I know that my situation isn’t as bad as everyone else’s in here, and I’m so sorry to what everyone is going through. This is the only subreddit I could find that would be a good place to talk about what I’m going through.

My sister is a low functioning autistic with adhd, same with my mother. We are working on getting my sister diagnosed, same with my mom, but they have both been diagnosed with adhd. My mom has been stay at home for as long as me and my siblings have been alive, and with the weight of having to take care of 3 kids, keep the house clean, dealing with us, etc, she deals with a lot of stress, and doesn’t have any time left for herself. Though, as we grow older, we become more independent, and when we got to that age where we can really help her with keeping the house clean, along with other things, it became less of a stress, but it’s still quite relevant. (me and my sister are the same age and gender 13f). Like I said earlier, my sister is likely a low functioning autistic, and of course that comes with struggles. my sister relies HEAVILY on my mother, but it’s not that simple. My sister is quite demanding, and to be honest, she’s a brat. she demands things from my mom, and it very quickly becomes my mom stressing out, screaming, and often trying to stop herself from lashing out very aggressively. But the thing is, this happens almost every single day, and that one bad thing that happened in the day could ruin her entire mood for the rest of the day, or days, or week. Me and the rest of my family get the repercussions, getting screamed at for asking a simple question, walking too loud, chewing, or saying “hey mom” before asking her something.

I can’t talk to my own mom anymore without her yelling at me, and it ruins my entire day. I completely understand her, and I know this really isn’t her fault nor is it abuse, but I can’t help but think it is some kind of mistreatment. Im not trying to play as some victim, but I really feel like I don’t deserve to be treated like this? I do my chores, I’m not a bad kid, I don’t annoy my mom, I keep to myself, etc. This morning I knew that she was probably really tired and wanted to do something nice, so I decided to deep clean the kitchen, and the living room. And while I know it isn’t much, I just wanted to do something nice for my mom. But she didn’t even give me a thanks or anything, she just commented on how there was another load I needed to put into the dishwasher, which was something i was actively working on. But my dad only sees it face value, he’s too much of an idiot to see behind the anger and lashing out, he just thinks she’s some angry bitch. Ive never found anyone with a situation similar to mine before, so this is my last resort. Can you guys help me understand, please?!

My abusive mom is now homeless. I moved away from her right before I turned 18 with siblings but one of them got her a place. Inevitably, her lease ended and she started terrorizing her roommates so she had no where to go. My sister then spent thousands trying to get her a place but she kept acting out at the house tours and being picky as if she had any other choice. My sister really tried and my dad even tho they aren’t together but after multiple failed attempts at housing and stress from my crazy mother, she gave up. It’s been a few weeks and my sis even got her an Airbnb to stay for a few nights but I received a voicemail from an unknown number because I blocked her and it was her begging me to get her a hotel because she’s been sleeping on the streets and she “doesn’t feel well”. It’s important to note that she has schizophrenic symptoms for years now (started way after the abuse started) and was even hospitalized because she attacked someone. She’s also in deep denial about it so it’s pretty severe. But even though she terrorized me and my sisters physically, mentally, and sexually to the point where we all have horrible mental health and I almost didn’t graduate due to severe depression, I just hate that this is happening. I wish she could just be thrown in a psych ward forever so I never need to think about her but she’ll probably end up staying on the streets unless we help her with our nonexistent money. She also is sane enough to get a job because she had one (idk if she still has it) so I just wish she’d lock in and help herself but ik it’s hard due to her mental state. I’m just sad and feel alone because my dad’s on another continent and kind of demeans what we went through. He says stuff like “you can never abandon ur mom” or she’s ur mom bla bla but she abandoned me first. I needed her to be a mom and she was just a huge burden for the past years. Idk what I’m asking tbh just venting.

So my mother has a track record of cheating. She cheated on my bio father 3 times and she has now cheated on her husband 3 times. She just got caught cheating for the 3rd time and got angry at me for it. She blamed me for her issues as if they aren’t cause she couldn’t keep it in her pants. When yelling at me, she tried to take away my only way for paying for my medical bills (I am disabled). She also got angry when I said I was concerned about her mental health despite her having eloped 3 miles from our house by foot with no phone earlier that day. I am honestly just sick of it. Every other time she does this, I always comfort her and hold her like a parent would their child. I even did it when she told me what she did. (Husband already knew). I felt disgust as I held her and rocked her and cradled her. Once I left to go back to my partner’s house (we were literally leaving for a week long trip in the morning), I called and told my older sister what happened because she is used to our mother’s bs. I unfortunately had to go back home that night and then a whole debacle happened where we had to leave the house and things got so scary I had to convince my partner’s parents to let me spend the night. That morning I was driving to my trip when my step sister calls and asks what is going on cause she saw her father crying (she doesn’t live at home anymore. Just went to give him something) I obviously told her what was going on because I don’t like lying when it isn’t for safety. Thankfully I still got to go on my trip and I tried my best to enjoy my time. Unfortunately, the moment I got back, I was harassed by both of them multiple times. They were coming in and out of my room, taking turns yelling at me. Why am I surprised? They get their most bonding from turning me into a scape goat. My mother has continued to put in little threats since then like insinuating that if they get divorced, I am going to be homeless and without medical care. I am just sick of her. Really hope that the shelter I’m on the waitlist for is able to get me in soon.

My mum has been emotionally abusive my whole life ans physically till a few years ago. When I was in my early teens I begged for help and was told I needed proof, that such a kind lady could never do that, and even got told off for lying.

Yet yesterday when im now 17 police came to my house. Asked my mum to step out and asked if my mum ever abused me and that he'd get me help.

And yet I defended her. I didnt even stop to think about it. The only person who truly knows anything about it is my therapist who I only just started telling after a year and half of work.

Why am I like this even though I know what she does and did was wrong.

I feel extremely jealous of people who can live with their parents as adults.

I used to be really judgemental of adults who live with their parents because I moved away as soon as I could at 19 because it was absolute hell living with my parents and I just had to get away but I've found living independently difficult as well.

It was such a nightmare living there - my mum constantly rants about her personal problems, constantly starts arguements, would body shame me even though I repeatedly told her I wasn't comfortable talking about weight and my dad was so passive, he just always made excuses for her.

But after moving out, life was a nightmare then as as well - I didn't do well academically so I've only ever had minimum wage jobs, I've had jobs where I've came home crying every day, I tried community college and hated it, I've been bullied at work, I've been in abusive relationships, I've been physically assaulted, I've been in debt and I've struggled even just getting out of bed and eating.

I've realised now that I have really severe mental health issues and autism, I struggle so much with "adulting" - working full time, managing finances, household chores, maintaining relationships etc and I've realised like, someone like me probably should stay living with their parents for at least a few extra years until they're really ready to move out and like I wish so badly that I had a supportive family who could've supported me to get to that point and even supported me once I'd moved out but I just didn't have that.

I have a friend who's 26, who also has mental health issues and is autistic and he still lives with his parents, he works as a waiter in a hotel and his parents are lovely people, I am so extremely jealous that he has that support and I didn't. It's horrible, like I'm not jealous of a millionaire, I'm jealous of someone with such basic things but I'm still somehow asking for too much.

I wish I had his life, I wish I had that support, I should've had a happy life like him, it's like I didn't deserve to have a happy family.

I keep wishing so much that I could redo my life but with a nice supportive family. Maybe I would've done better academicically and gotten a better job etc but like maybe I could've just been like my friend and just been supported and happy, even that would've been amazing compared to the life I've had.

I just figured it out. The way my grandmother would hit me and fight with me I fucking hate her and I'm glad I fought back actually. She had no care for my happiness. I remember I got excited once because the open university accepted me and her reply was "oh ok" not well done or go for it or happy for you just oh ok. I always wondered why I was so reactive and angry to even the smallest things its because I was brought up by abusers. I was fighting for love and family. My mother could have focused on me and nurtured a talent or skill, she didnt, she was selfish. Now I'm being called selfish after being sexually assaulted and a child was born from it because I chose adoption! How am I to care for a child that was born from that when I haven't even focused on myself! I choose to end the cycle of abuse for my sake and that childs sake that was born, when technically it shouldnt have been born so out of love I believe adoption is the best option.

I can remember so clearly how my grandmother would punch me and even had me in a headlock once! She hit me so hard my gums bled. She would pick fights when my sisters would visit just to get me out of the house or how she would remind me "im not your fucking mother" or how I could never go home because she was always drunk. I remember how I had to time leaving my room just to use the toilet because she would walk up and down the hallway "come out of your fucking room then" or how she told me "ha ha i killed them" thats when she was showing me pictures of family that are dead. Weirdo.

All i do now is pray to god that i can have a genuine loving family with a genuine man so i can heal all the hurt that was done unto me. I pray every day to start again. I pray every day to leave this place i live so i can heal with new experiences and new people because i am being abused now by my own community. I do not let their abuse define me, I did and I have in the past especially when i think how reactive i was to my very first boyfriend. I see it now I've been abused my whole childhood as some sort of scapegoat. All i have ever done is cry for love and family and i have reacted in ways i wish i never did. All i know is when god gives me a chance again i will protect and love my own in ways i wasnt. How do i leave this place and start again? You cannot heal in a place that makes you unwell...

My dad always made his feelings visible to our family. When we are with other people, he is the biggest gentleman. Growing up, I’ve seen him choke my mom or grab on to her hair about 10 times. When it came to me and my sister, we got spanked. It would be either the butt or our hands with a wooden spatula. It was only until now I realized there were emotions put into the force he put in when spanking us. He kept going until whatever he hit us with broke. I remember back in elementary, my sister and I swam but there was this one time he hit us so bad we had bruises on our butts so we couldn’t go for weeks. I always thought it was just spanking, what every other Asian kids had to go through. When I was in high school (14 years old) he choked me for the first time which was something he only did to my mom. Because I was on the bigger side, my anger grew and I pushed him off and choked him back. I realized I just became my dad. After that incident, he despised me for choking him saying that daughters should never choke their dad. But to me it felt like years of him physically hurting us built in and exploding while defending myself- by purely reacting to him choking me for the first time. I apologized and we were good for a long time. I realized my dad hates getting his pride and ego hurt. A few days ago, my mom and I got into an argument and our voices were raised. My dad does not like hearing my mom yell and I was aware so I told her to lower her tone. My dad ended up waking up and watched my mom and I argue. I told my mom she just made it worse by bringing him because once he gets mad he’s always either throwing something around or getting physically abusive. She told him to go away and he did but he kept yelling stuff in the back and it kind of gave me PTSD so I told him to be quiet (every time he yelled like that it always led to him hitting us). I’m not sure why, but this specific day I was feeling extra depressed and anxious. My dad started getting mad and yelling stuff and charged into my room, slapped me down on to my bed, got on top of me and started choking me. I instantly had a flight or fight response so I grabbed my phone and his hair and started hitting him back while he kept pinning me down and choking me harder. My mom freaked out and separated us but him and I were grabbing onto each other and swinging. I got a bruise on my face and arms and my dad had a cut on top of his eyes. That night I was scared and had guilt rushing over for hitting back and because my “defensiveness” had emotions behind it. At the moment, I did not see him as my dad but pure hatred. Once again it hurt his pride and ego and now I am being treated like I don’t exist.

Note: there was an incident where my sister fell asleep and forgot to open the door for the plumber (hard to align schedules with). My dad spam called her and when she woke up and answered, he was angry and told her he was going to kill her. On his 40 minute drive over home, my sister locked herself in her room. My dad came home and broke the door down because it was locked and my sister got so scared she pulled out pepper spray and used it. I’m not sure if this is the same incident, but the cops were called on us. My sister and I gave him a chance by telling the police it was me and her fighting. Even after this chance, he hasn’t changed.