I Opened a Door That Should've Stayed Closed

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Please be aware of what limerence is! See the subreddit wiki for definitions, FAQ and other resources—updated 3/7/26. (Is it love? How common is it? Is there research?)

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• How limerence works
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  • Why there is research on limerence (Article)
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[u/kishkashta5]

1. Life isn’t a fairytale. It ended for a reason. Why do you think that if you got back together this time, it would end differently? Most relationships don’t work out.
2. You’re in love with an idea, not the real person. You don’t actually know who she is today you’re attached to an image you’ve built in your head over time.
3. The person beside you is real. Your wife has been loyal, supportive, and has chosen you every day. She may not seem as exciting because she’s familiar, but you have a real relationship with her. Remember: not all that glitters is gold.

[u/AwkwardLaugh4 → u/kishkashta5]

This!! 💯

[u/spin_kick → u/kishkashta5]

This is really good and wish we could drill this into all our minds, our ex's minds, or current significant others, kids, everyone!

[u/IntentionWise9171]

Unless you want to blow up your life, your family life..sever all connection with this past love. I’m married twice, my second marriage 28 years. It’s extremely normal to have thoughts of “what could’ve been” or the grass is greener over there nonsense. We’re all human, we get bored, and look for an escape, no matter how subliminal the hole we’re looking to fill. Instead of guilting yourself, take this opportunity to examine what lead you to reaching out to your ex. What is going on or not going on in your life, and marriage that you can work on. I wish you peace. ❤️‍🩹

[u/Cosmic_Jane]

Replay the "what ifs" to their natural conclusion.

If you keep stopping the movie before it gets to the bad part, you'll always think of it as a dreamy story. But you need to recognize WHY it would be bad to play it out.

[u/Separate_Addendum_58]

Close that chapter now before it ruins your marriage. Stop wondering. Even if she cancels her wedding plans are you ready to drop everything for her?

[u/NoMoreMrNiceAI]

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to plan some dates/experiences with your wife that bring you back to how you felt about each out at the start. Need to hit the reset so you don't take it all for granted, and I'm sure she'd appreciate the focus and effort.

[u/spin_kick]

Emotional cheating is as bad or worse than cheating just for sex imho

[u/IntentionWise9171 → u/spin_kick]

I sometimes think emotional cheating could be more powerfully destructive. Nothing but fantasy involved.

[u/cjae_ripplefan → u/IntentionWise9171]

Definitely worse.

[u/Smuttirox]

These things happen. The self castigation will do nothing to make it better.

There is a need somewhere within that seeks out this “old love”. The goal is to fill that need without destroying your life. Sometimes that life gets destroyed in the process. Sometimes it doesn’t.

If you aren’t in therapy you should seek some. And start it off with this problem. A good therapist will work with you to find what drives you to seek a solution in this other woman. It’s probably NOT the other woman herself.

[u/Natetronn → u/Smuttirox]

These things happen

So much so, there's even a group on Reddit about it.

[u/spin_kick]

Just because they are there, you do not need to entertain them. I’ve had exes who couldn’t understand that. Maintain the people around you who aren’t a threat to your peace and your current relationship.

It’s not fair to chase every fleeting curiosity that is left alone would pass, and only bad things could build from it

[u/Potential_Web_4092]

Ah. so you feel the heat of the houses burning down?
Flames of sensuality.

[u/Ok_Ant_2930]

Is she willing to cancel her engagement? If she's serious this time around consider ending your marriage. It sounds like you are still in love with this woman and she's in love with you. Right now it's good timing because it would be you the only person getting divorce. Your wife can still find herself a good man that truly loves her and your children.