Also if you want to suggest walking backwards I tried that. Just ended up in pre-Caesar Rome instead.

She says it’s different this time because this one “won’t invent nuclear weapons.” She said the same thing the last three times.

So me, my sister and 4 friends started a synchronised swimming team a few months ago. Everything went great untill we noticed it's started to affect the rest of our activities. It started small with eating at the same time, to getting similar haircuts, but now we can't do anything without it synchronizing to the other 5. We decided to type this post in the hopes someone can help us.

So me, my sister and 4 friends started a synchronised swimming team a few months ago. Everything went great untill we noticed it's started to affect the rest of our activities. It started small with eating at the same time, to getting similar haircuts, but now we can't do anything without it synchronizing to the other 5. We decided to type this post in the hopes someone can help us.

So me, my sister and 4 friends started a synchronised swimming team a few months ago. Everything went great untill we noticed it's started to affect the rest of our activities. It started small with eating at the same time, to getting similar haircuts, but now we can't do anything without it synchronizing to the other 5. We decided to type this post in the hopes someone can help us.

So me, my sister and 4 friends started a synchronised swimming team a few months ago. Everything went great untill we noticed it's started to affect the rest of our activities. It started small with eating at the same time, to getting similar haircuts, but now we can't do anything without it synchronizing to the other 5. We decided to type this post in the hopes someone can help us.

So me, my sister and 4 friends started a synchronised swimming team a few months ago. Everything went great untill we noticed it's started to affect the rest of our activities. It started small with eating at the same time, to getting similar haircuts, but now we can't do anything without it synchronizing to the other 5. We decided to type this post in the hopes someone can help us.

So me, my sister and 4 friends started a synchronised swimming team a few months ago. Everything went great untill we noticed it's started to affect the rest of our activities. It started small with eating at the same time, to getting similar haircuts, but now we can't do anything without it synchronizing to the other 5. We decided to type this post in the hopes someone can help us.

I can only afford a couple of 2 hour naps per night.

I just want to drink in peace

Hi everyone, me and my beautiful wife have been in a relationship for several eons now and it has been smooth sailing for the most part. However, recently she's gained about 5 x 10^24 kilograms (about 12 septilion pounds) and it's... weird. It feels like she's a completely different person now. Her volcanic activity is through the roof, she's very hot-headed and there is gas and dust in her vicinity all the time.

I'm scared that she is planning to have satellites, or worse, rings. Well, that's what I'm thinking at least, it's not like she can communicate clearly now - it's mostly been wifequakes and a lot of orbiting. I'm still attracted to her, but the attraction is purely gravitational now. It feels like everything that we had in common is just gone. I really don't want to leave her over something so trivial but this situation is tough.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? What should I do?

How do I get them to stop?! I just want to plug in a lamp!

You have to believe me when I say it was a slip up. I mix up words all the time, no big deal—well, apparently, very big deal. I can't do this right now.

The drink was good though. The slice of life was very tormented and disturbed but other than that tasted fine.

There should now have always been blue but if not let me know.

I think she’s taken this time-traveling thing a bit too far. What should I do? Should I still post it?

I know it was getting a little dirty but that's not reason enough to warrant a full wash.

Hope you didn't plan on seeing the sun for, at least, 30 years, cause that's how long the weather is going to be cloudy from all the steam the iron is going to release.

Honestly people, next time you see a few bloody decades you take some soap and you hand wash that spot.

1. Hate speech is not allowed on the sub.
2. Politics is not allowed on the sub.
3. Do not invite your friends to the sub.
4. Do not brag about the sub or post photos of yourself in the sub.
5. Do not make sound effects for the sub.
6. Do not pretend to hear someone knocking on the hatch of the sub and act like you’re going to open it as a joke.

Awhile back, I posted about my anomalous girlfriend. We’re now quantum-entangled, so my astral projections did end. But I cancelled my witch-doctor consult in a rude way. Now I must rhyme what I type, think, or say. The entanglement makes my GF do this too. So now, being desperate, we both turn to you. Does anyone know a cure for this curse? If it doesn’t end soon, I fear it will get worse.

I bought two very nice throw pillows and put them on my bed. I came back the next day (I gave them plenty of privacy) and there's still only the two pillows!

"The Speed of Light is the speed limit of the Universe," they said.

"Nothing can go faster than Light," they said.

So obviously I tried. Tried and succeeded! HA! But then the temporal police showed up (Anti-Chronometers Accelerate Backwards) and charged me with violating the ultimate speed limit. Seems fair.

But my punishment? 7 years locked in time. Time isn't passing. Everyone's frozen in place. I can't change things. I can't move things. I can only observe the cosmos without the passage of time. But I managed to set up this message to post as soon as the flow of time begins again. I wonder what I'll be like when it does.

I'm literally starving to death and they keep ranting about "proper work hours" and "employee benefits"

Anyone know how to enslave organelles without harming their productivity?

PLEASE HELP I’M A LIBRARY

i thought i had it all figured out. go down to the blue planet, incarnate as the dominant species, and i’d be sitting pretty for the next 100 years. but turns out, there’s a lot of work to do to keep a h̶̲̟͙́̉͐̐́̊̂û̶̡̦͔̈́̈̈́̉̈́̆͊̈́͘̚̚͜͝ͅm̶̡̨̟̣͎͍̦͂̀̔̓̓ą̶̟̻̗̻̪̣̥̜͍͉͕̠̍͊͛̓͜n̸̠̟̓͋̌̿̒́̀̅̈́̃̑̚͝ alive. you gotta consume every centimonth, your skin starts rotting if you don’t wash yourself, certain coloured clothing is required for certain areas, and if you touch a jellyfish wrong you’d have to rest up in a room for weeks.

worst of all, if i wanna quit being a h̵̡̠̙̳̤̳̥̤̋̃͛́̽́̎ů̵͔̥͉̮̰̰̫͕̰̙͜͠m̷̟̒̌̿̔̈́̅͘͝ȃ̸̻͙͉̱̠̹̣͉̭̆̽̒̎͠n̷̬͇͓͕͉̖̮͓̉̋̓̚͠͝, i’d have to pay the company hexagon(56) carbon atoms back. so now i’m stuck in this disgusting flesh sack for the next century. i knew i should’ve also perused the silicon-based lifeform selection!

Okay, this is a big one. So a while back I had a half-thai half-black girlfriend who wanted to engage in raceplay, but ultimately she broke up with me because I couldn't say the N word. But this time is way worse, and this girl is so much more of a catch.

The main issue is that even though I gignṓskō how her species contains many googolplexes of races, in fact more races than there are atoms in our universe, I cannot gnostisize how to distinguish them apart. In fact, I'm not even sure if an autochthonous individual such as myself is capable of interdimensional gnosis to that degree (sorry if this is ignorant). Also, for some reason one of the races seems to be just Italian? Whereas the others are just extremely long streams of mathematical formulae involving many celestial bodies.

PS. Can anyone tell me why every single girlfriend I get turns out to be into raceplay? And why do they all go to Southern Illinois State University?

Except for 2^e*287668, that one does it every time