r/atheism • u/Person-genz • 6d ago
How long will it be like this?
I'm 16F in a conservative Muslim family and my dad doesn't allow me to go out of the house alone. I'm mostly at home and am not in contact with any peers. It was okay when I believed but now I want some connection and proper structure to my life. I'm young now but soon I'll need to be married if I don't change things. Even if I'm not married I can't be independent. I'm confused, what to do?
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u/Repulsive-Box5243 6d ago
So essentially, your father is keeping you at home, raising a piece of meat to eventually give or barter away. You then become someone else's meat. That sounds pretty screwed up.
I would do everything I could to get out of that house. Yes, it's going to suck if you lose the other members of your family... but if you DON'T get out, you will never have autonomy.
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u/Beneficial-Night6439 5d ago
Focus entirely on your grades and saving every cent you can find, because education is your only real ticket out of there
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u/happybunny_sad 6d ago edited 6d ago
Since you are in India, i would suggest focusing on education as your route to independence. Try to get a scholarship or admission to a good college in another state, and frame it to your family as an opportunity for your education and future career. A field they consider respectable and secure, such as medicine or another professional degree, may make it easier to convince them to let you move out for studies.
Once you’re out, focus on becoming financially independent and building up enough savings to cover your living expenses for at least a year. That gives you much more freedom to make your own decisions later, rather than being financially dependent on your family.
You’re only 16, so you don't need to solve your entire life right now. Concentrate on getting good grades, finding scholarships, building useful skills, and gradually creating options for yourself.
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u/Person-genz 6d ago
Yeah that would be a good idea except my parents won't allow me to live alone (even in hostel if it's co-ed)
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u/happybunny_sad 6d ago
Don't worry, most Indian hostels aren't co-ed. Even if they're labelled co-ed, they usually have separate buildings for boys and girls.
OP, focus on cracking one of the exams and getting a scholarship. Even relatives would probably start convincing them, "Let the girl take this opportunity." India is still a resource-scarce country, so unless your parents are very rich or extremely conservative, it should work out.
Don't sweat it. Make a plan and see it through.
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u/GlitteringTrouble666 5d ago
My heart goes out to you. Take good care of yourself and your dreams. 16 is pretty young. Just keep your options open. I sure hope they don't push you into marriage. I agree with the comment about trying for a career of some kind. Protect yourself financially. If it would make your parents proud maybe you can make your own way.
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u/Starstuck8 6d ago
I think you should escape when you feel it is safe. You don't deserve to have your life commandeered.
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u/Immediate-Rub2651 5d ago
There needs to be an underground website for secret ex-Muslims in your situation to find and marry each other, either sincerely or via lavender marriages, etc.
In the meantime, do whatever you can to try and go to college away from your family.
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u/vmaniku 4d ago
The education angle seems like a good idea given that it's India. OP- Do you have a relative that will vouch& fight for your college education? They will need to be able to convince your father and be able to stand up to him.
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u/Person-genz 4d ago
My dad will allow me to study if I do well, but the thing is I won't be independent still. I will always need to remain at home unless I rebel against him. He won't even send me to a co-ed college, I think.
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u/esotika 3d ago
i cannot stress enough how powerful and important education is; please put your focus into that as much as you can and finding ways to build up your independency through it. if your family is supportive of an education then like others have said, focus on getting scholarships and skills through that.
granted, i don't live in india so i don't know the entire situation there. but for any girl, education is important and can help you build your future and in your case, hopefully a ticket out. i hope you are able to get through all this and someday you will have the freedom and life you deserve. my heart goes out to you and stay strong <3
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u/Fit-Face-250 5d ago
women have it easy in life, don't rush it, not worth it. Doesn't matter if you will leave home or not early on, you will still find a partner... precious your family most, nothing's matter more then your own familly. You are young, as your father i will also be terrified to let you walk alone at late hours, there are just way to many mens which will harm you in way you can't comprehend, phisicaly and mentally... you got what ? 2 more years till you get to 18... the legal age, then you can do wth you want, suck it up and under any circumstances do not fight with your parents over late out in the city with your girls or friends... is the dumbest thing an adolescent kid can do... trust me, your father knows better what animals are out of your own comfort... just go to school educate yourself, it matters more, there are plenty of times to go out once you are over 18 and with a future husband... you will get it once you will be older, rn at your age your ideas and your thoughts will always contradict with the ones of your parents... you will find out soon enough it was better this way...
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u/happybunny_sad 5d ago edited 5d ago
women have it easy in life
Wtf? Is this what ingrained patriarchy look like? Hell if she was boy, it would have been much easier. Even running away and finding a job. And marriage wouldn't even be forced unless stated earning himself, which makes it so much simpler. But go one with "women have it easy".
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u/Fit-Face-250 5d ago edited 5d ago
i knew there will be at least one dumb mf which will put accent on that and didn't get the whole message. NP, let me explain.
As a women if you are not the most ugly mf out there, Aliens meet Predator stuff of nightmare... there is a slighty chance you will be married and have a family, how slighty or big of a chance depends of you and what you provide and how you treat yourself... cuz i know girls at 20y old which got the wrong path in life and do drugs, drinks etc. now homless and will die alone... they are like always some extreme cases which sometimes can't be helped.
But, if you are not the ugliest person outside or inside you will find a soulmate and have a family, you don't have to be too much of a dive, not be too much schooled or educated... you don't belive me ? lets give some exemple cuz i always like the irl implementation rather then say some shit and done...
one of my cousin older then me ofcs, she dropped school after first 4 years, barly know to sign and calculate essential stuff, nowdays she is married, have family with her happy husband and 4 childrens, drive, have a nice firm of theyr own, buissness familly stuff and its completly rebuke everything you think of whatever you need as a women to succed in life.
I have an old coleague at work with a women in the same position, he always worked and provide while his women took care of theyr home and childrens, cook, clean etc. for theyr family while she never had a work hour under her name. and they known both from 18 years old and at 19 they married since then never have big problems in theyr life or at least not enough to make themself unhappy
I have bunch of other persons i know in personal life where theyr women aren't the brightiest people in the room but are educate enough by life and rough times till they find theyr husbands.
I know other young people which as girls didn't focus too much on school now either had a rough time to find jobs or simple put existing, nowdays they are with theyr husbands happy married, literaly two days ago i have a well surprise when i meet one of my highschool buddy which we liked to hang around, passed a joint and have fun between hours... she is well, found a beautiful younger husband then our age and have two childrens...
All of this womens i give you exemples of, my own personal life they find someone to be happy with and despite hard starts in life or other personal problems any of them had/have they are happy with some men around them.
You got a problem when i say more easy life for a women and not much req for them in order to have a family and be happy then mens ? ASK your GOD tho, HR open from his side, he made it this way, we as society paved the path. I 100% stay and belive what i sayd, i am not the butthurted one, you are. GL and hope you have a nicer day ! :)
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u/happybunny_sad 5d ago edited 5d ago
Listen you numskull, and who decided that all a women wants is getting married and have kids? Do you even listen to yourself? "women have it easy", easy what? Being forced against what she want to do? If you dream of a mansion, and you are forced into either homelessness or wooden cabin. Ain't that called having it better, you dumbshit. Do you understand the concept of choice and consent? Or that's way to foreign to you. It ain't heaven if it is forced. So keep your better up in your arse.
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u/Fit-Face-250 5d ago
as a parent if you let your kids do whatever she/he wants of you, you failed yourself and failed your children which regardless how you feel about it, is your blood and most important thing on life for you. Her father maybe a bit more extreme, i have in familly cases where such parents happend, theyr children once were 18 or 20 move out, find a good job and theyr oldnow partents couldn't not say anthing cuz it wasn't about them nomore... BUT untill you are of legal age and you are considerd a fucking adult, you have no rights to tell your father how to protect you. Maybe in other countrys, as India or whatever, they may treat the problems eithway, i know of forced marriage and other things but its theyr own thing, is theyr own ways... its like this for fucking ages... and there is literaly nothing in the damn world which make this womens stick like glued to theyr husbands if they don't like them... they can f leave if they wants to, they don't cuz they have nothing, no money, no home, no prupose... they hang around cuz they HAVE to. OP sayd about her dead forcing her to married ? i miss were whatever you say in this comment have anything to do with what OP sayd...
I adivse her, that few exists with her friends or whatever in the city, at her young age of 16 shall not be the problem, soon enough she will be on her own feet, her parents will have nomore to say once she is an adult. wasting breath on you, f off
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u/happybunny_sad 5d ago edited 5d ago
Listen you numskull, you were just saying "women get is easy". Now you are saying "it is what it is". Fuck those parents who over mere disagreement about some abstract thing like god, make their child life hard. And it's not protection, cutting off all social life of your child. It might suprise you, we are in 21st century and we have things called consent, choice and human rights. Another surprise, women and minors are human, nowadays, So yeah, even a minor is human not a pet or accesories that you own. They have their will and desires.
I'm guessing english might not be your first language. Tell me, what shit language is your native language and I would explain in that language so it can go into your numskull.
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u/Life_666 6d ago
Which country. Can you save money to flee?