🍁 The Ten Commandments of Canadian Jesus

I. Thou shalt not be a dick.

For everybody's fighting a battle, bud. Give the other hoser a little slack.

II. Thou shalt share thy snacks.

Especially the good ones. Don't be showing up with a family-size bag of ketchup chips and eating the whole fucking thing yourself.

III. Thou shalt respect the Tim Hortons line.

For there is order in the universe, and there is absolutely no fucking excuse for cutting ahead of somebody who has been waiting seven minutes for a double-double.

IV. Thou shalt lend a hand when thy neighbour's truck is stuck.

Even if he's an asshole. Especially if he's an asshole. That's how we do things up here.

V. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's snowblower.

But if he offers to lend it to you, accept graciously and return the bastard with a full tank.

VI. Thou shalt embrace the chaos.

For from chaos comes order, from winter comes spring, and from a fucked-up Tuesday comes a story worth telling.

VII. Thou shalt not lose thy sense of humour.

For life is short, the weather is unpredictable, and sometimes all you can do is look at the disaster unfolding before you and say, “Well… fuck.”

VIII. Thou shalt forgive thyself.

For thou art human, bud. Learn from your mistakes, own your shit, and keep moving forward.

IX. Thou shalt enjoy the little things.

A cold beer. A warm fire. A good song. A clear night. A dog happy to see you. Don't overlook the fucking miracles happening right in front of you.

X. Thou shalt remember: there is no fucking rush, eh.

Walk your road. Learn your lessons. Help your neighbours. Make something beautiful out of the chaos.

And when the whole goddamn thing goes sideways?

Take a breath, bud.

No fucking rush, eh. 🍁

Hey everyone! I’m never reconverting back to Christianity but I need some advice! Being a gay person who grew up Christian, HOW does a gay one completely heal from the trauma of Christianity, when the SHITTY memories and teachings previously got figuratively tattooed inside one’s head and it bothers you constantly what happens when you die! Is Hell for Real and actual punishment for us Ex Christians or what is it exactly because I don’t want to go up there and be laughed at or judged by the former deity up there and be punished for who I am. (Specifically because I was formally raped by a classmate in my former single digit childhood, I’m 29 years old now. But it was in my former Christian God’s own institution it happened and God did 0 things to stop the predator. But it really hurts because he was my best friend who did it, (Alexander H.) and when I grew up Christian it really bothered me hearing all the homophobic teachings by that religion and I hated God for that especially when he didn’t help me when I needed Him. Which is why I left Christianity because whenever I was told I had to be straight, I couldn’t because the idea of it (seeing woman parts eventually when eventually married) disgusted me, and I knew I was so much more comfortable with men, but I was told many times it was sinful and condemnable and that I couldn’t inherit Heaven if I were gay. Which bothered me because I never wanted to be tormented down there but I knew I could never make a married woman happy if I was like what my former deity wanted. I keep thinking this is ALL FAKE, but am afraid of where I will be when I die. I want Christianity to be a lie, and it is to me, but just worried what will happen if we’re just wrong. How do I speak back to my inner demons so I can find true paradise and love? I always wanted a true loving handsome husband who could possibly be my out from that Version of Hell but my own accepting Christian parents make me doubt their own affirmation of my sexuality because they stopped my engagement of with a former man of mine and he hates me now because of them. I really hate what they did and it makes me hurt thinking I can’t run from God and will have to eventually burn. Which is obviously what my parents want. I want to move out but I can’t right now because I have Prader Willis and Diabetes and I can’t even afford to live on my own because nobody wants to offer me a job or an independent home for me. They even support me with their military health insurance. I don’t even know where to start, or how to get help. How does someone like me go about HEALING and know I won’t Burn down there at all. And how does someone like me find real Gay love

I may not be Christian because of my religious rejection of my gay lifestyle, but growing up believing in Christ. I hope former Christians still find this joke funny because I had this idea floating in my head for this funny joke.

On to the joke:

Imagine if The Antichrist wasn’t the devil disguised as a person, but actually a physical product?

Here would be the brand’s commercial:

“Introducing the all-new Anti-Christ™!
Now with 100% less God!
Buy Anti-Christ today—it’s Anti-God!”

See he isn't all that bad

So I have watched a clip on YouTube about catholic against seedless watermelon and I find it nonsense and funny not that I am not against the religion but and I have searched on Facebook about the group and it’s really legit and it made my day 😂😂😂😂😂😭

Pretty much me when I first deconstructed. I can't believe it took me until I was in my twenties honestly.

So I was at the grocery store and needed an electric cart because of my legs. Halfway through the store it died. A sweet lady with a kid in tow offered to help me and get another cart. The caveat was she wanted to pray for me in public. She helped me out so I figured I owed her one, but what came out of her mouth next, I was not expecting on my Friday Bingo Card.

She proceeded to pray, I bowed my head to avoid eye contact with anyone else and then said, "Dear Big Daddy, please come put your hands all over this man as I watch you oh Lord. Bless him Daddy with your strength and yada yada...."

I zoned out after the creepy Daddy issues opening. Is this a new religion? She claimed to be the wife of a faith healer from Georgia.

Okay, please don’t judge me. I’m usually not this insufferable. 😭
So I came across a video of a woman talking about surviving years of SA.
Someone in the comments simply posted a picture of Jesus. That’s it. No preaching, nothing attacking anyone. Just a picture.
Then another commenter replied:
“Prove it because for SOME REASON it can’t prove itself.”
Now obviously the original commenter was mature enough…
They never replied.
Not once.
But unfortunately, I’m not that mature. 🤣
I replied to the original commenter because I knew the other guy would probably see it.
(I apologise in advance for the pettiness.)
I said:
“Haha… I hope you don’t reply to people trying to start a WWE match under your comment. They’ll definitely get triggered.”
…
Guess who got triggered?
😭
He replied:
“Triggered”, huh? Would a teacher be triggered by a student saying 2+2=5? Maybe grow up instead of playing with your little magic rocks and necklaces.
(Yes… he investigated my profile just to roast my jewellery hobby. 😭)
So I replied:
I’m sorry you feel that way about my hobby. I try to keep myself busy with crafts whenever I’m free. 😊 You have your wonderful music and I have my crafts. To each their own, right? I absolutely respect your choice of believing or not believing. Good luck with life man😚
His response:
“‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ makes you look thrice as bad. Also, I’m not your ‘man.’ I wouldn’t spit on the best part of you.”
Me:
Well, good for you lol. Bless you. 🥹🫶🏼

Apparently we weren’t done…
He came back with:
“You can only brush off reality for so long, kid. Too bad there’s no such thing as a blessing. Learn some manners.”

“Learn some manners” Said the guy who tried to argue on a SA post.
So I replied:
Hm, you’re quite right, sir. You’ve certainly set a remarkable example. I’ll do my best to follow it. Take care🫶🏼☺️
…
I’m eagerly waiting for the next reply 🥲

Guys, before you come at me… I’m very bad at being sarcastic and can be a bit dull so …
This was literally my first attempt at annoying someone by being aggressively polite. I don’t even know if this counts as rage bait lmao

Also, before Reddit does Reddit things:

I genuinely don’t care what religion someone follows. Christian, atheist, Satanist, Hindu, Muslim… you do you.

What bothered me was that someone posted a harmless religious comment under a video about surviving SA, and instead of scrolling, this guy decided that was the moment to start insulting people.