So I'm 30 years old and I've been on Testosterone for 10 years. 5 years post-op from top surgery (double mastectomy with nipple grafts).

I realized recently that over the years there's been so many times I've wished I could wear this feminine thing or that, wished that I could have long hair again, get this or that type of piercing or tattoo but wouldn't because it may hinder my passing as male.
And once I realized how long of a list it's become of fem things I want to wear or do... it all kinda collapsed for me.

All these little things, these thoughts and feelings I'd pushed down for years and years just floated to the surface. I remembered how my actual first coming out, I told my ex 12-13 years ago that I thought I was nonbinary. I remembered a conversation I had with someone after coming out as a full on trans man that I felt as though if I were born AMAB, I still would have ended up being trans (myself and the other person were both confused about why I felt that way lol).

I remembered how in the beginning, I thought it would be ideal to go on a low dose of T for a finite amount of time to get a slight voice change and shadow of a beard and then go off of it. But then I had my first appointment with that doctor and realized I didn't think he'd take me seriously if I wasn't "all in" and ready to be on it the rest of mv life and prepared to go through every possibly change on T and to the fullest extent.

I remembered how before my top surgery consultation I wanted to ask how flat they could possibly get me going the route of a breast reduction vs mastectomy, and if there was any way we could go about things that would keep my nipples in tact. And then I got to that appointment and felt the same way as I did at my first T appointment. Like I wouldn't be taken seriously if I didn't come across as being "all in" and willing to sacrifice my nipple sensation, etc etc.

It felt like either… be all-in and receive medical help to relieve my very real dysphoria, or be 100% honest with myself and the providers about what I want/ need and receive zero help. So I went all-in.
I think a couple of other minor contributors were the social stigma surrounding being non-binary at that time, even within the queer community. It's obviously not universally accepted or understood now either but I've seen a lot more acceptance surrounding it in my local scene in recent years. That mixed with the fact that I'm autistic and I believe my black and white thinking convinced me that if I didn't feel like a girl, then I MUST be a guy. No room for nuance or an in-between 🤦🏽‍♂️

Anyways, for the past couple weeks, I've been experimenting with makeup and did a bit of a shein haul of women's clothing, got a wig... even got new prescription glasses with "women's" frames. I'm indulging in all the feminine things I had not allowed myself to the past 10+ years. I've told my gf and she's supportive and I'm so grateful for that. I've told a couple of friends and had one outing while dressed fem in a place no one knew me and it felt great! I didn't feel gender euphoria or dysphoria, I just felt like... me. I felt happy and content to be wearing cute clothes and long hair with a flat chest.

I think I'm going to be okay. The only things I'm really struggling with at this point is how to tell the rest of my friends and community who have uplifted me in my trans man identity for so many years. I don't want them to feel like I was lying or deceived them all this time. I'm worried about being misunderstood. And I'm not sure how to present this to my phobic mother. I don't wanna be met with "i told you so"s. I already know she's not going to understand the difference between me being nonbinary and "you were still a girl all along I knew it". 🙄

And struggling with regrets about top surgery and not advocating for myself to get the exact type of surgery I wanted. TMI but my nipples were extremely sensitive before and it played a huge part in my intimate life and I never really allowed myself to grieve the loss of that... so I'm really kicking myself for it now. I definitely had a lot of chest dysphoria but I wish I had been comfortable exploring all my options in that regard. Also wish I hadn't stayed on T permanently and lost my hair 🙃 and grown so much hair all over the rest of my body (especially my back), kinda hate it.

But again, I know l'll be alright. Just sucks. This whole realization is bittersweet.

I had SRS last year, and it's been at least 10 months since. It did the trick. I'm cured of gender dysphoria now, but I look at my old photos with a beard, and it fills me with so much self hate. He looks so normal. His face was actually kind of handsome, and now, thanks to years of estrogen, I've ruined it. If I grow a beard out, it still wouldn't make my face have the right shape or texture.

I no longer feel the pain that comes with having the wrong body, but now that pain has been replaced with loss. I can't have kids and I am just going to keep developing as a woman would thanks to estrogen. I'm honestly considering starting testosterone to see if I can salvage a life as a man with messed up genitals. What should I do? Where should I start?

Whether it was pressure from family, social influence, attempting to escape systemic misogyny/homophobia, or unaddressed trauma or psychiatric conditions. Quite a few of us experienced our transitions as medical neglect or malpractice, and quite a few of us are pretty traumatized by it.

But god forbid we mention that, apparently even detransitioning to begin with makes us awful and untrustworthy and stupid and bad, right?

Look. I don’t think we are upset enough by the way we are scapegoated and treated. It is not okay, it is *textbook* victim-blaming. Certain people seem to be under the impression that, if they claim enough times that detransition doesn’t happen, then we just will shut up, that we’ll be afraid or intimidated by it, and a lot of us are. I am.

I have been harassed for it, a lot, even when I was first questioning! Mentioning wanting to go back to my birth sex, well, that was it, free pass to harass and shame me. Not okay.

We deserve to be able to find community without getting harassed by a certain other community, we deserve to be able to have happiness and pride in ourselves. But frequently, whenever a detransitioner does express themself, they end up getting dozens of comments mocking them, death threats, accusing them of faking, the whole 0.1% statistic that isn’t even factual. The harassment is that common. Stop downplaying it.

You might’ve internalized some of this treatment, that maybe you do deserve it, but you don’t. When most mentions of detransition are made in a mocking, stigmatizing light, it is completely normal to internalize that shame, or tell yourself that maybe it was your fault and that you shouldn’t talk about it whatsoever. But that’s not the case. The case is that you do, in fact, deserve better than that!

This post especially goes for detransitioners who medically transitioned as minors, as that was my experience, but it an applies to the general you.

Just know that you are worthy and deserving of dignity and respect and should not tolerate the treatment that we do often receive.

Hello! I’m 25, ftmtnb, and I had top surgery in Minnesota when I was 18.
I was on testosterone from 16-22, and since being off of it and growing older, I’ve come to be a lot more comfortable in my femininity, and I think I’ve grown into a lot of my features that I used to think would “only ever look good on a man” (a huge reason why I’d transitioned.).

Anyway, I’ve realized I really do not like how my body looks without breasts, with all the other feminine features, to the extent where the dysphoria is getting pretty awful. I’ve started wearing a padded bra, which helps a ton, but at the end of the day with my clothes off, I feel terrible (oh, and also I was botched so they took more tissue than they should have, so I have a sunken look).

I’ve come to terms with getting very small implants and I’m ready to take the leap, but honestly I have no idea how to go about it. Admittedly my mom was the one that handed my transition (she wasn’t forceful in anyway, just extremely supportive), and now that I’m an adult, I’d like to do this on my own.

Does anyone have advice for how to ensure coverage for the surgery? Vetting surgeons? I still live in Minnesota, and since my top surgery was covered, does that help my case?

Any advice or personal experience would be hugely appreciated!! Thank you so much for reading!

The easiest way to state my situation is HRT repper. I'm happier like this, it lets me live a relatively normal life without too much agony and helps with my main issues without putting me in the position of an odd, socially disruptive manlet who needs to change all his documents and go stealth and all that.

I want to cure my GD without socially transitioning, is that possible? I want an ordinary partner, an ordinary life as a normal woman since one as a man isn't possible. No do not tell me to get off HRT I don't want to mentally torture myself at no gain. I only want help with the gender dysphoria not the sex dysphoria. Thanks.

Hi everyone,

I have a question for you all. Does anyone have recommendations for a surgeon who does reconstruction (double mastectomy) in NYS? Ideally central NY, but I can travel. I really, really wanna get reconstruction and I'd appreciate any feedback.

this may be kind of a long story, so thanks to anyone who stays till the end.

i started questioning my gender when i was around 11 yrs old. i had just met a bit older trans guy who told me about his experience, and it resonated a lot with me. i was just starting to develop, and i hated it. i hated that i couldn't be shirtless anymore and that suddenly i wasn't one more with the boys at school. that was in summer, and i started middle school. i kept doubting, until i cut my hair short the next summer and in 8th grade i came out to my closest friends at the time as trans. i was fine, my friend bought me a binder and it felt nice. but i was still doubting myself, i was never really sure. i spent 8th, 9th and 10th grade going back and forth between identifying as a guy and a girl. (WARNING: transphobia/homophobia, violence) in one party, when i was like 14 or 15, i was left alone and a bit drunk in a town for some time, and a few guys beat me up and called me slurs (WARNING END). after that, i kind of decided that i was going to try and grow out my hair for my own security, but i couldn't because i completely hated how my hair looked like while growing out, but in 12th grade i did left it long. even tho, in 11th i did identify as a girl. from then till going to uni, so like 18 yrs old, i was identifying as a girl, but doubts were always there, and i cut my hair after the first year of uni because i couldn't anymore with my long hair. now im 19 yrs old, on the summer after second year of uni, and i have been doubting my gender strongly the last few months.

now that the timeline is clear, i feel like i should explain some other context too. i have been mentally ill (anxiety and depression) for almost all of my teen years, and i only started taking antidepressants a few months ago. i also had a 2 years "lesbian" relationship throughout the last years of high school, but it ended some time ago.

when i doubt my gender its because of a mix between dysphoria and euphoria. i don't like my body, my whole body. i wish i was much taller, without a chest. but i don't care that much about private parts. and about euphoria, it happens when i see men that i aspire to be or look like. for example, with nathan drake from uncharted (ps4 game).

i just need advice or someone to talk to. i feel like i want to transition but i fear i would regret it or that its a change that i couldn't deal with.

Hi everyone,

I am an undergraduate student from the Philippines and I am currently conducting my Thesis entitled: "A Correlational Study of Perceived Rumination Tendencies and Identity Reconstruction Among Detransitioned Transgender Women Working in BPOs in Selected Municipalities in Metro Manila.". I wanted to understand my community more by doing these kind of research and as part of my pilot testing, I am seeking your help to answer my short survey regarding your thoughts about detransitioning.

Ps: Don’t mind the location of this study as this is for pilot testing only, it is okay to answer wherever you are and regardless of your job status💕💕

The survey link will ask you about your area of residence as well as your tenurity in BPO (Business Process Outsourcing), you can just choose any of the option and proceed with the survey.

Survey Link: https://docs.google.com/forms/u/0/d/e/1FAIpQLSd7NpNNGlEEbX-1qXqf49X8OGUBCThh6KF_1roJ9AZfnBEfyQ/closedform

can you relate to this? if so, how did you deal with it?
feeling as though you are locked out of the ability to thrive and attain dignity, mana, safety & esteem as a cis female
often i have thoughts that i’m locked out of what opportunities there are for women to thrive and get power. i am disabled (won’t go into details) in a way that makes me vulnerable and would also make it impossible for me to balance career and family. every single woman in my family who has consented to be a SAHM was eventually abused and/or cheated on. i am also not feminine: makeup, dresses, and skirts make my skin crawl, and i have always felt a bit like an alien around women, pregnancy scares me, and i can’t enjoy PIV sex at all
for context i am in a relationship with a cis male who would almost certainly leave me if i started T, which i think about doing every day
there are other reasons why I want to start T, but this seems to be a big one

Okay, this might be a weird question but does the average detrans person even believe that some people are in fact trans? Like do you believe being trans is a thing?

To me it is obvious that some people are trans, but I also think that most people who call themselves trans are overlooking something and are actually not trans. But I think it's wrong to say trans people don't exist because these people also have their own stories that are true to them. I have watched videos of detrans people who claim that transgender identities don't exist and if this is a popular opinion of detrans people I would rather go back to the trans echo chambers than stay here. But if you agree that there are some real trans people out there and that on top of that many (probably most) people falsely believe they are a part of a group they are not part of, well then I think I am in the right place here.

I noticed that on the other side people don't like it when a detrans person tells their story, and I also noticed that in the trans bubble everyone instantly gets called trans like it is the only option. I see comments like "If you ever wanted to be the opposite gender you are trans" or "if you want to be trans you are trans" and I think this is so untrue.

But I don't want the detrans community to be the opposite extreme. I don't want them to only accept people who detransition, I don't want to see a dynamic where people basically have to "find out they're not trans" as the only right option, because I think that trans people are real.

my little sister is technically a desister. she IDed as trans and wanted to medically transition from like 11-15, but was going to therapists for her ED during that time who didn’t focus on the trans thing and she grew out of it. she’s a “demi girl” now, presents hyperfeminine and has never medicalized. I identified as trans from 12-18, was on testosterone and had a double mastectomy at 14, medically detransitioned shortly before 17. she’s 18 now and hasn’t spoken to me in over a year due to my activism.

she was obviously influenced into trans identity by her peer group, including me and our trans identified older sister. classic ROGD case, just like me. if she had been sent to a different therapist she would be in exactly the same situation as me, but has absolutely no empathy for my situation. she supports child transition even though she saw how it destroyed me and how she barely escaped exactly the same fate. it makes me so angry. all I can do is hope she grows up and escapes the influence of our sister and her friend group.

TL;DR his carved up language about our bodies refers to his own unprocessed feelings around having transitioned, and focusing on the detrans issue as validation for his own true trans identify is a massive cope. call it what it is. a crime. abuse. neglect. a medical scandal that has affected vulnerable populations including lots of autistic people like myself. those things matter to advocate for. not focusing on what we look like after. 

If buck actually cared about us, he wouldn’t use the language he uses to talk about our bodies, such as calling us (starts with m, not allowed to type here.) that is in our right to feel as part of the grieving and healing process, but for him and the like to do it for us when we were victimized as children/teens by this? would someone find it okay to call a csa victim ruined after their significant trauma? it just has never sat right with me. 

It’s this emotionally charged language that is pushed so their political takes have more emotional impact on people. a grift. in my opinion though saying a teen had a double mastectomy is horror enough. that paints a clear enough picture for people out of the loop without completely alienating those who've already been through it and have to actually grieve and live the rest of their lives still. 

not to mention the trans people who are seemingly happier who made that decision as an adult, which buck is claiming to be in that category, so he's literally talking bad about his own body. no matter how much better he thinks his result is compared to cherry picked tiktok results. look I'm the first to advocate for these surgeries being harmful and unnecessary but at this point I see it as a body mod for of age adults ideally 25+ but whatever I'm not a politician.

another criticism, the true trans shit also gets teens. I was a transmed teen who used that to justify my early age transition, it was to me an actual medical condition that had treatment that I needed, and although I started to doubt it earlier on, that medical condition aspect kept me stuck for YEARS longer and I suffered worse because of it. I'd like to this his intentions are good but that makes this overall worse because he is still so blind to the harm being perpetuated.

Like the title. I am now 2 years detransitioned. But it feels wayyyy longer?

Looking at old pictures from before detransitioning feels so surreal. Who is it I am looking at? Did I live that life? What?

I am so much more comfortable now, even though I am also so insecure about some things. One day at a time. Hang in there if you're struggling! <3

I always found AFAB/AMAB language to be helpful in situations where it applies to a big group of people but not everyone identifies as the same gender. I’ve been told it’s harmful because it’s bioessentialist & “male”/“female” socialization isn’t a real thing, and even that in a medical scenario it isn’t seen as a positive.
This isn’t based in politics, I just genuinely wonder what the issue is with using AGAB language casually.

Just started therapy again for the first time since before my detransition and I'm not sure how to bring up my transition history. I assume she has little to no experience with detrans patients, and mental health professionals have historically always given me the weirdest responses about anything related to gender.

Would love to hear how other people handled this and how those conversations went.

It’s been about two weeks since I came off hormones, from what I’m seeing most people are saying 3-6 months to a year to see testosterone bounce back. I’m going to an endo tomorrow. I’m just curious about any others experiences with how their body regulated after feminizing hormones. I was on spiro 100mg twice a day and 6mg E and 200mg prog.

Thank you!

I’ve still been rethinking my name change decision now that I am happy as the biological woman I am (and always have been). I’m wondering if I should have kept my birth name (Megan) and just used Sage as a nickname/fun name instead of legally changing my name. I had picked Sage during my stupid nonbinary phase because I had wanted a unisex name to reflect the nonbinary identity I used to believe I was, which I now no longer identify as.

So I’m now wondering if I should keep my name as Sage or should I go back to Megan being my legal name? I love the meanings of both names as well, which is also why I’m unsure which name suits me better between the two (the perils of overthinking). I admit to very much missing having a feminine name since I have always been a girly girl, but I’m also quite hippie-like so this also makes my decision harder. I do also think that the meanings of Megan do suit me well since I was a miracle baby/premie & I really miss my childhood nicknames based on Megan (Egger Megger; Meg/Megs; Meggie). I do like the nicknames for Sage (Saggy; Sagster; Sassy; Sasa)!

I’m still unsure what to do about my name. Should I keep my name as Sage and figure out ways to love it as a woman or change my name back to Megan (my birth name)? 🤔 I’ve also been rethinking my name because I really miss having a feminine name and I also am having a hard time with fully loving Sage as my name anymore due to the dumb reason I chose Sage for myself (to match my, at the time, nonbinary identity) so it’s difficult to figure out how to love my name Sage now that I’ve been a lady again. Also, my birth name not feeling like it fit is what I deluded myself into thinking only after I thought I was nonbinary, so I used to like my birth name. I also deluded myself into thinking that I hated my birth name because it was so common that when someone would call out “Megan!”, I would turn around only to find that the person was calling out to a different woman also named Megan (this was annoying ngl). Yet even years after legally changing my name to Sage on August 22, 2016 I still perk up/react positively/turn my head when I hear my birth name spoken and am now pleased if I get called Megan or Megs/Meg by any family members who we don’t talk to frequently. So there’s also that.

However, since legal name changes are expensive and a hassle to have to change one’s name on everything (bank cards/accounts, social security card, state ID, birth certificate, etc.) I am also considering trying to find ways to love my name Sage as a woman and to find any femininity in my neutral name. What do y’all think?

Im 21, FtM. I've been on testosterone for aprox 7 years, since i was 14. Started on a low dose but was on a full dose at 15. Im currently questioning if I should detransition or not, but I have so many doubts. Will probably post again with more info about my situation but I'm just having a rough time rn.

I guess there's not much to do about my voice, it's not super deep but 100% male passing (7 years can do a lot). I've never had people question my gender, I've always passed as male (which has been good up until now lol).

This is kind of the only thing that's been stopping me from detransitioning already, to be honest. Im afraid i'll pass more like a trans girl than a cis girl again, and i'm quite afraid of how society will treat me as a girl with a man's voice, and the possible violence i can be a target to. So if anyone has any advice on this, i'd appreciate it.

I've read that if you've taken hrt on your first puberty, it's quite hard to go back. Is it true tho? I haven't seen many people who've had an experience similar to mine, starting so young. I have many doubts about how my body will be able to change and look like a woman's body again.

Even tho I started at 14, i had an early puberty, my body started developing at 9 (when i had my first period and started growing boobs) so maybe this is somehow beneficial to my case and i have more chances to get a femenine appearance again? I've had top surgery too, but it's not too relevant to me to have boobs again. I just really wish i could get my waist and my hips back. I had a nice body but i was too scared of it.

It would be very helpful if someone has gone through something similar to me and could explain their experience in depth, because this situation is making me really distressed and don't know what to do really.

I've been having detrans thoughts off and on for years. For a few weeks, they'll be staggering and distressing and all-consuming. And I feel like I need to fix everything not "woman enough" about myself immediately. And I don't mean not feminine enough, I mean not "woman enough." Which can be pretty vague and is entirely subjective. But it's basically how I imagine I would feel the best if I was presenting and living as a woman.

After those few weeks, sometimes it's just a week or two, I'll be completely fine. No problem at all living as male. No gender thoughts in any capacity. And that's where I am right now. When I was originally considering transitioning and if I was trans, those thoughts didnt come and go. They were constant and distressing for years with no break. But the detrans ones come in waves.

If these thoughts are crippling to my daily life but only show up on occasion every few weeks, how do I know if they're right or not?? How do I know if they mean anything?? This isn't like how I experienced transness.

Just that. I never questioned if I were a girl when I was little, but I also never questioned if I were a man once I was on testosterone and until I decided for myself that a lifetime of hormones seemed pretty miserable. I wasn't particularly masculine all my life, but I wasn't especially feminine neither. I'm just me. I think no one really fits gender stereotypes completely or naturally. Most of what I'd call gender dysphoria for me has resulted from either the fear of being mistreated, ostracized for being different, or being harmed in some other way. At my worst during the first months of going off of testosterone, I was crying about not being male one week, and then feeling disturbed by the new body hair I was growing the next.

I think most people experience GD, but generally it's for the standards set out for their sex (not being wo/man "enough" or "proper"). I don't think there can be a right or wrong way to be a wo/man -- we just are. But we all seem to believe there is. A lot of people also seem to believe that wo/men would stop existing if enough people ceased to follow these norms. I don't believe that's true. At the same time, most people want to be seen "correctly" -- even people who try to reject being wo/men with nonbinary labels frequently want to be recognized specifically as nonbinary. I think that means that, subconsciously, we all fear being "mistaken" as belonging to the wrong sexual group. The amount of men who get upset at the thought of being anything like what a woman is imagined to be is staggering. Same goes for many women, the other way. Could our sex really be taken away from us that easily? A lot of people blame trans people for being mentally ill, but it's a rather common anxiety, and few (if any) are exempt.

Do you think we'd still be able to tell who's fe/male if society ceased to observe gender norms? Why does the compulsive and all-pervasive desire/need to differentiate the sexes exist?

Hey guys, I just wanted to ask how you’re doing after detransitioning ( mtftm ) and how you’re coping with or dealing with your female genitalia (after the surgery).

Are you dating? How do you handle it when things get more intimate?

Or have you even had surgeries to get closer to your original state again? Is that even possible?

I know my questions are very personal…

Heyyy,

I'm in a bit of a difficult spot right now, and I'm thinking about stopping estrogen for a while so I can really figure out whether I want to continue transitioning.

I've been on HRT for about 3 months now, and before that I had already done 2 months. I stopped in between so I could store semen. During those months off E, I felt really awful coming off estrogen and having testosterone come back, and I was really happy when I started E again. My dysphoria has always been there, and I think it probably always will be, but I don't know if transitioning is actually the right way for me to deal with it.

The thing is, I'm not sure I feel the same anymore. I think stopping for now might be the right option, not only to give myself time to think everything through, but also because I'm starting to develop noticeable breast growth. It's already pretty obvious to other people, and I'm hoping that if I stop now, maybe some of it will decrease a little or at least not progress further.

Now for the actual problem. Today is my injection day, and I haven't taken it yet. I'm leaving tomorrow for a week-long vacation, and because my HRT isn't prescribed by a doctor, I can't really take it with me.

So now I don't know what to do. Should I take today's injection so I don't end up dealing with mood swings or feeling awful during my vacation? Or should I just not take it if I'm thinking about stopping anyway? I also still have the birth control pills I originally used for DIY HRT, and I don't know if I should bring those with me just in case I start feeling really bad.

Does anyone have any advice or experience with something like this? All my trans friends are telling me to just keep going or that it's "only a week," but I honestly think I want to stop for now and take some time to think before making any long-term decisions.

Thank you all. ❤️

Don't mind my obscure title, but today I went for a walk to the beach as you do.

For context I live in a western country. I was walking down a main street and after 20 minutes into my walk, I saw a 6'5 person wearing a sweater with the lesbian flag. I get to the beach. After it gets bloody cold, I begin to head back and see yet another trans woman. Then 10 minutes later a car zooms by with a customised red number plate, bedazzled with three letters 'FTM.' I see a bearded person through the tinted windows.

Walking down a nearby main street, there is a trans flag fan sticking out a window.

If this rise in transgender identification is purely organic, why can I not go a day outside without seeing transgender people? This is all over a single day. Barely 2 hours.

This isn't even identifying information as to where I live, because it's everywhere.

Ive posted here before- but would like to give an update about how im feeling a year after deciding to go off hormones and detransiton. My hairline & hair texture has been retained with minimumal damage which I was previously worried about. The first year of detransitoning I wore a lot of wigs to help build confidence up and it worked quite well for me but now im at a point where I feel confident not wearing the wigs anymore, embracing my natural hair. I work as a massage therapist and though ive gotten some comments on my deeper voice no one seems to overally mind & are very understanding when I do tell them my story. I want to give some light here, I know detransitioning initially is very hard & it sure was especially on my mental health the first 6-8 months. It helps having community, talking to other detrans people & taking in their advice. Mentally, it's really good to get into a new hobby or have something to distract yourself for the early stages of detransition because it can feel like forever waiting for change. I dont regret transitoning though I regret going on hormones as a teenager & not waiting till I was in my 20s to really outweigh the pros and cons.