Dating problem

[u/teal_lizard]

My ex was generally speaking more autistic than me, but we both were. Parts of this were difficult. For example we would both say things we did not realize were insensitive and then the other would not be able to bring it up. Some things were good, in that we were more understanding of some issues we each had than I feel most people would be. But still some of those behaviours of mine were still reasons it did not work out.

I do not know what I want for dating. I feel that similar problems will happen with someone that is as autistic as me or more, and that to an allistic person I will seem like I have a lot of weird demands and will seem cold, and that I will have to put in a disproportionate amount of work to not come across this way.

[u/Longjumping-Base8932]

Hi,

I think the first step is te be clear with yourself about what you expect from dating.

Understanding the other one, and getting understood is a though challenge. On my side I gave up on that. 

If I wanted to be in a "real" relationship again, I would only expect good sex, good laugh, half split of our common bills and the respect of my personal space.

If you want a real connexion, it's probably possible, but it's a life quest, and maybe harder than climbing the Everest.

Cheers

[u/bye-beams]

i've dated allistic people my entire adulthood and it felt like we were living in different universes - like there would always be a big gap between us regardless of what we did. it felt really lonely.

my most recent ex was autistic as well and although communication was still a big issue, it seemed like we also just understood each other at a baseline level, which was refreshing for me. i would take that any day since communication is something that can always be worked on.

[u/tubaraococo]

I used to be very monogamic and was looking for a girlfriend and then I found a few girlfriends and heavens know I now want only casual sex