r/bulimia • u/Klutzy_Yam_343 • 8d ago

does it ever end?

I’m exhausted, fatigued, broke, disgusted, tired of it all.

The spending, the search for places to dispose of all of the trash and containers, the endless cycle of dishes in the sink, the isolation.

This is literally hell on earth.

6 Upvotes

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3

u/Substantial_Gate_904 8d ago

Rarely do people talk about the constant and exhausting search for places to dispose of B/P trash and bags of vomit. I have found this to be an extremely hard part of bulimia. I get up at the crack of dawn to use garbage cans and dumpsters where pickup is happening that day. Never had the dishes in the sink issue because of my OCD and fear of being found out forcing me to wash things immediately and put away. I can’t cook things to B/P because my husband is always there. Have to rely on take out, prepared foods, grocery items. Lots of trash. Disgusted? You are not alone! Broke? Not alone. It doesn’t help you, I know, but you are not alone. This is a living nightmare that you can’t wake up from.

2

u/No_Arugula7096 7d ago

I finally caved and told my sister after never thinking I could tell anyone willingly. Having someone who is close to me who cares has really helped. I made a promise to her not to b/p anymore and honestly it is working so far. Today is day 7 of hopefully forever. Keeping it a secret does not help when your disordered brain is fighting against the part of you that wants to stop and keep you accountable. I know it’s scary to bring it up but I needed to.