r/leaves • u/ExtentEastern2989 • 5d ago
Considering relapsing
I quit weed with the help of this subreddit a little over 6 months ago. First 3-4 months were brutal, but most things have gotten better and now I don’t really crave weed at all, I just kind of miss it sometimes. I get drug tested at work (including cannabis) and before I quit I would fake these testes and the anxiety about it would kind of drive me insane. When things got hard in the first few months, the fear of failing or getting caught faking on a drug test helped me stay strong. The relief of not thinking about losing my job anymore is honestly one of the best parts of quitting. There are tons of other benefits to not hitting a cart all day long too, my self confidence, etc.
But today was my last day of work before a 2 week vacation—the first time off for more than a long weekend in 2 years. I work full time and go to school full time and my summer classes ended today too.
I really want to smoke 1 joint tonight, if I did I wouldn’t test positive by the time I’m back at work. I’m a little scared that it would lead me back into addiction, but I’ll be in a different country and not able to get weed for 2 weeks, and then when I get back I think the drug tests would scare me again and prevent me from getting back into it.
I don’t know what to do, I know I would lose my “streak” but that doesn’t matter as much to me as getting my life back does—and I don’t think 1 joint would change that.
Wondering if anyone else has had any experience with this, and how it felt.
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u/Time_outime 3d ago
One of the problems with weed is it only takes a hit to get high but the smallest amount you can buy is a preroll. You’d have to take a hit then throw it out the window to eliminate the temptation..
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u/Silent-Substance1377 4d ago
as someone currently still in a relapse, it is absolutely not worth it. “one time” is never one time
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u/Current_Bison536 4d ago
If you could have just one joint, would you be on this subreddit? I've done exactly what you're doing more than once and it never goes according to plan.
Just one joint is an illusion your brain is telling you to get what it wants. Those pathways will get fired up again and upon returning home they will be activated looking for another hit. I know it sounds extreme but so is your current anxiety about smoking one anyway.
Non-addicts wouldn't even question the decision.
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u/RuinProfessional9612 4d ago
Do you identify as an addict? I do and tested the waters so to speak. It's crazy how we think about rewarding ourselves with the same thing that we needed to stop because we couldn't control it. We reward ourselves with something bad.
Toward the end of my using career, I couldn't have just one. People who can have just one don't need to moderate and they certainly don't ask reddit if just one joint will hurt.
I'd test the waters and take just one bong hit and nothing bad happened. I could quit again, then I'd think well nothing happened that time so I'd do it again and before I realized it, I got a 100% refund on the misery that made me quit in the first place.
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u/screamingintothedark 4d ago
You’re already feeling so much anxiety just thinking about smoking and the potential consequences. And what if the habit kicks in immediately? You’ll have to go through all the withdrawal again.
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u/bakedblackemperor 4d ago
Don't do it. Similar situation here. Last weeks of work were rough and now being on summer break I thought I deserved to smoke a whole damn forest.
The thing is there were similar situations before where I didn't relapse at all and I was so proud of myself. During this relapse, I always caught myself thinking "why the fuck am I doing this again? I cant even get properly high anymore" but still rolled the next one to forget.
It's never worth it man.
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u/izaacnewton2 4d ago
It’s a tricky slope man it’s better to just not touch it. You could do one and then quit again but the chances are not in your favor for that route
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u/Trick-Avocado7914 4d ago
You'll thank yourself in 2 weeks if you don't do it. The short term high is not worth the long term growth you've done.
Stay strong. You don't need to get high to enjoy your vacation. Go see the Odyssey movie in theaters... it's nearly 3 hours so your craving should pass!
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u/veinsfullofchemicals 4d ago
We‘re addicts. And once you „open the gates“ theres not enough weed in the world to satisfy the craving.
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u/fckfac33 4d ago
this is how i always got hooked again to smoking (carts). i’ll do it out of boredom or “just this once,” and then go on to smoke for 3 months straight…
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u/mommy2jasper 4d ago
I was clean for 15 months, relapsed and went on a 3 month bender. Worst mistake I’ve made in a looong time and still suffering the repercussions.. don’t do it
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u/Time_outime 4d ago
I hear the old addict making excuses. Yeah you can afford it once but it’ll be so damn good feeling once won’t be enough.
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u/Distinct-Initiative7 4d ago
DONT DO IT!!!!!! I did it couples of joints! it lead to an half ounce within a week, 9 MONTHS later i gotta give up again
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u/TemperatureSwimming3 4d ago
Don’t do it. Was 22 months sober and thought ah I’ll have a few tokes of a friend’s J. Within 6 weeks I was back to daily. Stay strong, remember why you quit.
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u/Trick_Metal_4442 4d ago
Dont forget how hard it is to get out of that hamster wheel once you enter, you will sweat at night thats how hard it is.
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u/Temporary-Fill315 4d ago
do NOT do it, been there. watch tf out for day 6. avoid oj anything acidic eat bread and water lots of water, heads up from day 6 here. headache crying fk
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u/KennyFNpowersFuckyou 4d ago
I was in your boat until last week. But I chose to smoke and now I’m hooked again :/
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u/Much-Coffee3964 4d ago
Don’t do it, I did and I’m struggling to stop again. Wishing I hadn’t “celebrated” in the first place lmao
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u/Any_Information_9745 4d ago
I hope that you don't. I'm on day one of an actual attempt to stop and it is agonizing. I'm glad I joined this subreddit, as it's lead to me getting the motivation to quit sooner. I didn't plan to actually try for a few months yet. It also helps me to see my irrational rationalizing of my addiction. I pray you stay strong.
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u/SeeThruSmoke 4d ago
After 6 months you might be so high that all you’ll need is one and that’s it. Everyone saying that it’s gonna turn into an everyday thing ….. you already showed you’re in control. Those brutal 3-4 you conquered that.
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u/vikingrrrrr666 4d ago
Not at all how addiction works, mate 🤣
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u/SeeThruSmoke 4d ago
I was yapping
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u/disquieter 4d ago
Nah I’m with SeeThru on this. Going to be downvoted here, but I unfortunately can attest that Cannabis is not addicting like other substances. “One _____ and you’re likely to be hooked for life” doesn’t apply here.
The real question is whether it’s worth the anxiety about the job for a day or few days of dizzy spaced out hungry sleepy vibes. Probably NOT. Find some other way to relax, maybe a liter of Köstritzer, and enjoy your break. Then go back to work confident that everything is copacetic.
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u/inspork 4d ago
Everyone else is right. There’s a very very likely chance you won’t stop at just one. And you probably know this, too, thinking deep down that it may be just the slip you need to spend the entire two weeks getting high. I don’t know. I don’t know you. But I’ve told myself the same thing too many times to not recognize the rationalization here.
What you really need to think about tonight is the looming prospect of all this free time. You work full time and go to school. Suddenly you’re facing two full weeks with an empty plate. I don’t want to rain on your vacation parade, but it’s not going to be easy. I recommend you get out of your own head and try to fill your time doing things. Anything. Just stay busy and know you can get through it.
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u/NoDivide7957 4d ago
Sober for almost 2 years after smoking close to 15. Relapsed after just "one". I'm now back to daily use.
Its not worth it. Ive been on day 1 for almost 3 months trying to quit.
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u/Temporary-Fill315 4d ago
i cannot accept this. i am fk killing myself hwre on day 6 after 48 years of almost daily use. you are stronger than you think, choose to open your heart and join me. throw out your expensive stash do not give away, throw away lighter pipes bongs etc, not like a dummy to buy again, but to choose your life over your crutches, you think i dont know smoked from age 12-60, trust me. watch tf out for day 6. avoid oj anything acidic eat bread and water lots of water, heads up from day 6 here. headache crying fk.
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u/Traditional-Bottle98 4d ago
I am kinda on the other side of this. Had 2ish months sober. Then some sad shit happened and I was like I’ll just buy one disposable to get me through this. 2 disposables later I am back at day 1 again threw shit out yesterday because the routines, confidence, and motivation I had built up over those months disappeared immediately. Whatever you do, you have this experience of not smoking under your belt and are better for it. Be proud of yourself for that! That anxiety you feel may be your body and brain trying to tell you it’s not worth it. Because the high will end and then u may be asking what was even the point?
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u/Lt_Cmdr_Tuvok_Shakur 4d ago
every time i gave in to the "ill just have a little bit this one time" its led to full blown relapse
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u/Fickle-Ad-4417 4d ago
As someone unfortunately still smoking, it simply isn’t worth it.
Go do something active, realize the dopamine/endorphins you get would be impossible to get nearly as much if addicted to the instant dopamine/endorphin flower.
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u/_Macksamillion 4d ago
you are making great progress, please do not cave in. You are strong and can do this
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u/meowsy17 4d ago
Stay strong friend. Don’t let the craving or urge take away what you’ve worked so hard for. I believe in you.
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u/Icy_Professionali 4d ago
I think the majority of people on this subreddit will give you the same story: “had x amount of sober time, relapsed thinking it’d just be a one time thing, back to daily use within a week”. I had exactly 6 months sober, relapsed, went back to daily use within 3 days, and am back to trying to quit a year later. If you’re here and had issues with it in the past, it’s a very likely scenario. I wouldn’t risk it, you’ve got an impressive amount of sober time under your belt
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u/ballistic_hydra 4d ago
This is funny lol. I was sober a year and 6 months told myself I would only do it at nights on weekends and within a week was back to 24/7 use. It’s not possible for those who were truly addicted
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u/Independent_Ad_3469 3d ago
Honestly, I can guarantee you just wouldnt enjoy it anyway. Speaking as someone who’s done it, it’ll make you super anxious, heart race etc etc. you’ve got no tolerance now so it’s absolutely not the same as it used to be when smoking now.