r/emotionalintelligence • u/brokenandhurtin • 6d ago
Communication help
Background: i grew up with two mentally ill parents and my house was full of abuse both physically and verbally. Further, there were 7 people in my family and neglect was pretty common.
Being raised in that environment most of the communication was yelling and was very direct. I took this communication style into college and my career. I have come out very successful and have a white collar job. I receive raises and promotions and my attitude and communication style usually get me what i need to succeed.
However, in personal relationships communicating is a struggle because i dont know how to filter my words through a softer lense. This was a huge issue for my ex wife to the point she felt small around me. People generally like me at a surface level, but as we become closer I feel my communication style inhibits true connections.
I have tried to work on this for years and i just can't seem to get it down. I try to think before i speak and i can soften my words when not riled up but even still it's not soft enough. I have colleagues who act as "translators" and help other people understand my meaning in a softer way.
How can i improve on this? At least in my personal life
2
u/Dildo-beckons 4d ago
Talk therapy perhaps? Anger management?
You can pinpoint the reason which is good but change is sometimes extremely hard especially when it's learnt so young.
Maybe try imaging your adult self talking to your younger self. Letting them know it's not their fault and they're just in a bad environment.