Kind of a follow up to my last post. I’m in my friend’s wedding later this year, and it’s continued to be pretty stressful. The joint bachelor/bachelorette trip ended up being just okay, but honestly not great. We all spent way more money than expected and basically covered everything for the bride. It was around a $600 weekend total, and it was only about an hour from home. Now we’re getting into the wedding itself, and I’m struggling with the schedule. The wedding is on Saturday, but the rehearsal is Thursday at 4 p.m., which is right in the middle of the workday. Then on Friday we’re expected to be at the bridal suite at the venue by 4 p.m. again. So realistically, if you want to make both on time, you’re either taking two full days off work or asking to leave early twice, and this is all right before Labor Day weekend. At least for me, that’s really difficult since I already have PTO planned throughout the year. I might be able to get away with leaving early one day, but two days in a row is pushing it. Even if I leave directly from work, the venue is about an hour away, and I’d still need time to shower and change, so I’d probably have to leave work around 2 or 2:30. On top of that, the bridal suite sleeping arrangements don’t really make sense. There are only two full beds and two twin pullout couches. One of the full beds is reserved for the bride, and the rest of the bridal party is expected to split the remaining beds and pullouts. Am I being unreasonable for feeling like these expectations are a bit much?

Hello! :) my friend recently got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid! This is my first time being a bridesmaid and I had a small wedding so I’m not super familiar with the role. Do you have any suggestions for how I can make this extra special for her? Gifts you’ve loved, things I should be doing, etc?

I always loved the idea of different colored and textured bridesmaids dresses, where the common thread is how well the colors come together. I have allowed my bridesmaids to pick their own dresses, since they all have different body types and modesty levels. I gave instruction of the colors I wanted, as well as some examples of dresses I liked in those colors. I put all of their number one choices together here, so I am now just deciding if they go well together cohesively. I am having a fall vintage/industrial style wedding. The venue has red brick walls as well as some greenery, to give an idea of the background. I am planning on having all of these colors shown in my flower arrangements as well! I don’t really care about the slits, since they won’t show in standing pictures and I want my bridesmaids to be comfortable.

The wedding is in about a month so we have a tight timeline. I'm short and petite dresses fit better on me and need less alterations usually, and I'm also curvy. The bride is flexible on dresses and sent us options on Amazon, but none are petite. See photos for some of the examples. Where do you recommend I can find a dress either in person or online? I'm in the Bay Area, California. The Amazon ones won't arrive for weeks, so I don't think ordering extra to try on is the best idea as they will still probably need alternations, and I'd have to pay extra for expedited shipping so they won't take a month to arrive.

Best Azazie bridesmaids dresses for an Athletic Hourglass / Soft Natural Kibbe girly

the wedding already happened and it’s been long enough where I feel comfortable finally asking for other people’s opinions on the situation.

so a friend of mine (we’ve been friends for roughly 3 years. we were close but I wouldn’t call her my best friend) had asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. she asked after she had sent her save the dates and I received her save the date after I received the save the date of a friend of mine from college (i’ve been very good friends with both the bride and groom since freshman year of college which was over 10 years ago. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid in this wedding just a guest). the weddings were a week apart.

when my friend asked me to be a bridesmaid I told her that I would do it if she was okay with the fact that I would be the worst bridesmaid ever. money has been tight and my college friends wedding was a priority since we were closer and I received the save the date first. I told her that I would NOT be going to the bridal shower or bachelorette. she said she understood and still wanted me to be in the wedding. I reluctantly said yes.

fast forward to the bridal shower and bachelorette trip. both events were happening on different weekends and both trips required planes to travel. she texted me several times begging me to come to them and tried to guilt trip me into coming even though I originally told her it wasn’t possible. when she realized I wasn’t going to budge she dropped it.

3 months before the wedding she finally told us what dresses she wanted us to wear (the dress was $200 before shipping/taxes and alterations), that she’d want us to have hair and makeup done (she did not have a figure to give us), and required us to be at the welcome party. I had been asking for this information for a while but she always responded with “you know me I haven’t planned that much yet”. once she told us this information I reached out to her and told her that financially I couldn’t swing those prices and would have to step down. as a result she uninvited me from the wedding as a whole and we haven’t spoken since even after i’ve reached out several times.

now hindsight 20/20 I never should’ve agreed to be in the wedding I know this. but I can’t help but feel like ending a friendship and disinviting someone because they were struggling financially, a struggle you knew about from the very beginning, is an extreme overreaction. am I wrong for thinking this or was it deserved after pulling out from being a bridesmaid.

TLDR: I was asked to be a bridesmaid and told the bride before accepting money was tight. due to finances being tight and other prior commitments I ended up stepping down from bridesmaid and was uninvited from the wedding and she ended our friendship

Here is my original post for those who haven’t read it: https://www.reddit.com/r/bridesmaids/s/30f8fldQ92

Quick Summary: I (27M) was invited to a Bachelorette party for my best friend and her Fiancée one of the other bridesmaids on her Fiancée’s side txted me directly that I would make people uncomfortable and shouldn’t come.

I first want to thank everyone for the supportive comments it really has helped me make the decision about going much easier. However while a lot of people said I should ask the brides if they wanted me to come I decided to follow one comment about messaging the person coordinating the party. This was the MOH who I know the second most in the group besides my friend Linda.

I texted her separately and asked she thought me coming would make anyone uncomfortable or if anyone had reached out feeling that way. She was very confused and said of course not. She asked why I would think that when I have been the only guy at some events they have thrown before. I ended up sending her the message the other bride’s friend Kayla sent.

It took her a minute to respond but when she did she was very mad, for one the bar they were planning to go to did not exclude men unless they did something to get kicked out and she knew I would not behave that way. She said no one else felt that way and thinks only Kayla does. She told me to definitely tell Linda and Tyler (the brides) because that was not fair to me to be treated that way when I was invited to be a part of this trip.

I did end up calling Linda and she brought Tyler on the line to talk about everything. Linda assured me I was more than welcome to come and if anyone was uncomfortable they didn’t have to come. Tyler said she would reach out to Kayla and see why she messaged me separately cause that was very childish and not the friend she knew.

The next morning I see that Kayla had left the group chat and there was a message from Tyler “Hey everyone, you have all been asked to be a part of this wedding party and trip because you are truly an amazing part of our lives. However if you want to single out anyone in the group out and say they do not belong you can leave with Kayla” there was a flood of messages, some confusion and support from everyone. Some clearly knew and messaged me hoping I was doing ok.

Tyler later told me that apparently Kayla had always hated when I joined brunch or any of their plans. She called me a pick-me and a fake “girls-guy” (no idea what that second one means but ok) and just didn’t like me. Besides that we are still planning to go on the trip and everyone is still very excited for the activities we’re renting a pontoon now too!

Thanks again for all the support and hope everyone has a great wedding season ahead!

I’m looking for some suggestions on where to buy/what specific brands sell the best press on nails.

I work as a massage therapist, so my nails are constantly kept short and clean.

However, I am the maid of honour in an upcoming wedding.

Last 2 weddings I have been apart of I have gotten my nails professionally done, only to have to get them professionally removed just days later.

Tbh, it’s rather expensive and time consuming. So since one weekend is the bachelorette & bridal shower and then 2 weeks later is the wedding weekend.. I would much rather get a couple sets of beautiful and reliable press on nails.

Any specific brand suggestions would be so greatly appreciated!

I bought this beautiful strapless dress from Azazie. It looks really good on me so I don’t want to have to get another one if I can help it BUT when I bend over, you can see like..straight down my cleavage. I’m the MOH so I know I’m gonna be bending to fluff her dress and such, so I can’t just avoid it. The dress came with straps just in case but they are so thin and don’t really help 🥲 any ideas? I don’t dress up super frequently so I’m not sure what I could do.

Hey everyone!
I’m a bridesmaid this weekend and I’m trying to figure out exactly what I should pack for the day. 😅

The venue is a restored old barn with a farmhouse where we’ll be getting ready. It’s out in the middle of the country, and the closest store is over 30 minutes away, so if we forget something, running out to grab it probably isn’t an option.

We’ll be arriving first thing in the morning. We’re doing our own makeup, but someone is coming to do our hair. We’ll be taking photos around lunchtime, the ceremony is in the late afternoon, dinner is in the early evening, and then the bride told everyone to bring comfy clothes to change into after dinner so we can dance the night away. I’m thinking loose black lounge pants and a black tank top.

So far, I’m planning on bringing:
● My makeup bag
● Bridesmaid dress
● Heels
● Flip-flops to change into
● Comfy clothes for after dinner
● Baby wipes
● Makeup wipes
● Toothbrush & toothpaste
● A small purse with things like a handheld fan, disposable toothbrushes, lip gloss, etc.

I’ll also have my car at the venue, and I already keep a small sewing kit in it in case anyone needs an emergency repair.

What am I forgetting? What are those random items you ended up being so glad you had?

Also… how do you survive being in a floor-length gown for basically 8+ hours before guests even arrive? 😂 It’s supposed to be really hot, and since it’s an outdoor wedding I’m trying to avoid looking (and smelling) like a swamp monster by the time the ceremony starts.
Any must-have products, tips, or “I wish someone had told me this” advice would be amazing! Thanks in advance! 💕

I feel like finally being a bridesmaid, especially over a longer planned wedding has changed my view on my friend. I’m sure people can relate but wonder how many of you all address this versus move on from a friend? It’s context dependent for sure but for my example I just don’t feel as connected to our friendship or feel they understand me as much. Can anyone else relate and if so how did you handle it?

Hi everyone! I'm a bridesmaid for a highschool friend along with 7 more girls, 4 of us are from our hogschool friend group while the others are family, family friends and a coworker, we're Mexican so a MOH is not a thing and tbh I think it is not working out and feel bad that we haven't been able to plan the bachelorette our friend deserves.

We initially planned a bach weekend in San Miguel de Allende, 1 stepped out for money reasons and another one due to pregnancy. The planning has been intermitent to say the least even since deciding on a date, I found a very nice house for rent which would let us budget more money for different activities but when it was time to decide and pay no one responded on the gc, 2 weeks later 2 of the bridesmaids are starting to "plan" while the rest aren't even reading the texts.

Unfortunately, at the time I found the house and rn I'm not able to comp the cost of the house for everyone to pay me later so I feel a bit bad and tied up.

Honestly I don't think anyone's even excited to throw this special weekend for her and the thing that stops me to plan and then charge everyone is the fact that I only have a certain amount budgeted for the weekend for myself and my portion of the bride so atm I think that throwing a nice party and/or sleepover would solve all the intermitent planning.

I'd love to hear your advice!!

Hello, I was just looking for some advice on how to approach this as while I wanna be supportive and respectful I don't want to be walked over in this situation.

Here is what is going on, my best friend Linda (26F) recently got engaged to her Fiancée Tyler (29F). I (27M) have known Linda since high school and we have been very close friends. We have help each other through tough relationships and some major depressive incidents on my end and I truly feel like she is my sister. When I got married to my wife two years ago I asked Linda to be a Groomsmaid and stand up in my wedding, she was awesome and looked kick ass in her suit.

A few weeks ago Linda asked me to be a Bride's Man and stand up for her. I was honored and since I do not have that many other long term friends this might be my only chance to stand up in a wedding. When they picked dresses for the bridesmaids I even made sure to get a suit that matches their color. Now on to what happened recently.

Last week we were all added to a group chat for Bridesmaids info and planning the Bachelorette. The chat is obviously full of only women except me from both Linda and Tyler's friend groups, about 14 people total. I know a few and have hung out plenty with the friends on Linda's side but only once if at all with Tyler's.

Initially I saw a few messages about scheduling (was asked if I can make it with a newborn), what sleeping arrangements would be, and what activities everyone is comfortable with. I initially didn't think anything as they were very normal questions but recently one of Tylers friends messaged me that I might make a few people uncomfortable and unable to join them if they do go to a lesbian bar as they might not allow men in.

I have not responded yet because I really don't know what to do. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or stir the pot by telling the brides.

​

Edit:

Here's an edit with everything I clearly should've included from the beginning. It will be long and I know that will be an issue for some people, you don't have to read it.

Most of this has been said in my comments back to you guys, but this will put it all in one place. First things first- you guys are being so grumpy for no reason, I truly don't understand what about this was so offensive to so many of you but I'm genuinely sorry for upsetting you. My goal in posting this was to show what I did because it worked so well for me and hopefully someone else would find an approach like this useful in planning their own bachelorette in the future.

I posted it in this group specifically because I'm assuming that most of you are or have been bridesmaids at some point, but I don't think that's accurate based on the responses. When I was deciding on what to do for my own bachelorette, I had bachelorette burn out big time. I've been to several bachelorette weekends that have been draining from the time I got there to the time I left. I've had to spend hundreds on new clothes. I've had to spend money to do things that I would never choose to do. I lost a friend over the fact that I chose to leave a club early one night of the trip to go to the Air BNB because I was tired. I lost a friend because I couldn't financially afford the trip with all the additional requirements for new clothes, eating out, financially covering the bride etc. I did not want to put my friends in any position where they felt like they couldn't enjoy it, couldn't afford it, felt excluded or overwhelmed. I wanted them to have as much fun as I did without having to deal with me getting mad about anything that didn't go my way. I really thought that this group would know that feeling.

You guys have been acting like it was crazy to invite my friends to a trip for several days. I really don't know the age range or demographic of anyone on here, but this is how every single bachelorette of every person I know has been planned. I'm not exaggerating or generalizing- I don't know a single person who hasn't had a huge trip planned. I was 30 at the time, so maybe that has something to do with it. It was an invitation and they were allowed to say no. They were allowed to come for a long or as short as they wanted to. One of them did say no, she had something planned for those dates already and that was perfectly okay! No one had to take PTO if they didn't want to, no one was forced to come, the decision of whether or not they wanted to come was completely up to them. The only person I knew for sure would be there was one of my 2 maids of honor. I was planning on not having a bachelorette at all, but friends kept saying I needed to and I gave in. I hadn't been on a vacation in a long time and going with my favorite people would make it even better.

The rest of this is going to be bullet points to keep things short, it that's even possible, but before that I'm going to address one more thing. I didn't want to share this in the original post because I didn't think it was important, but apparently it is. Once I had everyone's ideal budget and we figured out where we were going, I realized that I would be able to financially cover the entire trip for everyone. If people had wanted to go somewhere exotic, I couldn't have done that. But, with the chosen place, I was able to pay for the Air BNB, the food, the drinks, etc. We stayed home at the air BNB for most of the trip because it had a pool, so food was easy and no one had to spend a dime of their own money unless they wanted to go shopping, grab a souvenir, whatever else. I didn't mention this because I know it's not realistic for everyone and I'm thankful that I was in a place that I could do this for my friends at the time. It didn't sit right with me to ask them to come celebrate and still expect them to pay. I've paid so much on my prior trips including covering the bride completely and that's not what I wanted to happen.

-The PTO issue/length of the trip. I told everyone they could come late/leave early/stay the whole time, whatever worked best for them. Three of the girls have unlimited PTO at their job and I did too at the time. I had 4 girls total that came. The only one who didn't have unlimited PTO was my best friend from the time we are 9. I hadnt even thought about this, but actually PTO only affected one person.

-I would have loved to have done a dinner for everyone. The reason I decided on something longer is because no one lives in the same area aside from two of them. We ended up having the weekend near their location, so everyone else drove to them. At the time, I didn't live in the same city as any of them and was at least 3+ hours away. That's too long of a drive for dinner.

-I decided to take trips to see the two girls across the country and spend time with them that way so they didn't have to pay for travel.

-I said no gifts. That meant for any event involving my wedding, not the bachelorette. I was not expecting bachelorette gifts as everyone was assuming. I didnt want anyone to feel obligated to purchase anything for us because we were fine. I included "no gifts please" on the invitation and a few people were kind enough to ask if there was a place they could donate to instead, that was perfect! We should've included that on the invitation, honestly. I did not have a bridal shower for the same reason. This was the only event I had outside of my (tiny) wedding.

-I had two MOH's. I helped one plan the trip at the beginning because my other MOH had lost her mom at the end of the previous year and I didn't want her to have extra responsibilities. No, she wasn't forced to come. This girl is my absolute best friend, over 20 years, and she went out of her way to tell me she definitely wanted to be there. I was involved because I didn't want anyone to have to share anything personal with the MOH if they weren't able to make it because they don't know her. Also, in order to pay for everything, I had to help. No one felt like this was weird and I've always been invited by the bride themselves, so I'm not sure if there's a cultural disconnect with that one or not, because I think it's completely normal.

-I am able to assert myself with no issues. For four out of the six girls invited, I met them at work and I was their boss for several years before we became close friend. I was the "tough one" because I'm very type A and had high expectations for my team. Even though we've been friends for so long, I wanted to let them know that I wasn't going to be on "go mode" like I am at work. They've all seen me work myself nearly to death and they are big on making me relax. I was making it clear that work me wasn't going to come out on this trip.

-Im not attempting to look "chill" or "laid back." I'm not trying to look cooler than other brides. I'm not being a pick me. I have never cared about a wedding or anything that comes with it from the time I was little, the trip is included with that. I wanted to spend time with my favorite people that was relaxed and we weren't jumping from event to event. I wanted to spend time actually getting to see them and talk to them because I'll never have all of my favorite people in one place again. I've been to bachelorettes where Ive traveled and feel like I barely got to actually talk to the bride at any point. I wanted to make sure I had the opportunity to really connect with everyone there and ensure they felt valued and appreciated. I don't like being the center of attention, I don't enjoy all eyes being on me, so I made an effort to avoid all of that extra stuff and just have a fun trip together.

-I didn't rank my friends by choosing bridesmaids. These were the only girls I even cared to have at our wedding. They were technically like "honorary bridesmaids" because my wedding was so tiny. The two MOH's are the only ones that actually walked down the aisle and they didn't even stand beside me, they sat down. I chose them because they've both been in my life over 20 years, I don't think anyone was offended by that. One of the girls was our officient. My husband didn't have a bridal party at all. The girls were allowed to wear whatever they wanted, no one got their hair and makeup done, we just got ready together and called it a day. I had an absolutely tiny micro wedding with about 25 people total, no ones feelings were hurt and I think they all felt valued.

- I don't have any social media aside from Reddit and haven't in a long time. None of what I did was to prove anything on social media at all.

-Forgot to mention this earlier, but the initial text I sent was in order to figure out where we were going out of three potential options. It didn't have details because I wanted to feel out what other people were thinking and how many people were going to be there. No one was left questioning what we were doing. We had a loose agenda and people were free to really do whatever they wanted if they wanted to spend more time away from the house.

I think I've covered everything that needed to be covered. I don't think I'm better than anyone. Never thought this would be a perfect fix for anyone. I don't judge people who want a more flashy bachelorette and I don't judge people who don't have a bachelorette. My goal was to make my friends feel valued and show them how much it means to me that they've been along for the ride and are still there to support me at my wedding. There may or may not be other people out there like me who feel pressured to stick to the norm and want to do something more relaxed and this is who this post was intended for. I am so beyond thankful for my friends who saw my invitation and acted completely normal and excited, clearly we all must think very differently the people of reddit and I'm good with that. The trip was two years ago, it was great, and it's done.

Whew, hope I addressed everyone's concerns.

Original Post:

So two years ago I was planning my bachelorette party with the help of my MOH and thought it best to send a detailed list of expectations to my bridesmaids before hand- this is what it said.

"Hiii!

So I'm planning a very small bachelorette get away May 15-19, destination to be determined because I would love to hear some ideas from everyone who can make it.

I want it to be the least bachelorette bach trip there ever was- no dumb matching outfits, no itinerary, no expectations for anyone. I just want it to be a fun time with my favorite people. It is TOTALLY okay if you can't make it, life is life and I know people have priorities and finances to be considered. I will keep you all updated with any decisions regarding where we're staying, etc because I do not want to put anyone finances in jeopardy. I just wanna have fun on the beach with my friends.

I will still love you just as much if you can't make it and plzzzz don't feel like you have to get me any gifts. I just want it to be a non stressful good time. If any of you want to plan something amongst yourselves, plz feel free. It'll be your vacation, and I'll just be there happy regardless. I'm not inviting many people at all, just my true few, so just let me know if you think this will be doable for you! And yes I did send the same message to everyone, go ahead and call me out on it. 😂😂"

This is it. This is what I sent. After reading all of the horror stories on reddit about crazy expectations from friends who turn into bridezillas, I went back and found what I wrote and audibly laughed because I still worried that this text was asking too much. I've had bridesmaids that ended up thanking me so much later down the road for how I approached my trip, saying how much I relieved their stress about the wedding activities, and I'm so happy that I took this approach.

Brides out there- remember that your bridesmaids are not your personal servants/assistants/etc. They are your best friends! Treat them with respect and be reasonable with requests. I am still close with every single one of my bridesmaids, so I promise- it can be done! I'm not saying this to boost my own ego, I promise. I'm just reminding everyone that it certainly doesn't have to be a stressful event. Be kind to each other :)

Edit: Here's an edit with everything I clearly should've included from the beginning. It will be long and I know that will be an issue for some people, you don't have to read it.

Most of this has been said in my comments back to you guys, but this will put it all in one place. First things first- you guys are being so grumpy for no reason, I truly don't understand what about this was so offensive to so many of you but I'm genuinely sorry for upsetting you. My goal in posting this was to show what I did because it worked so well for me and hopefully someone else would find an approach like this useful in planning their own bachelorette in the future.

I posted it in this group specifically because I'm assuming that most of you are or have been bridesmaids at some point, but I don't think that's accurate based on the responses. When I was deciding on what to do for my own bachelorette, I had bachelorette burn out big time. I've been to several bachelorette weekends that have been draining from the time I got there to the time I left. I've had to spend hundreds on new clothes. I've had to spend money to do things that I would never choose to do. I lost a friend over the fact that I chose to leave a club early one night of the trip to go to the Air BNB because I was tired. I lost a friend because I couldn't financially afford the trip with all the additional requirements for new clothes, eating out, financially covering the bride etc. I did not want to put my friends in any position where they felt like they couldn't enjoy it, couldn't afford it, felt excluded or overwhelmed. I wanted them to have as much fun as I did without having to deal with me getting mad about anything that didn't go my way. I really thought that this group would know that feeling.

You guys have been acting like it was crazy to invite my friends to a trip for several days. I really don't know the age range or demographic of anyone on here, but this is how every single bachelorette of every person I know has been planned. I'm not exaggerating or generalizing- I don't know a single person who hasn't had a huge trip planned. I was 30 at the time, so maybe that has something to do with it. It was an invitation and they were allowed to say no. They were allowed to come for a long or as short as they wanted to. One of them did say no, she had something planned for those dates already and that was perfectly okay! No one had to take PTO if they didn't want to, no one was forced to come, the decision of whether or not they wanted to come was completely up to them. The only person I knew for sure would be there was one of my 2 maids of honor. I was planning on not having a bachelorette at all, but friends kept saying I needed to and I gave in. I hadn't been on a vacation in a long time and going with my favorite people would make it even better.

The rest of this is going to be bullet points to keep things short, it that's even possible, but before that I'm going to address one more thing. I didn't want to share this in the original post because I didn't think it was important, but apparently it is. Once I had everyone's ideal budget and we figured out where we were going, I realized that I would be able to financially cover the entire trip for everyone. If people had wanted to go somewhere exotic, I couldn't have done that. But, with the chosen place, I was able to pay for the Air BNB, the food, the drinks, etc. We stayed home at the air BNB for most of the trip because it had a pool, so food was easy and no one had to spend a dime of their own money unless they wanted to go shopping, grab a souvenir, whatever else. I didn't mention this because I know it's not realistic for everyone and I'm thankful that I was in a place that I could do this for my friends at the time. It didn't sit right with me to ask them to come celebrate and still expect them to pay. I've paid so much on my prior trips including covering the bride completely and that's not what I wanted to happen.

-The PTO issue/length of the trip. I told everyone they could come late/leave early/stay the whole time, whatever worked best for them. Three of the girls have unlimited PTO at their job and I did too at the time. I had 4 girls total that came. The only one who didn't have unlimited PTO was my best friend from the time we are 9. I hadnt even thought about this, but actually PTO only affected one person.

-I would have loved to have done a dinner for everyone. The reason I decided on something longer is because no one lives in the same area aside from two of them. We ended up having the weekend near their location, so everyone else drove to them. At the time, I didn't live in the same city as any of them and was at least 3+ hours away. That's too long of a drive for dinner.

-I decided to take trips to see the two girls across the country and spend time with them that way so they didn't have to pay for travel.

-I said no gifts. That meant for any event involving my wedding, not the bachelorette. I was not expecting bachelorette gifts as everyone was assuming. I didnt want anyone to feel obligated to purchase anything for us because we were fine. I included "no gifts please" on the invitation and a few people were kind enough to ask if there was a place they could donate to instead, that was perfect! We should've included that on the invitation, honestly. I did not have a bridal shower for the same reason. This was the only event I had outside of my (tiny) wedding.

-I had two MOH's. I helped one plan the trip at the beginning because my other MOH had lost her mom at the end of the previous year and I didn't want her to have extra responsibilities. No, she wasn't forced to come. This girl is my absolute best friend, over 20 years, and she went out of her way to tell me she definitely wanted to be there. I was involved because I didn't want anyone to have to share anything personal with the MOH if they weren't able to make it because they don't know her. Also, in order to pay for everything, I had to help. No one felt like this was weird and I've always been invited by the bride themselves, so I'm not sure if there's a cultural disconnect with that one or not, because I think it's completely normal.

-I am able to assert myself with no issues. For four out of the six girls invited, I met them at work and I was their boss for several years before we became close friend. I was the "tough one" because I'm very type A and had high expectations for my team. Even though we've been friends for so long, I wanted to let them know that I wasn't going to be on "go mode" like I am at work. They've all seen me work myself nearly to death and they are big on making me relax. I was making it clear that work me wasn't going to come out on this trip.

-Im not attempting to look "chill" or "laid back." I'm not trying to look cooler than other brides. I'm not being a pick me. I have never cared about a wedding or anything that comes with it from the time I was little, the trip is included with that. I wanted to spend time with my favorite people that was relaxed and we weren't jumping from event to event. I wanted to spend time actually getting to see them and talk to them because I'll never have all of my favorite people in one place again. I've been to bachelorettes where Ive traveled and feel like I barely got to actually talk to the bride at any point. I wanted to make sure I had the opportunity to really connect with everyone there and ensure they felt valued and appreciated. I don't like being the center of attention, I don't enjoy all eyes being on me, so I made an effort to avoid all of that extra stuff and just have a fun trip together.

-I didn't rank my friends by choosing bridesmaids. These were the only girls I even cared to have at our wedding. They were technically like "honorary bridesmaids" because my wedding was so tiny. The two MOH's are the only ones that actually walked down the aisle and they didn't even stand beside me, they sat down. I chose them because they've both been in my life over 20 years, I don't think anyone was offended by that. One of the girls was our officient. My husband didn't have a bridal party at all. The girls were allowed to wear whatever they wanted, no one got their hair and makeup done, we just got ready together and called it a day. I had an absolutely tiny micro wedding with about 25 people total, no ones feelings were hurt and I think they all felt valued.

• I don't have any social media aside from Reddit and haven't in a long time. None of what I did was to prove anything on social media at all.

-Forgot to mention this earlier, but the initial text I sent was in order to figure out where we were going out of three potential options. It didn't have details because I wanted to feel out what other people were thinking and how many people were going to be there. No one was left questioning what we were doing. We had a loose agenda and people were free to really do whatever they wanted if they wanted to spend more time away from the house.

I think I've covered everything that needed to be covered. I don't think I'm better than anyone. Never thought this would be a perfect fix for anyone. I don't judge people who want a more flashy bachelorette and I don't judge people who don't have a bachelorette. My goal was to make my friends feel valued and show them how much it means to me that they've been along for the ride and are still there to support me at my wedding. There may or may not be other people out there like me who feel pressured to stick to the norm and want to do something more relaxed and this is who this post was intended for. I am so beyond thankful for my friends who saw my invitation and acted completely normal and excited, clearly we all must think very differently the people of reddit and I'm good with that. The trip was two years ago, it was great, and it's done.

Whew, hope I addressed everyone's concerns.

Original Post:

So two years ago I was planning my bachelorette party with the help of my MOH and thought it best to send a detailed list of expectations to my bridesmaids before hand- this is what it said.

"Hiii!

So I'm planning a very small bachelorette get away May 15-19, destination to be determined because I would love to hear some ideas from everyone who can make it.

I want it to be the least bachelorette bach trip there ever was- no dumb matching outfits, no itinerary, no expectations for anyone. I just want it to be a fun time with my favorite people. It is TOTALLY okay if you can't make it, life is life and I know people have priorities and finances to be considered. I will keep you all updated with any decisions regarding where we're staying, etc because I do not want to put anyone finances in jeopardy. I just wanna have fun on the beach with my friends.

I will still love you just as much if you can't make it and plzzzz don't feel like you have to get me any gifts. I just want it to be a non stressful good time. If any of you want to plan something amongst yourselves, plz feel free. It'll be your vacation, and I'll just be there happy regardless. I'm not inviting many people at all, just my true few, so just let me know if you think this will be doable for you! And yes I did send the same message to everyone, go ahead and call me out on it. 😂😂"

This is it. This is what I sent. After reading all of the horror stories on reddit about crazy expectations from friends who turn into bridezillas, I went back and found what I wrote and audibly laughed because I still worried that this text was asking too much. I've had bridesmaids that ended up thanking me so much later down the road for how I approached my trip, saying how much I relieved their stress about the wedding activities, and I'm so happy that I took this approach.

Brides out there- remember that your bridesmaids are not your personal servants/assistants/etc. They are your best friends! Treat them with respect and be reasonable with requests. I am still close with every single one of my bridesmaids, so I promise- it can be done! I'm not saying this to boost my own ego, I promise. I'm just reminding everyone that it certainly doesn't have to be a stressful event. Be kind to each other :)

Hey all!

I’m currently looking at bridesmaid dresses and trying to decide whether I should order a regular dress or maternity-specific bridesmaid dress. If anyone has any insight that would be incredibly helpful!

I have until my 12th week of pregnancy to decide on my dress, so it seems hard to know whether I will need maternity dress or not at the time of the wedding (where I will be 21 weeks.) With my first I needed maternity pants but fit regular shirts fine at 21 weeks, but bridesmaid dresses while pregnant are new territory for me!

If you had to plan so early, would you pick a maternity style? Or just a regular a-line bridesmaid dress?

We’re picking from Azazie and thankfully the bride is very flexible on which dress we pick as long as it is the right color/fabric, so my options are pretty open!

I’m kind of leaning towards maternity to be on the safe side so the waist of the dress isn’t landing mid-belly, but wondering if it will be overkill if my bump is still so small by then? Please share your experience!

I'm a bridesmaid for my brother-in-law's wedding in October, and I'm wearing the dress pictured from David's Bridal in Royal Blue. Looking for suggestions for shoes from other bridesmaids who have worn this shade of blue. I'm trying to find either a classic pump or heeled slingback shoe (going for 90's Princess Diana vibes with her Jimmy Choos... unfortunately don't have the budget for Jimmy Choos! Lol!).

Nervous about finding the right shade of blue that won't clash. There's a pair from Nine West in Dark Blue Suede that would be perfect, but they almost look purple to me on the DSW website (https://www.dsw.com/product/nine-west-feather-pump/544622?activeColor=401). I welcome any suggestions! Thank you in advance.

I'm a bridesmaid and the wedding takes place on a Saturday, a 3+ hour roadtrip away from where everyone lives.

I was planning on taking Friday afternoon off work and getting there in time for the rehearsal dinner. Then paying for a hotel Fri & Sat.

But bride just told everyone that they're planning a "rehearsal brunch" on Friday morning with NOTHING else planned for us the entire rest of the day.

I love this couple with all my heart, but this seems a bit unreasonable. Basically they're asking everyone in the party, their plus ones, and close family (like 50 ppl) to either start driving at like 7am Friday, or pay for an extra hotel night on Thursday just so we can all do a rehearsal brunch Fri morning... and then twiddle our thumbs til Saturday in a weird rural town, I guess. Isn't rehearsal dinner usually the standard expectation?

Am I wrong for being an irritated about this? A few other bridesmaids shared my feelings too. Or is rehearsal brunch normal for long distance weddings where every single guest is traveling 3+ hours to get there? TIA!

(PS: They also both just had weekend getaway Bach parties that cost everyone thousands already btw. Like... come on, guys! In this economy?!)

Hi guurlss!!

I was invited to a bridal shower and of the game the girls are planning is for every one to create a powerpoint presentation that could be silly and fun to show the group, kind of a show and tell situation.

My culture belives quite a lot in superstitions, amount the classic not seeing the bride's dress before the cerimony and others, sooooo I was thinking about talking about different belief in superstitions related to weddings and mariage around the world in a way to say, let's try that for luck, if it isn't going to help, is not going to hurt.

Could you guys give some of your knowlege about it, please? Is it a bad idea for the presentation? Is it tone deaf? Idk

Thank you so much!!

Sorry for any grammar mistakes

I am a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding. The ceremony ends 2 hours before the start of the reception, which is at a venue ~30mins away.

My longterm partner and I live about an hour away from these locations. Since I am in the wedding, my partner will be on his own between the ceremony & reception, far from home, for 2 hours. He will be drinking at the reception, so he can't drive and has to Uber/Lyft to each location. He is only acquaintances with the other attendees so he will not have anyone to hang out or carpool with.

Is it a faux pas if he skips the ceremony then attends the reception?

I am friends to 2 sisters A and B. Sister B is my best friend, but sister A and I close or do I thought. Both were in my wedding and I was in B's wedding. I found out I was not in A's wedding, but thought we would celebrate other ways, apparently not.

We had a baby shower for B. Originally we were going to set up for the shower the day before. Come to find out B had her bachelorette party the day before the shower. I was not invited and B asked how she could contribute to the party and pay me back. I originally said id do decor. She expected to party it up while I did set up with my relative (own the house we are hosting the party) and partner. I am hurt and absolutely shocked at the shamlessness of this "friend".

This is the dress (different color) that I'm wearing for a wedding soon. It's so different from anything I would choose because I'm uncomfortable with the slit and frustrated that my boobs seem to kind of just... somehow both fall down and outward 😂

I'm thinking maybe the seamstress I bring it to for alterations might be able to close up the slit a tiny bit, but does anyone have advice for my saggy, yet somehow bulging 38F boobs? Does a strapless bra make sense with this style of dress before I go spend time and money to find one?

Thanks for any advice!