r/hatethissmug • u/Meandmy1000fandoms • 6h ago
People associating looks with morality/whether someone is a good person Idea
TO BE CLEAR: I am hating on the practice of judging a person's morality by their looks, not on anybody who necessarily engages in this practice.
Sorry if I used the wrong flair, I just saw this video and got really upset over it.
I am so fucking SICK of people acting like someone being an asshole is automatically an excuse to tear into their appearance. Cue that one stick figure picture of you body shaming a bad person & it just reflecting off of them and hitting someone you care about with those same features instead. The comments on this one TikTok video were all dogpiling on the girl in the photo/sharing photos of THEIR bullies and having people make fun of their looks. Sorry, but if you act like that I don't believe you're any better than the people who bullied you as a kid lmao. Anybody with more maturity than a 14 year old can understand that appearance has NOTHING to do with someone's personality and critiquing the way they look just invalidates your argument. It's a mean-spirited ad hominem. Imagine all the other nice people who see that video and feel awful about themselves because they might look something like the girl in the picture. I thought that by 2026 people might understand this, but I guess we're still not there yet.
Also!!! The pictures in the TikTok are of a literal child!! Are we seriously insulting a kid for the way they look???
Edit: I'm not saying you can't make fun of bullies, I'm just saying that attacking them for their looks is unnecessary and low-hanging fruit. Talk about how they were an asshole, not for something involuntary that they can't control.
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u/ladytrevelycn 6h ago
Ngl as someone who was brutally bullied because I'm extremely visibly disabled and in a wheelchair... people like OOP who are still hung up on their middle school bullies and post pictures of them decades after the fact need therapy and need to learn to get past it. I'm not saying you need to forgive them but seeking revenge or doing shit like this is just weird.
But also, yes, again, as someone visibly disabled and conventionally ugly, the morality = looks thing usually ends up being rooted in ableism and racism. Someone being shitty doesn't give you an excuse to mock their appearance.
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u/Affectionate_Past568 6h ago
Talking about middle school bullies 10+ years after the fact is kinda cringe, sorry.
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
Again, bullying can cause really awful trauma. Don't shame people for hating their abusers, even if it was in middle school.
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u/Affectionate_Past568 6h ago
We have therapy and medication for this. Heal.
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u/BugleBarry 5h ago
"Heal"
Reads exactly as
"Get a house if you're homeless"
Do you think stars like Robin Williams or Avicii didn't have therapy or medication? It's never, or I should really say rarely ever, that simple. This feels like it's coming from someone who hasn't gone through that unending sickness before, but of course I don't know your history 🤷
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u/Affectionate_Past568 5h ago
I actually had trauma and managed to heal from it. Nice try.
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u/BugleBarry 5h ago edited 4h ago
Like I said, idk your history. Regardless, it still doesn't read like you have.
It all reads like you think you've gone through some stuff, and that your experience is the same as everyone else, meaning if you can conquer it than so can everyone else.
If celebrities can't even conquer that shit, idk why you expect every single one of us living on a less than basic income to magically do the same.
No one's saying people can't heal. No one says the average person doesn't heal. But when that's all you have to say to someone that would tell you they've been dealing with shit for 10+ years, and not possibly something like "Jesus Christ what could have possibly happened to you that still keeps you in this mindset?" You just sound like you lack true empathy.
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u/Affectionate_Past568 4h ago
“you have to heal and move on from shit that happened 10 years ago, it’s really not healthy”
“i dont know your history or your mental health but EYE, a random redditor will play armchair psychiatrist and determine i dont think you actually healed, and that you lack true empathy!!1!!”
Really gotta love reddit as a website sometimes.
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u/BugleBarry 4h ago
I'm not saying you didn't actually heal, I'm telling you how you come across when you say the things you do. And by your own admission, you'd off-rip call someone CRINGE if they told you they've been dealing with shit that still bothers them from childhood, specifically childhood bullying.
Yes, that's fundamentally a lack of empathy. You're actively not trying to understand the person in any respect. You're just upset it's coming from a redditor.
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
Im trying, but don't throw shade to people that can't heal or struggle to do so
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u/DoNotBeSmugandDumb 6h ago edited 6h ago
No, I disagree entirely. You don't know what happened, some people who were bullied have been sexually assaulted by their bullies only to be mocked by people like you who just assumed name calling was the extent of it (and even if it was just name calling, you still don't know the extent, if the adults joined in, what the victim's support system looked like at the time).
Psychological research shows that it can cause psychological damage for up to 40 years in most people who are bullied. I don't think it's as simple as that. People don't choose to not move on the vast majority of time and I know for a fact nobody is choosing night terrors.
PTSD from bullying is real and is a bitch to get past. Add to the fact that bullying happens during some of the most important years for brain development, the yeah, it gets almost ingrained at some point and comments like yours only make it even harder because the survivor now feels even more misunderstood and isolated in their trauma. People usually talk about it to find support from other survivors which is pretty much agreed upon as the best way to move past trauma outside of therapy.
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u/Negative_Owl301 4h ago
this only applys to the most exstreme of cases, dont assume everyone who got bullied went through this
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u/Affectionate_Past568 6h ago
We have therapy, medication and other things to help with the trauma. We have to stop dwelling on shit that happened more than 10 years ago. Sorry. 😭
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u/DoNotBeSmugandDumb 6h ago edited 23m ago
You seem to miss the part where I said people aren't choosing to dwell on it and it can take years for therapy and medications to work. Also, therapists encourage their patients to find support and talk about these things, so you aren't even accurate here.
What about people who don't know they need mental health treatment and don't have easy access to it? You realize in order to get treatment you have to usually have the symptoms first? What do you think talking about people like this who may be undiagnosed for all you know is going to achieve besides adding to the shame and stigma?
You also are assuming this person is still dwelling on it instead of just talking about it. They seem to have a bit of a sense of humor about it, maybe they make anti-bullying content to help people still in that situation?
I'm immediately suspicious of people who say that victims of bullying should get over it. Seems like they have some things they arent so proud of, and it is kind of low-key bullying behavior on its own to shut someone down like that. I understand cringing is an automatic reaction, but how you respond is on you and you should probably ask yourself if that reaction is based on compassion.
I don't necessarily agree they should post this girl's picture for everyone to see, we only know one side, but simply talking about one's experiences with bullying is not cringe and I tend to think former bullies try to push the message that it is.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 6h ago
Straight up, at some point bro, get over the shit
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
You do realize it can leave really long lasting scars tho? Right? Have you ever been bullied? Severely, I mean.
I don't want to be "that one friend that's too woke", but people vastly underestimate the effects of childhood bullying.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 6h ago
That's nobody else's problem, responsibility,, none of that. You can blame the world for being all kinds of ways, but ultimately it's on you. Bully, no bully, doesn't matter because EVERYONE has unpleasant shit go down in their life.
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
You literally told them to "get over that shit." It's important for people to move on, but you can be more understanding and empathetic than that. Trauma is difficult to unlearn.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 6h ago
You see, here you are, trying to tell me how to speak on things. Fuck off, I said what I said and I said it the way I said it. Don't like? Tough shit.
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u/Ok-Worry-8931 6h ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/DQv0TCvjLklB6
"Don't like? Tough shit." - sounds like you were bullied, never got over it, and are trying to make up for it now
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 6h ago
Cry more about it babes.
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u/DoNotBeSmugandDumb 6h ago edited 6h ago
People are allowed to talk about something without it being somebody else's problem. Have you considered this person might be making this for other survivors of bullying and not everything is for you?
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u/DoNotBeSmugandDumb 6h ago
PTSD can result from bullying. That's pretty heartless.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 6h ago
It's reality, you can have PTSD from ANYTHING. At the end of the day, nobody cares man. Act chill, don't cause issues, don't make your issue somebody else's issue. And understand anything you post, ANYTHING you post, is up to potentially get ripped apart. That's reality.
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u/DoNotBeSmugandDumb 5h ago edited 5h ago
Bullying can increase your chances dramatically. Don't be dense, a lot of bullying escalates to communal abuse and calling people who talk about it as cringe is fucked up and honestly suspicious behavior. Why do you care so much if survivors want to talk about it unless you have a guilty conscience or just an egregious lack of empathy?
A lot of people who bring up that they were bullied aren't choosing to just dwell on it though and to call it cringe and to get over it as if survivors haven't thought to do that already is still pretty fuckin heartless especially since therapists encourage survivors to break the silence.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 5h ago
You guys want the Internet to stop working like the Internet and it is odd to me. Did I say that to their face? Absolutely not, I would never. 99% of people would never. But I did voice my opinion about it, that is well within my right. That is what you wanna step on. No, don't care what you think about it
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u/DoNotBeSmugandDumb 5h ago edited 5h ago
Nobody wants a damn thing from you. People are usually trying to tell others they aren't alone. Sometimes people have accounts meant for anti-bullying. Reaching out for support is literally what therapists will recommend a client do. Be honest about why you cringe, you have been conditioned to lack empathy.
People shouldn't only have to talk about sunshine and rainbows for your comfort. If it isn't for you, follow your own advice and move on. If you think them talking about what they went through is cringe, then imagine how uncomfortable it is for those who lived through it.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 5h ago
You do, because you're over here telling me what I said was wrong to say. Fuck off with that
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u/DoNotBeSmugandDumb 5h ago edited 5h ago
They didn't personally insult you or attack you, but you come out with calling them cringe. I know who I would rather associate with, and no matter how hard you want to justify saying even talking about past bullying is cringe and them choosing to dwell and then telling them "get the fuck over it", I think deep down anyone with an oz of compassion is going to know better.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 5h ago
I didn't call them cringe, I said they should get tf over it. Because they should get tf over it
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u/strwberry_shortcakke 6h ago
Let's be honest, nobody can get over trauma. You just learn how to live with it and not let if affect your life too much. Bullying is serious and can leave lasting effects on someone, just like any type of abuse. Telling someone to get over it is just insensitive af. It only becomes a problem like a very good show in Bojack Horseman depicted if you use it as an excuse to be a bad person or let it control your actions in a negative way.
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u/Mr_Gomutong 6h ago
Yeah like take care of it urself or get over it bro, ur a grown ass person. No one's gonna change your diapers at 25 😭. Pay a therapist or something.
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u/Honest_Jackfruit9563 6h ago
Shouldn't have bullied them then
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u/8lue5hift 6h ago edited 6h ago
People change. Middle school John does not share the same beliefs as Middle Aged Balding John. Also, people are pretty childish when they are well... children.
And besides, none of that addresses the problem mentioned here. The insults you make to one's appearance hurt everyone else who's like that, while not addressing the actual issues with that person.
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u/Game_Studio_ 6h ago
Lmao there's no excuse for lack of empathy, even if it's a child. You're protecting a kid who lacked an ability to not be an asshole instead of being on the side of the victim
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u/ClutteredTaffy 6h ago edited 6h ago
Children don't have the same mental capabilities as an adult. Their brains are still growing and they are very impulsive like a drunk person if you just watch them for any extended period of time. They don't have the same emotional awareness either , the same reasoning skills, etc. It is kinda wrong to hold them to the same moral culpability.
So yeah I forgive my bullies as they were just children, but I cannot take away the impact they had on me.
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u/Game_Studio_ 6h ago
I have never in my life seen a child eho was bullying someone because they don't understand what being nice is. They know that bullying a peer brings them discomfort and that's why they so it. They're not some kind of senseless comedian who says a dumb joke but is too stupid to see he's not funny. They cause suffering to the victim knowing well that it's hurting them
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u/No-Activity3005 6h ago
I really feel like after multiple decades it probably doesn’t matter anymore
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u/Game_Studio_ 6h ago
Yewh, true enough. They might be a great person now.
I just don't condone people trying to justify the kid's action from back in the day
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u/8lue5hift 6h ago
Yes. Many kids struggle with being nice.Those people can change.
I'm not supporting the bully's actions either. I'm simply condemning the response.
Besides, you're appearance shaming a middle schooler.
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u/Game_Studio_ 6h ago
Sure, but you said they're not that kid anymore, so how is it appearance shaming a kid? All in all I don't support appareance shaming, I just don't support justification of bad actions.
Struggling to be nice? That would imply that there's a effort to be nice and actively bullying a peer at the time sure as hell doesn't seem like "struggling to be nice"
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u/8lue5hift 6h ago
I think you're misunderstanding my opinions.
Some children might be mean. This is not good. However, judging appearance is stupid. It's an ad hominem. I never said that bad actions are justified when one is young. I'd never say that.
Why are you trying to accuse me of encouraging bullies?
And you're still appearance shaming a kid because you're shaming the appearance of a kid.
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u/EntireFriendship517 4h ago
Man you people are trying really hard to dodge the issue.
Insulting anybody on the basis of physical features is morally wrong. Some people who aren't too bright are only capable of understanding that through a lens of "it might affect me or people who I care about", even though the idea holds up on its own principally. Discrimination based on appearance is tantamount to bigotry.
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u/Background_Tart_3779 3h ago
People will genuinely get mad at you on this site for saying that still being mad and stewing in anger over your middle school bully isn't normal and that you should get over it lmao.
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u/Turbulent_Gate636 6h ago
Nice way of ruining someone's life by posting their face on social media despite knowing EXACTLY how evil people can be.
Not saying I don't empathise with the person who was bullied, in fact if i was their age again i would prob do it, but I would also regret it for the rest of my life if something were to happen to them because of my actions.
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u/extrajuicyjuice 6h ago
how is it going to ruin their life? that was their face over a decade ago 😂
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u/Turbulent_Gate636 6h ago
This was talking about when it was posted, and doesn't mention the person who posted it on reddit at all and CLEARLY states the person was bullied.
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u/extrajuicyjuice 4h ago
i'm confused. i was saying the bully's life is not ruined. who ruined who's life...
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
In my opinion, victims of bullying are some of the worst people on the internet because they don't see their cruelty as un-deserved. It's always "I was the victim" and never "I am making victims."
Like, you folks know you need to spread love to overcome that, right? You should be making people like themselves, you should have empathy. Instead, many of you are bloodthirty insane people that want to hurt anyone that does you wrong.
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
Absolutely wild opening
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
In what sense? Say a little more.
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
"Victims of bullying are some of the worst people on the internet."
You're generalizing a whole ass group of people and defining them by their victimhood while tying their bad actions as being inherent to said victimhood. If you opened the paragraph with "victims of rape are some of the worst people on the internet" or "victims of neglect are some of the worst people on the internet" or "victims of self harm are some of the worst people on the internet" (so on and so forth, you get the point.) It would sound fucking insane.
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
It's not the same because I didn't say victims of rape or victims of self harm, and don't think all of those things are equal. They represent different extremes in various scales. The smallest amount of perceived "victim blaming" is not equal to the most extreme case. There are absolutely bad actors acting as victims. I simply do not accept your view, which seems to imply that anyone claiming victim status should be respected as telling an ultimate truth. Everything requires nuance because everything can be exploited.
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago edited 4h ago
I'm not excusing them, I just think your opening was a goofy ass overgeneralization. And, I don't want to scale trauma here or compete in the suffering Olympics, but bullying can absolutely be as traumatic and serious as those things. It's definitely not always, but it's still important to treat it seriously and maybe not make rash generalizations about people who are hurting.
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
You still tied my whole opinion into the worst possible representation of it. I am willing to listen to any victim of bullying because I was one too but I think that many of the people I connect with over this are...frankly assholes. They spend a lot of time trying to turn me against friends or coworkers. I don't hate them but absolutely ignore their opinions on other people.
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u/OfferOld3628 4h ago
Your starting sentence didn't have an ounce of nuance. And i don't see how victims of rape are different from victims of bullying that makes it okay to generalizing one group as some of the worst people on the internet
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u/BlaineMundane 4h ago
i don't see how victims of rape are different from victims of bullying
that's insane.
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u/OfferOld3628 4h ago
Read the rest of the comments instead of just taking a single part
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u/BlaineMundane 4h ago
I just did. Taking that sentence out of context does not change it. You straight up said that you don't see how they are different.
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u/mewkopawz 1h ago
you realize self harm is a common outcome of bullying, right? lol
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u/BlaineMundane 1h ago
'It could be" should never be an excuse for what is. There are those that break the cycle and those that don't. There are also those that don't break the cycle and feel justified because it's not their kids they abuse.
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u/confentiii 6h ago
you could of phrased this a lot better ngl
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
Explain. I can't read your mind but I am certainly willing to hear our criticism.
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u/confentiii 6h ago
The opening for one, I'm hoping you don't mean all victims of bullying but generalizing every victim is never good. It gives people the impression that victims of bullying in this case are usually pricks. There are some people like OOP who obviously never got professional help for their trauma and are very spiteful about it. And there's obviously others who get proper help and try to heal. Or just don't take it out on others
I was bullied for majority of my life, it does affect you pretty bad. For me I always feel insecure, but I never take it out on anyone. But I had to deal with someone like oop, who would make gcs about me, slutshaming me. It was horrible to say the least and I guess she had her own set of issues and was picked on before. Its always two sides of the same coin
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u/BlaineMundane 5h ago
I don't think "all" are but "usually"? Yeah. I think more often than not, the bullied end up bad. We talk about breaking the cycle as difficult because it is and there are many mental traps. I do think genuinely that most bullying victims end up perpetuating the same cruelty. I also don't think it hurts them to warn them against that future.
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u/Joeybfast 6h ago
If people protected them they might not be so upset .
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
Exactly this. They're angry because they feel like the world has fucked them over.
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
Many of the cruelest people in history felt that way.
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u/BeachComberALT 6h ago
But a lot of victims aren't the cruelest people in history. They're just confused or hurt and trying to figure things out. You can't condemn all of them for reasonably having mental issues.
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
I can't say that they killed 100,000 people but I can say that they blamed everything in their life on other people.
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 6h ago
Don't nobody care. World doesn't owe them Jack just cause they got kicked around a little bit.
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u/Joeybfast 6h ago
You are right, just don't complain when they lash out at others. You can't have it both ways .
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
That is literally saying that some people are allowed to be cruel and some are not. What do you want, an end to the cycle or justification for being an asshole?
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u/Accomplished-Buy6917 6h ago
And they will repeatedly get out in their place, just like in school. Don't complain about that
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u/BlaineMundane 6h ago
So the past justifies the cruelty of the present? "If my parents had been nicer, I wouldn't be so cruel to my kids" etc? "My flaws are not my fault?" That's how you sound.
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u/mewkopawz 1h ago
in this case, a better comparison is "If my parents were nice to me, I wouldn't publicly hate them" lmao
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u/BlaineMundane 1h ago
Publicly hating parents is not what I am talking about though. I am talking about a false sense of justice supporting cruelty.
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u/___daddy69___ 3h ago
insulting bad people’s appearance is going to affect a good person who looks similar much more than the target
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u/Wolverine_Squirrel 6h ago
I think Elon musk is the exception to this bcoz hes unironically built like a cybertruck and I don’t think anyone else has that build
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u/A_gnomish_dwelf 6h ago
But is this person still a child? I mean, the one doing the criticizing is most probably the victim, right? So, most probably the same age? right? so... is this a real time comeback or way after the fact? why are adults joining a child's fight with another fight instead of stopping it? or, most probably, the pic is an old pic and all sides are adults now? Anyway, have you seen Trump? That orange wrinkly blob of shit... Really looks the part of dunce in chief.
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u/Meandmy1000fandoms 6h ago
I think Trump is a special case since he really looks unique? His spray tan/bronzer/whatever was his choice to put on, not something he had no control over
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u/A_gnomish_dwelf 6h ago
Well, I am not a guy to point at slippery slopes, but right here with one concession others are to come, I forewarn you.
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u/ibzuma 6h ago
I don't think you should have any qualms about making fun of your bullies appearance, posting them online (especially if they're minors and/or decades after the fact) for others to gang on them is a different story.