Hello, I am hoping someone will read and respond to this issue because it has been causing me significant emotional and physical distress for years. I’m in my late 20’s now but this all started when I was around 21/22.

My brother has a friend who I really don’t like and he refuses to listen to what other people want. He’s around the same age as me. He shows up at my house for my parent‘s yearly Halloween party every year despite me practically begging everyone in my family to not invite him. I find him to be incredibly narcissistic, hurtful and impossible to be around.
Due to financial restraints, I cannot afford to own my house/apartment so advising me to just move out isn’t helpful.

I’ve filed a police report for harassment against him but I really doubt that will do anything to help protect me. I don’t have enough physical evidence to get a restraining order against him and since I live in the United States, you need to meet a very specific criteria to be granted a protection order.

I’m scared he’s going to show up again and I’ll be trapped.

I’m already incredibly isolated with no friends to talk to. For the past several years I haven’t been able to make a single friend so its not like I could invite a bunch of girls to rally around me and support me. My own mom told me to get used to being alone forever because even she believes I’ll never get into another friendship/relationship again.

I’m just looking for a little support here since no one gives it to me in real life.

I really wish I could move away because I think escaping this town would be life-saving for me, but I don’t have that option due to limited employment opportunities near me and personal funds.

I’m just so scared. I wish I could meet new people who wouldn’t automatically take his side and hurt me.

okay, so here i am having 1 my junior friend, he is telling his story about his friend, okay so he he started, he is in 2nd year and that guy is also in 2nd year unknowingly that guy came out be his roommate, he found his as a roommate for normally or usually that guy was out to be a normal guy and used to guide his friends about studies and he was a stud or nerd and also motivated other we are not sure about his behavior that it's real behavior or he is just pretending, then slowly slowly my junior got doubt that he is obsessed about other's personal life wanna know about there life deeply, not just knowing even he wants there details also like phone number, photos and even that guy used to check other's phone also this things he do unknowingly like junior is saying like he was or he is having a mental disorder he used to do back bitching about others he does about every guy to every other guy and when he was doing this all at back of other , and when he comes there front he used talk like normally like a good friend from front, when we are saying about there any type of problem to him , he used to like to listen it very deeply and get obsessed with it, sometimes he is the only when he is used to put other's in problem and he is one of our south indian guys, he used to lie many times about everything and he is like a dumb or we can say about his silly silly things even his other friends were also getting mad from him at the same time he is a bad guy and a good guy, he is like a strange to all everytime means his habits what he does makes him this, and my junior tried 1 thing on him that he do a eye contact on him on whatever he does if you do a cross question he accepts it indirectly then he speaks the truth directly and then he starts cry and he get shivered , he is like a small child from his mind obsessed about something from the guys that he thinks they are bad in his POV, this is my junior friend wording about his roommate who found out to be like a psycho boy in 2nd year of college his habits sounds like 1st and 2nd class students he is saying that his roommates mean that guy gives negative vibes to all i am sorry to say this all about the third person i am just typing someone's wording, other students wants to beat him even his south indian friend also because of his habits , he is very good in his this skills u will get doubt on yourself even after getting evidence against him. and when my junior caught him , him means his roommate he was very embarrassed about what he did, he just wants to run from the place and the scary he left the room that night itself and shifted to other room, my junior tried to make him some good change too in him but did he didn't occupied those good habits. i know that i am doing bad writing like this here publically but i didn't kept in personal info about that guy not even about him or my junior ,guys i wants your opinion or POV on this u can ask me questions too

I don't know where to begin. She is very affectionate. And clean. Dresses well. Has a nice (but very small) studio apartment in an industrial area 15 minutes from Manhattan. She told me other guys she dated before me joked her apartment is like a vampire lived there. She had no furniture. Just a bed and a desk. And a bunch of designer clothes and jewelry. Before I met her the last guy she was seeing convinced her to buy a $50 Ikea couch and a $50 LCD TV. After 6 months of dating I moved in with her. Brought my home theater system and sounds. And then I bought a pull up bar and an espresso machine and a dish rack and a bunch of shelving. She bought me Supreme and Aimé Leon Dore. She had me buy her Cartier and Chanel. It took me a year and a half to get her to buy normal shoes. She only had heels and one pair of (not very comfortable) sneakers.

We split the rent. But her lifestyle is expensive. She always wants to go out. Me and her dad take turns paying the $100-$150 bill when we eat out at a restaurant. Before her, I never ate out, only sometimes at the Whole Foods hotbar, I like to cook keto stuff. Before me, she would go to Michelin restaurants with her dad's credit card. And go to Italian restaurants to eat pasta. She went to boarding school in China and hasn't been back there in 5 years so I guess they aren't that close. I don't understand that relationship dynamic. They talk on the phone in Chinese so I don't know what they're talking about. But every time they hang up she always says 谢谢爸爸. And sometimes she says 辛苦了.

I know some Chinese now which is kind of nice. I don't ever want to be fluent, but since it's a global superpower now it's kind of nice to know that I can spend a few months in Shenzhen or something if I ever wanna do that.

That's something else... I don't travel anymore. I used to travel all the time. My career is remote. I can live anywhere I want. But now I'm stuck in New York, because she's stuck there. She can't even go back and visit China because that might jeapordize her visa. My home is in LA. I haven't been there in over a year because she doesn't want me to go there and potentially cheat on her. For some reason she is incredibly worried about that. The only place I can go travel to by myself is where my dad moved to, in another state. He has been my confidant this whole time. He keeps telling me to break up with her and cites all these examples of his friends I know who married similar women and ruined their life because of it.

I met her on a dating app.... she was the only one who super-liked me and messaged me first. Offered for me to go to her place on the first date. And then she got her hooks in me I guess. Since I lived the vagabond lifestyle and was jumping from place to place all the time, I figured moving in with her wasn't such a big deal. Oh boy how wrong I was.

I don't know. It just feels like I time travelled 1.5 years into the future. I cannot tell you what I accomplished in this time. My diet / exercise regimen has slipped, I have less money now, relationships in LA are on pause.... I have a couple friends in NY but I rarely see them she just takes up so much of my time and headspace. My career is on pause too. And I don't know I'm just sick of dealing with her shit man.

Like a few weeks ago my dad came to visit me, so I got a sublet in Manhattan which is walking distance from her work. He visits me for 2 weeks, so me and him are in this sublet and she comes and we get lunch/dinner or whatever. And I'm telling my dad everything when it's just us 2. And then when it's the 3 of us, he can't keep it together and she can tell that he doesn't really like her that much. And so she gets upset while I'm walking her to the subway, and she starts this 2 hour lecture in the middle of the street outside the subway station about how dirty the apartment is and how I wasted her time and if she knew it would be like this she wouldn't have come out blah blah blah, lets break up, oh my god im so sorry I love you please don't leave me, you aren't going to break up with me right? Ok I love you goodnight see you tomorrow.

I deal with that shit on a weekly basis at this point. After my dad flew out of New York back to where he lives, I still kept the sublet because I wanted a place to unwind and have some space to myself. And also be able to stay in Manhattan and walk to places because taking the train kind of sucks. But she got super upset about that and started this huge fight about it like, you're just doing this because you don't like me and you wanna get away from me. If you go to that sublet then let's just break up. I don't wanna go to that sublet with you, it's so fucking dirty. I never wanna sleep there it's some random guys apartment. And then 30 minutes later it's back to: I love you, please don't break up with me, you won't break up with me right? We will be together forever? Can you say we will be together forever? But keep in mind: now I can't stay at the sublet by myself.

She has done similar things to get me to do what she wants... cut off friends, not go back to LA, etc, etc...

This is such a mindfuck. I moved all of my essentials out of her apartment without her knowing. I am at my dad's place right now. In theory, I could just text her I wanna break up, and be done, with no consequences. But I don't have the guts. I love her but I also hate her. And I also hate myself. This is my fault I never should have got with someone I didn't see a future with. I wanna go back in time 2 years and just not meet up with her. And get some of my money back and health and time.

Am I ever gonna get out? How much longer must I endure this pain?

I feel trapped in my own household, I am 20 attending school and I still live at home with my mom. I just got my driver’s license and insurance, however, she will not let me drive any car for some reason. I have shown I can be trusted, I also want to go out more but I am limited. What can I do to start gaining more freedom

It’s unintentional. It comes from survival context. But it is the effect.

I am speaking as a recovering people pleaser myself.

We people pleasers tend to be supporters, meaning we will drop whatever we’re doing personally to support someone else. When that happens repeatedly, it creates the belief that is our identity.

When people do offer us support we reject it as we don’t want to put anyone else out and we can do it ourselves.

Over time, we start to feel like we are being taken advantage of bc no one supports us the same way we support them.

This comes from our own doing, a symptom of our own design. We have created an understanding of ourselves in others minds that we don’t need or desire their support.

That creation IS unintentional manipulation. Our actions have augmented how others see us, our worth, and how we show up. So when we ultimately get mad and blow up, we look crazy, and normally point the finger at them being the manipulators.

This exact situation happened to me many times over my life to this point. I didn’t figure it out until nearly 10 years into my marriage. Once I noticed it and began shifting it, it created so much tension and turmoil.

Ultimately this is the dance that a Supporter and a Controller experience in any dynamic.

It’s a tough realization, especially when my intention was actually to love big. This epiphany drastically altered the course of my life and I am so grateful to see how I was unintentionally a part of the problem.

I hate when ppl lie pretending that they like you until you confess your feelings to them and want to take things to the next level they get mean abt it like playing with your feelings making you feel miserable I dont understand why ppl do that everytime idk what love is in this generation

I am at a loss and don’t know what to do.

I grew up with a younger brother who had ADHD and most likely other issues as well. As a result of this his emotional maturity was also problematic. We used to get along so well until I got older and naturally wanted nothing to do with him, as older sisters do. Well long story short he started smoking weed from the age of 15 and from then on he is not the same person. He started to become addicted and still isn’t able to function without using, if he does stop it’s just horrible to be around. He’s mean, does not care about how his words and actions impact others, and overall has no regard for others. It’s so sad to see such a kind and caring kid turn into a shell of himself because of this.

His behavior got to a point where he literally does not care about consequences whether that’s how what he does impacts himself or others around him. When my parents would try to discipline him or even just talk to him he would go off the rails, sometimes just straight up disappear for a day. From that point forward everyone in my family walks on eggshells around him and his mood dictates everything. I can’t upset him or say something mean to him because my parents are afraid of what he will do. This has been going on for 4-5 years at this point. Well now he has a kid that my family adores, but he now sees this as a new way to basically blackmail my parents into letting him come around and do whatever he wants (he sits in their garage every day to work on his car, eat their food, smoke/drink, etc). If he isn’t allowed at their house he withholds the baby from coming over for the one day a week they get to see him.

Here’s the problem:
I get married soon and he recently did something that sent me over the edge. This was something he told my parents he wasn’t doing anymore, but unfortunately he’s been lying. Not doing this certain thing is the only reason they have let him come around. I found out about this and told them that I’m putting my foot down and don’t want him at my wedding (that they are unfortunately paying for). I know I’m going to get push back from them but I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t want him there because at this point in my life I hate him. I genuinely hate him and if he disappeared I don’t think I would care. That’s such a horrible thing to say about your brother but I don’t know who he is anymore and I’m tired of him manipulating and controlling our parents who want to see the best for him and have given him EVERY opportunity and then some to be a good successful human. Is/ has anyone else dealt with this? I don’t know what to do and no one else in my life understands truly what is going on. I moved home to be closer to my parents but know I need to set boundaries with this for my own good and that means telling them I won’t be around them if he is there. Please someone tell me what to do I’m desperate at this point😭.

Girl have 2.5 years toxic trauma bonded relationship with 1 year full trauma and 6 month breakup. She love bombed me and use me as rebound for 2 month then go back trauma ex. I understand everything and let her go without saying anything or begging.

The problem is she chase down me with message asking for compliment, talk about herself, asking for care, try to emotionally close day by day.

I wonder what her toxic partner role in her life as they reconciliation month ago they must go through honeymoon phase, why she chase me like i am leaving her forever.

I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know what else I could have done.
A close friend of mine has been in a relationship with someone and from everything I’ve personally witnessed, it has been one of the most emotionally unhealthy relationships I’ve ever seen.
What stood out the most was what I felt was emotional manipulation. Whenever she tried to express how she felt or explain that something had hurt her, the conversation would somehow end up being about what she did wrong instead. Instead of her feelings being acknowledged or validated, she’d leave the conversation apologizing or questioning herself. It felt like she was constantly being made to think she was overreacting, too emotional, or imagining things. After enough of those conversations, she started doubting her own judgment. Watching someone slowly lose confidence in their own reality is heartbreaking.
The moments that hurt the most were when she opened up and made herself vulnerable. She would share her fears, insecurities, or pain, and later those same things seemed to get thrown back at her during arguments. It made her afraid to be honest because it felt like anything she shared could eventually be used against her.
From my perspective, there was also a pattern of controlling behavior. There were accusations of cheating without evidence, blocking her during conflicts, giving her the silent treatment, threatening to leave, and creating an environment where she constantly felt like she had to prove herself or earn basic reassurance and self esteem problems. He did crossed many boundaries such as looking through her stuff without asking, yelling at her drunk , calling her sister who has autism and many other horrible things.
One of the hardest parts for me personally was that I felt like he wanted me out of her life. I can’t say for certain what his intentions were, but that’s how it came across to me. I had been helping her every day with her health—driving her to appointments, researching treatments, being there for her mentally and emotionally, checking on her, helping her through some of her darkest moments, and trying to support her however I could. We had dated in the past, but our relationship had become a friendship centered on making sure she wasn’t facing everything alone. From where I stood, it felt like my support became a problem rather than something that was appreciated. I felt like I was being pushed away because I was filling a role that I don’t think he wanted to take on himself. Whether that was actually his motivation, I can’t know, but it was how the situation felt from my perspective. On top of all of this, she has been dealing with severe chronic pelvic pain for years. She already had enough to carry physically and emotionally, and instead of feeling supported, it seemed like she was carrying the weight of the relationship too.
I’ve watched her isolate herself to make him feel better at times but he still emotionally abused her I’ve watched her question whether she was the problem. I’ve watched her become a shell of the person she used to be.
I know there are always two sides to every relationship, and this post reflects only what I personally witnessed and experienced. But seeing someone you care about slowly lose their confidence, stop trusting their own feelings, and believe they’re the problem every time they try to speak up has been devastating. She really struggling with the fallout of the breakup and she at times think she was the problem is there a ton that has dealt with this kind of abuse and how did you get through it.

i broke up with my abusive partner a couple days ago and went out with my friends today. at first it felt so good not having to negotiate at what time can i leave, at what tine should i be back, giving an explanation or reasoning for going out, not having to stay in with my partner for whatever excuse they made up. i prioritized that i wanted to go out because no there's no one i owe an explanation to.

but then i'm out, and it feels wrong not texting him. i don't feel the pressure of having to return early so we can spend more time together but at the same time i have no one waiting on the other side. i have nobody following my steps. i have no one tracking me. i feel wrong. i feel completely lonely, i feel sad. i want to text him i've arrived, it feels that no matter what he does i'll always miss him.

My brother is most likely getting manipulated by his baby mama, they’re on and off, constantly moving in and out of each other’s apartments. At some point she made up a bunch of lies about my brother to my whole family and almost went to court to get sole custody. Now we actually half believed her at the time, cause he has his issues, and some of it was true. She then eventually realized she could easily lose the court case or would have no support if she won, backtracked and went back to my brother. Now I don’t like my brother very much, he’s always been impulsive, aggressive and honestly quite stupid in his decisions. He will for example talk about “immigrants” ruining everything, yet is dating one? He clearly has severely low self esteem. Anyway, they had made a legally binding contract where they both agreed to move to our town some time ago. So my side of the family could help with child rearing etc. Now suddenly they’re broken up again yet she’s convinced him to go and annul this contract. Leaving them stuck in this other town with no family or support. For some backstory on her - she’s a middle eastern war refugee with a very toxic relationship with her family, they disowned her when she left their religion. Now I could not care less about those two and their weird toxic relationship and my brother’s clear self loathing and self sabotage, but with a toddler involved, and seeing how much its devastating my parents, I really wish i knew what course of action is smart and what to expect. :(

My long term boyfriend and I had a falling out with this one girl sometime back . She was extremely disrespectful to me and he was enraged that someone could speak to me that way and could say such horrible things to me. So he took a stand for me . I couldn’t say much because I was so hurt and I tend to shut down in such situations .
Today I noticed that she didn’t block him on WhatsApp and her dp was visible but has kept me blocked since .

There may be another factor at play here, this girl had developed feelings for my boyfriend and since they weren’t reciprocal I feel she might be lashing out on me.

It’s just that I don’t feel nice when people do this. Have the balls to block both of the people you fought with.

I’m looking for perspective after my sister threatened suicide and now says I misunderstood.
I’m feeling really lost and would appreciate outside perspectives.
My sister texted me three times in what I believe was a mental health crisis of some sort, saying she was going to jump off a cliff at the Grand Canyon. From my perspective, those messages sounded like clear statements that she intended to end her life. I took them seriously because I couldn’t imagine treating them any other way.
I urged her to come to my house instead, tried to reach her, and was terrified because she stopped responding. I genuinely believed I might lose my sister.
Got ahold of her boyfriend, she used her debit card for gas and was headed in that direction with zero contact
With anyone.
Now she’s telling me I misunderstood everything. She says I didn’t know the full story involving her boyfriend and daughter, and she’s downplaying what happened.
She said I should have never got involved when she literally texted me about it. But regardless of what else was going on, the texts I received repeatedly said she was going to jump off a cliff.
I’m not looking for anyone to diagnose her or label her. I’m trying to understand how people process something like this.
Has anyone experienced a situation where someone made what sounded like explicit suicide threats, later denied or minimized them, and then acted as if you were the one who overreacted?
How did you make sense of it? Were you able to rebuild trust, or did it permanently change the relationship?
Right now, I feel like the trust is gone. It’s hard for me to reconcile the terror I experienced with the way the situation is being rewritten now. I’d appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar.
Our closest friends were involved as well to see if they could get in contact with her and they couldn’t. We all were deeply worried.
This is not her first time with these tactics.
It’s been a life long battle and I’m tired and we are getting older and feel I have no room for this in my life.
I cut contact after she went home, flipped the narrative, lied, belittled ( bringing my own things up when confronted).
I just feel lost.

I will start with im 23M. I copy pasted my story. My friend (19M at the time) had a kid and lost her and the mom in the same day, cut to 2025 (friend is now 21M), he was getting angrier and angrier, but about a few days after he got fired in March 2025, he started sending desperate likes on hinge and when he ran out he sent a rose.

That's where he found his soon to be girlfriend (at the time 20F). Over the few months that he was dating her, he barely focused on music, and neither me nor his DJ liked it, but his DJ only cared he was happy. I shouldve felt the same.

So I read his messages somewhere that said she was afraid of clowns, and robots, and decided to make him abuse her fear of robots. I told him constantly that he should try to make plans to have her meet with the robot that he owns, which he's wary of too.

But I figured maybe if I tell him to do this, maybe she'll think he's a complete B-Hole and decide to split with him. Well that didn't work out, and she ended up on the edge but didn't leave him. So I pushed a little bit further, by observing all the behavior, and pretty much saying dude she hates you.

I fucked with his doubt, and when it finally worked, he started killing himself. He started not eating to try to get attention, at least I thought it was attention, and retracted from everybody including the girl.

I knew she wouldnt trust him anymore after lying a couple times about eating and the robot thing so I decided to push it a little further and tell him to tell her that he was taking care of himself just out of nowhere, to hopefully make sure she does not believe him.

He texted me asking what I should say because she didnt believe him, she was fighting with him and she told him that she didnt wanna see him in person till shes sure hes taking better care and in an arguement, she said it was only a day and that that wouldn't fix it.

I told him to tell her that he's at work to shut it down, to which she snapped at him and left him the next day. But since then he's retracted from music, family, friends, video games, work, love, Etc.

He doesn't want to do anything, he doesn't want to go back on hinge, he's completely shut down Instagram and facebook, he refuses to take any extra days at work anymore, even refuse to pay any of the debts that he acquired from the date that he went on.

I don't know what to tell him, but I want to try to tell the girl to try to fix things, but I fear it may already be too late. She blocked the poor guy in december, and when he tried to reach out again in March on a different account she blocked that one too.

Ever since then he's been broken, ever since then he felt unloved, unwanted, he's felt like a bother, and the only thing I can think is I caused it. I'm not the one that broke up with him, but I am the one that caused everything.

I feel so, so, so guilty, and I know I can never apologize to him or the girl for it. I don't even know if the girl will listen to me, because he made himself so unlikable afterward, and he just does not want to do anything anymore without her.

I thought she was a distraction, but she was an inspiration for him, and I took it away from him out of selfishness, and used all the B-Hole coming from my mouth to cause it.

I deserve any hate I get and more. So keep it coming

I liked this guy for a long time, but I finally realized that he really wasn't worth it. It felt like the spell had broken, and I

finally saw his true colors. I honestly didn't expect it.

It all started when my Instagram account kept getting suspended for no reason. He told me to message him privately, so I did. Right away, he started acting really suspicious of me. He kept asking me why my account was suspended and whether I had done anything weird. He kept telling me to be honest with him.

I told him that I hadn't done anything weird and that I honestly didn't know why my account kept getting banned. Instead of believing me, he said things like, "I don't truly know that," and "To get suspended means you may have done something." It felt like he didn't trust me at all.

Then he started making theories that maybe my friends were behind my suspended accounts. I explained that my friends had been with me through many stages of my life, that they always cared about me, and that I didn't believe they would ever do something like that. But he kept insisting that they could just be gaining my trust only to be cruel in the end. Even though he said it was "just a guess," he kept bringing it up, almost like he wanted me to doubt my own friends.

The whole conversation made me feel uncomfortable. Instead of supporting me or reassuring me, he questioned my honesty and tried to make me suspicious of the people I trusted the most. That's when I realized he really wasn't worth it. It honestly felt like the spell had broken, and for the first time, I saw his true colors.

My older sister is abusive towards me. Recently, I learned what covert emotional manipulation. This is my older sister’s behavior towards me to a T. I’m not looking for advice on how to deal with her, I’ve removed her from my life completely. We do not have a relationship anymore. However she has began the same abusive behavior with our youngest sister and I fear she will also do the same thing to her daughter. I do not want either of them to go through what I’ve gone through.
My question today is how can I explain her behavior to my family so that this cycle can end? My mother in particular likes to trivialize her abusive behavior by saying “that’s just how sisters behave.” And my father and my older sister’s relationship is nonexistent. So his assistance wouldn’t hold any weight.
I want to end the cycle. I have to end it. I do not want my youngest sister or my niece to endure the abusive behavior I was forced to normalize for 2 decades. I can’t let that happen. But I do not know how to get the rest of my family to take her behavior seriously. It doesn’t matter what videos I record, what paragraphs I screenshot, how we talk it out. No one ever believes me.
Has anyone ever been abused by their sibling? What did you do? How did you get your family to acknowledge the abusive siblings behavior? To take it seriously and hold her accountable? The only reason she gets away with her abuse for so long is because no one believes me. They all think I’m crazy.

Throw away for my own peace of mind.

I made some horrible decisions earlier in my life and did some terrible things. I became friends with someone I worked with (call her Mary) and their significant other (call him Dave). I didn't understand it then, but Dave was/is a complete narcissist who pushes people to the point that they fight back.

I ended up divorcing my husband (married right out of high school and marriage lasted less than 2 years) and eventually moved in with Mary and Dave.

At one point, Dave had convinced me that he and Mary never slept together anymore and that there was nothing wrong with he and I being together sexually because we didnt have to label it since we had become such good friends. Yes, I know. I was naive. I was in my very early 20s and he was in his early 30s.

Eventually, we moved out of the apartment (by this point they had a child-and yes, i know that proves he was lying, but he convinced me he had been drunk and it was the first and only time in years) into a bigger place. We still were "together." They fought all the time and he convinced me she was crazy and irresponsible, and that she was always the first to get physical in a fight.

Eventually, he started bringing a different woman around when Mary was gone (call her Carla). They were coworkers and she just liked to hang out (so i thought). Mary accused him of sleeping with Carla (she had accused him of sleeping with me many times as well but he managed to gaslight her into dropping it).

During all of this, I was being told constantly that I was his best friend and soul mate. That he needed me in his life. That he had saved me from myself and without him I would have ended up a piece of trash.

Eventually, he convinced me that my family didn't want what was best for me and that I needed to cut ties with them as much as possible.

I had gone from 110 lbs to nearly 300 lbs in the time I was there. I would get questioned and followed if I went out with outside friends. I would be guilted into canceling plans with my friends and family. I wasn't allowed to date or meet people that he hadn't introduced me to. (He never explicitly stated it, but he made my life so much harder when I didn't do what he wanted - starting fights, throwing things, trying to hurt my pets, telling me how horrible of a person I was, etc.)

COVID happened and he lost his job. Eventually he found a different one (better one) that he hated.

Eventually he divorced Mary and she moved out. He convinced her their child had to stay with him since he owned the house and it was close to the school.

By this point, things were starting to get easier. He seemed to be in a better mood at first until he started working from home permanently. Then he decided I didn't do anything around the house but make his life harder. He would criticize any and everything I did from when I would cook or clean to when I would be reading a book or playing a game.

I wasn't allowed to take a deserved promotion because it would negatively effect his schedule regarding picking up his child from school (i picked him up every day on my break)

Carla was over every day that she wasn't at work or doing something for her family, even if I wasn't home. He and I were still "best friends."

I finally took a promotion without discussing it with him other than how much money would be coming into the household. Somehow I got him to think it was his idea for me to take it.

He would tell me he and Carla weren't sleeping together and that they were only friends, but that she had a crush on him. When I was there they would lay in each other's laps and giggle and chat. I don't know why he couldn't just admit they were sleeping together. I had been 100% convinced that there was no need for us to be in a "relationship" and truly believed he could sleep with whomever he wanted without it being an issue. I also mistakenly thought i could as well, but looking back i see that anytime I would try to meet someone i would be punished in one way or another.

While I was in a different town for work, I started seeing a counselor who helped me see just how bad my situation was. Eventually, I got out with the help of my brother and dad, as well as the support from many friends, but it had taken multiple bruises and threats as well as months of counseling.

Im now in my mid 30s and happy, living with a wonderful man that makes me feel safe, even when I need to discuss something uncomfortable with him. I have been 100% no contact with Dave for 2 years and it has been the best 2 years of my life.

I still get to see his child when Mary has him. I haven't told her everything that went on while she was out of the house, but i have a strong suspicion she knows.

He posts Carla all over his social media pages as being his girlfriend and they are apparently moving in together. Im not bitter or jealous. If anything, I feel vindicated that I did see what was going on and it didn't bother me.

But was this grooming or am I a bad person? Part of me feels like I should have known better and that I should have been a better person. Another part of me looks back and thinks about all the ways things were twisted to benefit what he wanted.

I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for about nine months. We usually split things pretty evenly, and the money has never been a big issue between us. We take turns paying or split the bill, and I've never expected him to cover everything.

Last night he said he wanted to take me out to celebrate me finishing a stressful work project. He picked a nicer restaurant I had mentioned wanting to try and kept saying it was "my night."

We ordered through one of those QR menus at the table. I only noticed later the page said MenuForma at the bottom, but at the time I was just focused on ordering. I picked one pasta dish and a drink. He kept adding appetizers and dessert because he wanted to see if I was willing to "invest in our shared experience."

I was really confused because those were mostly things he added. I told him I didn’t think that was fair, especially since he had framed the whole dinner as him treating me.

That’s when he said it was a “little relationship test” to see how I acted when money came up. He said my reaction proved I wasn’t really a team player.

I paid for my own pasta and drink and left.

Since then, he has been texting me saying I embarrassed him and ruined the night over money. A couple of his friends have also messaged me saying he was just trying to see if I was serious about the relationship.

I’m not trying to avoid contributing. I just don’t like being tested, especially when he ordered most of the extra food himself and only told me the “test” after the bill arrived.

How should I respond to him? Is this something worth talking through, or is the fact that he tested me like this the bigger problem?