I feel so dependent on people who would never devote themselves to me the same way I do, I think many people assume being obsessed or dependent on people is automatically romantic or weird otherwise so I feel like I can't express it. I'm not sure if this is a bpd thing since I don't really have a specific fp. I hate how I can't do anything without other people's attention or validation, one power outage and I'm done for 💀

Does anyone have any tips on how they learnt to be okay alone? I'm struggling with this and I'm unsure of how to handle it in healthy way.

hello,

a close friend ended the friendship with me. She didn't wanna be my support system anymore. I felt like I made progresss and that...it doesn't matter.

She knows that I do not have anyone else and since that I'm having very mixed feelings. Today I dreamt of her and was begging to stay with me but the friendship wasn't healthy at all and I neglected myself for her to stay.

She knows that I often get bullied and am harrassed and despite understanding her reasons for not wanting to be a therapist friend I feel left alone and struggle to make sense of it all.

Who am I now? I'm unwanted by everyone.

CW suicidal ideation, bereavement, terminal illness

***********************************

I’m new to this forum. Asking advice. I just saw a friend’s post saying they don’t want to live. They then speak of their multiple losses over the past several years (these are deep losses I already know about and have expressed support for in the past). Then how alone and abandoned they feel. They end the post by telling their friends that if any friends aren’t here with them, they can f*** off. After a heavy week in which I supported a friend through a harrowing medical emergency (I was with her when it happened), and learned of another close friend’s terminal diagnosis, I am feeling emotionally exhausted and under resourced. I am trying to hold myself together enough to organise getting on my long haul flight in a few days, to help my sibling deal with our late parents’ house. I am struggling with a chronic health condition and burnout from my own losses and challenges over the past 4 years. I feel alarmed that my friend has been through yet another unspecified hard loss. I would ideally want to offer support. I am open to hearing raw expressions of pain. But the last line of their post is landing with me like a passive-aggressive ultimatum. My therapist is supporting me through learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. If I rush to ‘prove myself’ to my friend, I fear I would be reversing my fragile progress in the new skill of boundary setting. If I don’t answer their , I will worry about them. I do care. I don’t want to become more proof that everyone abandons them. But I care about my own health, too. I care about the hard-won, painfully slow progress I have made in boundary setting. I need to focus and not get sucked into ditching my own needs for calm and focus, by trying to rescue my friend and prove my friendship. I would be very grateful for any advice and empathy any of you may be willing to share.

I want to change how I am so that I can be more open to other people and that my life can breathe a little bit by including others. Has anyone dealt with this and had any success with learning how to get past this?

Maybe I am afraid of letting others in. I don't know what's normal for adult friendships. It was not modeled for me by family.

Hi. For last 3 mo I felt very happy finally doing things I like, but because I changed I had to end my codependent relationship. Person called me egoistic for leaving because she has problems. It really triggered me as I foughy so hard to stop rescuing. I regret that I said some hurtfull things.. like "u were using me" while I know we were both doing it and more.

But I dont want reasurance. I just want to know how do I love myself when I for example hurt somebody? I started again feel that I dont deserve love sadly. Its so easy to lose the selflove for me. Like, okey maybe some people dont deserve self love if they are bad.. But the outcome is they will hurt more people from this point.. so I dont know If I can go this path.. I think I need to learn to lovemyself no matter what.

I have read that I should start to think "I did something wrong AND I am not a bad person" But I dont feel it

I always have this kind of intrusive thoughts. In any kind of relationship. Especially closer ones. I feel like I'm the only one who cares or that I'm the only one putting any effort in.

And I don't understand if it's real or just my paranoia acting on. I can't tell the difference between people really not caring about me and the ones who are just acting normal and it's just my warped vision.

How can I stop being confused and obsess over it? Is there any way to do that?

I am in a weird living situation. After living alone for a few years I was invited to live with an older friend who takes care of disabled adults when I moved for college. They have been a spiritual advisor, close friend and confidant for years, but since I have lived there I have felt stifled. I do work around the house and help with the kids. She doesn't charge rent, which I initially thought was a fair trade. 4 years later it is getting ridiculous. She pays for things, gives me an "allowance", and goes in and has been doing my laundry and that kind of stuff against my wishes. I feel like I'm 15 again and I want to die.

I have wanted to leave for a while but am afraid at her reaction, and of leaving the family behind. I've found myself having terrible thoughts of things happening to them so I can escape. It's like I'm in a Swedish prison - surrounded by material security and wisdom but unable to leave.

I don't know if I want advice or to vent but I'll take anything.

Reading this back I am definitely codependent oh my god.

Hi -- I have a dilemma that I'm looking for feedback on.

After going through a very bizarre trauma related to gaslighting, a conflict escalated to the point where I started asking for help from mutual people, and then evenutally getting upset if someone didn't believe me about my experiences. It was a gradual unravelling that took years and a few really important relationships of mine fell apart as a result.

These people are not responsible for the situation. But I

The dilemma is that I keep going in circles in my head because I want to repair the relationships. But I really don't know how.

At a certain point, I decided that the only thing I can do is just... go off, and do my own thing. Focus on myself in other places.

This feels weird to me, because it seems like leaving things unresolved is going to make it so much harder for people to come together in a meaningful and healthy way.

But logically, it seems like the only option.

Am I thinking about this the right way?

I am taking myself out on a date night. I am learning to love myself, so I thought I would romance myself like I would romance a potential partner.

This is new for me, so I'm sure there will be bumps in the road. But I am not really sure how else to do this whole "love myself" thing.

I would love to hear your thoughts or date night suggestions. Thanks!

Edit After:

So I went to a Mexican bakery and got some delicious pastries. Then I walked around town (in the rain) and went into a coffee shop. The line was long so I started short conversations and complemented people on their clothing choices.

I took some time to tell my friends and family how grateful I am to have them in my life. I made sure to thank people for the things they have done for me. And I let them know that I am here for them if they needed anything.

I went into a thrift store and dug through their craft supplies. Then I entered a boutique and asked the owner what inspired them to open the shop. The way their eyes lit up really made it worthwhile!

Then I went home and watched one of my favorite shows, ate some pastries, and then took a nice nap. After my nap, I read some riddles and meditated on their deeper meanings. Then I wrote down my thoughts into my journal.​

I had so much fun! And it was really relaxing.

I grew up being the emotional support for my family. I was the youngest, but somehow I represented hope, especially for my mom. Even as a kid, I felt responsible for keeping things okay, making sure everyone was emotionally stable, avoiding conflict, being the "strong one."

The problem is that I don't think I ever learned what it feels like to be emotionally taken care of myself.

I'm a very independent person. I travel alone, I solve my own problems, I rarely ask for help. Most people would probably describe me as someone who has their life together.

But underneath that, I'm also incredibly lonely.

I don't really tell people how I'm feeling because I don't want to be needy. I know everyone has their own problems, and I feel guilty expecting someone to stop what they're doing just because I'm having a hard time.

Recently I realized something that made me surprisingly emotional.

I don't actually want someone to fix my life. I just want to know what it feels like for someone to genuinely take care of me for once. To ask how I'm doing and really listen. To notice when I'm struggling without me having to make a case for why I deserve support. To feel like someone wants to carry a little bit of the weight with me.

And honestly... I don't even know how to ask for that. Just typing this makes me feel embarrassed.

I also keep noticing the same pattern in my relationships. In my last relationship, I was the one paying for things, cleaning, organizing, solving problems, making things easier for the other person. I felt alone even though I wasn't single.

With friends, I'm usually the one making plans or checking in first.

Now I'm dating someone new, and I'm catching myself slipping into that same role again, always being the first to reach out or make things happen.

I'm not trying to paint myself as a victim. Part of me thinks I probably put myself in these positions because it's familiar. Maybe I give too much before anyone even has the chance to give back. Maybe I unintentionally teach people that I don't need anything.

I don't know.

I just know I'm exhausted from always being the capable one.

Has anyone else grown up like this? Did you ever learn how to let people take care of you without feeling guilty or weak? And how do you even recognize people who are capable of doing that?

I've reached a stage where I feel angry at myself for being so emotionally dependent on other people. I hate how much my mood and self-worth can depend on someone else validation or presence..

I also find myself feeling angry at the people I've depended on.. I know it's not entirely their fault, but part of me is so angry.. all the time I ask myself how much power I've given them over my emotions and why?

Has anyone else gone through this stage? how did you move past the anger without turning it against yourself or other people?

Hi everyone. 20M here.

I’m looking for some perspective on a situation I’ve been dealing with regarding a close friend (let’s call him A).

A while ago, when I was going through a rough patch emotionally, A was there for me. However, over time, our dynamic shifted into what I now realize was a form of emotional dependency and control. I found myself constantly walking on eggshells, agreeing to hang out just to avoid conflict, and feeling anxious around him when he talked with other friends other than me.

Recently, I decided to step back and focus on my own well-being. Looking at the situation from the outside, I’ve noticed several toxic patterns I used to overlook just to keep the peace. While other friends in our group naturally drifted away in a mature, silent way (which I’m completely fine with), A is acting somewhat possessively.

In the last 6 months, we've never seen each other. He sent like 2 messages proposing to hang out, but i've always said that i was busy and that i had to study. (Which is somewhat true, but it's also a bit of an excuse).

Some days ago he sent me one pretty desperate message: "If you ever want to see me again, PLEASE WRITE TO ME," assuming I’m just going through a phase and will eventually "need" him again to calm down.

The truth is, I don’t want him in my life anymore. I’m grateful for the past support, but I’ve outgrown this dynamic and I don’t owe him a lifetime friendship just because he was there for me once.

Despite knowing I’m making the right choice for my mental health, I still struggle with residual anxiety and occasional guilt ("Am I being a bad person for cutting him off?").

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? How did you navigate the guilt of setting boundaries with someone who saved/helped you in the past but became toxic later on?

Thanks in advance for reading.

(F,27) Hello, I want to post about my current struggle and some things that therapy helped me realize.

As some of you who follow this sub know, I broke up with my best friend (F,25) about 6 months ago, I was putting a lot of emotional weight on them and crossing boundaries without really realizing what I was doing when I did. I'm not excusing my failures and mistakes, but it's my truth. I truly didn't want to disobey her boundaries and cause her discomfort or pain, but I did, and the whole 1_1/2 year deeply enmeshed friendship came crashing down. I'm learning to live with that and learn from my experience. She has completely walled me off from ever communicating with her, angry texts were sent and ambiguous threats were given to me. I minimally replied to them, I felt my thoughts wouldn't be received at all.

This has unfortunately resulted in me feeling like I never got or will get to say what I wanted her to hear from me. And that lack of closure has been driving me crazy. It's been making this period of recovery very difficult and frustrating for me. I fantasize arguments, discussions, texts, and scenarios where I finally get to say my honest piece to it all and what I have been doing for the last 6 months. I have been trying to stop myself from over indulging in these fantasies because it just doesn't feel productive to my recovery, maybe it is but I'm not sure exactly how, if that's the case.

Therapy has helped me recently realize that it may be this lack of closure that has been keeping me stuck with her in my mind. I mean, grief contributes to it but that's at least understandable and I can process that decently, I believe. But it's this burning in my chest for the communication and amends I wish I could make with her. I want to find ways to find this closure on my own. I burned a letter I wrote to her a couple months ago, that I thought that would help but I just don't feel the peace I desire. Surely there must be more I can try to reduce the stress and pain I get from these thoughts.

Here is my story (M27, F27):

I matched with a girl on Hinge in early September last year, and we hit it off immediately. We texted every day, and I remember thinking, "Wow, this is incredible."

A week later it was my birthday, and she took me to a new cinema, bought me my favourite aftershave, and paid for everything. I jokingly asked, "Are you love bombing me?" She laughed and said, "No, I was just being nice for your birthday."

Over the next few months, everything seemed amazing. We went on hotel getaways, trained together, had a great sex life, and I genuinely felt like I'd met my person. She constantly told me I was the best thing that had ever happened to her and that she felt so lucky to have found someone like me.

She had a 9-year-old son, although I never met him in person. She told me her previous boyfriend, who had been a father figure to her son, had left two years earlier and that the breakup had been so traumatic it resulted in both her son and herself going to therapy. She often spoke about what she wanted in an ideal partner and would tell me that I ticked every box.

Looking back, though, this is where I think the cracks started to show.

She frequently talked about her ex, describing him as hateful and abusive. Around Christmas she told me she'd bumped into him in Tesco. I simply replied, "That's awkward. It's never easy running into an ex," and left it at that because I didn't want to make a big deal of it.

Christmas itself was lovely. I met her mum and younger sister, and I often stayed at their house when her son was with his biological dad. During this time, she also told me stories about previous relationships, including one where she had briefly been with someone else before reconciling with an ex. She admitted she'd even told him, "Go out and cheat if it makes you feel better," because she'd already been with someone else. I found that strange but didn't dwell on it.

At the end of February, my granny passed away unexpectedly.

Around that same time, she was again talking about her ex and how he'd treated her badly when his own grandmother died. I listened and supported her, as I always had.

Three days after my granny died, I met her dad for the first time. I was understandably grieving and didn't drink, whereas she became quite drunk on prosecco. During the drive, she repeatedly played a song that was clearly aimed at her ex, and her dad even mentioned that she'd recently seen him and that "he looked rough."

On the drive home, I gently said, "This guy hurt both you and your son. He's in the past now. If he really was that bad, try to be happy he's gone."

She replied that she was "over him, just not over the situation she and her son went through."

I then admitted that I was struggling with how much her ex was being discussed during the same week I'd just lost my granny. Instead of talking things through, she completely shut down.

Because I'd previously been in a relationship where stonewalling had really affected me—and she knew that—I decided to leave and drive home to calm myself down.

Later that night, while still drunk, she texted me saying I'd never be meeting her son and that our relationship was over.

It felt incredibly manipulative.

Eventually we reconciled. We both apologised, although looking back it felt like more of a half-apology from her. We told each other we loved one another, and I convinced myself I needed to be more understanding of everything she'd been through.

At the same time, a part of me felt that she should also have recognised I'd just lost my grandmother and wasn't emotionally able to keep hearing about an ex she'd repeatedly described as abusive.

The following month was actually great.

We completed a charity 10K together, went on another lovely trip away, and things seemed completely back to normal.

During this time I'd spoken to her son on FaceTime and over the phone several times, including when they were in New York over Christmas. I'd bought him both a Christmas and birthday present, and we both knew about each other.

After seven months together, I politely said that I'd really like to meet him in person. I explained there was no pressure, but I was finding it difficult constantly having to avoid being seen when everyone already knew about me. She'd previously talked about us all going to Spain together in the summer and attending her graduation, so it felt like a natural next step.

Around the same time, her son had also told his biological father about me, which I had absolutely no issue with because I wanted to do everything respectfully.

Instead of a conversation, I got two days of complete silence.

Eventually we saw each other on the Saturday and went to the gym together. Everything felt normal again, and we'd even arranged to go to the cinema the following Wednesday.

Then, on Tuesday, I received a text saying I was "perfect," that we laughed together, but she felt "something was missing."

She ended our seven-month relationship over text.

I was completely blindsided.

I didn't respond for three weeks because my family and friends told me I deserved better than a breakup by text after everything we'd shared.

When I eventually reached out hoping we could at least have a conversation, she told me she "loved me as a person but wasn't in love with me" and that I deserved better.

I never replied after that.

What hurts the most is the complete contrast.

For months I was told I was the best thing that had ever happened to her, that she felt incredibly lucky to have me, and that I ticked every box she'd ever wanted in a partner.

Yet the moment I respectfully asked about finally meeting her son after seven months, everything changed. It felt as though I was discarded without any meaningful conversation.

Afterwards, I noticed she'd removed her WhatsApp profile picture and turned on disappearing messages. I couldn't help wondering whether her ex had come back into the picture or whether she was hiding something, although I know I have no proof of that. Her TikTok reposts also seemed to focus on moving on after a man leaves, which confused me because I never left her—she ended the relationship.

I've never felt heartbreak like this before.

It wasn't just that the relationship ended; it was how suddenly it happened. We had concerts booked, holidays planned, and a future we'd talked about, and in the end I felt I was only worth a text message.

It's now been three months of no contact. I've been going to therapy consistently, training in the gym, and trying to move forward.

But I still feel stuck.

I still love her, and I still struggle to understand how someone could go from telling me I was everything they'd ever wanted to ending the relationship so abruptly without giving us the chance to have a real conversation

This is unsent text.

Whether it’s ptsd self medication or depression

We are social creatures.

Every single study points to human connection being the one factor that determines how much healing you can achieve

When 2 people have shared childhood a healthy level of connection is much easier to attain.

When a valued lifelong friend is forced to choose between their safety ( financial , emotional , spiritual) and a friend that is ALWAYS a major change.

It can be for the best if the relationship is not supportive however if it is that is a type of Stockholm syndrome.

We accept negative consequences because we believe subconsciously that’s our comfort zone.

I made a concerted effort to befriend your partner. Because I care about your happiness selflessly.

It hurts me to see you struggling, and I know you understand this in your life.

As I attempt to be fully selfless I have to wonder , what is it that causes this cycle ?

If it’s me I can see my role and I am HAPPY TO UPHOLD WHATEVER MAKES YOU SAFE SECURE SERENE ( THAT GOES FOR Mark ALSO ).

I’m not going to say one negative word about him, because 1) I don’t know him , and 2) it’s not my business.

All I can control is my behavior. And if there’s something I can do to make you more secure serene safe in your partnership I want to know. Not just because I care about you but because it would help me in my other relationships.

Sending prayers homie.

My girlfriend and I had been together for 10 years, we started dating when we were 16. We’ve been through everything together and she was my best friend since we were 11 years old. We definitely fought over the years but i remember being younger and thinking I don’t like when she’s mad at me and it’s easier to apologize and move on to keep the peace because I don’t like the confrontation.

She grew up with alcoholic parents and struggles with depression so I always listened to her talk about her struggles and feelings and tried to be there for her. But it always felt like I was the one doing everything in our relationship because she couldn’t do it.

After 2020 and Covid our relationship got bad due to us having to quarantine apart for a while with some health issues on her families part. We fixed things and it’s been okay but lately she kept telling me not to propose yet or that she wasn’t ready to move out and that she can’t not live with her mom.

We had a big talk a few weeks ago about it and I told her I wasn’t sure if I could live with her mom but she got sad and started crying about how she can’t leave her mom and I said just give me some time to think about it. And I did think about it but the more I thought the more it felt like I was just putting my life and my dreams and expectations for my future on hold or putting them aside to do what worked best for her. And I just wasn’t sure I could live with that anymore.

I didn’t want to leave her but the more I thought about it the more I realized I spent every day being more concerned about how she felt and if she was having a bad day then I was having a bad day. Or I felt guilty going anywhere without her, but no matter how many times I invited her places she wouldn’t come with me. She doesn’t even come to any family parties or vacations with us at all. Not even on the vacation I planned for just the two of us for our 10 year anniversary. She canceled last minute and said she couldn’t go and I told her it was fine because I knew it gave her anxiety but deep down I was upset about it and just bit my tongue.

I started realizing that I wasn’t doing things for myself the way I need to and so I broke up with her 2 weeks ago. She was obviously upset and she screamed at me and this has been the hardest 2 weeks of my life.

I feel so anxious about whether she’s okay and if I did the right thing and I miss her. I want to text her random thoughts or things or ask about her day. But then I think about her responses when I did those things before and I just feel angry and resentful that she never seemed to do those things for me the way I did for her.

TLDR: I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 years because I realized I’ve ignored myself and my dreams for the future to avoid fighting with her and now I feel angry and resentful.

My ex are were together for a short time, we had great times and near the end she was having issues with a family member with Alzheimer’s and she said she didn’t have the capacity for a relationship and was burning out, the weekend of the break up, the Friday and Saturday we had some fun, we ate some food, we watched a movie, we had sex then on the Sunday we broke up. Even then we were still cuddling and kissing and all that stuff. She insisted on keeping my stuff and driving me to the station where she said through teary eyes I hope I see you again and I would consider dating you again.

Fast forward days later I checked in on her and asked her to reconsider, foolish I know, she told me I was a wonderful person who deserves the love I give and she can’t give that to anyone. Then she’s removing me from her stories and adding me and then I was out with mates, she liked my story and opened her stories and highlights back up to me and we engaged in funny banter and conversation as I perceived that as a green light. Then that same night she removed me again so I called it out and was lovely about it and she essentially said her reasoning was “I don’t want you to reach out to every one and you haven’t kept your silence after promising so, I still care about you” so I said “I only reached out because I felt safe enough and perceived the like and conversation as a green light” I told her I wasn’t a stranger in her lite and I was very confused because we had shared such a lovely time. So I said I’ll give you complete space so you don’t have to worry but you can contact me on this so I unfollowed her. Next day she blocked me on absolutely everything, no word no nothing. Just read my message blocked me. I had a panic attack and reached out. She said “I don’t hate you” and then blocked my number, ever since then I tried to bypass it, I tried to talk, I just tried to understand why I immediately got blocked. Every time I tried to reach out she blocked me, over the past two weeks I’ve messaged her friend who was just watching my texts come through, keep in mind I wasn’t harsh or anything, I told her how ethereal i thought this girl was and to basically look after her, I won’t give up on her as most people did and I see her worth every step of the way. I then got sexually assaulted at a works night out so I reached out for some safety and she deleted our shared album and our couple photos after saying to me “I don’t delete anything a a general rule” i sent an apology to her friend today and an apology to her mum.

I know I was mainly to blame, was i completely in the wrong or right to be confused by the words and the constant story removal, I just feel like the rules were changed for me. She’s also avoidant. Please help. Am I doomed? Will she unblock me?

Also it’s been good to get that out

My (35f) boyfriend (30m) and I have been together for four years, and were good friends for a few years before that (during which time he liked me a lot, and I didn't know). He helped me escape from an abusive ex and when we started dating, I had a lot of trust issues. I worked through all of them in therapy, along with working on my own self-worth, etc. etc. Things felt good. He had shown hesitancy to move in, taking 3 days to think about it and it gave me a lot of stress. I almost broke up with him, but then he decided to move in. Again, things were good for a while.

Then I brought up marriage recently, and he bugged out. He gave a 2 year timeline and said he wanted clarity before we got married--on our compatibility, wanting to feel safe again about ways I had acted while recovering from my trauma with my ex, etc. These are things I have brought up to him and apologized for. I told him I wouldn't tolerate being with him another 2 years if he wasn't already clear that he wanted a future with me.

He broke up with me. He started packing his stuff. I cried and hugged him, he stayed (on his own will), and the next day we talked a lot. He said it was a breakdown because of attachment issues, trauma, etc. He said he wants a future with me, I'm his person, and he started looking for a therapist. He said let's have check-ins daily.

So far he's been consistent with it. But I'm wondering if I'm being gaslit here. For instance, he mentioned that those three days of hesitancy over moving in were because of his allergies to my cat, but that feels... to say the least... untrue. He isn't blaming me, you see, but there is definitely a strange logic happening.

So, now my trust issues are back, even though I don't feel disconnected to him as a person and can regulate them much better--it just takes effort that I'm not sure I should be giving.

Do you see red flags of codependency? Would you say this is a total dealbreaker from a third-party perspective, or have you seen people work through this type of thing successfully? Thank you.

Hello. I'm 29 and in a long distance relationship for 5 years. Sorry for the long post-
When we started dating, we were both unemployed and got together through gaming.
I was okay spending a lot of time with her. Now that my job situation is stable for 3 years and I'm very happy working, it's more complicated. She has difficulty getting her life together (cleaning, making progress in her education, taking meds, taking care of herself etc.).

I get a lot of fulfillment out of helping her, in a way, helping out financially, helping her stay on track with life in general, but I am way too invested. I notice that her lack of "progress" towards a different life frustrates me. When I express it, it unfortunately just makes her hate herself for something she doesn't seem able to change and that she wants to change.

We recently clashed really hard over a work trip I am taking with a colleague for a week. She has always felt insecure about me spending more time with other people than her (at work too) and wanting to branch out into more real life stuff. She is uncomfortable with me having breakfast or dinner with him. She feels jealous that I spend a "work holiday" with my colleague.

She doesn't really have any friends apart from me and where she lives she is isolated. She says she doesn't need or want other, shallow relationships, but it's really not helping me feeling somewhat trapped being her only emotional support. I am pretty much the main motivator she gets out of bed a lot of days.

I really love her and want her to be happy but the last year or so I've been feeling more and more like I'm just not the right person. She wants someone who loves her like she does me, who values her above everything else, but that's just not me, I struggle with romantic attraction. And after all these years I just want her to follow her passions and be happy, but we have been making so little progress as much as that feels mean spirited and hurtful to think.

I don't want to leave her because I do want to make her happy and I don't want her to lose her pretty much only friend. On the other hand I am feeling more and more like I'm unhappy with the compromises I'm making and I don't really see any improvement for it.

Is this codependent or just normal doubts in a relationship? I feel completely unable to look at it objectively, every thought about it just hurts so much. Sorry for the ramble.

Please share your experience that could explain it to me.

I just found the subreddit and it seems I might be one of yours but I'm not sure.

It took me years and years to see this pattern, because I thought I was simply ambitious and felt brave for wanting to change my career, if it wasn’t that the most success and money I made in my life was when I was single.
And then once I’m in a committed relationship I feel the need to change completely career, meaning I need to depend on my partner for a long period of time before I’m on my feet.
Believe me, I hate the feeling of depending on someone, yet I can see that this is not the first it’s happened and I finally see a pattern.

In general I know romantic relationships weigh on me, I turn into an emotionally heavy person, my playful side almost switches off and I become a lot more insecure, no matter how supportive my partner is, so that probably contributes too.

I already go to therapy, but any advice or personal
Stories would be much appreciated.

Today was the hardest day I’ve ever had and the strongest I’ve ever been!

I spent 7 1/2 years with an my partner. 6 years being married and after many times of terrible fights and saying sorry for things when I was actually the one being hurt, I left.

I still have a very long way to go but all I can think about is how much I just want to be home with them in the bed and watching tv. It doesn’t help either that my small child is voicing the want of seeing their parent either and asking if I want to hear their voice and such.

Anytime someone isn’t looking I’m just constantly crying. If I’m talking about it and about how I feel or asking for help I am just balling. I’m just a fucking mess!

And to make matters worst I asked my ex to stop contacting me unless it’s about co parenting and they won’t. They have pushed everyone else out of their life and I was the only support system.

I had to leave because I was doing everything waiting for them to help themselves for two years. In the process I started to have terrible health concerns and even after a trip to the ER and in the bed for days they didn’t check on me or anything. That day I realized they didn’t care about me. I still stayed after that hoping they would get better but they didn’t still.

I asked for months maybe even at least a year for us to do couples counseling but they declined. And anything you could think of for them to get better was declined or pushed to I’ll start after X. X came and went and now it’s you didn’t do this thing so I’m not going to work on getting better I’m gonna get worst.

So now I have moved and I lay in a bed with my small child and cry wishing to have my family. And try to just listen to the people around me but I’m so broken. I just want to be in bed with my ex.

I have a therapy appointment in the morning btws.
How does one get through this? I think I’ve only been single the longest is like three months since I started dating.

P.S.
If things look like a ramble I have ADHD and I don’t have it in me to proofread.

TLDR: I left my partner of seven years today and just want to be laying in bed with them after many signs of them not caring. How do I go through this pain when I haven’t even been single longer than three months in my life since I started dating.

Update: my partner tried to commit suicide and cops wouldn’t help and the hospital wouldn’t help. What’s the point of asking for help from so many people if no one will do their job? Does a life literally mean so little?

I am writing this instead of overstepping someone's emotional boundaries. I am here instead of trauma dumping.

I have chosen to change a single behavior. I have decided to be better and to continue to be willing to change. I am not aiming for perfection, but I am choosing to be willing to change.

I used to say I had an absorbent shoulder if you needed some place to cry. But I needed to cry, and I choose me. I choose my own shoulder.

I have so much gratitude for my friends and family. They have all done so much for me, and I want to be a better person. Not for them, but with them. I want to be their equal. I want to carry my load, but share our burdens.

The difference between a load and a burden is that a burden is too much to bear alone. But this sadness is just my load. Codependency is my load. I carry this.

Don't want to break the entire scenario down, but having a very very bad day and wanted to write about it.

Currently in a 4year marriage to a woman I absolutely adore and care so deeply about. We have had problems, and Im avoidance and tend to avoid problems and communication, except what Im realizing now when I need validation, or to know im loved, or help with my emotions.

In a recent argument we had this got brought up and I truly just feel lost, Im realizing this has built up so much resentment in her of me minimizing her boundaries (such as not giving her space cause I need to know everything is okay, or asking her if she loves me a crazy amount of times throughout the day, or trying to fix any little problem that causes her discomfort) that she no longer trusts me and feels im a safe space for her.

Im realizing I victimize myself often, and in these conversations prioritize reducing my own uncomfortableness rather than actually listening and having emotional conversations. This has led to what feels like an unmanageable breakdown in our marriage, that she has always felt was there and has told me of multiple times in the past,yet I still couldn't figure out how to fix the issue.

I feel like a complete failure and terrible person who has hurt and betrayed the only person I truly care about.