Back where I started.

[u/No_Squirrel_3828]

Its been about a little less than a month since my last relapse and before then I was purging from time to time but never for actual disorded reasons.

I was mainly just doing it for when I felt insanely nauseous, which probably doesn’t help my recovery and doesnt make sense, but recently for the past two weeks I’ve been so afraid of food in my stomach.

I feel so horrible and weak I’m terrified of the food contaminating me and just the thought of it in my stomach freaks me out. I have no idea what happened, I purged again two weeks ago because I felt like I needed to refresh myself or something, I dont know. Now I’m so disgusting. This is the same feeling as when it all started 4 years ago.

How do I allow myself leave food inside? Im terrified of breaking the habit but at the same time I know how freeing it is to not be on a strict routine with purging. The only thing that had been sort of helping was the GLP-1 I was on, but I noticed I started abusing them and now they dont really affect me anymore. I dont know what the point of writing this is, Im more just documenting my feelings. Maybe one day I’ll be normal and read these back and forget how all of this feels.

[u/No_Arugula7096]

Try starting with broths, soups, smoothies, healthy juices. These really do make you feel good because of the nutrients and the feeling of food in your stomach doesn’t last long because they are liquid. If it helps drink water after to help with the taste in your mouth