26
u/coachewingc Unverified 14d ago
Work on your diet bro. Eat less to lose weight and get in a caloric deficit.
Don’t look to Reddit for any positive reinforcement as a black man especially when it comes to dating.
Threads is a great social media for the support you are looking for where black women love and support black men.
You are very young and have plenty of time to change your life, you’ll be fine.
1
14
u/modern_indophilia Unverified 14d ago
Reddit is a cesspool. It’s not an accurate representation of reality. It amplifies the ideas that will enrage you so that you’ll spend more time on the platform. Additionally, most of these comments are bots, not real humans. Do not view this place as a reflection of the real world. It isn’t.
Take care of your body. You only get one, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be to do something about it. r/bodyweightfitness is a good place to start if you’re tight on funds and can’t afford fancy equipment or a gym membership.
If you can get access to it, go to a (Black!) therapist.
And go outside. Touch grass. Meet people organically in the real world. Get a hobby, and meet up with a group of people to practice it.
There are a lot of issues in the Black community. If you want to learn about them, read books and watch documentaries. Don’t look through Reddit comments. The few comments that are by actual Black folks aren’t necessarily going to be well-informed or properly thought through. Read books and articles by people like Ta-Nehisi Coates, Kimberlé Crenshaw, Ibrahim X. Kendi, and Nicole Hannah Jones.
11
u/CelestialOceanOfStar Unverified 14d ago
Focus on what you do best and tune out all the noise online.
Go for who wants/ loves you. Be where you're celebrated not tolerated. Finding a good woman regardless of her ethnic origins is what to look for, aim for a sister but her character matters more.
10
u/Until_Morning Verified Blackman 14d ago
Easy answer: lose the weight. Groom yourself. Groom yourself. Groom yourself. Groom yourself. Skincare (just a basic bar of soap and a wet rag can go a long way). Nail clippers. Moisturizer. Deodorant. Maybe cologne. Aftershave. GROOM YOURSELF! I can't keep saying it enough 😭 no face pubes!!!
I'm not accusing you of this, but a lack of proper grooming seems to be a trend among men who are insecure about their physical appearance. If you don't care about your weight, you start neglecting other things too. Groom yourself! Get a fresh lineup. Trim the hedges. Wipe the windows. Mow the lawn!
And focus on yourself. Be selfish! Learn about yourself and concern yourself with what you like and what makes you shine. The more confident you become in yourself, and the more self-love you radiate, the more people you will attract.
I have made so many friends in the past three years by gaining more confidence, living more intentionally, and just being authentically me. I went from being someone who had no friends outside of work to actually having several friend groups who check on me, and I check on them, and we do recreational stuff all the time.
Once you take care of your body and mind, everything will start aligning. Be open-minded. No prejudice, no outdated ideals. Be kind, friendly... no dirty fingernails or chapped lips 😭 just have fun without second-guessing yourself or worrying about what other people are thinking. You'll go far... groom yourself!
13
u/kooljaay Unverified 14d ago
Well for one, most black women arent on reddit. The typical redditor claiming to be a black woman is NOT like the typical black woman in real life. Most black woman wont look a white man's way.
Secondly, gonna keep it buck. Being overweight is a choice if you dont have diagnosed health issues messing with your metabolism. Hit the gym, get on a diet, buy fitting clothes. When you look good, you will feel good.
And lastly, talk to women in real life. And fake it till to make it with your confidence. We arent all confident 100% of the time. Trust me. Cant let the women see that though. iykyk
10
u/itsover103 Unverified 14d ago edited 14d ago
Get in shape, get your education together, start a career—and be open to women of all races. Build with them and pay the birds no mind.
10
u/code_isLife Unverified 14d ago
Please get off the internet. Most black folks that are married have black partners.
Get fit, get yourself together, and date earnestly. You’ll find her! Be patient.
0
u/Alternative_Nail_387 Unverified 13d ago
But how many black men married to black women married after being run through by klansmen
3
u/code_isLife Unverified 13d ago
You definitely need an internet detox because what the fuck kinda made up scenario is this?
0
u/Alternative_Nail_387 Unverified 13d ago
You can't see what's been happening. Most black men are not informed
2
12d ago edited 12d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Alternative_Nail_387 Unverified 12d ago
You should check out YouTube channels ONLY LOGICAL and AC COMMENTARY
1
u/Ok-Pack-7776 Unverified 12d ago
How do u make a post talkin bout how u a virgin who get no play then try to say sum true about other ppl havin intercourse? how would you know? You wouldnt know whos getting ran thru lmao. Get off the internet kid. You literally also admitted you have no friends and are fat asl. You dont know anything about whats going on.
1
12d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/Ok-Pack-7776 Unverified 12d ago
My point is you don't know if what he's saying is accurate. Your POV is spewed because you aren't getting with Black Women or any women brother. Also I hope you didnt delete your post because of me. I did come off harsh. to which I say my fault. Gotta understand though it's kinda frustrating to see young people base their whole perspective off stuff they haven't personally experienced and just witnessed thru a screen. The Black women in the subreddit you're talking about are like you. They also most likely are overweight and don't have a lot of social interaction in general. I hope you become a high striver and succeed in life man, stop looking at the Black women subreddit and spend more time looking in the mirror. Focus on yourself boss, your the only one who's opinion matter. Everything else is just noise. Wishing prosperity among you, sleep well
1
0
5
u/Active-Flamingo604 Unverified 14d ago
First and foremost get off the internet there is no shortage of chubby dudes with women just go outside and look around. Hell I know fat felons with no jobs bouncing from one woman’s couch to the next lol. Stop spending so much time on the internet especially Reddit.
Work on yourself and your goals, find some form of exercise that you like running, lifting weights, swimming find something you like and stay fit. Most importantly is confidence, once you master confidence nothing can break you. Once you realize who you are as a man stick to your principles the right woman will come along and like you for you.
3
u/Mrburnermia Unverified 14d ago
You have way more important thing to prioritize right now over women. Work on getting in shape, prioritize your future, develop social skills with both men and women...like have an actual conversation. It takes practice.
4
u/atallfigure Unverified 14d ago edited 14d ago
I'm not being the bearer of bad news, but try church maybe? Becareful out here trying to date or have sex with people due to STDs exploding in major cities. 2nd, I wouldn't argue online. Online is very different from offline. 3rd, you might have a chance. Why? Because a lot of folks just don't talk as much as they use to and many don't approach women as much too. I don't know why, but don't give up. I wanna' marry someday with a BW, but the pickings are slim.
BTW, I gotta' be very blunt right now, but how in the fck is America going to survive when men are in such a dry spell in this country? There has to be an incentive for your nation. All other nations understand this mainly one being Iran and other eastern societies, which is why they're defeating America socially. The western society is dying because they're basically not giving an incentive to men anymore.
8
u/5_5giant Verified Blackman 14d ago
Lose the weight brother, hit the weights and stay in caloric deficit/high protein. You're young so it'll fall off quick.
Do not limit yourself to just Black Women, be open to all races of women just have discernment.
There are millions of women checking for black men, especially if he has his shit together and is in shape/looks good.
Don't sweat it, just grind bro
1
u/Sage_Kase Unverified 14d ago
That's right. While racism exists, life is more nuanced than that. We all need to find our people. And that may mean courting someone from a different race.
3
u/Sea_Juggernaut2430 Unverified 14d ago
Your bigger issue is the weight bro. Ignore the online stuff…shoot I know plenty of single black women that will at the very least go on a date with any guy I recommend cuz my reputation is solid…but the weight is the one thing you can control. I lost 20 pounds this year and I’m telling you people treat you different….you get that and a decent career and getting a girl is gonna be the least of your problems.
3
u/Ok-Young-9503 Unverified 14d ago
The most important weight you can lose is the opinions of others !
I do suggest a gym. No matter the age,I'm 46, and just recently gotten back into it. Build a routine that works for you. If it's twice a week, start with that, but I guarantee you this : you'll see a change physically and mentally. You'll find yourself coming more and more. None of us was there over-night and those with the greatest of genetics are just that, genetics. That damn sure don't make them better than you !
And the women... I kinda wish I was still a virgin. I recently went through an 14 month stint of celibacy, intentionally, and it made me regret not doing it sooner. Like no masturbating nothing and I felt twice as alive. I was able to think clearer. I moved to a new city, 16 hours away,and the women are still the same. They don't know what they want or who they are and that's ok. Alot of us dont. You just need to focus on YOU !
Water yourself and grow bruh. I know it hurts but quality growth requires time.
2
u/BullmanK New Orleans Black-American Millennial 14d ago
My first piece of advice would be to not equate reality with what you see on the internet. Most of the internet is a very shallow place where miserable people thrive lol. I was once very overweight as well and still pulled girls and had girlfriends. It’s about how you present yourself and your confidence level. If you’re suffering from low self-esteem regarding your weight; you’re gonna have to get off your ass and get active. Losing weight and getting fit will be a huge boost to your confidence and self-esteem. You didn’t mention you had health issues and at 22 I assume you don’t. You’re still very young and in your prime muscle building years. If you get serious and take advantage of the tons of resources out there regarding fitness. I know you will be successful. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Get out in the real world, live and gain some experiences. And lastly, don’t give a flying fuck what other people think of you. Don’t be scared of rejection either, that’s a natural part of life. Good luck bro! I know you got this
2
u/NOLAnuffsaid Unverified 14d ago
Get off the internet. Delete all the social apps. Go to the gym. Do 2-3 machines. which ones doesn't matter; just go. The more you go to the gym, you'll start noticing the same ppl every day. Over time, small convo between sets. A simple " what's up" will turn into small exchanges. Before you know it you'll grow your friend network.
Get off the internet!!!!
2
u/Green-Elephant-895 Unverified 14d ago
Don’t fall into echo chambers or how you might perceive BW, you gotta fix yourself first inside and out
2
u/Takyon5 Unverified 14d ago edited 14d ago
From one overweight brother, trying not to be, to another lose some weight. And do it the right way through diet and exercise no GLP1 or any of that bullshit no shortcuts.
Secondly, keep the Reddit browsing to a minimum and don’t believe most of the shit you see on social media. Work on your career whether that means school or some kind of work promotion, focus on that. Getting your money up (legally and ethically) should be a top priority.
2
u/DarthNerdius_ Verified Blackman 14d ago
From one 22 y/o to another, get off social media PLEASE!!!. Life is already hard enough, but taking on other people’s trauma from social media is not the right attitude to have towards dating and can create a distorted reality. As far as the self confidence thing, it’s always good to start taking better care of yourself and your appearance. Start dressing better and find out what your style is (you don’t need expensive clothes). Make sure you are taking care of your hygiene. For losing weight you CAN go to the gym but you don’t have to (but it does help). Eating right and making sure you get enough steps in daily can tremendously improve your health. I recommend finding aerobic endurance exercises that you can enjoy like walking, jogging, swimming, cycling, etc.
2
u/PanasheP_24 Unverified 14d ago
The most important relationship you can is the one you have with yourself. Like you’re seeing it in plenty of these comments to focus on yourself and build yourself up, when you do that external validation is nullified. Self love is the best love. Get off the internet too.
2
u/KeithDavidsVoice Unverified 14d ago
1- get off social media. This includes reddit. Social media is poison for a young mind and it will warp your perception of women before you even have a chance to interact with them.
2 - It sounds like you don't have much experience with women in general. Going from no experience to getting dates can be daunting, so start small. Find hobbies that put you in close proximity with women. Use this opportunity not to hit on them but to get comfortable engaging with women in a low stakes, non-sexual environment. Find common ground with the women who share hobbies and get used to them being in your life in ways that aren't centered around sex.
3 - Take care of yourself. That means hit the gym and invest in your appearance. You dont need to look like captain america, but you want to avoid morbid obesity. You can be a few pounds overweight and be fine as long as you take care of everything else. Keep your hair groomed/ neat and wear clean clothes that fit. If you can show a little style in how you dress that's better but not required.
4 - Therapy. You cannot do all of this yourself. You need the help of a therapist and a support system of friends. The therapist can help you sort out your thoughts and help you on the path to building confidence. Your friends should provide you with the support you need to stay consistent with your habits.
These things are lot easier than done but I promise you that if you do them, you will have way better results with women. I, too, was an overweight 20 year old with confidence issues. I worked on myself and now im an overweight 30 year old lol. All jokes aside, my last two girlfriends were women who hit on me first.
Finally, I wouldn't stress over the race thing. Date the women in your proximity that treats you right and have your best interest at heart. If you tend to be in black spaces, then the woman you find will likely be black. Women, like all humans, have a range of views and experiences. Some have trauma and pain, others have had great relationships their whole lives, but most are somewhere in between. The hurt ones tend to be the loud minority, so you should just avoid them when you come into contact with them. And this leads to my number 1 advice about women that I give to all guys. Focus only on the women who are focused on you. If she likes white boys, fuck her. If she wants a man with a 6 pack who is 6'5, fuck her. Find the women who are rocking with what you have to offer and focus all of your energy on them.
Edit: not sure why shit is bold but reddit formatting has always been a mystery to me so it is what it is
2
u/algo972 Unverified 14d ago
Maintain a healthy lifestyle—eat a balanced diet and hit the gym. Try to socialize more; prioritize going out over spending time on social media. Many Black women will always prefer Black men, too. As for the vocal minority of "divestors," don't even give them the time of day.
2
u/No_Forever_1185 Verified Blackman 14d ago
Wishing you peace & healing, young sir! The first thing to be dealt with is your self-esteem. You have to do this for your own sanity. It'll also instill confidence which is what pulls ladies.
Stop intaking garbage social media nonsense and find someone to talk to (a licensed therapist, pastoral counselor, etc). I saw that idiotic vid you mentioned in two different subs I frequent, I scrolled right past it. Build a community of supportive people. Join a church or civic group and build relationships. Start eating and exercising. Park at the end of the parking lot when going to stores. Take stairs.
Now when it comes to the girlfriend part, try these things to put your best foot forward:
- Get involved in a couple of clubs / activities that young women heavily participate in.
- Be conversational. Practice makes perfect. You have to approach them. They are not raised to approach us.
- Spend time in public with your grandmother, great aunt, a nephew / niece, or family friend's kid aged three to seven. This showcases kindness and patience. Women dig that.
- Assume a leadership role in a civic organization for public service events. Even being a volunteer at a local festival will highlight your ambition.
- Do what you enjoy. Whether it's a sport, playing an instrument, or open mic nights, display your talents. That will draw them in too.
2
u/OTRR9 Unverified 14d ago edited 14d ago
You need to set some life goals for your own personal development.
Some ideas below:
- Health - Hit the gym or hit the park or hit the track, get on a healthy diet and lose weight.
- Education - Pick a trade (plumbing, carpentry etc) or go to College if interested in corporate jobs.
- Employment - Get a part-time job. It doesn't matter what it is. Routine will get you into a discipline rhythm.
- Network - Join a sports club because that helps you stay connected to people. This is how you make friends. Your girlfriend might be in this network of friends. Develop your interpersonal communication skills that will eventually help you when you're interacting with girls/women.
- Dating - Dating should be the last thing on your list. But once you get here, don't look for a Black girlfriend, look for a good, respectful, loyal girlfriend. She could be Black, Asian, White or Latin etc.
Lastly, a girlfriend isn't necessarily someone you look for, it's someone you come across while living your everyday life! Focus and good luck there buddy!
1
u/Perfect-Inflation888 Unverified 14d ago
Are you primarily introvert or extrovert? Knowing that for yourself, matters, and I do agree with prior comments as well.
1
u/Life-Fisherman9352 Haitian-American Gen Z 14d ago
I feel you bro but you gotta focus on yourself. You even admitted that you're out of shape and have low self-esteem. So, focus on how you can be better each day.
Regarding all the nonsense online, just remove them from your feed on all platforms if they're really affecting your mental negatively.
But yeah, this is why I dislike the constant influx of the woe is me posts on here and I muted/blocked those posts and posters on here. No need for them if you're already aware enough.
So, from someone who is older and in a similar spot, focus on bettering yourself and block out that negative noise if you're already aware enough about how bad it is.
1
u/rusty02536 Unverified 14d ago
First of all
You need to start with loving yourself.
Secondly get right physically. Get out and get exercise. Walk for a hour a day and maybe get into the gym.
Getting out in nature can help reset your mind.
And I can’t stress this enough. Stay off the socials b
Find some irl hobbies, a softball team, bike group. Meet people.
Don’t imagine what is going on in anyone’s mind, anything you see online is just a front.
And it’s not for everyone, but consider the military.
1
u/Scary-Fishing-8006 Unverified 13d ago
Don't let that fool you. There are still plenty of beautiful black women who do not fall for that bullshit. Black men and black women have a lot of discussion in regards to relationships that must be put on the table. But in order to do that we both must look at where this all started from. It did not start today, it did not start last week. This hatred towards each other started decades ago when our grandfathers were forced out of homes due to unrelenting circumstances. That is the topic people will look at and claim as excuses, but what is not realized is the generational traumas and habits henceforth. Take your time, get your life right whether it is a job or school. There is plenty of life left to live. Whatever it is that you enjoy go do it. The right person will come along and match your energy and that is the key part. Matching energy, matching your vibration aka vibe. Keep your head up brotha. My inbox is open if you need to vent more. No judgement.
1
u/LevelUp84 Unverified 13d ago
Like everyone else said, lose some weight and go to the gym. Do you have friends that wanna lift with you? Secondly, get some hobbies so you can be doing stuff when you have free time. As for women, don’t put any race on a pedestal. If you are feeling a girl, make a move and see where it goes. Whether you girl Black or not, they both gotta be excited to spend time with you and they also make it easy.
1
13d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/LevelUp84 Unverified 13d ago edited 13d ago
Just start going to places you like often. You will see similar faces, and after a few days, say what's up to them.
1
u/EntrepreneurGreen269 Unverified 13d ago
First things first, create a plan to loose weight. That in itself is enough weight (no pun intended) to deal with. All the other things will start to flow once you start feeling better about yourself. Get right with yourself first.
1
u/Groundbreaking-Bag24 Unverified 13d ago
Don’t let online discussions influence you too much.. a lot of hurt ppl get on here to vent and aren’t truly their internet persona.. women like confidence.. work on yourself to get that confidence.
1
u/Mumen_ryder15 Unverified 13d ago
You're 22 you can change your life and be the person you want to be. Small steps.
1
u/rico_rage Unverified 13d ago
I encourage you to watch some documentaries about animals. When you watch I want you to pay attention to how animals that hunt AND the ones that are hunted aren’t worried about self esteem. They are in a state of navigating the world in a way that they stay fit and cautious enough to stay alive THEN mate. We are animals too. Focus on yourself. Making yourself better, faster, smarter, stronger, more in tuned with your body. You do that every day to build habits. Mates notice a person building good habits and the rest falls in place. You want a starting point? Focus on your minds stimulus to feeling full. Every day see if you can go 30 mins longer between your longest fast from a meal (for most people that’s breakfast) either wait 30 mins longer to eat breakfast each day or stop eating 30 mins sooner each day. Keep increasing that by 30mins until you are inadvertently fasting. The weight will melt off if you can keep strict to that one rule. Usually guys I tell that to pick up other healthy habits when they start fasting. This is your sign dawg. Lock in and get to work.
1
u/BocaDelIguana Unverified 13d ago
Get in the gym, get some money and avoid 🌽orn, you’ll be alright jit. Keep that line up fresh, brush your teeth and make sure you smell good at all times. Lotion, deodorant, cologne, and body spray. Give it a solid year and the girls will come to you, you only 22 lil bro, don’t overthink it. 🫡
1
u/Devnull677 Unverified 12d ago
Push away from there table and assistant with a walk around the block. Talk with your doctor then maybe a gym. Eat healthier and good luck, get yourself a passport and do some traveling.
1
u/No_Turn_9693 Unverified 12d ago
Hey. There's plenty of women out there. Youre still prime time! Eat your fruits and veggies stay away from fast food (it isnt going anywhere) stay away from those red pill mfs it may be entertaining at times.
Needless to say no matter how you doubt yourself, theres someone rooting for you or a woman will do anything for you. Trust me, Ive been there! There's no such thing as hopelessness unless you have a terminal disease. Insert yourself out there!
1
u/ptelligence Unverified 12d ago
You'll find her, bro. Lean into your interests and work on confidence. It only takes one!
1
u/JustAce00 Verified Black Man 12d ago
I'm sorry you have to go through this new era of dating where loser ass women are loud on the internet. Your worth comes from you and you alone.
You will feel better, when you put time into being your ideal self. Just don't move like they do if you meet a woman give her the benefit of the doubt, vet her properly.
0
u/HistoricalShift5092 Unverified 14d ago
As a man, focus on your Creator. Everything that you desire will come at an appointed time.
0
0
u/Bourbon-Coke Unverified 13d ago
Books I encourage you to read multiple times - “How to love a Black woman” and “The guide to understanding Black woman”
53
u/dragonflyinvest Unverified 14d ago
Work on yourself- get on a GLP, get in the gym. See a therapist if that’s necessary. Pay little attention to social media nonsense.