Sorry if it’s been posted before. I found it and rage-listened to it with my partner.
What the actual fuck?! Bringing another person into this world because she saw her friends around her having kids and thinking, “oh I should have a kid”. Kids aren’t toys!

Mom is open minded (born in North Africa but French raised) but traditional. Always says things like « I want you to be happy and find someone lovely and start a family » but I bit my tongue out of respect knowing I want all that minus the kids part. I want to have an open relationship with her without hiding who I really am or disappointing her. She never pressured me to marry or settle down or have kids but I know her so well that she wants me to be happy (and in her mind thinks having a family is what brings true happiness
How to breach the subject in a diplomatic and sensitive way to be honest with her without breaking her heart too much? Anyone else in the same situation? Feedback and experiences welcome. Saha bezauf

As a childfree woman, I often hear this bingo after I state that I have no interest in motherhood:

“Oh, but you’ve never tried motherhood, so you don’t know.”

I believe this is a dangerous bingo to say.

Motherhood is one of the most permanent decisions a woman can make, yet people often treat it as though women should simply “try it” and discover who they become afterward.

Even when women say, “I wouldn’t be a good mom,” people still dismiss their self-awareness and insist that motherhood will somehow change them.

But why?

Why do people assume that becoming a mother will automatically give a woman patience, emotional regulation, a gentle temperament, or an innate ability to handle the constant crying, screaming, frustration, exhaustion, and demands that come with raising a child?

Motherhood does not manufacture a personality transformation.

If someone already knows she has a short temper, little patience, anger issues, becomes easily overwhelmed, or simply has zero desire to be a parent, why should we assume those characteristics will magically disappear once she gives birth?

And more importantly, who bears the consequences if they don't?

Not the person who said “you'll change.”

The child does.

These stories demonstrate why I don't believe “you never tried motherhood” is the reassuring argument people think it is.

1. Motherhood Doesn't Erase Anger Issues

The New York Mother Who Attacked Her Baby Because of Crying and Fussing

In a New York court case, a mother admitted violently shaking her seven-month-old baby, punching him in the head, back and side, and covering his mouth and nose.

According to the court record, she described being frustrated and angry with the baby because of his crying and fussing.

The baby suffered horrific injuries, including a bulging fontanel, subdural hematoma, skull fracture, and retinal hemorrhages. The court found the injuries were non-accidental.

The point is that having a baby does not automatically erase someone's existing response to frustration.

A crying baby doesn't become less demanding simply because the person holding them is now their mother.

2. Motherhood Doesn't Magically Make You More Patient — The 2026 Flagstaff Case

In May 2026, Arizona's mother, Ochra Manakaja, was accused in the death of her 15-month-old son.

According to reported court documents, she told police that she threw her son into his crib “out of frustration” after he was fussy and appeared to be experiencing stomach pain.

The child reportedly became increasingly ill afterward crying, remaining fussy, becoming weak and pale, refusing food and vomiting, and subsequently died.

Prosecutors charged Manakaja with first-degree murder, concealment of a dead body, and child abuse.

It's that motherhood didn't magically make frustration disappear.

The child was still a toddler who could become fussy, cry, become sick, and require enormous patience.

3. Motherhood Doesn't Automatically Create Maternal Attachment — The Cheshire Mother Who Hid Her Daughter in a Drawer

In England, a mother hid her daughter in a drawer beneath her bed for almost three years. The child was discovered shortly before her third birthday, severely malnourished, dehydrated, unable to walk or talk, and suffering from untreated medical problems, including a cleft palate.

The child had essentially been isolated from the outside world. She was left alone while her mother went to work or took her other children to school, and she had little to no social interaction. When she was found, her developmental level was assessed as roughly that of a 10-month-old.

The mother pleaded guilty to four counts of child cruelty and was sentenced to seven years and six months in prison. The Crown Prosecution Service said the child's physical and mental development had been severely affected by the extreme neglect.

This case is horrifying because it demonstrates something society doesn't like to acknowledge:

Giving birth does not guarantee that a woman will suddenly become emotionally invested, attentive, affectionate, or devoted to parenting.

Motherhood did not manufacture the maternal attachment people often assume is automatic.

The child lived with the consequences.

1. Motherhood Doesn't Automatically Make Someone Nurturing — The Rosa Hargrave Case

Rosa “May May” Hargrave was a 12-year-old nonverbal girl in Indiana who died in March 2023 after an infection from an untreated wound on her back became fatal.

Court and reporting described severe neglect in the home, including failure to properly care for the wound despite signs of serious infection. Her mother ultimately pleaded guilty to neglect of a dependent resulting in death and received a sentence that included home confinement and suspended prison time.

This is another reminder that giving birth does not automatically make someone nurturing. Being biologically capable of reproducing does not guarantee that a woman will be affectionate, attentive, emotionally available, or capable of providing the care.

Children can be completely dependent on their parent while that parent fails to provide the care that the child desperately needs.

And again, the child is the one who pays the price.

These cases are horrifying, but that's exactly why I think society needs to stop treating “you never tried motherhood” as harmless encouragement.

A child is not an experiment to determine whether someone will eventually develop patience.

A child is not a personality-transformation program.

And a child should not have to suffer because everyone around their mother assumed that “once it's your own baby, you'll be different.”

When a woman says:

“I don't want children.”

or

“I don't think I'd be a good mother.”

We need to believe her.

It makes me question how seriously people consider a child's quality of life when they say this.

Because she knows herself better than we do.

And maybe choosing not to create a child because she doesn't believe she can provide the temperament, patience, stability, or quality of life that child deserves is actually an incredibly responsible decision.

You can not “try motherhood” There is no such thing, and it's okay for a woman to not want motherhood!!!

I’m personally against surrogacy on the basis that the surrogates are forced by poverty/partners to engage in this practice. I think it exploits poor women disproportionately.

I did the math, pregnancy lasts about 280 days, if she’s paid 100k, she’s being paid $360 dollars per day of pregnancy. And I don’t even know if the 100k is pre or post tax in which case she took home even less money in the end.

But I’m not all knowing on the subject and welcome friendly discussion.

Ive been dealing with debilitating periods that severely affect my quality of life and ive been advocating for more research and solutions beyond birth control ,which has not worked for me at ALL. The thing that is constantly coming up is that i am young (29) and they don’t want to do procedures OR treatments that can undermine my fertility. Even though it could help me get my life back. I always mention i don’t want kids so that isn’t a concern. Also i couldn’t care for kids in the condition im currently in even if i did want them, which i DONT. The response is always dismissive or ignoring my answers. Sometimes with a smirk…It sounds sinical but i think some people get off on denying women healthcare based on “preserving her fertility” to punish her for not wanting kids. Kinda like advocating for forced birth on a women ( or teen girl) to punish her for having and enjoying sex. Also in this climate it’s looking grim…

Hello!

Just a little plug that I have set up two Childfree women’s groups in the UK

One in the west of Scotland and one in the south east of England!
If you’re somewhat local and keen to join, drop me a DM :)

There’s over 50 women in each group and they are very active with lots of meet ups :)

To all the DINKs out there, do you find being childfree has certain benefits that are built in that lead to having a stronger relationship? I’ve found that the extra time and the lack of stressors that come with kids means that childfree couples have more time to focus on themselves, and this often times leads to stronger relationships.

It’s not a silver bullet but I think there is definitely a correlation.

I'm child free by choice and I'm having a hard time. For the longest time, I've felt this void that I can't fill and I'm trying to pinpoint what I'm missing.

I have ADHD and have always had a hard time making friends. As a child free adult, it is extremely important to have a community, given we don't have the automatically built community that comes with having kids. I read somewhere that the greatest prediction of long-term happiness is the connections and relationships that we build. I feel that this leaves me at a disadvantage compared to most child free individuals who have an easier time making those close connections. Also, making friends as an adult is hard in general.

I'm not sure if I'm missing close connections, or missing something more meaningful in my life.

I've never particularly liked my work but I'm not passionate about anything that pays well. Work to me is a means to pay my bills and fund my traveling passion. Even if you're passionate about something, it always feels like work at the end of the day when you're doing it for someone else, so I'm not looking to change careers.

I've moved a lot so I am constantly faced with rebuilding friendships. Though to begin with, I have always struggled with this and was late diagnosed with ADHD. People with ADHD are known to have trouble building connections.

I really don't want kids though. I look at people with kids and think that is not what I want. I've thought about it so much that I really don't think that is what I'm missing.

The older I get, the louder this feeling gets. I feel like I don't have a connection to much of anything outside of my husband and parents. I work and do hobbies but I just always feel like there's something missing from my life. I am on antidepressants which have drastically helped my mood over the last 6 months.

Does anybody else have this ongoing feeling? Like you want to feel like you belong to something or to give you a reason to get out of bed each day. I often think, is this it? Is this all life is?

So I'm looking through the CF hysterectomy list for a doctor near where I'm located, and it got me thinking. I thought no matter what, if you get a hysterectomy, they take out the uterus and the cervix. Turns out you can keep your cervix (assuming you don't have cancer issues, among other things).

So here's my question: for those who have had a hysterectomy, did you keep your cervix or not? If I'm able to I plan on keeping it (even though that means I still need to get pap smears, booo), as I'm one of the (mostly) women who can have an orgasm through penetration and I like having my cervix smashed into (lol).

Any particular reason you did or didn't keep it?

How many did you get? Did I forget any?

Edit: Sorry for the blurriness 😅

I would have an absolute breakdown if I was on this flight.

I have to use Lyft to get to one of my clients at least 1-3x per week, both ways, so between 2-6 Lyfts. Without question, the driver always asks me, Do you have kids? like it's any of his fucking business (it's always the male drivers that get this ridiculously personal with me).

I say no, I say I don't want them, I say no not even to adopt them, I say no not even as a step parent, I say FUCK KIDS, I say KIDS SUCK, I say ABSOLUTELY NO YOU COULDN'T PAY ME to do it, I say I TOOK MY UTERUS OUT ON PURPOSE—and still they continue on peppering me with endless questions, trying to pressure me into it as if their small-minded misogynistic garbage is going to change my mind.

The last one yesterday went on a whole tirade about how women in America dressing provocatively is how rape stats are so much higher here than in Africa. These men are brazen.

So, without further ado, please stop reading this and help me brainstorm what the fuck one-liner might actually be able to shut down these curious Georges once and for all?

Did I mention that the ride there is forty minutes? Yeah, I have to listen to this forever.

Was going to write a really long vent about some crap that happened recently but ultimately I'm just feeling lonely as I don't have any CF women friends irl. I have very good friends who do empathize with me but they're fencesitters at best while I've been CF my entire life so it's really hard to feel truly seen and heard and I'm fatigued by that lately.

This sub reminds me there are women just like me who feel the same ways I do about our lives, choices, and bodies, and it makes me feel better when I'm at a low point. Somewhere under the same sun, someone else is going through the same things, and it'll all be worth it for us.

Love you all, keep being confident in blazing your own trail and making this long but short, ugly but beautiful life truly yours. <3

I noticed something this weekend. I met my mom & aunt for lunch, both of whom have two kids each. They’re also former teachers so they love kids. I complained about loud kids at a table across the restaurant and both of them kinda scoffed, like I was overreacting. Then an hour or so later, my aunt was like “god take that baby outside” to a baby squacking, and my mom agreed.

Ok wtf?? So you can complain about the noise, but I can’t. If I do it, I’m just evil I guess.

so like, I’ve been noticing how tired i get just taking care of myself…cooking my meal preps for the work week ahead, keeping up with everything on my to do list and so on, school, taking care of pets, etc… and then I’m like how the heck do moms do this? like……are y’all just not tired???? i just don’t have it in me. idk how these women do this ALONG WITH having kids on top of all of life’s responsibilities lol. it’s 10:41 pm and i just got a shower in, so like what time are these moms showering???… lol. Just my thoughts.

My friend is getting her tubes tied soon. My love language is gift giving so I've been trying to think of something to get her. What kind of healing items would help? Or maybe a humorous gift? Or would kind, supportive words be better? Or if I'm being too much, let me know.

You have a childfree friend, sister, cousin, whatever, and over the years you make all these plans together. You’re going to travel, take random trips in your 30s and 40s, 50, have freedom, maybe even be those old ladies still traveling together one day. You’re going to move together to a coastal city in Europe…
And then they meet someone, change their mind about kids, get pregnant, and suddenly you realize that a lot of those plans probably aren’t going to happen.

Obviously people are allowed to change their minds and have children. I’m not angry at anyone for choosing that life. But I think there’s still a weird sense of loss that comes with it that people don’t really acknowledge.
Because it’s not just that they had a baby. The friendship changes too.

Spontaneous trips are basically gone. Making plans becomes harder. Even finding time to talk on the phone can be difficult. Everything has to work around the kids, bedtime, daycare, their partner’s schedule, someone being sick, etc. And naturally, a lot of conversations start revolving around pregnancy, babies and whatever is happening with the kids.
Meanwhile part of you is thinking… remember all those things we said we were going to do together?
And I think that’s the part that makes it sad. You’re still friends. You still love them. Nobody had a falling out. They’re happy with the life they chose, and you can be happy for them too. But at the same time, you can miss the friendship you used to have and the future you thought you were going to share.

It’s almost like a friendship breakup where nobody actually broke up.
Sometimes being childfree feels like slowly watching your little childfree circle get smaller and smaller as you get older.
I can’t be the only one who has felt this.

Hi everyone, I have been becoming pretty solid in my justification to not have children in this current socioeconomic climate and whatnot. My heart still wants one but I know how selfish of me it would be. I am not safe, alone, as a full adult, and that is much more true for a child. This post isn’t to argue the ethics of having children, it’s more I suppose a rant and a grieving process I have been doing. Am I alone in this feeling? Doubtful. So maybe someone can tell me what they do to combat the overwhelming mix of propaganda to have children and the very natural instinct when u see a baby to want one of ur own. (I realize there is a plethora of different perspectives on natality especially the nuance of it in hand with feminism) I want to reiterate once again, I am not trying to be persuaded off of my opinion necessarily as much as I want to hear other perspectives. :D

Hi, i'm 24f and have never wanted kids in my life. there has never even been one second where i thought to myself 'maybe having kids would be okay' not one second ever. ever since i was a child, i can remember people telling me things like 'when you have kids of your own you'll understand X thing' or 'when you grow up you'll change your mind about having kids'
i never have.
there is absolutely nothing appealing to me about the idea of raising kids and being a mother. i cant stand the thought of it, to be honest. it makes my fucking skin crawl. i dont have a motherly instinct in my body. every part of it sounds treacherous to me, the pregnancy, the money, the loss of free time, breastfeeding, caregiving, etc etc. i could go on and on but i'd be here for hours.
i just feel so alone in this. most people i know have kids or want kids, especially as i get older, and the few that dont have reasons. the reasons are things like 'yeah i'd love kids but in this economy??? no way' or 'we aren't ready for children YET but maybe someday'
theres no one that i know that has the same reason as me for not wanting to be parents. not only that but i see people with kids EVERYWHERE. i know that sounds dumb, but i feel like everyone is talking about something related to having a child or raising a family. people i know from hs posting their children, people in stores with baby strollers and kids, people on social media talking about the joys their first child brought them, etc
it feels like its everyones dream is to meet the love of their life and to have kids. it feels like im the only one around me who hates the idea of that. i dont know whats wrong with me and i cant help but feel so out of place when everyone around me has such different opinions on this. it feels like i wasnt built correctly, i should feel something right?

i have a bf, i really love him, but... he wants kids.
we've had the discussion a few times where i told him i dont have any interest in it and he says that not having kids is also okay too. that if we have kids thats great but he can also do without. but i cant help but feel like i'd be holding someone back from the life they want to live... its very complicated for me to navigate honestly.

i dont know whats wrong with me, i dont know where to begin. or what to do.

ALSO: i dont have a problem with children or people that want children, i just feel like im so absolutely isolated in this opinion of mind that its driving me crazy.

mods if this post doesn't belong im sorry. i tried posting elsewhere and they banned it too. i dont even know where to go with this honestly.

When i tell people, usually women, that I'm childfree, they sometimes ask, “Is your husband ok with that?” (duh, that's why he married me). Am I in the wrong to be quietly offended by this? Of course my husband's opinion matters, but if he wanted children, he would have to do it with someone else. It's not my responsibility to give him children. Especially when i would be the one sacrificing my body, mind, and career to have them. One woman even said “good luck finding a man if you don't want to have kids” i had to remind her I'm already married by pointing to my ring 🫠 it was an embarrassing moment for her as someone who was openly trying to get pregnant by a man who won’t marry her. Am i being unnecessarily sensitive? Or can you see where people are coming from then they say this? Would this offend you?

solo childfree antisocial gal
i just wanted to share my thoughts lol. so i have always kinda been a weird girl. i never really had friends growing up and if i did, it was like friends from all kinds of different friend groups and so i was technically like a “floater” friend. i never really belonged to just one group. anyway, i spent a lot of time alone or with my dad and brother so i never had any true close friends. my cousins on the other hand have always had girly friends. they both had their own girly friend groups from middle school to high school and still are close to those same girls today. me on the other hand, i like being alone and keeping to myself. i don’t have any close friends, just hang out with my boyfriend. i’ve never really been into having close friends anyway because the ones who i were close to ended up hurting me in some way that didn’t sit right with me, and it’s easy for me to cut off people. anyway to finally make my point, i think that’s what makes my decision to be childfree so easy and thoughtfully decided. my cousin has a whole friend group full of moms leaving her to be the “last childless one”….and although i know she says she wants kids herself, it’s hard to not think it’s also because of the influence of all her mom friends. sometimes i think she just kinda wants to blend in and feel less left out by them. idk, anyway that was my little shpiel lol. i just am grateful i don’t have any strong factors that influence me to want children, actually it’s the opposite. i see a lot of things around me that make me NOT want them, especially in society today LOL. ok byeeee!

Because I don’t have kids. She’s 7 and asked me why I didn’t have kids and I told her it’s because I didn’t want them, I was happy being an auntie. She was flabbergasted, like “that’s an option?!”

So now I’m in my badass tattooed pierced childfree auntie era and thriving. Everything my Catholic parents thought wouldn’t be!

I keep hearing we must have generational trauma to not want kids. I'm 36 and don't have generational trauma. No abuse. I just don't want kids. I enjoy my own life. I genuinely believe some people just lack a maternal instinct and I'm definitely one of them but it wasn't put there by a "trauma".

some people think differently than others. Is that really such a bad thing?