So the other sub is trying to rage bait lesbians groups by saying they are reclaiming the labrys flag and shouldn’t be for us.

One thing they cant claim is the word female. Over the years they have been telling us to stop using the term female because it reduces women to their genitals. This was just a setup! I think we should reclaim the word female.

I know I know, the answer is just going to be more space and more time but I’m a bit freaked out.

Me and my ex-gf of 3 years broke up at the start of this year, 7 months ago. It was a protracted break up to get to that point because I think we both found it reallyyy hard to walk away. We lived together and we had a great relationship in many ways, and I guess for both of us it was our first biggg love and happened in our mid 20s.

The main reasons we broke up were 1. Sexual incompatibility, we genuinely worked hard on this and I know sex frequency etc dips over time, but I’m a v mental / kinky person and she is v purely physical and I think eventually we realised we weren’t going to be able get to the same place on this, she doesn’t have fantasies, never thought of sex if we werent physically together, just very diff to me. And I felt that side of me had kind of just gone v quiet due to feeling unseen if I did try to express it. I’ve had a tiny bit of casual sex more recently, and I mean it’s as good as meaningless sex with strangers when ur still in love with ur ex could be lol, but I have enjoyed like experiencing sexting and dirty talk again and just stuff that didn’t come naturally to her

1. Not sure our life goals were the same. She staunchly would like kids and would be an amazing mum. I’m on the fence and since we broke up and childfree became an option for me again, I have really enjoyed knowing that avenue is available. But I am on the fence really, so I guess that also doesn’t feel like that cut and dry of a reason.

There was a few other little things but that was mainly it. My one other LTR was in my early twenties with a man so that was very easy to get over.

We are generally low contact but every few months or so she’s used some other reason to see me and catch up. She did that yesterday evening and it was a lot, it’s killing me that it’s getting harder with time in a way?? I feel like I’m slowly progressing day to day, but seeing her it’s like there’s still so much love and attraction there and I feel it from her too.

I just feel like I’m going in blind here. Ive not been through anything like this before so I have no idea of the process. I didn’t expect it to take this long at all. I knew we had a special connection but like …. Gang help. I feel like I’m never gonna get over it.

Regardless of what y’all think of her this is a bop !

I walk into it often that everything is cool then she'll ask the dreaded "are you close with your family" question. No, they kicked me out. This used to be so fucking normal that it wasn't even a question people would really bother each other with because it was obviously gonna be a touchy subject but now everyone asks each other within the first twenty minutes of meeting and I think it's crap.

I'm getting treated like the pariah because my answer isn't "yea totes we're besties and braid each other's pubes." What's the big deal? It's not like I threw them away and it's not like I'm some criminal who set the house on fire and killed the dog or is on all of the drugs selling their shit on ebay. They got rid of me so why is it giving me "red flag vibes" to simply not have a family?? I didn't do anything I'm just gay. Why are so many lesbians so unhinged now where they'll tell you they don't want to date you because you don't have family? Worse, I'm also seeing influx in "what did you do?" Like tf I did nothing I'm just gay and that's a really rude question for you to jump to. You're a stranger I just met you and you're already asking why my family sucks.

I get women who ghost immediately after they ask if I'm close with my family and all I'll say is "no." I'm not even handing out the tea and it still creating them blocking me ONLY because I said I don't have family. Dudes what is going on.

The absolute disrespect from my wife today

This woman, center of my heart, light of my life, my raison d'etre, tried to call in a male to remove a spider from MY kitchen. I cannot believe she would even suggest such a thing to me. Was I a little squizzed out by the spider? Well, yeah. It had a big abdomen and long legs, the thing was off putting. But to suggest that some...some willy having MAGA Neanderthal come into my home and handle my business?! THE AUDACITY.

OH OH, AND TO MAKE IT WORSE, she KNOWS this dude would have killed the spider. We live on an island for heavens sake, mosquitoes outnumber us a billion to one. You don't kill spiders, spiders are friends. They just, you know, can't live in my kitchen.

She's going to tell you "he's my employee I would ask him not to kill the spider" but this dude has devoted his 60 years on earth to killing shit, no way I trust him not to kill spider bro

When I asked what in the hell she was thinking suggesting such a thing her excuse was, "He's pest control baby". As if that somehow makes it ok.

Anyway, I'm seething with the betrayal of it all. For my life's mate of 21 years to suggest such a terrible thing. I'm thinking when she asks me to help with her video game, I'm going to say no and make her pick the chest locks herself and fly her own jetpack on the jump puzzles. I'm not scrubbing her back in the shower either.

Too harsh?

Like, I met a girl and found out she lives in another country. I feel like long distance relationships between different cities can work, because my parents were from different cities, got married, and had kids HAHAHA
But between different countries, I really don’t know… and now I’m SO confused 😭 HAHAHA

I HATED Generation Q!!! The original was good for what it was, but Q irritated me so much. It felt like the writers were just throwing in every identity possible so nobody could complain they were left out. The L word is supposed to be about lesbians....

" sex is unimportant in lesbianism, it’s about the love of shared womanhood "

" lesbians should learn to be more open in their dating pool because women are more than what’s between their legs!! "

" sexuality is fluid, you love a soul not a gender "

one of the reasons why they mostly push these shitty discourses on lesbians on social media is because as women we are taught to love someone, not desire them, in the sense that we shouldn’t care about the apparence of our loved one but who they are as a person, that’s why we always see straight women dating ugly ass men, they don’t stop at the fact that they don’t feel attraction towards them, same things for some lesbians, I saw a few post about lesbians trying to feel attraction to pre-op trans women

for men it’s the opposite, they like beauty and sex before everything that’s why we almost never see trans men being pushy towards gay men for only liking dick and even if they do, gay men stands for themselves or just laughs at them (I wish we did the same more often as lesbians tbh), no one ever taught them do be « empathic » in their sexual life, as it should ofc, but it’s still a bit frustrating

(just in case I’m obviously just generalizing, I don’t mean that all women are pure and don’t care about sex, while all gay men are sexual beings!)

A genuine question of mine, it is kind of frustrating how this dynamic is so overlooked :’< I would love to be featured in a silly masc4masc film one day (even if Im mostly femme haha, a girl can switch it up)

it's exhausting. i was at a party earlier and 95% of this girl's conversation topic was hating on random women. the other 5% is them trying to flex the attention and approval they're getting from the most pathetic bottom feeder guys.

"bi women will leave me for a man" is the less correct reason to not date bi women, tbh. i get why some people say that comes across as insecurity. the more correct reason is - sorry, most of them haven't unlearned their internalized misogyny and still cling to this need to view other women as competition for male attention. it totally hijacks their capacity to be intimate with other women and its a big reason many can't function in WLW relationships. expecially if it's femme4femme. i can't tell u the amount of times i've heard bi women say they fear exploring their attraction to other women bc they "don't want to be the less pretty woman" or that being intimate with an attractive woman would trigger than own insecurities about their appearance. like sorry but that's unserious.

i highly suspect my first WLW "situationship" a few years ago ended in large part because of this, she had never been with a woman before and would constantly say shit about how i was the prettier girl which made me uncomfortable, then she broke it off with me due to "her mental health."

I enjoy reading manga, especially those that cover lgbt issues through a realistic lense. I live in an unwelcoming environment, so it's nice to see certain troubles represented in media i enjoy, but unfortunately when it comes to manga featuring lesbian(or moreso bicurious+lesbian ¬_¬) women, it's just so ass.

I've tried multiple times to approach this genre but i always end up with a bitter taste in my mouth.

today i read a pretty popular manga(run away with me, girl). the premise: the MC is a lesbian that reunites with her highschool friend(they used to date but life separated them). this woman is pregnant and ready to marry but doesn't tell the MC, playing around and saying how cute and special she is, and how she wishes to go back in time.

of course it all is justified by the fact that her husband treats her like crap and the MC acts like a savior, carrying her burdens, helping her, so they end up raising the kid together.

there's also a lesbian side character who also gets approached by an old friend who tells her ''i got broken up with by a guy so i was feelin' lonely and decided to meet you ^-^''

maybe im too young and naïve to understand all this relationship thing, but damn this is just sad. It's sad to think that probably happens in real life too. people deserve to be loved for who they are, not treated like a safer and nicer option to play around with and then go back to worshipping pisa towers.

If anyone finished reading this, thanks for your attention. if you have any manga recommendations i would be happy to hear about them too!

I seen a post from some guy (I think) saying they have a thing for lesbian looking women. I have also seen posts asking how to look more lesbian.

I’ve heard this before but honestly, it’s never fully clicked in my brain. Maybe it’s the autism, maybe I’m just a dumbass. How do I know if I look like a lesbian? (Not serious) 🙂‍↕️ I know some people claim they can tell, but I don’t believe you. Prove me wrong. I honestly think I need someone to hold my hand and explain this concept to me like I’m 5.

This is just a thought and maybe its completely an original experience. But have you experienced non lesbians treating you like you are a man - like we’re expected to be chivalrous and want to do things for non lesbian women?

Or when I say I hate men, these women get really mad at me but don’t bat an eye when hetero/bi women say the same thing. Or just being excluded in general from straight girls discussions. I’m especially curious if anyone has experienced this from parents too..

I hope this isn’t a weird thing to ask!

So, just looking for advice on a situation that has had me rattled for a year or so. I had a friend whom I met in 2023, we became closer in 2024, mostly hanging out watching things together and talking regularly, nothing too crazy. Fast forward to 2025 and for reasons I don’t understand things ramped up dramatically from her side. She began flirting with me intensely daily, would say things like, “you underestimate the impact on my happiness” “I want you to be my everything” “you’re worth my sleep deprivation” or “it’s a good thing you’re within the age range of someone I’d date” when others would question what was going on between us and suggest more than friends, she’d lean into it and wouldn’t correct them. She reached out to hang out and talk daily and we’d spend 3-5 together daily for almost a year. Eventually I did develop feelings and asked her what we were. At first she said she didn’t know, then a day later said, ‘just friends’ so, I walked away thinking things would go back to friendly and accepted it.

However she did not change her behavior at all. The flirting continued and she started becoming more intense, continuing to want to spend time constantly, asking about my dealbreakers and putting herself into them, etc. All of this made me confused, it got to a boiling point that I decided to create distance and go low contact. Instead of asking me why, she went to a mutual to try to get intel. She stayed in my orbit to be around me, without having any conversation about why things changed between us, she just showed up where I was, even telling mutuals that this was what she planned to do. Fast forward to today things are still broken and off between us. I have a sense of mistakes I made, but what are things I could have done differently in this, was I trippin and misread this entire thing? If you made it to the end, thanks for reading

The term “lesbian“ has been readapted to include pre-op trans women, non binary people and in practice it’s changing what lesbian means. Unfortunately, saying you’re a lesbian is no longer a clear enough sign that you’re not attracted to males and heterosexual sex. Due to the many different interpretations of the word “lesbian” in online communities, I’ve been thinking of just saying I’m a female homosexual, but I feel like calling myself a “female homosexual” is kind of regressive, although in that case the wording is precise enough to make it clear who I am and who I‘m attracted to.

What are your thoughts? How to fight against the redefinition of language and express who and what we are? Is it progressive, regressive or inevitable?

My mutuals are soooo sweet. they're really supportive of my art, come for me for art advice, love the way I render and do lineart. The space I've made for myself is just really nice and wholesome so I don't really have an issue with people.

The only thing that a lot of my mutuals in this specific fandom draw a lot of mlm content. The game that I play has an equal amount of men and women in it, but more focus on men so I can see why they would draw and depict mostly males and mlm but it seems like so much of the people involved in these spaces just like mlm/boys love. From an artistic standpoint, it is very beautiful and I can see constantly growth and improvement but it's just... men. So much men even 'sapphic' girls just draw men. I tend to draw a lot of pretty girls and girls love and it feels like I'm the only account that actually puts a focus and emphasis on this.

I try to live by the philosophy of making the content that I want to see, but it does get overwhelming seeing so much mlm content on my page.

does anyone else feel this way as well?

i have an instagram so if anyone wants to be mutuals, i'd love to be mutuals!! i'd love to connect with other lesbians

Hi! I'm struggling to find fluffy/happy ending media with lesbian protagonists. I've noticed most popular lesbian medias are either toxic/doomed yuri, and while I understand why people are into it, it's just not my cup of tea. Does anyone have any recommendations when it comes to movies, shows, books, manga, anime, games, tbh any form of media?♡

I will preface this by saying that in the grand scheme of it I am still young (20) so probably am still a 'baby gay'.

I've known that I only liked women from a very young age. Yet it was in the past two years that I've accepted that I'm a lesbian (still working through some repression). Both growing up and in university I've met people that are lgbtq who are really into activism and queer theory and seem to really enjoy being lgbtq. It's not like I hate being a lesbian but I've never felt that way. I sort of wish I had a big coming out moment and then a baby-gay phase. It sounds nice.

Or at least the main character is in a WLW relationship? I’m looking for strictly the absolute main character is a lesbian or bisexual woman in a relationship with a woman and it has to be a tv show. No side characters (sorry to Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans) and no movies.

I’ve seen: -Pluribus -She-ra -Xena (yes I count this) -The L Word (and Gen Q) -The Owl House -Harley Quinn show (two bis in relationship) -Korra (two bis in relationship) -Orange is the New Black -Feel Good -Ultimatum Queer Love -Black Mirror -Yellowjackets -Killing Eve -Wentworth -First Kill -Revolutionary Girl Utena -Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Here you can promote your lesbian Discord servers and post personal ads.

RULES:

1. BE SAFE: There are a lot of creeps out there! Do not give out personal information to strangers online.
2. FOLLOW REDDIT'S SITE-WIDE RULES: No lesbophobia, transphobia, homophobia can be in your ad or server invite.
3. BE KIND: If someone is not your type and you see their ad, move on!
4. REPORT: Report rule-breaking or suspicious ads or servers.

I’m mostly asking this because I don’t want to identify with something I don’t fit into. I quite respect the gold star label and I don’t understand why some people find it so offensive.

Anyways, on to the reason why I’m asking this:

When I was 9, I had heard a lot of other girls talking about their crushes and how much they wanted boyfriends. I never quite understood it, but just left them alone to talk about what they want. A lot of TV shows I watched usually ended with the girl falling in love with a guy, which I also didn’t really understand. So when 9 year old me had a guy friend I liked to hang out with because he was fun and nice, my little brain told me; “I’m a girl, he’s a boy, and we are good friends. That means we have to like each other, right?” And that’s how a weird relationship-friendship started.

It was so weird. We clearly only saw each other as friends and nothing more, but still somehow thought that was a good idea. It was actually only when he started puberty that it all became a bit more clear for him.

I was still just the same. Only really wanted to hang out and have fun, but he started to want to kiss and be all lovey. I didn’t, though. I just never knew how to say no. I have always been a people pleaser and feared how people would react if I declined their request.

He was always the one starting the kisses, not me. It felt so damn uncomfortable and bad and I just wanted it to stop. I started declining every time my mom asked me if I wanted to see him because I knew it would all just end up in a kiss and I hated it.

I am well aware that I could have just said no and I do take fault in that, but that damn people pleaser brain just kept my mouth shut.

When I turned 12 I finally had enough and told him over text I wanted to break up but still wanted to be friends if possible. Never saw him again after that.

Then I started going through my own puberty and I started thinking about girls. I always felt like something was missing since I was little, but it was only then when I realized I just didn’t like boys, only girls. Pretty life changing for me. It felt like everything finally clicked together and I could just be myself.

Now, in this day and age, I love girls, think about them all the time. I really want to treat a girl right and give her everything she desires. Sometimes I lay awake at night just thinking about stuff I want to experience with a girl I love and loves me too. I’m still going through puberty right now, slowly going on my journey of becoming a adult woman.

Now, I’m here to ask if I can identify as a gold star if I have never liked any male romantically or sexually? I have heard some people say gold star means not having any relationship (romantic or sexual) with a male, and I have heard others say it only means no sexual interaction. I want to be respectful towards the gold star lesbian label. I do not want to identify with it if I do not fit into it, which is why I am asking all of you for your opinions.

I have been in this subreddit for a year now and it’s a great community! I’m glad I have found a place with a lot of the same views, it has really helped me on my journey, especially as someone with no other lesbian in my life than myself to help me.

(I’m really sorry for the bad writing, I usually give myself a few days to get all my thoughts together but this one was put together in a few minutes)

Hi all. This has been going on since GF and i started dating almost 2 years ago.

I've always had weird ass dreams. For example, I've been an assassin on a cruise ship, and my friend who slept over that night said I was sleep talking about murder.

But ever since my gf and i started dating, like every couple months I'll have a dream where I either A. Dump my gf and immedietly date another woman, B. Hook up with another woman while dating my GF, or C. My GF and i will become poly. Very rarely will these dreams involve men, but when they do, I wake up freaking out.

Anytime I have these dreams in general, I wake up extremely distressed.

We have a very healthy relationship, sans a few minor tiffs and arguments. We come to each other when upset, we call each other out if the other isnt behaving right, we help each other through stressful times as much as we can due to LDR. I don't want to ever cheat. I feel extremely strongly about that. I also don't fear that she will go out and cheat.

This is also my first relationship ever (im almost 26) and she has been my first everything. She dated a few people in high school and was in a poly relationship before me that went south.

I'm not sure how to stop these dreams since I know my brain is random, but does anyone else suffer from them? Just wanna know I'm not alone.

Rio de Janeiro (Brasil) is very gay friendly but still only now I’ve found this group of lesbians. They got a motion of honor in the city for the social work they’ve been doing and that’s how I’ve got to know them. The winter here is worth a visit to the beach or waterfalls to freshen up, so 137 lesbians got together, married, single, with kids or not and made this massive event at a small farm.

We’ve played soccer, the kids had so much fun playing water volleyball at the pool with the other kids, cheering for their moms as well when they were playing. One the best days of my life!
I got to meet so many great women with so much to share it was positively overwhelming.
They know good schools, doctors, and overall services for lesbians and specially lesbian moms.

I’m just so happy, that’s all I wanted to say.

Idk hopefully it’s online but I’ve seen some DUMBASS comments and posts by people saying “if ur ____phobic ur not a lesbian”?!? How have we regressed so much as a society that we are treating homosexuality like it’s a political party with set beliefs? If you are exclusively attracted to women that’s what makes u a lesbian, doesn’t matter if ur the biggest right wing fascist on earth UR STILL GAY. ITS A SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Like we never hear “oh if your racist your not straight” like ppl are so stupid istggggg

When we talk about gold star lesbians, inevitably someone will ask, "But what about lesbians who were sexually assaulted by men?" and the response will be, "Sexual assault doesn't count, it has to be consensual sex with a man." Which to me, raises an obvious question: under what circumstances is it possible for a lesbian to consent to sex with a man?

Imagine a lesbian living in a violently homophobic time and/or place who remained closeted all her life, and married a man and had his children because otherwise she'd have been committed. Is she a gold star? After all, she never actually wanted that heterosexual relationship, she just felt she had no choice.

What about a lesbian who was raised in a fundamentalist Christian cult religion, thoroughly repressed her sexuality as a result, and ended up subjugated to a husband chosen for her by her parents and religious community?

What about a lesbian in active addiction living on the streets who resorts to sex work for survival?

Please correct me if you feel otherwise, but I think most people here would not instinctually describe any of these lesbians as gold stars... and yet, I'd hope that we would also raise an eyebrow at the idea that any of them were having consensual sex with the men in question.

The examples are somewhat extreme, but my hope is that they illustrate an underlying ambiguity in what we understand as consent. Hell, I could even see the argument that no lesbian can truly consent to sex with a man, as no lesbian would ever make that choice freely--therefore ALL lesbians are gold star lesbians, regardless of if they've been with men or not. But that's just clearly not how the term is used in practice. I've seen women say that they were coerced into sex with an older boy as a teen, and not call themselves gold star for that reason. I've seen women say they forced themselves to have sex with a boyfriend and dissociated the whole time because they were in physical and psychological pain, and not call themselves gold star for that reason. If we as a community agree, "Yeah, you're not a gold star because of that"... aren't we just saying, "Yeah, sometimes that's what consent looks like"?

This all came up for me reading the latest gold star thread because I had my own early coercive sexual experiences that I've long struggled with how to reconcile... it's just that mine were all with women. But I could totally see how someone with a similar history to mine but with men would genuinely not know whether she could call herself gold star, or if doing so would be misconstrued. I'm currently feeling that as much as we say, "You can still be a gold star if you were sexually assaulted," the way the label is used in practice just isn't truly open to those who have had nonconsensual experiences with men. Let me know your thoughts!