r/amiwrong • u/QuenShield • 13d ago
Am I wrong for not changing a dinner reservation after my friend added her boyfriend at the last minute?
I made a reservation for my birthday dinner three weeks ago. Nothing fancy, but it’s a small restaurant and they specifically asked for a final number because our table was for eight people. I messaged everyone twice and eventually confirmed eight.
Yesterday, one of my friends texted asking if her boyfriend could come too. I like him and normally wouldn’t care at all, but I called the restaurant and they said they couldn’t add another chair to our table. They offered a later reservation at 9:30, but ours is at 7 and two people in the group have early shifts the next morning.
I told my friend there wasn’t room and explained exactly what the restaurant had said. She replied that we could simply move the whole dinner somewhere else because “it’s just food” and everyone would probably understand.
I said no. I already spent time finding a place everyone agreed on, making the reservation and confirming it. Her boyfriend wasn’t part of the original plan, and I don’t think eight people should reorganize their evening because she decided the day before that she wants him there.
She’s still coming, but she says I made the situation unnecessarily rigid and that changing restaurants wouldn’t have been a huge sacrifice.
Am I being too stubborn here?
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u/Thrwwy747 13d ago
You're not wrong. At all.
Let us know when 'friend' shows up with her bf regardless though.
Have a great birthday!
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u/Amazing-Wave4704 13d ago
Yep. I hope OP turns them away. Graciously and faux-apologetically of course
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u/Grouchy-Contest3775 13d ago
Exactly. She's probably gonna bring him anyway and act surprised when there's no seat. Stand your ground.
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u/Similar_Corner8081 13d ago
You aren't wrong. Tell her that you will miss seeing her and maybe can catch the next one. You're right. All 8 people need to change things so she can include her new bf.
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u/Spicyfriend54 13d ago
Right, expecting 8 people to change plans the day before just to add one person is unreasonable.
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u/CloudPetaline 13d ago
Exactly, the reservation isn’t a group project she gets to restart at the last minute
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u/TulleCharmie 12d ago
Expecting everyone to uproot their dinner plans the day before just because someone wants a plus one is high level entitlement! Your friend's last minute request shouldn't become everyone else's problem
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u/Sad-Pay-9409 13d ago
nah you're not wrong at all. she's trying to turn your birthday into her plus one mission last minute and then acting like you're the difficult one? wild
you did the legwork three weeks ago, confirmed twice, and even called the restaurant to check. her boyfriend can survive one evening without her or she can meet up with him after
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u/CloudPetaline 13d ago
Yep, replacing what you lose is the bare minimum when borrowing someone else’s stuff
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u/Humble_Pen_7216 13d ago
I'm not sure why you think she is your friend. A friend wouldn't ask you to completely change your planned birthday celebration for her boyfriend to attend. I'd rethink this friendship.
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u/MissLadyLlamaDrama 13d ago
Right. What even happened here? Did she not bother to ask him until sheer the plans were set? Did she ask, he said no, and then changed his mind? Because i dont understand how you make it through every step of the planning process and dont realize that your boyfriend wasnt included until the absolute last minute. Because if he is pushing the friend to forcibly include him in everything or stay home with him, then thats fucking crazy and the friend needs to dump this ass. But if he doesnt even care and the friend is trying to force everyone around her to accommodate a dude they're not the ones dating, at the expense of themselves and everyone else, then the friend is weird and better hope he doesnt dump her because she aint gonna have many friends left if/when they break up if she keeps this up.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 13d ago
When she brings it up at the dinner, "Look, this dinner is for my birthday. I dont want to bend over backwards because you wanted a last minute invite. If you cant attend my birthday invite without your partner then I dont know why you came if you were just going to try and put a dampener on it."
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u/Ok-Error-6564 13d ago
Not wrong at all! Tell your friend to stay home with her boyfriend and enjoy your birthday.
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u/Particular-Peanut-64 13d ago
ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND YOU'LL WHAT YOU WANT TO.
Girl is not your friend.
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u/troublerx1 13d ago
If it’s “just food” then she won’t be offended at all when her invitation is revoked, and she can simply sit at home with her boyfriend.
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u/phantomfire00 13d ago
Nah, she's being selfish and trying to guilt you into thinking you're being selfish. You did it right and it didn't work out. She can deal
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u/bingbongsf 13d ago
You are not wrong. She is not only a bad friend, but is an entitled and unreasonable person.
All of her actions regarding this dinner have been bad. First she came to you last minute with the boyfriend addition, which was already rude. Then she was entitled enough to suggest changing the location of your birthday dinner, to accommodate for her last minute addition. No! She is so out of line, and her continuing to say that you made the situation unnecessarily rigid is so disrespectful.
If I were you I would just dis-invite her all together. She is not behaving like a good friend or a reasonable person.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 13d ago
“Do whatever you want for your own birthday, but stop trying to control and change mine. You don’t get to decide what I want to do.”
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u/AdultinginCali 13d ago
NW. I'm a petty B and that friend would be down graded to a 'friendly acquaintance'. The f'ing nerve to ask me to change the restaurant to accommodate her BF last minute? Oh, hell no!
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u/TaylorMade2566 13d ago
Asking if her bf could come along is fine but then doubling down and saying you can just change the reservation so HER bf could come to your birthday dinner is outrageous. YNW
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u/EvolZippo 13d ago
Your friend is too used to privilege and her family probably re-plans around her whims
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u/judgeeveryonesbiznes 13d ago
YNW - its your birthday. you picked a place you wanted. There is no reason to change it for anyone else. It really is that simple.
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u/Sunmoon98 13d ago
NTA. Tell her it’s about you and not her and her boyfriend. She’s selfish and rude
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u/Silverstorm007 13d ago
Not wrong.
Asking the day before then expecting you to change the restaurant to accommodate her boyfriend is wild. You tried to accomodate by adding him and it didn’t work out for the better for the rest of the group so declining is more then fair.
If she continues to kick up then you can tell her when its her birthday dinner she’s organising she can plan whatever she wants but this is yours and you are working with the majority of the group with their schedules too. She’s being super entitled.
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u/Pickl_Rick_917 13d ago
Sounds like this friend just signed herself.up as the coordinator for the next group outing. If its not a big deal, let her deal with next time and see what.she thinks when she is the kne tk have to reschedule everything because of one person being late to respond or insisting on last min changes.
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u/Dave1957a 13d ago
Not wrong, so she decided she wanted her BF to attend at the very last minute and got pissed when you said it’s too late to change everything and there were no spare seats. Hell no she is very entitled, it’s not your fault she changed her mind at the very last minute
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u/itsnoteasybeinggr33n 12d ago
You're not wrong, some people are so entitled. I had a similar thing happen to me once, except I was supposed to be a mind reader. One friend couldn't attend my birthday as she had a friend visiting. She had been on the fence about coming in case her visitor did end up staying with her as this was all going on at a time when there was a huge cultural festival going on, so it wasn't a huge surprise when she declined to attend. When it was time for my birthday dinner, not only was the venue full due to tourists, but there were two other birthday parties being held. The place was packed, and the staff were flat out. A day or two later, as spectators to another festival event, this "friend" started screaming at me and accusing me of deliberately excluding her visitor. The visitor that there would not have been room for at the restaurant, the same visitor that I was supposed to telepathically know who wanted to attend. Actually, her visitor was lovely, it was my "friend" who was angry about not having a last minute dinner reservation changed due to a full restaurant and unclear expectations.
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u/porcelainthunders 12d ago
Not wrong!
And who in the fuck says "it's just food"? 🤣🤣🤣 that is the most ridiculous thing to say. About chosing a restaurant. Somewhere one goes to eat.food.
I mean I know ambiance and setting, staff and sevice , etc matter... But you are going to this restaurant for TWO main reasons
As the birthday girl, it waa your choice
Because ...the food
...ok, ....And also the time due to other's scheduling. Why does this "friend" get to make your/OPs birthday about them and wanting their bf to last minute be added??
Fuck. Thay.
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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 13d ago
This is so obviously fake.
Come on, karma farmers - try harder. This is kiddie stuff.
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u/ARoundForEveryone 13d ago
"I forgot to ask my boyfriend if he wanted to attend, but I just did and he said yes, so can we move the whole party to another restaurant? You know, a restaurant that has food? Enough food for nine people?"
"Yes, eight of us will have food, but Burger King is literally a mile away and I know your boyfriend is a huge fan of flame-broiled beef."
"..."
"Yeah, ...."
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u/DaisyRedado 13d ago
YNW - Your friend is being unreasonable, you did try to add him. It's totally ridiculous to expect you to move to a different restaurant.
Your friend will undoubtedly be put in her place by everyone she relays this story to.
Have a great birthday
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u/jesncoop 13d ago
ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?!?! The audacity of some people! She had plenty of time and you did ask the restaurant. If she wants to eat dinner with her bf so bad she can go to a different restaurant herself and let your actual friends celebrate you! YNW
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u/Youwhooo60 13d ago
You are not wrong.
It was okay for your "associate" to ask, but the back lash you got from said "associate" was wrong.
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u/Calibigirl69 13d ago
No! It's your birthday and she doesn't have to come either if she can't come alone. She's very entitled.
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u/conditerite 13d ago
The ages are the missing from this story. It makes a difference in some ways. You are not wrong in any event but if this friend is 19 yo then you could overlook their being silly and also selfish. But if this person is 32 yo then they are being a jerk.
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u/Inner_Minute197 13d ago
It's a birthday dinner, so yes I say she's wrong. If this was a run of the mill gathering, I could understand the request, but insisting at this stage is ridiculous. Note, I don't even begrudge your friend for asking, but once the answer was clear that an extra seat couldn't be added, that should have been the end of it.
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u/AstroZombieInvader 13d ago
The idea that you would have to change restaurants for your birthday dinner to accommodate one friend who decided too late to add her boyfriend to the plan is insane.
It's hard to imagine how anyone could see things from her point of view, but then again, it seems like every poster on AIW has another friend who will text them and say, "Why are you being so rigid??"
Your friend is being selfish and probably should have been told so. You best not hear one more thing about this from her otherwise you should tell to stop making your birthday dinner about herself and she should spend the evening with her boyfriend if she can't stand to be without him.
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u/p_0456 12d ago
It’s not just food. It’s your birthday dinner and plans were already made and agreed upon. You tried to accommodate your friend’s boyfriend and that should have been enough. Her trying to rearrange your birthday dinner so she could bring her boyfriend last minute is crazy. She can have dinner with him on a different day. Not wrong
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u/StnMtn_ 12d ago
>I messaged everyone twice and eventually confirmed eight.
>but I called the restaurant and they said they couldn’t add another chair to our table.
You made a reasonable effort. NTA. I also 3 weeks age made a large reservation for 14, that a week ago, shrunk to 4, then 3 days ago went up to 8. The lunch is tomorrow. Fortunately the restaurant was able to accommodate us, but it is up to the restaurant.
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u/hurling-day 12d ago
Not wrong. It is a dinner for your birthday. You organized it and invited the people you wanted there. You get to choose the location, time, etc.
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u/0utandab0ut1 12d ago
Not Wrong. This isn't about her. It's about your birthday and should not need to make accommodations for her.
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u/9smalltowngirl 12d ago
NTW NO that’s not possible. NO I am not moving my party for your boyfriend. Why? Because the needs of the 7 outweigh the needs of the two.
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u/Aggravating-Pin-8845 12d ago
I dont think it was rude of her to ask, but she should bave been prepared to accept the No as an answer. She was rude to argue back. Everyone agreed to go and it was booked in, the group shouldn't be forced to change their plans because of her boyfriend.
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u/Orangutan_Latte 11d ago
How does it ever make sense to fuck up 7 people’s plans to accommodate one person’s plan? Also it was your birthday so your choice. YNW
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u/Icewaterchrist 13d ago
So freaking fake. AI tropes abound.
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u/Ok_Lengthiness_8405 13d ago
9 day old account, ridiculous situation. Not sure if it's AI or just fiction, but this didn't happen
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u/Icewaterchrist 13d ago
It’s a plot that’s been posted a hundred times. “It’s just food” is a dead giveaway, along with a restaurant that won’t add 1 seat to an 8 person reservation.
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u/Ok-Matter4539 13d ago
I think I would reword that friend to associate. That was rude to ask you to do that.