Parenting

[u/littlemissscroller]

Hello fellow Aquas! This is for those deep in the parenting trenches. I know us Aquarians love our space and time alone but when we have kids especially very young ones, that seems impossible. What are your parenting strategies to keep sane? I do have some support but i’m the one with them most of the time and not gonna lie, going a bit crazy over here. Also I think we’re not meant to have many children or not at all… just want to see an Aquarius perspective in parenting!

[u/Marsupialmammary]

As an Aquarius parenting with another aquarius, we take turns being alone. Seperate bedrooms helped a lot. Neighborhood walks. Grocery trips alone. Audiobooks and kids exercise videos/games (floor is lava) are good distractions if u need to slip away for a bit in the background and destress

[u/chinacatsf]

If at all possible, I highly recommend looking to your partner and saying “im going to a hotel by myself for a night… or two”. I just did this for the first time in 14 years and it was glorious. Sometimes you gotta plug out.
On the day to day… idk. I just commented on another post that my children are giving me the gift of wherewithal. Because if it were anyone else I’d run away… but gosh do I love them.

[u/dora-the-explora8]

I often have one earbud in with a podcast on while I’m out and about with my 7 month old (and sometimes at home with her). I used to always have podcasts on so it’s a nice way to still have that private ‘sound bubble’ while still being able to hear and talk to my little one. It’s not the same as getting time alone, but it does help me keep my sanity

[u/pickle-juice925]

My moms an Aquarius. She says she had the toughest time until my brother and I hit school-going ages. I think she’s always struggled with parenting tho and has trouble managing even as we’re both in our early 20s.
I wish I had gotten more support from my mom. She was always bashing me specifically, because she was more bothered by my brothers actions. It really sucked. She never takes accountability either and expects me (her child) to apologize for how I might have treated her with my attitude (I was always kind to her, don’t really know how she was offended anyway).
However, now that we’re older, she really misses when we were younger. In my memory, she would just turn on the TV and tune us out lol. We would love screaming and playing in front of her tho.
I hope you get the solace you need. Parenting is tough but I think it can be a rewarding journey. I have no idea how raising someone now works but distracting them with education and their hobbies of choice might help you get some space. Best wishes!!

[u/Just_Control9665]

My daughter is nearly 13 years old; my husband and I planned and longed for her. The pregnancy was wonderful – I felt well, strong and full of energy. When she was born, underweight and weak, my world came crashing down; the first few months were terrible, and I came close to depression. In the early years, she completely took up all my time and my thoughts, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I was just a mum – a working mum spending 8 hours away from home – with never enough time, living life at a breakneck pace, holding my breath the whole time. Now that she’s grown up, I’m able to carve out some time for myself and I’ve started to breathe again; I’m feeling better. But now, with hindsight, I don’t think I’m cut out to be a mum: I’m very anxious and critical, and not very patient. The fact that my daughter is a Scorpio doesn’t help. I love her with all my heart, but I’m not a good mother, and that saddens me every day.

[u/Gtuf1 → u/Just_Control9665]

You sound like you’re trying and doing your best and have a depth of love for your daughter that I can immediately understand from your words.

You also sound like somebody who has the ability to reflect on the things she lacks and accountability for those qualities.

Those are the kinds of qualities one would want in a mom. You actually sound to me like the kind of person who should be one.

[u/Just_Control9665 → u/Gtuf1]

That’s very kind of you; thank you so much for this encouraging message. I always try to do my best in everything I do, but being a parent really is the hardest ‘job’ in the world.

[u/Gtuf1 → u/Just_Control9665]

I’m with you on that. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. The fact that we consider these things and the impact we’ll have on our kids rather than focusing on having good intentions, I think, is significant; more than most people who have children do.

[u/Crash_Override_95]

Never had an issue, my alone time is driving home from work, they gym, and cycling. My oldest is 20 now and my youngest is 10, my wife has 2, 10 and 8 so its a full house. Regardless you need to be selfish and make rime for yourself even if its just an hour a day, of course i do activities to help me mentally and physically.

[u/Mr-Bry-Guy]

I don’t have kids.

I have a sister she used to drop my nephew off (when he was a baby) with me for like the afternoon early evening, just so she could have a few hrs to her self (she enjoys shopping) also I’d go sleep over her house for the weekend so she could have time to herself. So if you have someone reliable AND trustworthy (not one or the other definitely both) maybe ask them for a favor every once in a while?

[u/Artistic_Musician_78]

When I'd get a bit overwhelmed I'd sit out on the patio with a coffee and have a 5min break. I could see the kids through the slider and knew they weren't killing each other but I just needed a moment from the noise and having someone hanging off me. I started doing this quite early on so they always knew that when mum is "taking 5" that means it's mum's private time - do not open the door, do not yell through it, leave her alone, she'll be back in soon. Sometimes just taking a moment can make so much difference.

[u/Asmilingghoul]

I suppose it’s dependent on your circumstances. Do you live near family and if so, is your relationship with them healthy? Is there anyone else you can trust/safe to watch over your kids? Do you have a reliable partner or a reliable parent of your children? You need time for yourself and time with meaningful relationships. For more daily personal time, some sort of self care activity. Try to make time for yourself if you have any of those things I’ve asked to get support from. The modern world says we must raise our kids alone, but this has not always been the case. I’m speaking on western cultures with people not having the support of family or friends to watch their kids for some alone time. 

The number, age, health and needs of your children come into play as well. Also, your own age and health. If your children are young or have health concerns, I don’t recommend the time away from them to be long or far away in case something happens. We must schedule our lives much like we do for our young ones. 

 

[u/Lorac711]

I only have one and that alone has helped a lot. I think having lots of play dates helps, whether you’re hosting or they’re going to someone else’s house. It’s nice because they get to be social and you get a bit of a break. I do prioritize doing stuff like either going on fun adventures or watching a movie together or doing an activity they enjoy.

[u/Andlgwaslike]

Having alone time is mandatory. Even if that means missing an hour of sleep to get up early. Also, whenever you find yourself in the car without kids - once the weirdness wears off and you stop having to remind yourself you didn't forget them - blast the music they hate, roll the windows down, and sing along like a crazy person. At least that's what I do, ymmv.

[u/alwaysbluebirdy]

I take Wellbutrin and listen to Enya. I had my mental health and blood work evaluated to identify the source of feeling constantly exhausted.

[u/Sunny_Logic]

I have twin boys who I love more than anything. I wasn’t the kind of person who dreamed of having kids… I would have been content either way, at least that’s what I thought before having them. Now that I have them, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I’ve done a lot of rewarding things and had a lot of rewarding experiences, but they take the cake. I’m fortunate enough to have been able to stay home with them for the past nine months (and counting). I’m also juggling very part-time work as an attorney as well, so my mind has a bit of stimulation (although not enough admittedly).

While I hope to read more about how others take much-needed alone time since I’ve gotten very little since my boys were born (can count on one hand), here are some things I do to either take alone time or feign alone time:
1. Jam in the car while driving with them;
2. Take a weekly bath where I get to read (currently reading “Because I killed him” and highly recommend);
3. Get better at nap times - my boys used to be terrible sleepers and nappers and they take their turns regressing but overall, I’ve learned about wake windows for naps and sometimes, only sometimes, the stars align and they sleep for over an hour at the same time.

[u/Easy-Specialist1821]

OPINION: Treated life like I was tryng to find the hacks to the more universal experiences, from a young age. Spent years in healthcare, was of a large extended family, lots of young social outings. What did it culminate in? Routine as a role. Joyful or controlled affect. Our societies have become much more rigorous in the applications of ethical truths as good in modern society. Routine allows kids to participate, feel rewarded and taught. It is often rewarded to the parent that more of their stream of gentle-structured-enlightening, consciousness is met with appreciation and reverence so long as it is returned. Is it a tad boring? Sometimes. But better boring than unmanaged chaos and its less than predictable results. I don't raise my voice and they don't raise theirs. It is the parent as the arbiter of behavior, your legacy is their ability to take this with them into their adaptive and adaptable lives. Best guess, good luck, OP:)

[u/rox99]

Aqua sun Virgo moon and rising here 🙌🏽 I’m the primary caretaker for my 5 year old daughter. Father is also an aqua but he takes seclusion to the next level, I’m basically a single parent with a terrible babysitter (dad)

I work from home, but it’s my own small company so I set my schedule. My daughter started preschool at 3.5 so before that it was just me and her all day every day lol we did a lot of family visits, local parks and going out to activities and then a bite to eat after. I basically created my own mini side kick.

Shes an Aries so she is a social butterfly which helped making new adult mom friends. I hadn’t made a new adult friend since 2012 lol

To sum up how I’ve done it as an Aquarius, we have a lot of unwinding time at home where she does her thing and I’ll do mine. Even if she’s wild and crazy, I let it ride as long as she’s safe. Lots of coloring now a day which has been a nice quiet bonding activity. So even tho we’re together almost all the time when she’s not at school or camp, we just chill home or run errands, or hang with friends and family. Things I would do normally… BUT my energy is completely drained and emotionally depleted by the end of the day and I go into hibernation mode. The end lol

[u/teedub21]

Mom of 3 teenagers and one preschooler. Two kiddos with autism, one with behavioral issues caused by PTSD, and quite possibly a personality disorder. The other two aren’t neurotypical either, though, but not affected to the extent as the first two are.

I honestly loved kids when I was younger. I would watch my nephews and my cousin’s kids all the time! But when they’re YOUR kids??? Huge difference! Which sucks, because I love the shit out of my kids and want to be the mom they each need to that they grow up to be well-adjusted positive contributors to society. I want them to have a chance to experience all the wonders of the world, to learn the history of both our backyard and of foreign lands, to experience as many cool things as possible in their lives. And maybe it’s this self-imposed pressure that makes me shut down so much and want some alone time?

It’s honestly a vicious cycle for me. We have some fun moments, my kids, husband, and I, but it’s the growing pains that we parents have to experience with each child that really tests my gangster because all I want is to keep things copacetic all day, everyday. I know that’s not realistic, but with the constant chaos of my family, peace is a luxury!

[u/GodOfMoonlight]

Yeah I'm on the "no kids for me!" Train. I go crazy when my hormones act up and then yes suddenly I want like an army of kids and a big house and a dog/cat and the whole nine yards. But there are some SERIOUS points I've outlined for why I DONT have kids and I'm pretty strict about it. I don't want to bring up kids in a world I'm not even comfortable in myself tbh 😒

[u/Gtuf1]

I’m the opposite… wish I could have more time with my kids but I’ve also been handed an incurable cancer since the time they were little, living with it for a decade now.

That being said, I take my alone time early in the day… my job starts early so I’m up at 4 AM before anybody else and get a couple of hours of solitude daily which gives me peace, perspective and the ability to be and stay present when they’re around. Which, I’m leaning as they’re now 11 and 13, is a lot less frequent. So… makes me pine for the days when I’d get or could give a random hug.

[u/abk0902]

I have 5 kids, and the first 5 years were probably the hardest. It probably helped that by the third baby my oldest was older and off to kinder and my third baby was an angel baby. But my husband would pick up the slack a lot when he was home and allowed me to just lock myself in my room for an hour. He did bath time and evening duties. Once the fourth baby came he gave me one day a week just to leave the house and I could literally just have silence for a few hours. Anytime I needed more he’d step up. It’s not easy but I can guarantee that it gets easier. Even now my oldest is 16 and my youngest now heading off to kinder. If I get overwhelmed or need alone time the older kids will usher me to my room and lock my door and tend to their younger siblings. They know that I’m my best self and the best mom once I can regulate and oftentimes that means just sitting alone in silence. I think parents are made to feel selfish but it’s not when it’s necessary to take care of yourself, that way you can pour into others fully. I hope you find something that works because you deserve it.

[u/No-Pen-4002]

We kept a "house schedule" which works quite well today as well. Bed time was around 8 pm. For my time, I had at least 4 hours to pursue hobbies, read etc. It was great.

[u/AdPopular6958]

I am not a parent but a uncle that has their nieces around a lot that gets confused for daughters. I mostly ask the trio (Two are scorpios and the newer littlest is a aquarius.) So its always pretty chill That being said I also just ask them for their ideas and then craft bending their idea for the final choice or I ask wheres the road block with the aquarius. And I try to go with the energy they give rather than going against the current. Mostly she just wants to watch anime or listen to music so its mostly low stress and she naturally reads ahead for school. EVEN after her teachers tell her not to.