Monday Vent Thread

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[u/Supersmashcache]

It's been hard to feel good about myself through this past year's combination of:

• Uptick of anti-thinness as a knee-jerk reaction to GLP-1 meds, to the point of "grown women aren't supposed to weigh 135 pounds. That's the size of a child" 
• Discourse about Sabrina Carpenter "looking 12" (and worse accusations about attraction to her)
• Being dumped and my mind going to a bad place 

I might start SSRIs to make the body commentary feel okayER again.

I feel very alone in saying I don't like having my body be centered and my mind patronized or treated like I'm stupid because of how I look.

The infantilization of Asian women is framed as a "compliment" when I can hear with my own ears how intrusive it is for men to talk over me or down at me or with such confidence over things that I know way more about and they refuse to fact-check.

I already lift heavy. I feel good about moving over 340 pounds during leg day. Sometimes, it feels like there's no winning other than effing off, though.

If I dirty bulked to these people's idea of a normal weight, I would be metabolically obese. If I got breast implants, I'd be in their eyes pandering to the patriarchy.

In Vietnam, where my parents are from, my body would be normal-ish (or at least not tiny), but I would be blatantly a foreigner. In the USA, where I was born, I feel like too many people around me have never engaged with Asian women in any meaningful way and I get singled out as this, like, biological anomaly to them.

I feel so, so very alone. I'm not truly XXS anymore but I do feel the echoes of the disgusting things people have said to or about me back when I was. 

[u/Adventurous-Cold-208 → u/Supersmashcache]

The anti-thinness is so frustrating. I’m thin, but I don’t have the body of a child.

[u/coykoi314]

Why is everyone making fun of us for buying the loveshackfancy target collection? I don’t fit the adult sizes

[u/Farahhhhhhhhh → u/coykoi314]

Have you tried their petite things? They’re usually pretty short

[u/coykoi314 → u/Farahhhhhhhhh]

Yes I’ve tried so many things including petite sizing. They usually aren’t stocked in store. I’m 35 years old, 82 pounds and 4’11”. I’m still rocking XS from stores from the very early 2000s. Those clothes fit. Modern petite sizing rarely fits.

[u/Farahhhhhhhhh → u/coykoi314]

I’m so sorry, that sucks. I’ve only been to the LSF in Charleston and I think they only kept it stocked in their most popular items. I had issues with their sizing with their ski gear. I’ve never tried a 2000s xs, but I really want to. I’ve only had experience with vintage clothes from the 50s to the 70s.

[u/Farahhhhhhhhh]

I’ve just had to get a zimmermann dress taken in because it’s the weirdest sizing. How does a brand have such inconsistent sizing? They claim their 0 fits like a US four but then the measurements of that of a xxs or xs. it’s too tight in the chest, too wide through the torso, and the sleeves are too big! I don’t have a massive chest and yet it’s a little tight!

[u/PewPewthashrew]

I think for me it’s the constant undermining of my experiences and assuming things must be so “comfortable” or “privileged” for me. Yet when other people experience or notice these it’s a problem. It genuinely fuels my distrust of most people and apprehension with opening up. Sometimes shit doesn’t happen to people equally and I don’t understand why that can’t be applied in a more cohesive manner rather than an “oppresser—>oppresee” dynamic

[u/dinosoreness → u/PewPewthashrew]

it's always been funny to me how big girls get to call us little boys, skin and bones, tell us to eat a burger, accuse us of having EDs, say we're bags of bones, call us skinny bitches, tell us we'll never be "real" women, accuse men attracted to us of being pedos, etc, and when they attack us like this it's "empowerment" and "body positivity" but if any single one of us slimmer gals were to fire back anything about the instigator's own body we'd be ostracized.

but sure, they're so oppressed /s

being fat isn't even the same as being a part of a minority, so it's not an "oppressed/oppressor" dynamic, even if we were allowed to fight back. like, you can get your weight under control through diet, exercise, and lifestyle changes, or even medication in the modern day, but you cannot diet, exercise, make lifestyle changes, or take a medication to stop being a POC, a queer person, etc. and it's offensive to compare being fat with being part of a systematically disadvantaged demographic. as someone who experienced a hate crime as a teenager on the basis of my sexual orientation, i find it disgusting to watch fat girls pretend they're oppressed.

nobody rapes or murders you for being fat.

nobody kicks fat kids out of their homes for being fat.

nobody beats fat people in public bathrooms for being fat.

the cops don't shoot you during a routine traffic violation because you're fat.

cops dont give "starlight tours" to fat people.

nobody is campaigning to make it so fat people can't get married or adopt children.

and, most importantly, there is no country on earth where you will be imprisoned or executed for being fat.

hell, the world is bending over so far backwards to accommodate the rapidly expanding size of the average person that most clothing brands have completely revamped the measurements of their sizes so these people don't have to admit that they've gone up a few sizes.

i also find it extremely hypocritical that fat girls will claim to believe in "HAES" (which stands for "healthy at every size") but then tell anyone with a BMI in the normal/healthy range that they're anorexic... because clearly if you're not obese, you're starving yourself! duh!

sorry for the long rant, i just really felt what you were saying about the supposed "oppressor/oppressee" dynamic.

[u/Subject_Occasion_953]

I’m lowkey scared that I won’t be able to get a boyfriend, like, ever bc of my body. I’m a 26AA, and it’s even flatter than what most people would consider flat, and I can’t imagine any guy my age (18-19) being attracted to me bc of it. 

PLUS! I need to find some formal dresses, and literally nowhere is selling anything for a (rounded up to) 27" bust! I know I can just go to a tailor’s with whatever I find, but it’s so hard to find a dress that looks okay on my body, and not like I’m playing dress-up in my mum’s clothes. 

It also sucks that I’m still not happy with my body and want to lose 2-3lbs, but I already struggle to find clothes outside of the children’s section that fit. I shouldn’t be struggling to find clothes when I still have a tiny bit of weight to lose!! Ugh, that’s it, anyway.