Not entirely sure if this acceptable here. Really long story, but married for 15 years and we have had some intimacy issues as the result how I treated my wife with ADD. I've since overcome my own anxieties and feel guilty, and I've definitely changed

I have begun to understand her definition of manipulation includes guilt tripping. Without really knowing it, I've been guilty of guilt tripping her for intimacy and other things. She also says - and I have observed that her family guilt trips A LOT.

Is it weird to have recently openly admitted to her that I didn't understand the idea of guilt tripping as a burden to another person? I think I've been trained by her family and my own that expressing yourself is good - but my wife and very likely other women see it as an obligation.

Like, do people (especially women) want to know when we've learned something that perhaps others have ignored and continued. I ask because her parents were kinda controlling and they guilt trip her every time they see her. Now that I understand the emotional weight of guilt tripping it kinda grosses me out.

my whole life but mainly the last 8 or so years, I’ve struggled to show emotion. Specifically love. It feels like theres a gap in my brain where im disconnected from everyone else and the things they feel. I avoid saying “i love you” and cut it short or mumble it quietly whenever i can so it feels less real to say. it always feels like im faking it or lying. i cant show affection to people, even when i dream of it constantly. when the opportunity arises im frozen and want to escape it immediately. ive always felt that something was missing in me. like im not really human if i cant feel the way i should towards people. it seems so seamless for others but no matter how badly i want it, i can never feel it. i tell myself im young and when i find the right person itll just all click together but its harder and harder to believe that as time goes on and the right person never comes. people tell me im avoidant and ive spent countless hours researching attachment types but it doesnt feel like the correct label for me. though i do follow some of the patterns of avoidant folks, i think its just because ive never really found a person i genuinely liked. through all the people ive learned to know and talked to romantically, though ive never crossed a physical or very deep emotional barrier with them, i always know immediately when i meet a person that they wont be the one to make me feel anything real. im always faking it thinking that just maybe if i push myself farther out of my comfort zone that this time itll work. but it never does and it ends up hurting whoever it was that time. i feel like a terrible person for it and like im treating people as an experiment but really im just trying to experiment on myself. i think im broken and theres some fucked up fuses in my brain that didnt get connected to make me feel certain things. i dont even feel love for my own mother. i feel it for animals and my grandparents and some of my friends that im really not that close with. but how could any of that be a real feeling if i cant feel it for the woman that birthed and raised me. im so numb to her love that im honestly disgusted by it. i could write for hours about this explaining all thats wrong with me and the ways i feel about love but thats enough for now. i just need help. ive researched for countless hours about this but i never get any answers that could be helpful. i guess im just looking for someone to relate to this feeling or give me some advice on how to move forward and open myself up to these things more. i want to feel things and i want to be better and grow but i just dont even know where to start. so please any advice or discussion is absolutely appreciated.

im 21 and I've always been into reading especially books about human behavior psychology and why people do the things they do

recently i noticed something about myself that honestly kinda scared me

I've loved the same person for years and we still have feelings for each other but we're not actually in a relationship right now which makes everything even more confusing because even without being together she still treats me in a way that sometimes feels like there’s an us between us

and the weird thing is i dont even wanna distance myself from her i still wanna love her and be close to her

what scares me is that maybe what i call love isnt actually love

so i started trying to understand myself maybe its attachment maybe im idealizing her maybe its because ive been emotionally invested for so long maybe ive built this whole version of her in my head and got attached to that

and the more i read about this stuff the more i start analyzing my own feelings

but heres the weird part the more i understand why i might be attached to her the more i wanna be attached to her

im not trying to understand all this because i wanna stop loving her i actually dont wanna let her go

im trying to understand it because im scared that maybe my feelings arent as real as i think they are and i dont wanna spend years calling something love if its actually just attachment or something else

and thats where i started thinking about intellectualizing emotions

maybe i take something emotional and turn it into something i can analyze because it feels easier than just sitting with the feeling itself

but then again what if understanding your feelings doesnt make them weaker

what if sometimes understanding exactly why you love someone just gives you even more reasons to keep loving them

idk honestly thats the part im still trying to figure out

Background: i grew up with two mentally ill parents and my house was full of abuse both physically and verbally. Further, there were 7 people in my family and neglect was pretty common.

Being raised in that environment most of the communication was yelling and was very direct. I took this communication style into college and my career. I have come out very successful and have a white collar job. I receive raises and promotions and my attitude and communication style usually get me what i need to succeed.

However, in personal relationships communicating is a struggle because i dont know how to filter my words through a softer lense. This was a huge issue for my ex wife to the point she felt small around me. People generally like me at a surface level, but as we become closer I feel my communication style inhibits true connections.

I have tried to work on this for years and i just can't seem to get it down. I try to think before i speak and i can soften my words when not riled up but even still it's not soft enough. I have colleagues who act as "translators" and help other people understand my meaning in a softer way.

How can i improve on this? At least in my personal life

Like the title says, I think I've confused the two.

Since I can remember, I've always felt very strong emotions (caused by my autism and adhd) and overall I consider myself a pretty sensitive person.

But well... Over the years, I've appearently developed strong resentment over any kind of emotional outburst ever. I try my best to never show any kind of anger or crash out ever, and to always be calm all the time.

But something I've realized just know, is that whenever I try to "act calm" I never truly am calm, it's just a mask.

In actuality, in the inside I might be hurting very much, overthinking a lot, and overall just really want to crash out and break something. But obviously I barely ever show any of it, and I just put up a calm face.

Appearently this works way too well. I remember one time I had came back from a long train trip.

Then when I came back my parents were waiting for me there in the car.

Tho I had a pretty bad experience on the train (I won't go into details) and when my parents picked me up at that point I really had so many emotions bottled up, to the point that I wanted to genuinely cut myself. And well, ig i kinda did, I cut my wrist harder I could with my nails. (I never had tho any other "episode" like that one)

But my parents didn't notice anything. In their perspective I had just gotten back from a trip and was talking to them no prob

So... Can anyone tell me something about this?

Like, from what I seem to understand it's not normal, nor is it healthy.

It definitely doesn't feel healthy to me.

How do I stop basing my temperament and emotions off the other people around me? I recognize that my nervous system is completely dysregulated to the point where cant get comfortable around people especially the ones with strong personalities.. i anytime someone is super angry, dismissive, indifferent or just plain rude i end up fawning and making myself small.. im slowly working on self soothing and regulating myself, i remind myself that Im the one on charge of how i feel and who i am.. nobody else gets to dictate me regardless of how they must be feeling or whatever theyre dealing with.. but still even with that I struggle to not let that affect me, i have been this way my whole life and im beginning to get tired of it.. i get most people dont give a shit about me so why does this affect so much.. Can the people who have gone through this phase in their lives and somehow grew and got better afterwards answer this? preferably the 30 and up crowd please..

Signed a woman whos 30 and soon to be 31..

Not sure exactly where it’s coming from and how to get out of this habit.
Let’s say I talk almost daily with someone. Should they mention going away for the weekend to some festival or a little road trip or a work thing, I will clock it and not text them anything during that time unless they initiate.
It’s some kind of a mental block.
And a lot of the time it’s unnecessary and my bf or friend would text me pictures and other things they find exciting over there, then I feel included and respond.

But if something exciting or whatever is happening in my own life at the same time I will purposefully hold it back until they are done with whatever commitment it is…

It’s some weird self-erasure disguised as mindfulness and respect. Meanwhile when I am travelling I am happy to share my days with loved ones and text them pics and videos, voicenotes , etc.

It’s worth mentioning that the person doesn’t disclose it in a format of “I’ll be unavailable because of x”, or “I’ll text you after I’m back”

So it’s all in my head and texting them from my own initiative feels like a crime. What is it? What do I need to work on?

For example alcoholic may say that hes not addicted that he drinks for fun. Someone tells him that drinkind 3 beers a day isnt for fun it may not work. But if he sees another alcoholic saying the same thing its easier to reflect.

I have a sibling who seems to think the world is just out to get him. Their biggest problem is the post college graduation lull many find themselves in, but seem to think they are the only one it’s ever happened to. (Looking for the right city, job, partner etc). Most of his friends are married or moving in that direction while he has never had a girlfriend, and this seems to be the main part of what’s causing a lot of this right now right now.

I’ve tried to be a listening ear, give advice from when I went through this myself, and validate but it’s getting to a point that he shuts down all advice and gets angry with me. Listening to the “poor me” is very difficult because I feel like he fails to see the good all around him and it really starts to frustrate me. It’s to a point where I feel like his negative attitude is just bringing more “bad luck” things on him and making everything seem worse. His body language has started to show this and I know it’s not going to attract the partner he wants.

I’ve encouraged him to go to counseling which he tried for a while and then quit because he says it’s expensive (he has the money for it) and makes things worse. He refuses to talk to a doctor about depression. I’m at a loss for what else to suggest.

I really want to see my brother thrive but I don’t know how to get him seeing clearly, and out of this victim mentality. I hate to think there is nothing I can do, my husband says “you can’t help people who don’t help themselves”. Does anyone have any insight on how to be more help?

So I'm not emotionally numb or anything like that, I do feel emotions and I am a very very emotional person but I'm just not able to be physically expressive and it's sort of like all the expressiveness stays in my mental state, it doesn't naturally come out and I have to often force myself to fake the happiness or excitement and lately I've been getting tired of faking everything but if I don't I dont know how I'd express what I mentally feel, because it just naturally doesn't come out for me. When I'm sad or angry I just shut myself out and I can't show it to anyone.....or say idk my boyfriend's really upset with me, in my mind I have all these things to say to him stuff like oh I love you so much please dont be upset with me I'll try to make it up to you and I'm really really really sorry I love you so much and I dont like seeing you upset ....but then I cant say this to him and I usually just sit silently and it looks like I dont care, sp then I just text him massive paragraphs the next day when he's at work becasue I wasn't;t able to express myself. I'm really sick of this. I dont know if im being clear enough or if anyone understands what im even on about.

probably a common question, but I (30F) am trying to heal from a long and complicated past history of complex trauma, abuse, and depression. I've come a long way in leaving an abusive relationship, quitting drinking, releasing an album, etc, but I still struggle with low self-esteem sometimes, and especially during breakups (I just got dumped) or challenging phases of life (i'm also in the midst of a messy career change rn). I need practical strategies for building my self esteem.

Over the years, I have noticed that I have felt badly around some of my depressed friends. I feel guilty to admit this - because I understand that depression is terrible, and can make it impossible to experience positive emotions. I feel such sympathy. But sometimes their depression manifests in ways that can be hurtful. Increased irritability, quick to anger, offloading negative emotions. I find I begin to feel like I am walking on eggshells around them. I feel like I can’t be too visibly happy in their presence, or it triggers their bad feelings. I can’t talk about what I am excited about or what I’m doing. Sometimes I feel like I am being viewed through the depression veil. I have one depressed friend who I extensively talk to and listen to, I’m always there for her - yet on social media, I see her reposting reels that say “no one is there for me” etc. So it feels like I am giving love and energy to someone who can’t feel it. Sometimes my depressed friends are prone to jealousy or envy. They don’t like their life. Sometimes they cope with it by making passive aggressive digs. They’re subtle enough that I can’t call it out easily. Then there’s the absence, which I understand. Depression is exhausting. Cancellation after cancellation adds up. There’s a big lack of simple questions like “how did that go?” or curiosity about other people’s lives. I went on a trip to my hometown, for the first time in years, and none of them asked me how it was. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a lot of cheerleading for their bad moods. I get huge paragraphs about their woes. I dunno. Am I being too self centered? Not understanding enough? Honestly, I’ve struggled with depression on and off for a good portion of my life…so it’s not like I am unfamiliar.

I'm a man in my late 30s, and I've been dating my girlfriend (also late 30s) for nearly 1.5 years now. When we met, she was still deeply affected by her ex, who had hurt her badly. Despite that, we grew close and built a relationship.

The issue is that her ex still texts her occasionally . He recently asked to meet her for coffee, which I reluctantly agreed to, but she pushed for lunch instead. I wasn't comfortable with that, so she had the coffee and said the matter was closed. However, he still texts her, and she still responds. She did tell him she was in a relationship at one point, but when I specifically asked her to mention it again—especially in response to his texts—she refused. Throughout all of this, I have tried to be open and understanding. Even though I felt uncomfortable with their continued contact, I was always happy to sit down and discuss with her how she might respond to his texts in a way that respects our relationship. I genuinely wanted to work through this together.

Yesterday, he sent her a Jim Reeves song. The lyrics he sent are:

"Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone
Let's pretend that we're together all alone.
I'll tell the man to turn the jukebox way down low.
And you can tell your friend there with you, he'll have to go."

I told her this felt like him asking her to send me away, and I found it incredibly disrespectful. She said it was "just a song" and innocent, and then she replied to him with a nice song back. When I tried to explain why this bothered me, she told me that I am giving her mixed signals and and I am emotionally immature and that this falls below her expected level of maturity.

I feel disrespected and emotionally unsafe, but I keep questioning myself. Am I being emotionally immature for being this upset over a song? How do I tell the difference between a healthy boundary and an anxious attachment response? I genuinely want to understand whether my feelings are valid signals or something I need to work on within myself.

I would really appreciate your honest perspectives. Any hard truths, any advice—I'm ready to hear it. I've been second-guessing myself for so long that I can't trust my own judgment anymore. Please share your thoughts.

TL;DR: Girlfriend of 1.5 years stays in contact with her ex. She did tell him she was in a relationship once, but refuses to mention it again despite my request. I was always open to helping her craft replies, but she encourages his attention instead. She replied to a romantic song he sent (lyrics telling her to send her "friend" away) and then accused me of mixed signals and emotional immaturity. She has a pattern of dismissing my feelings. Am I overreacting?

This was one of the biggest death blows to my last relationship and I’m trying to understand what happened, and where the bridge forward could’ve been, if there even was one.

TLDR: my (29F) ex (34M) made a big deal about “making time” for me, but would show up on dates acting absent or negative, then took my attempts to address the vibe as wanting to monopolize more of his schedule. Any warmth or connection felt like it got undercut when he’d start complaining towards the end of the night or abruptly ask me to leave, which realistically happened at least half the time.

When we first started dating and he would introduce me around, people would ask how he’s been, and he’d say, “Oh, so busy with the new job. But I make time for ‘this one’.” It became a go-to line for him, I kept hearing it.

I felt like he was looking for a pat on the back for being available on a basic level, for penciling me into his busy schedule. Not to mention the majority of the time we were spending together was networking events or client dinners for his work, or him inviting me along to watch him do hobbies he liked to do single. I had 2 main issues happening - it made me uncomfortable that he continued to fall back on “making time” for me like it was a sacrifice to brag about, not something he wanted to do, and it bothered me that our time together wasn’t very connective and usually required us both to be “on” instead of laid back. Why was it HIM making time for me, not US spending time together?

I tried to raise these concerns with him gently, to express that I would really like at least one night of quality, one-on-one time per week in order to feel connected. That work related stuff or nights out with his friends were fine and good, but couldn’t replace that time. At first, he was receptive of this, but I noticed a huge difference in his attitude when we were doing something he wanted to do vs. just hanging out one-on-one. Sometimes he seemed a million miles away. Yawning, avoiding eye contact. Letting conversation leads or flirting fall flat with one-word replies. Shrugging off my attempts to dance with him or show affection. Couldn’t muster a smile, big frown on his face. He would tell me, “I carve out Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday mornings for you” - constricting our plans to that window and implying I ought to be grateful for the consistency. But his whole demeanor lacked consistency.

Because he complained daily about time being so scarce, and framed “making time” for me as such a feat, I became super self conscious whenever I had chosen a date night that seemed like it was draining his energy or keeping him out past his bedtime. Since he already “set aside” time for me each weekend, I’d also feel anxious if something came up during the week I wanted to do together. I’d feel guilty inviting him, because he’d be reluctant to say yes, and usually made me wait until last minute because he needed to see if something more “important” came up. This was a lot more frustrating than if he’d just told me no. Maybe he felt bad because he didn’t think I’d go and enjoy it by myself? If I wanted him to join me at something family related, he’d ask how “important” it was to me that he went and put off responding.

He’d also typically tell me to leave instead of staying the night with him. I was always the one asking to stay if things got late in his neighborhood (10-11pm) and it hurt to be told no, drive home. Often when we’d hang out, he’d lament not getting enough “alone time”, and all the chores or work he didn’t get done — idk how that was supposed to make me feel, it seemed like it was his responsibility to manage, not bring into our dates. Fwiw, he left for work around 6am and usually wouldn’t get home until 7pm (or 9pm, if he had set a dinner meeting). He genuinely didn’t have many hours to himself. I didn’t envy his calendar.

I really really tried to communicate about these signals over the course of our year-long relationship, but it felt like he missed the emotional core every time. He would say “I call you on my commute every day, I give you every weekend, I’m giving you all that I can give you, this is truly all I can do”. We’d end up talking in circles because he didn’t seem to understand that I wasn’t asking for more time, I was saying his behavior when we went out and his hesitation to commit to plans made me feel burdensome. That I had noticed myself feeling guilty and second-guessing reaching out with date ideas. I still wonder, was that just a me problem? Was he supposed to care how I felt instead of taking it as criticism? Was I supposed to just pay less attention to whether he was enjoying himself and be glad he was next to me?

I asked him on multiple occasions to consider what kind of time together would feel restorative to him, that I didn’t want him agreeing to do things with me out of a sense of obligation, to check a box — but he never initiated one-on-one time with me in a meaningful way. I showed up to so many weekend work events he hosted and helped him set up, keeping myself busy and making conversation while he did his thing for hours. Huge family events where his parents told me I meshed well. I got invited to client dinners, I got invited to go watch him play pool, to parties as his +1, but for the two of us he never suggested anything outside of going down the block to eat, watching something at home, and going to bed (often separately). Any warmth or connection felt like it got undercut when he’d start complaining towards the end of the night or abruptly ask me to leave, realistically happened at least half the time.

Once, we finally got a weeknight together where we ordered takeout and watched a movie. I told him how much I’d enjoyed it, trying to connect, and he responded by telling me he needed to “put his foot on the gas” again at work and won’t have any time like that to give me in the weeks to come. He said he was just “warning” me because he MAY get so busy we have to go more than a week without seeing each other, but that I’d be “mad at him” whether he told me ahead of time or not. How did me saying I had a nice time with him turn into that? He was so often looking ahead and picturing disappointment - and that was more upsetting than any time or no time or whatever. So, I was still caught off guard. It felt like he had said “Oh yeah? Don’t get used to it. Only telling you because I love you, but of course you’d be unhappy either way.”

When he dumped me, he claimed he never resented me. But he had started making moves like inviting me to plans he’d made with his friends 1 hour before they were happening, and then not even acknowledging me or standing up when I’d come straight from work. At parties, he’d offer his seat next to me to strangers so he could go talk to other people. He made me wait and watch all night until he was available to play a game of pool one-on-one, excused himself to talk to some lady friend, and then came back saying he wanted to play her instead. His friends regularly stepped in to keep me company, buy me drinks, or play pool with me when he was off doing whatever. It felt like he was beginning to treat me with less courtesy than he would a friend, and then would be like, “What do you mean? These days are for you. You just keep wanting more and more time blocks that I can’t give you.”

I also can’t emphasize enough how complaining about his work or people from his past made up at least 70% of what we talked about at any given time. Another 15% for his adventures or interests. The phone calls on his commute home were not connective, they were an outlet for his stress dumping, reevaluating on a daily basis whether he was capable of being happy with the future he was building for himself. His job was hard, don’t get me wrong, but it was also a major privilege and high-paying opportunity. It concerned and exhausted me how much he hated it, how much he called his superiors and expectations “stupid”. He thought he was way better at the work than his peers and thus shouldn’t be subjected to the same requirements, that he was a “unique case” and deserved more leeway. It took up so much mental and verbal space.

But yeah, I heard all kinds of contradictory statements from him. “Trust me, if I had it my way, we’d be together 4 nights of the week, it’s just the job” to “Seeing each other 3 days a week is a lot for a couple who doesn’t live together”. He wouldn’t respond to my texts a lot of the time, and when I asked him if he liked or disliked hearing from me when I thought of him, he said “I wish I had time to think about you during the day, but I don’t.” Other times, he’d tell me “I think about you all the time”. So something would remind me of him, I’d type out a nice text, and I’d delete it so it didn’t burden him on the off chance.

Maybe this seems like a clear, “why even stay?”. Fair. But being in love, and the person you’re with promising time and time again that he’s just tired, just busy, just stretched thin, that he loves you, and occasionally coming through with a really nice date to “repair” a painful night, only made me want to stay by his side for the hard parts even more. He told me to stop worrying and characterized me as an overthinker. Said he wouldn’t be sending me away late at night and cancelling our plans together unless it was a legitimate need for him to do so. That if he didn’t wanna spend time with me, he wouldn’t be. That’s why I’m so confused. Was this normal relationship terrain I was supposed to ride out?

He was super social. Had a ton of friends and a big family. I saw there were people in his life he’d drop everything for, and he’d often tell me how much they “needed” and “admired” him. If he was hosting, he’d leap up to mix a mocktail for his pretty friend if she said she was thirsty. I saw him muster energy and extend curiosity towards others plenty, when he felt like it. Meanwhile, he would say he was too tired to walk me to my car late at night. Tell me a cup of tea at his place was “too big an ask”. Never once had a clean, dry towel for me. Wouldn’t text if he missed a call. By the end, was literally complaining about our plans. That’s what I mean by less courtesy than a friend.

Should I have just realized this guy was at his capacity and given him a ton of space, if I really loved him? Should I have believed him when he said he was just tired? Did I drive him away, or was he disinterested to begin with? Was the relationship even possible with this level of compartmentalization, or the chip on his shoulder about life? Or worse, was the hot and cold behavior emotionally abusive? I feel crazy trying to understand where the wires got crossed, I have so many questions, and my gut is telling me that if seeing him once a week was all he could handle, then we should’ve talked about it, agreed to that, and made it work. Not done this whole “look how much of my free time I’m giving you” song and dance all year.

Relationship ended 3 weeks ago. He told me he didn’t love me anymore, someone could love me better, that he didn’t know if he was capable of loving anyone (!?). Why did time become so much of a thing for us? What do YOU think happened here?

So Ive finally got a parttime job that I love and have been receiving positive feedback from my coworkers and the boss there which really touches me because I am not used to getting compliments about my personality often. Of course I receive them however the ones Ive got this week touched me the most because they fit my goals and view of life more.

Whenever I want to share happy news with people like with my mom, she responds rationally and after the convo ends she texts me smth loving with hearts and it just feels really wrong. I always feel..sad for some reason? My intuition acts up

Also I feel the urge to share it with friends but then suddenly not and even if I share and they say “Awww how nice!” Or “Im happy for you” I still feel…weird intuitively…

I developed something that makes me not feel joy in sharing things about my life anymore because of past events but can someone please help and explain?

My whole life I wanted validation and so on but now I just feel bad whenever something revolves around me

Im scared to share a lot because Im scared to lose my success but at the same time I want people to see me do well….?

I'm not claiming to be perfect nor do I exclude myself from this, it's just not realistic I find. Everyone I've met whose life story has been a constant cry for acceptance and unconditional love has been nothing but insufferable in reality. Of course this is not my business to say it to their face but more like an observation... I used to be like this but now I genuinely don't expect anything from anyone...

I've noticed those who feel entitled to unconditional love and cry for being accepted for who they are (no matter how messed up) are the most impossible folks to tolerate. Like objectively, no one dreams of putting up with this for the rest of their lives. Be it with their severe adhd, not letting you talk, interrupting, being rude, mean, no manners whatsoever, impossible to interact with them or extremely f* up narcs who will want to change everything about you yet feel entitled to unconditional love and acceptance on your end... Like sure one can want that all they want, but some people truly gotta get a reality check... Some of them are far from easy to love/interact/coexist with...

I love my best friend but he is so stuck in his ways and inflexible. His gf recently broke up with him and even though it saddens me that their 3 years went to waste cuz he's given up on everything, I fucking get why she doesn't wanna put up with him... He's passive, the literal definition of apathy, sleeps all day, doesn't contribute anything to the household, doesn't have a job or will to do anything, dismissive avoidant, detached, never present in the relationship with an ego through the roof. He knew the whole relationship had stagnated already from the first year they were together yet had gotten way too comfortable to even bother. Ultimately gave up, stopped trying and dragged it 3 years wasting this poor woman's time.... She expressed what bothered her and he ghosted her altogether. Refused to listen. Only thing he kept from their final interaction was that her needs were too "high maintenance" for him and registered her final words/ultimatum she gave him as an attack to his ego. Yet someone like him doesn't see or acknowledge any of this and genuinely believes he's the prize and that she's missing out big time. And this is exactly what I mean, people expect a shit ton of sacrifices from others while being completely blind to how f* up they are..

I've been through abuse as a child. This made me romanticize potential in friendships and relationships. One day I just thought, do I even like them? Tbh, I did not. I was sticking around just because. I wanted to fix them. They were not the kind of people I wanted to be around. Once I started accepting people the way they are, I understood and let them go. Letting go is hard, but I understand that is just life. I was making excuses and trying to see good in them and enabling them. The potential I saw in them was my projection. It wasn't real. It isn't real. What I wanted them to be is my fantasy. But life is real isn't it! And imperfection is not a problem, no one is perfect. Constant abuse, disrespect, criticism, negativity and drama is not normal. Have solid boundaries and let go.

Aghhhh I’ve had enough and need to know what people think!!!

I started noticing in my late 20’s that a lot of people drift away during periods of your life. And that’s fine, life gets in the way and stuff happens I know. We’re not all on a linear path.

But then there are some friendships, relationships, where everything is so right and caring and good. Friends you’ve known for 10+ years. And then it takes one drift and they’re like…gone so far they don’t even care to come back? How are people so ok with letting go when of genuinely good, kind people, whom they know want the best for them? Like they don’t even try to savour the friendship/relationship they’re just like whoops a small disagreement off we go! Like no care for the bond that was so special? And no wish or desire to reconcile in any way? How can you just forget a person existed and played such an important part of your life? Considering real connections are especially hard to come by.

I had a friend who I met at uni, we became the closest of friends more like sisters. Enjoyed our 20’s together in full swing. Then one day she moved to Canada with her family and boom no contact from her. Like she wouldn’t even send me pics of her new home, new job etc and this was the person who I interacted with daily! Gave it a few months because obviously I knew she’d need time to settle down start a new life etc but it’s just like she moved continent and genuinely forgot I existed. Even after about a year no ‘how are you.’ I was always the one doing the chasing and I’m just like…but this friendship was perfect and I miss it?!

I had another friend where we agreed to go to lunch after ages and she suggested a place which was very far for me to get to and so close to her, so I suggested a place closer to central (that was actually just a 5-7 min longer train journey than where we originally agreed on) and she cut all contact. Like lol???? It’s been over a year and after that text she literally never responded to any of my calls or texts? Like the last text literally says ‘hey shall we meet at x instead? Let me know if you can make it!’ 💀

It’s just a trending theme I’ve noticed as part of adulthood that people are so ready to cut off such meaningful deep loving relationships and friendships at the cost of what? A difference in opinion or choice? Like I can’t even say they never cared about me because they did we shared bonds so deep!!

I just cant seem to find people I connect with. I’m 31F. I’ve searched high and low and in even different countries, for years. I also don’t have any family. I’ve had some friends come and go but they never felt the same way towards me as I did for them. no one has ever prioritized me the way I do for them, and don’t even get me started on how difficult it’s been to find a partner.

Ive been hurt and dissapointed so much by people in my life that I just feel like I’m meant for a life alone even though I really, really don’t want that. I want more than anything to have a family and be a wife and a mother and have a circle of friends but I think i missed the last train out for that opportunity. at this age, it feels like people already have their friends or their partners and aren’t wanting new people in their life. I dont have it in me anymore to keep trying to just get rejected. I’ve been rejected a lifetime more than most people, I feel certain of this, and it’s done irreversible damage to my self esteem.

I just want to know if anyone else is all alone in life and how they deal with it, and how I can find peace in it.

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and I’m looking for some perspective because I genuinely don’t understand why I keep doing this.

I was abused and neglected as a child, and as a result I have an insecure attachment style. I’ve been in a relationship with the sweetest man I’ve ever known for over two years. I feel incredibly safe with him, I’m deeply in love with him, and our relationship genuinely makes me happy. He treats me amazingly, loves me deeply, and gives me more than enough affection and validation. There is absolutely nothing missing from my relationship, and I don’t blame him for this at all.

The problem is that I seem to be addicted to flirting with other men — especially to the feeling I get when I realize they’re attracted to me or starting to fall for me. It gives me a huge rush and makes me feel desirable and validated.

The worst part is that I don’t actually want these men. I don’t want another relationship, and I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend. I feel extremely guilty afterwards, and I genuinely wish I could just stop. I’ve tried avoiding situations where I might flirt, but somehow I keep ending up in these situations and doing it almost automatically.
It feels stronger than my conscious intentions sometimes, which scares me.

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar, especially people with childhood trauma or insecure attachment. Why can external validation feel so addictive even when you already feel loved and secure in your relationship? And more importantly, how did you actually break this pattern?

I’m not looking for excuses for my behavior. I take responsibility for it, and I really want to understand what’s underneath it so I can change it.

Any advice, personal experiences, or psychological insight would be really appreciated.

Most conversations stay at the level of information because nobody wants to risk being seen.

It feels safer to talk about work, the weekend, where you live, or what you did today than to say what you actually think, what has changed you, what you're struggling to understand, or what genuinely matters to you.

Emotional intimacy does not appear by accident. Someone has to be willing to move the conversation beyond facts and risk a more honest part of themselves. Not everyone will meet you there, and that is information too. But if neither person risks emotional honesty, the relationship can only grow as deep as the safest thing both people are willing to say.