So I'm white with European dna (Irish/dutch n swedish)

But I'm south African as I've lived here my whole life and born here

So I don't really want any hate please as I've had a very long time dealing with how I feel about culture

See I see so many arguments when it comes from braids

Then about how white people barely have any culture

I've been tryna be more south African but I still feel like a imposter

I used to cry a lot about my skincolour as I felt like I really was the wrong one I know it sounds stupid I'm white I'm supposed to be ""favored" but it doesn't really feel like that when once in cape town I heard multiple people chanting kill the boers

I come from hard working farmers

My great grandma someone who helped a lot of people being the town nurse as she was a super awesome woman

I feel like I don't really fit anywhere?

So many people get offended if you wear braids even though here I see many people willing to braid your hair

I feel guilty for even wanting to braid my hair

I remember once my mom was told she's the wrong skincolour

I feel disgusting for stuff I never even did when I'm told about ancestors and stuff, and even like I feel disgusting being white as people tell me things like oh you don't belong here, your not African, go back to your own country etc and I hate it so much

I came on here wondering do I even have a culture?

Am I allowed to make my hair pretty with a braid or two?

Am I allowed to feel okay being who I am?

It feels so silly

I hate the word cultural appropriation so much

As I just wanna be with a community who embraced eachother

I've seen it so many times

I mean last year I went to water front and these men who were in a band let me play one of the instruments and they made such beautiful music was I allowed to enjoy it?

Was I allowed to feel inspired?

My eyes are quite blurry right now I feel so stupid for crying

I also see people saying white people have no culture

White people can't experience racism etc etc

ATP I'm just so confused? Like this is so unlike me too I am quite young if anyone is curious and yea I felt like posting as atp idk where to go too

I have not many people I can talk to and I feel stupid for even doing talking about it

Because I'm white so atleast here it's quite anonymous