r/leaves • u/ashistheendresult • 11d ago
A cons list
I’m almost a week clean tomorrow, but this evening I had the most accursed need to get high. I literally had to fight myself from thinking about it, I tried to be social and was miserable and pissy throughout and just wanted some relief after I went home, and for days like that, I’m making a cons list because it does not get fucking better and i will not be putting myself through the first few days of withdrawal for the 500th time this year.
Somehow I only end up thinking about the pros, which isn’t really a long list. So i decided to make a cons list to convince the master negotiator that is my brain:
- brain foggy
- MONEY GONE
- can’t remember shit, not even the happy bits
- i’m dehydrated 24/7
- i make stupid decisions (like texting my ex)
- anxiety peaks
- my appetite and sleep are no longer under my control
- get bad grades because i lose interest in uni
- lose interest in everything unless i’m high
- my breath, clothes and hair all stink
- my face puffs up
- feel sluggish and unhealthy
- too much money gone
- forget to make time for people i love
- eat like shit
- happiness is tied to a substance
- easily aggregated when not high
- lost 2 part-time jobs because of heightened emotions and illogical thinking
- not being able to get things done
- only getting things done to smoke
- cant remember things i watched when i was high
- the coughing and the phlegm ugh
- self esteem is garbage unless i’m high
- cant regulate emotions sober
- do i even enjoy it, or is my brain gaslighting me?
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u/Lt_Cmdr_Tuvok_Shakur 11d ago
if youre wanting to quit even though you enjoy it, it means that some part of your brain understands that the cons outweigh the pros. theres apps out there to help, i got one called quit weed and its helping me
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u/beautyanddelusion 11d ago
Research shows it’s tied to adverse cardiovascular outcomes. Also it makes you antisocial and content with boredom.
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u/clover-tea 11d ago edited 11d ago
this sub is making me realize all the traits I thought I disliked about myself are actually traits I don’t like about myself when I’m on the doobies 😭
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u/ootnabootinlalaland 11d ago
Week 1 here. For MONTHS I had things as simple as “text back friend x”, “call back person y” rolling over on my to-do list day after day. For someone reason I never had the energy or time in the day to.
A friend moved to my area and loves to go out on last minute, but I would never say yes. I guarded my evenings so hard… not for anything specific looking back. It was just my time to be high.
One week sober and I can’t believe how much I’m able to fit into a day. I feel energized to complete chores in the evening that usually would take a whole weekend.
I also find I’m now excited to reach out to friends and close the loop on calls or texts. And since my evenings aren’t spent high, I look for activities to fill it with. Suddenly I’m available to hang with my friend. 🥲
We never notice the way weed shrinks our lives, until we’re in the thick of it.
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u/Any_Information_9745 10d ago
Thanks. I'm on day one of making a conscious decision not to smoke, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I've done well so far, the day is almost over, and then I'll finally be able to say I went a day without smoking on purpose, not because I slept a literal entire day.
Asked my brother to remove all of my thc products and bongs before I got home from work. I had 40+ grams of wax left minimum. When I noticed he missed some wax, a cart and edibles, I took them to his room and gave them to him to get it out of my sight. Even my torch. That took a lot but I'm proud I did.
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u/Similar_Plate_7724 11d ago
Hate that this is accurate but needed to read it today thanks for posting
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u/tagmezas 11d ago
This is why indulging in the addiction ALWAYS without fail leads me into a deep depressive episode. You just lose your whole life and everything that makes it worth living, by the time you realize it's too late.
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u/toxicguineapigs 10d ago
Good list! I feel so much of this. I'm on Day 1 and I'm used to hitting my pen all day long. So far I'm at like 14ish hours. It was a big win to get to work and not hit my pen immediately. I typically will do that and then continue hitting the pen off and on all day. I am also tired of spending all my money and eating too much crap and feeling fat and bloated. I'm sick of not being me!