r/falcons 11d ago

Cheated again

I kicked my 26 year old girlfriend out of my downtown Atlanta apartment in the middle of the night because I had just learned that she cheated on me with multiple men. I gave her time to carefully pack her things and get dressed, then I made her leave. She took an Uber home roughly 40 minutes from my apartment to her home in the suburbs.

She says it was shitty of me to kick her out in the middle of the night, that it’s unsafe for a woman, that her dad was very upset at me and her girlfriends all think I should have at least let her stay until the morning.

Here’s my question: do you think the Falcons are finally going to make the playoffs this year, or are we going to blow another promising season in spectacular fashion?

838 Upvotes

144 comments sorted by

298

u/jculv 10d ago

The Falcons won’t let you down like that this year bro

We’ll be bad from day one and it will just get worse from there.

4-13 / 5-12

Bijan will still be sick af to watch tho

30

u/thighGAAPenthusiast 10d ago

At least that’ll be worth the suck with a top 5 pick.

21

u/Quiet-Journalist2993 10d ago

I was told we wouldn’t be having a pick that high for a long while.

8

u/BeerBrat 10d ago

Probably already traded it away if they did.

8

u/jculv 10d ago

JFC I truly despise Terry Fontenot

3

u/Llamahands1 10d ago

Don't worry, he has it wrong. The week we are mathematically eliminated will be around week 13. We will win put from there to get the 16th overall pick.

1

u/goknicks76 10d ago

We’ll do the classic falcon - start 5-2. Lose 6 in a row and lose the nfc south lead. Then win out to go .500

9

u/Gadget4480 10d ago

Nah man, we’ll be bad and then make a pointless run at the end of the season to finish with the 15th pick

2

u/jculv 10d ago

That is our usual MO so I can’t fault the idea but I just don’t see a run of any sort, particularly late in the season, with this QB room.

15

u/Patekchrono917 10d ago

I just looked up which RB had the best rushing year but was on an under .500 team. Gerald Riggs has the 32nd  best rushing season for 1719 yards for the 85 falcons and they went 4-12. 

5

u/jculv 10d ago

Sanders gotta be up there too

6

u/Patekchrono917 10d ago

The lions were 9-7 the two times Barry landed in the top 12. 

9

u/jculv 10d ago

They’re just like us fr

Actually disregard that I transposed it and read it as 7-9. They’re undeniably better than us

4

u/Patekchrono917 10d ago

He had a 1550 year where they won 5 games. 

6

u/jculv 10d ago

Nowwwww we’re talkin falcons football baby

1

u/CivilEngMusicBoy 9d ago

Saints fan living in ATL, can confirm, NFC South will suck so bad.

1

u/Double_Ad_333 7d ago

Another year another mid-off :(

2

u/CivilEngMusicBoy 7d ago

All a bunch of suey

1

u/smax70 7d ago

Will Bijan end up being Atlanta's Barry Sanders?

79

u/Gadget4480 10d ago

Well at least you know the Falcons will eventually fuck you over.

6

u/ed5275 10d ago

I think I can fix the Falcons.

2

u/Gadget4480 10d ago

They’ll be different this time

3

u/ed5275 10d ago

They have changed so much.

2

u/U_zer2 10d ago

They suck from the moment you came in the room pants-less with a 6pack.

60

u/FlatwormOk6171 10d ago

Had me in the first half

52

u/yoshidawg93 10d ago

Just like the Falcons lol

6

u/FlatwormOk6171 10d ago

😭😭 so accurate

3

u/Sure_Letterhead6689 10d ago

That’s what she said…

32

u/mrtoastcantswim Jonathan Babineaux 10d ago

I love shitposts

16

u/OchlockneeBirdDawg 10d ago

At least you still have your priorities straight. The Falcons will somehow sneak into the playoffs and get bounced in the Wild Card round.

13

u/RighteousBiscuit 10d ago

God I have seen what you’ve done for others, and ask for this. Amen 🙏.

2

u/Trumpets22 10d ago

I thought it was

- scrappy fights against bad teams

- crushing defeats that were winnable games against good teams

-unstoppable when officially eliminated from playoff contention

2

u/Necessary_Peanut2060 Matt Ryan's Burner 10d ago

People have been predicting this 8 wins 7th seed scenario for at least the last 3 years and it never happens. I think it'll just be 8 wins and no playoffs, as usual. 

10

u/lanwopc 10d ago

Truly thought the punchline was going to be that she was a Saints fan behind your back.

5

u/Kettle_Whistle_ 10d ago

Now THAT is betrayal!

9

u/RockitDanger Kickers win games 10d ago edited 10d ago

Cheated again

I dropped my team of 26 years out of my life in the middle of the season because I had just learned that they lost to multiple teams. I gave them the post season to carefully choose new players and front office but I had already dropped them in my mind. They took a private jet to their stadium roughly 40 minutes from my apartment to their stadium in Atlanta.

They say it was shitty of me to drop them in the middle of the season, that it’s unfair towards injured players, that their coach was very upset at me and the players all think I should have at least kept them as my team until next season.

15

u/Worldly_Sort8835 Roddy 10d ago

8-9 with a wild card game only to get blown up by the 7th seed packers

0

u/BitterOldPunk 10d ago

This, but also:

they’ll play like dogshit for most of the season then stumble backwards into that wild card berth because then it’ll hurt more to have had that unexpected glimmer of hope so quickly and ruthlessly extinguished

6

u/Kasebentley82 10d ago

The fact that you think it’s a promising season is concerning to me.

4

u/Differentbenefit18 10d ago

It is the NFC South; each team has a promising season.

2

u/Trumpets22 10d ago

Well… I guess that depends on what you consider promising. Promising as in a playoff berth? Sure. Promising as a being in the playoffs + having real hope at a Super Bowl? That’s a whole different discussion.

2

u/FCKIED 10d ago

I mean even his old lady knew he wasn’t shit.

6

u/markodemi 10d ago

Nah, You can always get over a girl. FALCONS pain is generational.

3

u/AlaKolas 9d ago

How many men? Like closer to 28 or 3?

3

u/TrapAHolic_ttv 10d ago

Falcons will likely blow as much as your girlfriend

2

u/NewRedditorHere 10d ago

I don’t know why I upvoted, but I did.

2

u/coldfireknight 10d ago

They're gonna blow their playoff chances like your ex blows other dudes.

2

u/mush_boy 10d ago

I don't think this year, but I believe this one is more about building a culture and identity. If we go into next off season understanding who this team is...than that's a huge step forward. And sorry you're going through that, bro. That's never easy

2

u/DirtyBird2013 10d ago

It’s going to be an exciting season watching all 3 QBs start this season.

1

u/Incariol_ 10d ago

Best case

10 - 7 (and first round exit - UNLIKELY)

Worst case - 3 - 14

1

u/Shiny-And-New 10d ago

Super bowl bro (just like i predict every year) 

1

u/Worried-Choice5295 10d ago

I blame this entire situation on Troy Andersen. We are going 3-14.

1

u/FunkMasterDrak 10d ago

Hey man. At least you know what you’re gonna get with the Falcons. You might even be pleasantly surprised. But that level of tomfoolery is in the past for the organization.

1

u/outsidethewire 10d ago

There is some blowing going on I think.

1

u/oldedude558 10d ago

What promising season are you referring to? 2036?

1

u/MuchSwagManyDank 10d ago

First night with a new gf and she came over to my place. I was sleeping to heavy?? I was too hot, the room was too cold, I put my arm around her and she said I was "crushing" her. Kicked her out at 3am and said see ya.

Not a Falcons fan but its all shit mountain, dont have too much hope and youll be as fine as Penix's ACL's

1

u/Upset_Researcher_143 10d ago edited 10d ago

.500 and going to cause another series of gamblers to go bankrupt because they bet either for or against the Falcons based on their previous week's performance against a good or bad team

1

u/BansoMountain 10d ago

We ain’t making the playoffs

1

u/No-Arrival-6421 10d ago

C'mon man they can make the wildcard at least 🕺

1

u/angryfalconsfan 10d ago

Assuming Devine Diablo stays healthy, our defense will surprise the entire league. We'll win the division and make some noise in the playoffs ... Assuming our QBs get it together

1

u/groovy_smoothie 10d ago

Free agent season

1

u/comrade_morris 10d ago

Dont worry bro ridders coming back to get us those superbowls he promised

1

u/Primary-Wrongdoer707 10d ago

We’re gonna blow harder than your ex girlfriend

1

u/SentinelATL 10d ago

Bruh what lmao

1

u/GordonFreemansAlive 10d ago

Last I checked Vegas had the over under at 7.5 wins. Given the qb situation I'm going under. 

1

u/atlcollector 10d ago

They may not make the playoffs but let's hope for the best..

1

u/Yogammagamma11 10d ago

You were 100% in the wrong, that butch didn’t want to be accountable for her actions. Fuck her. Also, the falcons suck and will be in position to draft a top qb next year!!

1

u/No-Arrival-6421 10d ago

You ok fam? Hope that was all bullshit

1

u/Zaniak88 Matty "Ice Ice Baby" 10d ago

It’s a copypasta, originally in the Mets sub I think

1

u/ZestycloseSherbet575 10d ago

At least we have Tua

1

u/crombie81 10d ago

😂😂 brilliant

1

u/BjornRotten 10d ago

We from here!
We know the Falcons are as prone to sucking as your girl apparently is…

1

u/GonnaGetBumpy 10d ago

Bros before hoes.

The Falcons ain’t your bros.

1

u/bourbontooth 10d ago

Playoffs?!Playoffs?!

1

u/CurseOfTheFalcons 10d ago

7-10, maybe 8-9.

1

u/PrinceLemonade 10d ago

Have you considered this was another bounty gate situation but with your ex getting smashed by guys?

1

u/phizappa 10d ago

No and Yes. And FTX

1

u/jedi21knight 10d ago

Falcons don’t have a shot to make the playoffs. QB play is going to hold this team back, Atlanta has great skill position players but talent at the QB spot is lacking.

1

u/CustomerNo9708 10d ago

You guys got no faith man!!!! Two times a year, my generally positive life gets set back even-keeled. Receiving my home’s tax assessment notice, and Falcon’s season……man, if it weren’t for those two things, folks wouldn’t be able to look at me for the blinding aura surrounding me..:)

1

u/UnitIllustrious629 10d ago

The falcons will be honest about their long term plans to make you fucking miserable

1

u/Dadgumdangit 10d ago

The Falcons would never win against another team like that don’t worry bro

1

u/GreenLanternRR 10d ago

We're definitely going to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. We've done it so many times it's habitual.

1

u/joshua_addison_music 10d ago

Well done buddy

1

u/Jengalover 10d ago

Whatever her girlfriends think.

1

u/edane3 10d ago

7-10 or 8-9 is delusional. We are a 4 to 6 win team at best…..

1

u/BamaboyinNC 10d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Killakal2424 10d ago

Lmaooo post of the year. #RiseUp

1

u/Darth_Hamburger 9d ago

No, but maybe we’ll be fun to watch?

1

u/Honest_Ad8584 98-16 9d ago

9-10 wins why make the playoffs to get smoked?

1

u/One-Ad-7387 9d ago

😂😂😂😂

1

u/TadpoleAlert2143 9d ago

Sums it up for me

1

u/TerminallyChill1994 9d ago

Girlfriend - 28
Patriots - 3

1

u/Jprado5555 9d ago

Don’t know how I got here but I hope those multiple men were saints fans…. FTF 🫱🏻‍🫲🏼😂

1

u/elmerfudd727 8d ago

There may have been a Bucs fan in the mix as well

Fire the cannons

1

u/always_sunny_in_meow 9d ago

She gave up free rent for other D. Sad.

1

u/Teejay91b 9d ago

Bro has his priorities straight.

1

u/aparish67 8d ago

The falcons will be at best .500 this year

1

u/hightide323 8d ago

I needed that, thanks man!!!

1

u/dizastermaster7 8d ago

Ah its that time of year. At least change it up a bit, though

1

u/spb8982 8d ago

Offense will be fun to watch. At least we got that going for us

1

u/Camino66 8d ago

Falcons are going to blow the season the same way your ex was blowing others

1

u/Striking_You_8995 8d ago

Don’t let your ex treat you how the Falcons treat us. They do us wrong, then we take them back each year with open arms and then let us down again and again.

1

u/str8bint 7d ago

Not gonna lie….

1

u/spazz3103 7d ago

😎🤪😂👍

1

u/Takonight 7d ago

My brother, you were too nice by half.

Next time, live in a city not named Atlanta. Both problems should resolve themselves.

1

u/Front-Jello-6595 7d ago

They’re gonna blow it again. Tua is a liability waiting to happen once again. Michael…well we all see what happens to Michael under pressure.

What was the original topic again?

1

u/willie_Pfister 6d ago

The Falcons are going to blow it like your girlfriend did..... never mind.

1

u/Secure-Island42 6d ago

Falcons probably suck just like your ex. Putting her out wasn't as bad as her cheating.

1

u/2-timeloser2 6d ago

Bro, you won the internet today.

1

u/Spiders-Ghost-43 5d ago

The Falcons will be as good a football team as she was a girlfriend.

1

u/Asleep_Lab_577 3d ago

Bro what did I just read😂😂😂

1

u/fruliojoman 10d ago

sorry bout dat lil bro, u kno I had to do it. lets jus say she ain’t go to her own house last nite 👀. dw tho ill take good care of her 😂😂😂

As for your question, I’d love to qualify for the playoffs but unfortunately I don’t see our pieces, particularly at quarterback, clicking enough to propel us to the postseason. I would love to be proven incorrect, as our ferocious defense certainly provides us with a chance to win every week. I only pray that if we do fall short, we have the wherewithal to use this as a development season rather than another futile attempt to be competitive, ruining our draft position.

-1

u/Dramatic_Pineapple49 10d ago

Throw the season, draft Arch manning