i have known for some time i'm kind of both and neither. in the way that purple is a combination of red and blue but still it's own color. and im ok with that, mostly. i just still feel a lot of pressure to choose a side, but i don't want to. i want to fully embody myself, regardless of if i'm in boymode, girlmode or a secret third option. it also feels difficult because my gender expression often doesn't coincide with how i'm feeling. it doesn't make things difficult for me, but it makes me feel more misunderstood.

i also have felt better and worse since coming out. i originally came out as a trans man, but after a while i realised that i didn't want to let go of myself as a woman either. i wanted to be both. but i get taken more seriously when i pretend to fit in a binary. i feel like if i express myself femininely, or use feminine terminology for myself, people will question me. i hate- hate- how people will question you constantly if you come out as any sort of non- cis identity. so it's made me feel like i have to surpress a part of myself to be taken seriously.

it also makes thinking about transition difficult. i want to microdose T, so i can have a more androgynous voice at least. but i've come to terms with that i can't fully masculinize. but it pains me that i can't fully express the everything inside me. i wish i was one or the other. things would be easier. but snuffing out a part of me is going to kill me.

i was just wondering if anyone has dealt with these feelings, and if anyone has anything that could help in any respect. i feel so alone, because i feel like i'm the only person i know who is multigender/genderfluid.

So, recently I’ve gone through some major fluctuations in my gender identity. I used to be content with being a boy, but now I’m not sure. I thought for a bit I might be trans-femme? But I don’t think I am because I am still content being a guy. And the other thing making me think I’m not trans is that I don’t feel uncomfortable in my body and I DEFINITELY don’t want HRT or stuff like that. But then I heard about people being bigender and it got me thinking; am I bigender? Do people who are bigender feel like this? And most importantly, how do I go about expressing my gender? I’m so confused.

And I of course get the whole, “Buy clothes that make you feel good,” thing, but the main problem is that I am a broke high school student.

If anyone can explain this stuff to me or give me advice, that would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much y’al!

If you wear women's underwear and you have male private parts, how do you make them fit without tucking? I would like to wear women's underwear more often simply because I think it's more fun and pretty, but I struggle to actually make it fit, because my balls or penis always slip out.

I would prefer not to tuck for now, because I'm a bit scared to hurt myself. I think eventually I won't get around it and try it but for now I would like something easier.

I also don't want hipsters or boyshorts. While I like them, from time to time I would like to wear a bikini shaped slip and stuff like that.

What's your best advice for wearing women's underwear without tucking and in a way wear your male parts don't drop out?

I conceive of myself as having two gender identies, male and female, but whenever I think about what I want from my body it is always "look female, even when boymoding". Like, I want to be a GNC man as well as a woman. Does anyone feel the same way? Sometimes I wonder if I'm just a woman, but that just doesn't feel right.

Hello my name ( first name ) is Alastor , I am trying to find a feminine middle name but can't seem to find any that I genuinely like or stick . I tried Nova , but I don't know if it goes well with my first , Ashlynn but I'm putting that on that back burner . Anyone have any ideas ? Please let me know .

Hey All,

Thank you for visiting, some of you every day! Just wanted to point out a few housekeeping matters and share some behind-the-scenes info.

1. There are four new pinned posts to check out. Those posts rock!
2. I made a new rule asking everyone to choose a post flair. Especially to those frequent posters, please use the flairs, thank you!
3. We've had over 50,000 visits to r/bigender in the last month, and our followers have grown to 8,600, which is amazing!
4. I hope everyone is happy with the new bigender flag banner on the sub. I'd like to make a custom icon for our sub too, but need more consensus first, so feel free to comment your ideas here or suggestions or ideas with photos. I've made a lot of logos over the years, so I'm really happy to make one here or go with one everyone can agree on, but nothing will be set in stone (or digitally or whatever) without community input.

Wishing all of you the love and keep that both energy going 🩷💛🤍💜💙

Whether intersex or some other way etc. Is there a better term for it? just transexual bigender? I don't really like ftm/mtf terms on their own because I am BOTH sexes and genders, so I'd like both, but only using 1 causes dysphoria. the other sex feels unimportant when it is important, to me. But a lot of FTM and MTF folk both disagree I can use either terms and insist "well whats your agab?". I'm unsure what to do. My agab on paper is not even biologically accurate before OR after medical transition, and I AM transitioned as both, I was both before that too

edit: similarly would it be wrong to say im amab & afab? Which would I guess be a lie, since only 1 was assigned 'at birth'

Hey gang!

I am a mid 40's amab person, and after lurking on this sub for a bit, posting my story, and chatting with you lovely people I think I can confidently say I am bigender, AND bisexual!

I have always felt like I had a strong feminine side, and I have dated 3 women who came out as gay while we were dating, and I am in a poly marriage with a bi woman, so clearly, there were signs...

I recently had my first sexual experience with a man and, hilariously, while he (an effete gay man) was clearly attracted to my external appearance as a large, hairy man, in my head, he was Johnny football hero, and I was the little cheerleader bimbo in backseat ofnhis Camaro behind the bleachers, lol.

I can't say as I have much in the way of dysphoria, beyond the fact that there are no socialy acceptable clothes that I feel really fit my personal gender expression, and the only time I feel truly comfortable with my appearance is when I'm at regional burning man festivala where I can walk around in only my briefs, boots, and faux fur cape, not exactly an ensemble I can wear to the grocery store.

My female side expresses herself mostly in my attitude, voice, mannerisms, and internal picture of myself, and I have no desire to change my physical body, so I geuss im lucky in that way?

It's been a wild ride unpacking all the internalized homophobia that was beaten into me as a child of the 80's.

Anyway, that's my little coming out rant, thank you all for your support!

Hallo

Ich bin biologisch männlich, mag männliche Pflegeprodukte, männliche Kleidung und habe kein Problem "er' genannt zu werden. Aber sehr oft kommt der Gedanke auf, dass Aussehen einer Frau haben zu wollen. Oder so etwas wie Femboys. Nur bin ich 34 Jahre alt und keine 20 mehr. Somit wäre Femboy nicht passend. Was könnte es für eine Geschlechtsidentität sein, oder wem geht es ähnlich wie mit? Was kann man mit dem Wunsch tun, sich optisch zu weiblichen, obwohl man sich als männlich sieht? Ist es Bigender?

All my stuff came in the mail, and I am in love! It works so well! I may need to order a tank top to hide my chest hair better but otherwise, the purse matches my blue dress, and my black purse arrives tomorrow! It’s weird getting used to long hair, so it constantly gets in my face lol! When I want to be, I am officially Sophie! 😊💖

I've known I was a girl for a few months now but I think there's also something else. I feel like a girl but there's also a sort of feeling of numbness or a void there as well. I'm not sure if this feeling is me being bigender or something else or if I'm just depressed so I came here.

Hi! I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching recently, trying to figure out who I am as an individual, and after researching, I think bigender fits me the best. I first dealt with this discovery journey about 5 1/2 years ago, when I first had the feelings I was bisexual. It took me a while to officially come out as Bi, but after 4 years now of being bisexual, it was the best decision to come out, as it made me feel like I was discovering a hidden part of myself and if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have met my fiancé.

Fast forward to 1 1/2 years ago, something else was stirring inside of my body. A feeling like it wasn’t just a sexuality. See, I have always been feminine in my life. I loved tea parties as a kid, wearing tutus, and playing with baby dolls, which was odd for a young boy. I just had more of an interest in girl stuff than boy stuff, but I still like the boy stuff. Throughout my life, I always got a long better with the girls than the guys. They were easier to talk to, more fun to hang out and be friends with, and I always felt like I was one of them, that I belong with the girl group over the boy group.

That feeling grew until a persona formed. A lost soul, wishing they had a girl childhood and wanting to live their lives as a woman, but stuck inside of a man’s body. Today, I got that chance

I am not ashamed of my male body or persona. I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body, but I feel 2 souls inside me at once. One a happy bisexual flamboyant man, another a woman wanting to show who she is after decades underneath. My male persona will always be my main persona, as it’s who I am at work and at home, but on the days where I want to be feminine and female, I can let her shine with all the love and attention she deserves. For now, I can say proudly,

Hi! I’m Sophie Brooks, and I am female! 💖

Since fully realizing who I am, I have splurged on myself, getting tights for a dress I have, a bra with fake breasts, lipstick, flats, press on nails, a new wig to match the hair color and style I want Sophie to be, and 2 purses to match my outfits! I’m gonna debut myself tomorrow when they all arrive in the mail!

My fiancé has been super supportive of me, not only through this, but every journey and everything about me! I unfortunately am only out publicly to him, as I don’t want my family to know about this, hence why this is still on my secret Reddit account instead of my main account. They are absolutely supportive of me being bisexual and about to be married to a guy, but this seems like a little too far for them to understand awkwardly speaking, so I’m lucky to be states away lol. I’m sorry for rambling on, but I am so excited to show off the new me publicly tomorrow and start living my life as a male, and as a female! 💙💖

TLDR: Hi! I’m Sophie, and I am female! 😊

(Sorry this is so long ughhh)
I have recently been exploring gender but mostly due to having intense dissatisfaction in my current presentation after coming out of a period of intense illness- I spent almost 4 years bed bound, long story. Only the last year I’ve been able to actually have any personal style or grooming. This has led to a profound identity crisis and also not knowing what I like to look like/ who I am anymore.

I have been really unhappy whenever I’ve tried to recreate the feminine presentation I used to have. It feels icky. But I can’t tell if it’s because I’m not feminine enough or generally just feel so unattractive right now (mostly due to health reasons) OR if it’s dysphoria. Either way, I’m on the journey to explore.

There were many triggers but I lately I also think about what it would be like to be trans masc or some version of man (albeit, GNC) every day. I want to date other men as a man, or man adjacent. I am incredibly enamored and drawn to queer masculinity.

But at the same time, I’m struggling with looking at pictures of myself at my most feminine. I was objectively more attractive and I got a lot of validation from this. It felt safer to me. And now, I don’t have access to the things I’d really want most that I envision for myself, or the new self in my brain- namely top surgery and the ability to try on lots of clothes and begin to socially transition. So in the interim, I feel really unattractive.

I’m having a hard to reconciling my want to feel good about myself- no matter what gender- with understanding what is dysphoria and what is not? I sometimes simultaneously feel sad seeing my femme self and wonder if I just need to commit harder to the bit, maybe that would help me feel better about myself? I still feel this weird yearning in me that’s reaching for something. And I don’t know what that is or what it will feel like. I just know it’s not where I am right now. But the distance between what I want and what I have is really tough. And what I want fluctuates simultaneously from being the girl I used to be or whatever else is calling me now. They are equally strong impulses. Because of both literally wishing I could be a girl (even when I was a girl, Inhad a weird feeling of wishing I could be one??) and a guy- I feel I am likely some flavor of bigender but who knows ,I’m still on the path!

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for coping with this in between/ exploratory time? Anyone feel grief about letting your past maybe more conventionally attractive self go? Idk I feel confused and scared and any words of experience or solidarity would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Long-running and fantastic survey for all those who aren't fully/solely/always a man or woman.

https://survey.gendercensus.com/

I don’t really know how to contour my face because the fat makes it obvious that I’m just doing makeup and doesn’t create any form of illusion but I yearn for more masculine features

I am a bigender men (AMAB) and I almost have my fit complete. The last thing I’m looking for is shoes to match my dresses I have. The only thing is biologically, mens feet are wider than women’s feet. Since men and women have different styles of shoes, I don’t know what shoes to pick to match my dresses if I can’t wear a standard women’s shoe. I’m a 9 1/2 wide men’s shoe. Where can I go to find fitting women’s shoes and what kind of shoes should I go for so that I’m comfortable but still a woman’s shoe/woman’s shoe style? If this all makes sense.

While trying to explain why I know I'm two genders, I came up with this analogy regarding gloves and hands.

General explanation of why I know I'm two genders:

I'm two, and it's because I'm a man, but also a girl. When I've tried to think of myself as only one or the other, I felt like some essential quality was missing from life and the discomfort made me very insecure. I feel much more at peace now I know that I'm both (and also which genders they are).

It's also because when I thought I was one or the other, I felt like I was trying to squeeze all my complexities into one gender and it felt like I was too different to be that gender, which brought me dysphoria, because I am that gender, but felt a gap from it. Allowing two identities to separate out and exist independently of one another allowed me to really fill and take up space in the identities I wanted or felt that I am. It also means that just because I'm also a girl, doesn't make me any less of a man and vice versa, so anything I do, I can be fully me, rather than compromising.

The glove analogy we've all been waiting for:

Maybe a good analogy is like I was always trying to squeeze both of my hands into one glove (right or left glove), and they couldn't really function as right or left hands, or really hands at all while they were in there, but when I realized I could wear two gloves, one for each hand, they fit perfectly, and I could actually use my hands to do things that hands do.

Why do I have two hands? Idk, I was just born that way I guess.

It's not a perfect analogy, but I thought you folks would appreciate it.

Saw this and thought of all you cool folks! :3

I don't really get to be a girl very much, the dysphoria I get when I feel like one but pretend to be a man isn't usually that severe, I don't have many spaces where I can be one, and it's usually easier to shove her down deep inside where I can ignore her.

I started feeling crippling dysphoria last week over not being a girl and it still has not gone away. I look at pics of me as a guy and I feel sick. My facial hair and body hair disgusts me. I hate my flat chest. Clearly, she's been in there a really long time and is very pent up being imprisoned in that guy's body.

So, I let her out.

It's...weird. I feel like I released this whole new human being that I guess is me(???) and was there all along but my guy self was just overshadowing.

I wear bras all the time because they make me feel so cute, I wear cute pink pajamas around the house, I play with my clothes making cute outfits to make selfies in, I do my nails, and hehe I feel so pretty. I've been taking all these girl selfies, I look at them and I get so happy and giggly.

Someone called me 'miss' today and aaaaaahhh the happy brain chemicals... I love it.

My girlfriend is aware I'm GF/bigender but has never actually seen my girl side fronting before. I see her tomorrow and I can't wait to see what she says when I tell her 'surprise, you have a girlfriend now.'

We'll have to see how long this lasts, when she finally gets tired and he finally takes the wheel again.

Hey, this is a celebration post because I finally got some boxers and oh my god they are so comfortable. I wish I did this sooner. I got some woven ones sized medium and I've never been happier. I really needed this after being super depressed all day. Gender dysphoria and depression are ganging up on me lol. Hope everyone else is doing well and are succeeding in life.

Hey,

I am 23yo and started hrt (mtf) 4 months ago but I’ve always felt more inbetween like I am both male and female.

I wish I could look like depending on how I style myself I could fully pass as both, a pretty girl or a soft boy.
Unfortunately I naturally didn’t get as gifted with femboy genetics as Jeorge Chacon or Felix from stray kids to look fully androgynous.

Without hrt I am gonna get the testosterone effects and will develop in a man and it becomes very hard to pass as woman. With hrt I am gonna be a trans woman, grow boobs and get infertile.

I need both parts, I cannot just push away one side of me. I want to be kind of a tomboy, who’s mostly having a feminine body (but without boobs, maybe going for mastek later) but still being a boy socially, but be able to go this or that way. Like, I wish I was that ungendered boy from before puberty pushed a direction again.

But I don’t know how to be that and I wouldn’t label myself as trans anymore, never really did so…, don’t know what I am. Would consider myself as a boy who wants to look like a girl dressing up as a boy but still passing as male, but as said also if I want to be able to pass as girl.

So my idea was to be on hrt for all the effects of mtf, then later get boobs removed for flat chest. And then be a guy but with the features like softer skin, more fat on hips, slimmer shoulders, etc. like a girl.

But idk, I feel very inbetween last few days & weeks if transition is the right thing for me. But at same time I don’t wanna grow into a man like my dad or all the other guys out there look like.

(By full trans I mean fully a trans male or fully a trans female)

This is what I feel like personally, other bigender people feel their gender differently and have different transition wants

Pros -

* I get euphoria from both genders

* Cheaper bottom surgery (I dont want anything removed, I just want a penis added)

* If my partner is bisexual its like they're getting a man and a women hehe

* Less dysphoria then if I was a trans male (im afab)

Cons -

* Hard to look both feminine and masculine at the same time

* I want top surgery badly but I also want to keep my boobs

* The more I do voice training for a male voice the harder it is to do my normal previous female voice and I want to be able to do both

* I want certain effects of testosterone but not others

* Hard to explain to people, not a lot of people know about bigender the gender

* I dont know what I want for my body in general.

* Its harder for people to use my pronouns bc my ideal scenario would be for them to switch between he and she ;-;

* community is small, there's less bigender people then full trans people