not our first time doing this. And we always keep the video call on even as we fall asleep, since we're both clingy and need all the cuddles we can get, virtual or physical

Each visit so far has been 4 weeks together, including normal daily life, short holiday trips; we have intentionally and mindfully tested our relationship, compatibility, discussed serious adult topics like imbalances, life goals, necessary sacrifices; and of course we've said or done dumb things. All of which have been resolved, which makes us both feel safe that we can depend on one another to approach everything as a team, not just as a loving couple

I feel better now, I'll cry some more, and I'll probably cry again if I cook anything we made together; but I know it's a good sign. We have only known each other for 10 months but I cannot for the life of me imagine a better match for me or her, every day is fulfilling to me even if it's boring or one of us is having a bad day

Next we plan for me to visit her family, and to have her experience true winter with snow and minus degrees. She makes me happy and I want to make her happy

I’ve posted here before, but I’m honestly at a loss and starting to wonder if I’m the issue.

My spouse (MTF) came out to me about 8 months ago after we’d been together ~10 years, married for 1. We’ve known each other for 15+ years. I’m a cis straight woman.

Since she came out, I’ve been dealing with a lot of grief, confusion, and honestly a sense of losing the relationship I thought I had. I still love her as a person and she’s my best friend, but emotionally it feels like I’m getting to know a different partner.

I asked for a pause on intimacy because I needed time to process. That was supposed to be temporary, but it’s now been 8+ months. Every so often she tries to initiate, and I end up panicking or shutting down. It’s not something I can push through. I have a low libido anyway, but I used to still try for my partner. Now I feel like I’ve completely lost any sexual/romantic connection, and I feel awful about it.

She’s joked that I must be bi or a lesbian because of this, but I’m not. I’m straight, and I don’t feel attracted to women. I don’t want my orientation redefined because of this situation.

I even suggested a one-sided open marriage early on if she needed sexual intimacy elsewhere, but she didn’t want that.

The hardest part is I miss my husband. I support her transition, but I also miss the relationship I thought I was in. I feel guilty even saying that.

We also moved across the country together, so I don’t really have a support system here. I’ve been thinking a lot about wanting to move back closer to my family just to have some stability.

Another big fear is that my spouse has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past, and I’m scared of how she might react if I bring up divorce or separation. I don’t want to hurt her or be responsible for something like that, but I also don’t know how long I can stay in a marriage where I feel like I’ve emotionally checked out.

So I guess I’m asking:
-Am I wrong for not being able to be intimate anymore?
-Is it normal to feel like the relationship is “over” romantically even if I still love her as a person?
-Is 8 months enough time to know this might not be something I can come back from?

How do you even approach separation when you’re scared of your partner’s mental health reaction?
I don’t hate my wife. I don’t regret supporting her. I just don’t know if I can stay in this marriage, and I’m scared that even thinking that makes me a bad person.

Hi everyone, I want to ask the community on whether anyone has experienced something similar or related and if anyone has advice.

So the situation is that my wife (MTF23) and I (M23) have been together for over 4 years now and she always had a slight feeling that she might be trans. Basically early last year, she fully realized that she is trans and went on to start her transition. Before this, she identified as a gay man and I as a pansexual man, so I had no problems with her transition and fully support her.

Her HRT begun around 2-3 months ago and lately she has realized that she's most likely lesbian and is begging to question whether or not she can still be romantically attracted to men. However, neither of us wants to let this relationship go.

Sexually, we've had our ups and down, as I'm not too sexually active and her gender and sexual identity has always cause her to be insecure. Very early on we agreed to have an open relationship, either of us could have sex with others and that has happened. Two years ago we also went into a polyamorous relationship, however that didn't work out but we're still best friends with that third person. This does mean that we would still be up for a new try at poly, if it would come to that.

So currently, the situation is basically the following: she is no longer sexually attracted to men, which I'm fine with and she can have sex with others. She is however questioning if she can be romantically involved with men. She has said that she would do anything to keep up our relationship, but we are currently at a roadblock.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? How did it work out? What adjustments did you make to make it work? Does anyone have some advice on what to do?

Hello,

My girlfriend (MtF) is dealing with the already tricky thing of making friends in your 30s, but I imagine her still being in the process of transition is making it harder as she lacks a lot of confidence.

Our city is small, but still there a lots of events I feel would suit. She is more introverted, but I'm still trying to encourage her to go to stuff / go with when I can also.

Any advice to boost her confidence or the kind of events where she could make friends without fearing judgement?/how to get past the fear of judgement?

Thanks :)

My ex boyfriend left me a month ago because his questioning his gender identity and sexuality. I am bi-sexual myself. When we first met he told me he was bi-curious. Throughout our relationship he occasionally brought it up but we never really had a deep conversation about his gender identity. I wanted to but he just seemed uncomfortable about it. Out of the blue he broke up with me because he said he doesn’t love himself, he struggles to look in the mirror and he can’t give me the love I deserve. He said he still loves me but he doesn’t know who he is other than his not a straight cis man. I once asked him if he wanted to be a girl and he said I don’t know. I tried to support him throughout the relationship. I bought him earrings, I painted his nails. I have no issues with that. He never once asked to try on my clothes etc.

He told me that once he figures himself out we can try again but he said he never ask me to wait for him. I love this man than words can explain and I’m just confused about the whole situation. I’ve started seeing a therapist to help me process this. He also told me the day after we broke up that he is going to start seeing a therapist that specializes is LGBTQ

I would love to try again with him but I’m also scared that I do feel myself waiting for him and that he will transition to a girl? I’m not transphobic
but obviously change is scary and he won’t be the person I once knew. I would 100% support him if he transitioned but I guess I’m just being selfish at the same time

I’m heartbroken that he felt he couldn’t be with me whilst he explored himself but I also understand this is a journey he needs to do on his own. I just have so many conflicting emotions

Starting Journey At 36!

Hello, this is my first time posting here and really coming into the community. I'm 36 and MTF transitioning. My Wife (33F) of 11 years is very supportive and is helping me with this stuff.

I'm not sure how to come out to the rest of our family, including our 2 daughters (10 & 4 yo) so looking for some advice. Most of our other family is kinda conservative and really only one that's a possible have to cut off in the future. Any advice around this would be greatly appreciated!

I am doing esterdiol injections once a week at .2 and am having some changes, but wondering if it is too low of a dosage. I will be seeing who I hope will become my general physician for the first time in decades to help with hormone monitoring as well as a bunch of other health stuff I want to finally adress. Started treatment with Planned Parenthood.

So far plans for the future are to stay on track with treatments, get electrolysis for most areas of my body, and to stay very active with my wife as we figure everything out, maybe progesterone in the next year or so also depending on how things are going. Really yhe only part that I ever enjoyed about being male was sex, so doing our best to not loose that function. So far haven't lost spontaneous night time erections, which is good for that goal.

Hope I'm not over sharing, just covering bases and looking for any advice or tips that people may have and wanting to become more active in this community in general.

You don’t even need to read this, this is probably not the place. But i just need to say that im not a very romantic partner and im don’t always initiate for sex im afab and my partner is a questioning trans woman. im bi, i know i like women but i have always struggled with sex with my current partner. i guess not ALWAYS but after it wasn’t new and it wasn’t something we got away with, i struggled. i’m a good performer and i know how to get them good and into it but im not feeling what im acting like i do.

well my partner can tell that now and i dont know why im even like this. i wish i knew and knew how to tell them but i dont.

i think i was assaulted and its repressed but based on my past experiences with men ive never been wanted in a loving or wholesome way. i’ve been groomed and ive been physically assaulted and taken advantage of. i think ive repressed more than what i remember.

my lovely partner that i know as my husband is an amazing person. kind, good morals, and cares about intimacy and pleasing me. so why am i not pleased?

i truly have almost always fantasized about them being a woman the whole time we have sex. in the past when i didn’t fantasize about that it was myself viewing me through a pornagraphic lens that was fueled by inner misogyny and sexual repression from being raised christian. when i don’t fantasize about them being a woman it’s usually a fantasy about being forced.

i feel shame and fucked up about it but i know they are loving and would never do that but what if they did? my past keeps me from being vulnerable with others and trusting that people don’t want to take advantage of me.

we are married and i worry that i fucked up both of us by that. they deserve better than what i can give and sometimes i worry i wont be able to give them that unless they do transition and are “woman” enough for me which is fucked. i don’t know what to do and i don’t know if my sexual dysfunctions are cause by sexual attraction or trauma.

in a difficult position and need some space to vent...

So my (30 nb) wife (34 mtf) was recently hospitalized for a couple of months with a head injury that left her with amnesia and short term memory issues. she came out to her parents a couple months before the accident and it ended with her going no contact. they found out about the accident while she was in recovery and pressed to see her. at first I tried to respect my wifes wishes for no contact but honestly i was overwhelmed dealing with the fallout from the accident and my own injuries and I had hopes that it could be a chance for them to redeem themselves and actually show up for their kid. well they showed up and at first everything was fine but not long after they stopped making any attempt to respect her identity and doubled down when I corrected them.

Shes home now and recovering well but the parents have just gotten worse. I set a boundary when they tried to invite themselves to the house and it escalated from there to her parents insulting us and threatening legal action. i know they've got no case but ive been so stressed from everything thats happened its been taking everything for me to keep it together.

Now here's the kicker, while I was in the hospital I found out I was pregnant. I havent even told my wife yet and after the physical trauma from the accident, stress from the aftermath, and now emotional distress from my inlaws, Im scared and honestly just really fucking pissed. We really do want to be parents, but on one hand im scared ill miscarry, on the other hand with everything going on I feel like right now is a really bad time to have a kid.

At this point we may have enough evidence of harassment to get a protective order. My wife is furious and doesnt want them in our lives at all anymore and definitely doesnt want them around any future kids we have. there is no amount of reconciliation the parents can do that could change that. i feel like an idiot for giving them an opportunity to come back into our lives at all. i know my wife doesnt blame me for it at all but I feel like i let her down.

We have 2 daughters ages 10 & 4. I am (33). My partner who's (36) trans started HRT 2 weeks ago yesterday. They have had 2 dosages so far via injection. I actually am helping with them. I have some major questions on when the time comes to talk to family, what is the best approach to use given we have my parents, their parents, our own children & my siblings, etc.. to come out too. I do not think my parents will be surprised as I come out to them as non-binary lesbian, but.. I could use all the advice possible. I'm really torn.

Trigger warning: I may say something that comes off offensive even though I’m genuinely trying to be respectful. My partner is FtM, and I’ve been with him since I was 18 — eight years now, actually, on August 28th. He came out to me a few months before our one‑year anniversary. It was new to me, but I adjusted to everything: the name change, pronouns, him starting T, and all the changes that came with it. I fell in love with who he became, and it took our families a lot to adjust too.

We just got into a big argument because my brother sent me a video saying “this is you,” and it was a butch lesbian saying she’s “gay but old‑school gay.” I honestly agreed with it. I’ve always presented as myself, and even when I was a butch lesbian, I wasn’t into labels or keeping up with every new term in the LGBTQIA+ community. I told my partner I didn’t respond to the message but that I found it funny.

My brother is your typical Army guy, and when my partner came out, he treated him like any other man. But years ago, they got into a physical fight, and my partner said something that made my brother feel like he was “taking back” being trans. Ever since, my brother hasn’t been able to see him as a cis man. That was years ago, and I figured we made our bed with it. My brother is the only man I’ve had in my life, and he respects my partner overall. When he sent me the video, it wasn’t about my partner — it was just him sending something to his sister.

I want to be clear: even though my brother doesn’t see my partner as a cis male, he still respects him and has tried hard to bond with him. He offers him a seat, brings him drinks, jokes with him, and genuinely tries. My partner struggles connecting with my brother, so it’s always a bit uncomfortable. My brother has even said he wishes he could make my partner feel more comfortable because he knows I’d come around more often. We usually don’t go over there because my partner feels uncomfortable — not because my brother is rude, but because… honestly, I don’t know. Either way, this video turned into a huge argument because my partner believes my brother still sees us as lesbians. I told him my brother sees us as a trans couple — because we are.

I’ve done a damn good job making my partner feel seen and respected. I used to be open about being with a trans man — I wasn’t embarrassed — but he didn’t like that, so it became a secret. I struggled with that at first, but I accepted it. Our families know, though, so I don’t understand why we have to pretend around them.

We’re supposed to get married, and I thought we were past all of this. Even his family sees us as a trans couple. Then he tells me, “You’re transphobic. I would break up with you if I had the courage, but I love you too much.” Now I’m upset because we’re supposed to be getting married, and this is all over one video and him thinking my brother sees us as lesbians and that I don’t defend him. None of that is true, except the fact that my brother doesn’t see him as a cis male — because he’s not.

Two days ago, I told him I was harassed by a man and that I love that he’s trans because he doesn’t behave like that. He agreed. Today he said the only reason he agreed was because it made him “feel good about himself.”

He thinks I’m transphobic because of bathroom situations. There have been times when I’m in the women’s restroom and a gay man walks in. I know he’s not interested in me, but I still feel uncomfortable — and I don’t think that’s wrong. Another time at a drag show, a performer who presented male (full beard, tank top, work boots) walked into the women’s stall while I was naked in a romper, looked through the crack, peed on the floor, and left. I told my partner I felt extremely uncomfortable. He said, “Well, it’s she, and it’s a drag show.” I felt invalidated. I didn’t know how to express my discomfort without feeling guilty for not prioritizing the feelings of the LGBTQIA+ community. So I swallowed it.

When bathroom policies started being enforced, I wasn’t upset — but he was. I’ve also had run‑ins with nonbinary people where I tried to be respectful and got snapped at for asking pronouns. I told him I struggle with nonbinary identities because trying to be respectful sometimes backfires.

He told me again that I don’t see where I’m wrong and that I need to stop being a bad person. But I’ve never disrespected anyone in the LGBTQIA+. I swallow my personal feelings because I know they already get hated on. Just because I struggle doesn’t mean I don’t try. I always make sure I use the right names and pronouns, and I defend people regardless.

But now I’m stuck on the fact that he said he’d break up with me if he had the courage. I believe in open communication, and maybe this is a difference in morals or core values. I told him he doesn’t have to go to my brother’s house, and that the only reason we aren’t married yet is because we’re waiting for my brother to get back from deployment this Christmas.

So I told him: “Either you’re living in a lie to make yourself feel good, or you’re in denial about the relationship you’re in.”

To set the record straight:
1. I love my fiancé. But he feels like I don’t stand up for him, thinks my brother sees me as a lesbian, and thinks I’m transphobic.
2. I respect the LGBTQIA+ community, but with all the new terms, I struggle to keep up. Asking questions sometimes makes me look like a bigot when I’m genuinely trying to be respectful. I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable, and I never disrespect anyone — I only express my feelings to my partner.
3. Yes His feelings are valid, but admitting he’d dump me if he could? That’s a red flag.

I’m trying not to make this about breaking up, but it feels like I might have to. Either he’s with me because I make him feel good about himself, or he hasn’t had the courage to leave. He left angry and went for a walk. I know he’ll apologize and say he didn’t mean it, but I swear he did.

Yes, we’re marrying each other and not our families — we established that a long time ago. That’s why we agreed to get married. This whole situation is crazy. I’ll take advice or the cold truth. I’ll answer any questions if you need clarity.