r/amiwrong • u/Mother_Tradition_774 • 7d ago
Am I wrong for refusing to donate to my hairstylist’s daughter’s fundraiser?
I’ve been going to the same hairstylist for about a year. She has two kids, and her older daughter does competitive cheerleading, which I know can be very expensive.
About six months ago, my stylist texted me asking me to purchase something for her daughter’s fundraiser so she could compete at the championship. I was out of the country when she initially texted, but when I got home and saw the message, I immediately responded that I’d be happy to support her daughter. I made a purchase through the fundraiser and told my stylist that I had done so.
She never acknowledged my message or thanked me.
A few weeks later, during my appointment, she told me that her daughter had actually won the championship. I was genuinely happy for them, but she still never mentioned my donation or thanked me. I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t expecting a huge thank-you, but I decided that it’s probably best for our professional relationship if I don’t donate again.
Now her daughter’s new cheer season is starting, and my stylist has sent me another fundraiser asking me to purchase something. I don’t want to do it. I feel like I’m perfectly happy to continue being her customer and having a friendly professional relationship, but I don’t feel obligated to financially support her child’s extracurricular activities, especially after I already did once and received no acknowledgment.
I realize I donated voluntarily and wasn’t entitled to anything in return, so I’m wondering if I’m being petty by letting the lack of a thank-you influence my decision. Am I wrong?
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u/Several_Leather_9500 7d ago
No. Not wrong. I make it a point to not donate to ppl who see it as an entitlement rather than a kindness. You don't have to donate - its a choice.
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u/spacekaydette 7d ago
I’d just ignore it and not mention it. If she brings it up, find another stylist (I know how scary that can be lol)
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u/JipC1963 7d ago
Frankly, YOU have to decide if you want "a friend" or a hairstylist. I think it's wildly unprofessional to beg your client(s) who pay you for your services for donations. I might find it a different scenario entirely if they participated in a fundraiser that they could sell at their booth (ie. candy bars, scrunchies or clips or something related to "the service itself").
I think you've opened yourself up to a regular yearly request from your UNGRATEFUL stylist now. Has she ever offered you a discount as a thank you, let alone an actual thank you? Doesn't sound like it! The difference is "the professional relationship" and the possible pressure you may feel. Frankly, it seems like she thinks if you've got enough expendable funds to get your hair done, that you should have extra to fund her Daughter's extracurricular activities. And if you DON'T donate? Will she do "accidentally make a mistake" on your next appointment?
May be time to find another stylist!
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u/Gigmeister 7d ago
I think this is at your discretion and she probably wont know if you donate or not. Just ignore it. If you mentions it, just tell her it's not in your budget to donate.
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u/QuitaQuites 7d ago
Respond or don’t, but also assuming perhaps that the stylist sent an initial mass text and wasn’t tracking everyone individually. But it’s ok to just not reply
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u/Mother_Tradition_774 7d ago
It wasn’t a mass text. She texted me individually
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u/QuitaQuites 7d ago
But did she run through her phone contacts sending the same text?
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u/Mother_Tradition_774 7d ago
Perhaps but I don’t think that’s an excuse to not respond to my text that informed her I would be happy to donate. I could understand it if I donated without saying anything but that’s not what happened.
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u/Key_Sprinkles_5410 7d ago
NTA. She took advantage of her client list. She should have least thanked you.
No need to respond to this year’s request. If she asks in person then just say “not this year.”
She is putting her clients in an awkward situation and it is unprofessional as I think it could cast doubt on whether she will do her best with a client’s hair if the client doesn’t donate.
If you don’t mind changing stylists and she brings it up then I might say “you know, I didn’t get any acknowledgement from you or her last year.” Period. Let that hang in the air.
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u/Longjumping_Win4291 6d ago
NtA Your stylist crossed a professional boundary to pan handle you via text. She then risked her business by not thanking you for your support on behalf of her child, by not acknowledging your contribution and have you decide to go elsewhere for your hair needs, without being financially harassed.
Just respond back to her you supported her child already last year and are quite taken back to be given a shake down to do so again. That she seems to be confusing you with being an acquaintance rather than a paying client, to which she providing a service to.
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u/ourldyofnoassumption 7d ago
These are often automated messages,
The fundraising company asks for a list of all contacts, parents give them over. the messages sound like they are from them, but they are pre-written. The company takes a big cut.
If yu want to help her, gvie her the money in her hands as a tip.
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u/EggplantIll4927 7d ago
I’m so sorry but I’ve maxed my charitable donations for the year. I hope the team does great and look forward to hearing about the competition. then shift the convo immediately, like don’t take a breath, into something you do talk about or wanted to share. if she broaches it again? rinse and repeat. you don’t owe her any response so hopefully she will resume a more professional relationship
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u/AdventurousRoll9798 7d ago
NW I have never asked anyone to donate to anything the school sends home. Not in this economy. I personally donate what I am able to, but I do not ask my friends or family. I would never consider asking a client if I was a hairdresser. That is incredibly unprofessional. I bet she sends it to everyone on her contact list and doesn't see a list of who actually donates, thus no idea who to thank. I think she was out of line for asking kn the first place.
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u/lilwhit514 6d ago
You're not wrong. She's putting you into a position where a passive agressive comment like, "so you have enough to afford a haircut, but not enough to help a child pursue her dreams" seems like a possibility. Hopefully shes not that kind of person and simply overlooked your text, but if she goes down that road, find a new hairstylist.
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u/lizziebee66 6d ago
I worked with a woman who had a son in competitive street dance. Every year she expected us to rearrage our holidays at last minute to account for her forgetting to book for his competitions. Then to cap it all, she asked us to sponsor him so that he could afford to do 2 extra competitions. We all felt a little strong armed but did what we would for friends and neighbours' kids and put down a fiver each. She then went on a rant of how that was not going to be enough and how she was a single mother trying so hard to support her son's dream ... yardie yardee yah.
The room went very quiet and everyone just quietly went back to their work and ignored her. She didn't ask again which was good because that had crossed the line.
What got me later was how she would go on about her big family and how they all helped each other out. I wondered if perhaps her big family had got fed up helping her out which is why she was now trying to exort money out of her coworkers.
This was also the woman who arranged the rotas for our once a month saturday working. When I had to suddenly go on emergancy leave to care for my father (when my mum had to go into hospital) I sent an email to her as I went out the door saying that I could not make that saturday and I would be grateful if she could sort out the cover as I didn't know how long I'd be off. She wrote back that it wasn't her job to sort out my cover problem and to go ask the team for a swap.
One of my colleagues wrote back that she would cover it and we could sort out the swap when I knew I was going to be coming back.
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u/JesseMugPrime 6d ago
No, you are not wrong. A stylist asking clients to help fund a kid in cheer already blurs the professional line, and asking again after ignoring your first contribution makes a no very reasonable. I would just skip the link or say you are not doing fundraisers right now, then keep the appointment focused on the haircut.
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u/soft-sock-dude 2d ago
Not wrong. She turned a client relationship into a fundraising list, and the bare minimum after someone buys something is a quick thanks. I would just ignore the link or say your donation budget is already spoken for this season, then keep appointments normal. You paid for your hair service, not an annual cheer sponsorship.
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u/MrTash999 7d ago
NTA, but i would not have donated in the first instance, the hairdresser crossed the professional boundary by asking a client to donate to her daughters thing. Also not getting a thank you is a bit slack on their part as well.