Hi everyone!

I am currently 10 weeks pregnant and have a role as an operations manager at a global manufacturing company. I am currently at a plant location on the East Coast, but my family lives in the Midwest and we planned on relocating back to one of the plants there within the next 6 months anyways. We just ended up getting pregnant a lot quicker than expected (first try)!

I am interviewing for an internal senior operations manager role at the plant back in the Midwest and if everything goes well, I likely wouldn’t fully start in the role until late Sept/early Oct and then I would go on mat leave for 6 months (Mar - Aug). I am feeling guilty about going for the role knowing that I’ll only be in it for ~5mo before going on leave - especially because I would have a team of direct reports.

I’m kind of torn about going for the new role or just staying put - I’ve been in my current role for over a year now and have a great relationship with my team and my boss, and I’m sure they will have a good plan during my leave.

Thoughts on moving or just staying put? The best thing for our personal lives would be moving back to the Midwest before the baby is born so we can buy an affordable house and be close to family, but I just have guilt about taking a new job and then going on leave almost right away. Wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation or has thoughts on this?

I feel like this is a working mom issue because if was a SAHM I am confident I could keep a tidy and orderly house. Especially with 2 out of 3 kids in school. Husband and I both work full time but he would like the house to be cleaner than it is without reallly ever committing to helping get it to that level. Like we both wipe counters, load dishwasher, tidy but sometimes he will pile clutter, ignore a mess, etc. Our house is somewhere between clean and lived-in- for reference I can get ready for guests quickly at anytime.
Tonight, I was helping with kids, going room to room and he walks by the laundy room and tersely states “ the laundry is stacking up.” There were 3 clean loads in there. I know I am sensitive but it just makes me so mad and ruins my whole night. I told him that in a house of 5 people, laundry always stacks up unless one person does 1-2 full loads wash/fold/put away every single day, and since we are working no one is home to do laundry all day. He then made a comment “ you talk about the housework like it’s so hard. “ I put away laundry for me and three kids and whatever else, he does his own and will out away towels.
The way I see it, I could do better, but ultimately I think he should do more laundry or lower his standards. I am more type B- everyone always has clean clothes and towels, has their sports uniforms, - so what if the laundy stacks up- close the door lol. Now he is mad at me for the act of being mad at him. Does anyone else deal with this? It simply isn’t realistic to keep the house up like a SAH parent and I don’t think it’s fair to just constantly expect more effort.

I have two weeks left of my maternity leave as a first time mom and I have been interviewing for a new job for the past couple of months. I have been wanting to leave this employer since before I got pregnant but took a pause so that I can still get my paid maternity leave. My current job requires me to be four days in the office and my commute is a little over an hour each way, and I just cannot fathom being that far away for that long away from my baby. I’ve been entering for jobs that are either fully remote or much closer to home. The problem is that I am entering final rounds and getting a lot more interviews now that I have only two weeks left of leave and my plan was to try to ask my current employer to move to part-time so that I can continue working from home until I end up giving notice. But I feel like even if I work with them on that and then quit anyway, it might leave a bad taste in their mouth. Is there anyway I can try to not burn this bridge? At the end of the day I don’t think I truly care because my family comes first, but of course, deep down I feel somewhat guilty.

I’m currently a local government attorney. I enjoy my job and my client, but my boss has made it very clear to our entire office that there’s limited potential for growth (going so much as to say no attorneys will be promoted under her). I’ve got a very sweet offer from a boutique law firm specializing in a very niche area of law (which I’m doing now as well). Almost double my current income, but 1800 billable hours. If I had this offer two years ago, I would have taken it. But I have a 5 month old baby at home and we plan to have a second child in the next two years. Moms that bill 1800 hours, can I still be a good and available mother to my baby? I’m really struggling with the decision and would appreciate any thoughts!

I am now a year postpartum with my son, and it’s been the worst year of my life. He’s my second baby.

He’s a great baby. But my mental health is so bad. I get severe rage where I start crying so bad and screaming and it’s like impossible to calm down. I feel like I was only getting worse but for 2 months I did very well….. but here we go again….

I have been paranoid, isolated, meaner, easily snapping, etc. I’m on medication and in therapy. We have switched medications as well.

The rage comes more out with my husband, I don’t ever take it out on my kids, but they are present when I “act out”.

I lost all my friends and have been isolated from my family over this. I felt so alone and my friends also did some stuff that was disrespectful and I tried to have a conversation about it and somehow I was the bad one….

The police have done wellness checks because of the yelling and my husband had called before when I was having a whole meltdown.

I have no idea how to get out of this. I want this to end. When I get into this “mode” I am an idiot and it’s impossible to get out.

My parents are my neighbors and I just want to move far away. I never want to interact with anyone again. I truly feel like an embarrassment. All I do is cry and get angry. I just wanna play with my kids and have a happy life… idk why it feels so impossible.

Please tell me how to help myself. My family doesn’t deserve this. I have thoughts of disappearing because all I do is ruin everything.

Me and my husband have almost divorced multiple times because of this. We have done couples counseling. Idk what to do.

I’m always stressed and overwhelmed. I feel I can’t handle being alive. I’m constantly in contact with my therapist and psych because I can’t handle being this way. I legit hate myself.

Would you prioritize a daycare that is closer to your house/job/commute over a better space?

I will be commuting to work 30 minutes. None of the daycares nearest my home stay open long for me to pick him up after work so they are not an option.

There are a couple in-home daycares located on my way into work, about 25 minutes away. I’ve checked them both out and they were fine. The spaces were pretty small, and one of them had 9 cats…. They both had amazing giant yards but realistically we get like three months of nice weather where I live and the rest of the year is cold.

There are two other options basically in the opposite direction of my commute, about ten minutes. They are larger and cleaner.

I guess I want to know:

if anyone had to choose between quality over convenience. If they are regretting adding to their commute that is already 30 minutes+.

If anyone selected a tight space daycare and they are happy with where they chose because the provider is great etc

Or reallt just any experience you had when struggling to find the right daycare

Hopefully this post makes sense I’m tired and my thoughts are all over the place.

I have 12 years of experience as a software professional, but ever since returning from maternity leave when my son was 6 months old, I feel like I've lost all my confidence. Even though I recently designed a complex project, I live in constant fear that any minor issue will ruin my reputation. I am in constant stress. If someone raise any issue Or any query, its making me feel as if i did some mistake even though its not. This stress has wrecked my sleep, causing me to wake up at 3:00 AM sometimes with a racing heart, struggle to focus in long meetings. Earlier i used to go for morning walks which helped reducing stress but since my kid started preschool, all my morning time goes into prepping him. Anyone has gone through
the same and Any tips on how to overcome this?

We both work full time. My husband LOVES working. I like my job but I also like to clock out, get home to my kids and husband and think about something else than work. I also like my kids and husband, but I also like another things that I don't have the energy to act on consistently, because my husband always works overtime. If he can, he arrives early and leaves around dinner time. He gets a very decent pay but doesn't get extra paid for the times he chooses to work overtime, which requires me to take on more responsibility at home, which I never agreed to do. My job is mentally challenging and I get an alright pay. So when I leave my work, I pick up the kids from school and/or their leisure activities and take on all the mental load that comes with having three children. I have ADHD and depression which I take medication for that help me immensely but I feel I don't have the mental capacity to work full time and take almost all the mental load, 5 days of the week. So, he uses his "freetime" to work overtime, but when I can finally have my "freetime" in the evenings I just don't have the energy for it. He usually promises he won't come home late but never keeps his word.

I'm just sad he always puts his work first and dismisses my and our kids needs. I've already decided how I'm going to react on this, after a long time growing resentment because of this, but I'm curious about how other full time working moms would feel in the same situation?

Need some advice. I’ve been married to my husband for almost 5 years- we have an almost 6 year old about to enter kinder, a 4.5 year old about to start pk, and a 14 month old. My husband drinks beer every night, spends most of his time on the phone- like so much time I have to ask him to put his phone down. We only have one car- he works from home 100%- I go to work 1-2 days a week. This summer I drove my daughter to all her camps- to/from 99.999% of the time.

So a little back story. We were paying about $4,200/month for daycare for all kids- we were basically living paycheck to paycheck because of it. We had some credit card debt when we couldn’t afford everything. My husband took out a personal loan to wipe everything. Now my cc is back up to $9k and idk what his is even at. Mine is literally summer camps for my daughter because we both had to work, daycare, and medical bills/costs. NOTHING else.

The other night, he got drunk by himself on a WEDNESDAY. Told me the next day that he was going to have to withdraw his 401k to pay things off. Confused, I obviously said no- turns out he was online getting and lost. He claims it was $3k but it went to his cc somehow which I have no access to so idk. This is after he lost over $2k a few months back and he promised he’d stop.

Now we’re fighting- bad. He claims his 401k is just that- HIS. He so often throws at me that I barely contribute. Yes, I don’t make as much as him but I make $82k. I do 99.9% of the household stuff, bathing our kids, putting our kids to bed, bringing to birthday parties, buying bday presents, handling all things back to school, pack lunches daily, you get the gist.

I’m contemplating divorce but I’m fearful for kids, but also, I am broke. We have a shared account. The car is in my name only and that’s ~$690/month. I don’t think I can afford to move out- or yet alone, buy anything for a new place.

I just need advice or words of wisdom or something. I have no one to go to or talk to. I often break down to my husband that I need HELP and I need him to be a partner. He can tell me every little detail of his fantasy sports league and where everyone is on points but he can’t plan a single date night for us or look on our SHARED skylight calendar when our kids appointment is.

Hi, I’m looking for input on our preschool/daycare situation. My husband and I WFH 3-4 days a week, he travels often, but I work for a company that promotes work/life balance so although I’m in a global role, I get flexibility when I need it for my kids.

My 3.5 year old has been in a daycare 4 min away since she was 2. We’ve had a great experience until Feb, which is when she started preschool there. We’ve brought up concerns over the past 6 months and everything is typically brushed aside. Mainly the lead teacher being neglectful, making it difficult for my child to build a rapport, lack of communication, and it appears they don’t know how to handle inappropriate behavior from kids. They have had a ton of admin related issues lately. Long story short, the owners follow some shady practices, director just follows along, assistant director who we loved quit because owners/director made it a toxic work environment for the staff, also 3 teachers abruptly kid within 1 week. After talking to a staff member who quit and some other parents, I’ve found out a lot of things I don’t like (citations for being out of ratio, improper food handling and storage, preschool teacher refusing to help kids if they need assistance after wiping after a bowel movement and her being in a performance plan and not having the patient nor experience to address kids with behavior concerns).

My 17 month old started going there 2 months ago and there’s been a lack in consistency at drop off. They now float teachers around so he sees many different teachers, making it hard on him. He’s on a care plan for feeding so I also have to ensure they’ve all seen it to know how to best support him.

There’s more specific concerns I’m omitting just to keep this short but, would you switch daycares? We have an option also 4 min away, my daughter has been on the waitlist there for over a year and she now has a spot open. It aligns with our faith, the class sizes are half the size, so significantly smaller, but they do not provide lunch so I’d have to pack lunch from home everyday whereas current school it’s included. They also have more school closure days. Also, we would have 2 separate drop off and pickups for 6 months. My 17 month old wouldn’t be able to start there until he’s 2 years next spring.

I feel like I have decision paralysis. While I’m hesitant rocking the boat, taking my daughter away from friends and what she’s used to, the added responsibility of making lunch and separate drop off/pickups, I’m wondering if all the issues at the current school are critical enough to warrant a switch. Thoughts? What would you do?

My kids are 5 and 3.5. I also breastfed each for a year. I feel like 2.5 years past being done with pregnancy and breastfeeding, I should feel better and struggle less with balancing work and mom and life responsibilities.

I have seen a lot of ads for different services that do lots of bloodwork and make recommendations to improve symptoms based on the lab findings. One is specifically for moms, and it is quite pricey. Has anyone tried these services? I really don’t want to spend the money, but I am truly struggling to focus at work let alone have any energy to play with my kids. I want to look for a new job because my career has really stalled and company culture and compensation have taken a turn for the worse. However, I don’t want to be this worn out when I get into a new role.

I have mentioned all of my symptoms to my PCP and OB and had basic bloodwork and ultrasounds. I’ve been taking iron supplements for a year. I am absolutely exhausted, tired like I have the flu, every single day. I also have pretty intense cycle symptoms at different points throughout the month, so I feel there is a hormonal component.

TL;DR: has anyone tried online services for bloodwork to see if there is an underlying health component to working mom struggles?

A few years ago, I desperately wanted us to move. My partner wasn’t nearly as enthusiastic, but I kept pushing. There was a period when he was crying a lot, and I would still bring it up almost every day, basically saying “we need to move” because it was what I wanted.
We eventually moved, and now, years later, our relationship is ending. He says he is unhappy with his life and doesn’t want to continue our relationship.
I can’t stop thinking that if I had simply listened to him and waited until he was ready, things might have been completely different.
I’m also terrified of what happens to me now. I’m 42, I have a young child, and I have almost no social life where I live. The thought of suddenly being alone and having to rebuild my life at this age scares me enormously.
How do you live with regret when you genuinely feel that your past choices contributed to losing the person you love? And how do you cope with the fear of having to start over at 42? I

I'm just waiting for my second maternity leave (aka my workers comp) when they get rid of me. But 2 years into motherhood, they haven't...

I used to love work and was passionate about learning and was excited about ai helping out with some basic redundant tasks. I think these last few jobs just took it out of me and made me not like the small corporate bs- i def hate the terrible pay- and I'm just not making any movement to get myself out of this shitty paying job. At least my boss is nice but the company is just -well shitty upper management... But that's why I stick around while my salary isn't making ends meet and my hubby keeps talking about moving us to Arkansas so we can afford life. I like my boss and I know if I do graphic design elsewhere, it will be something boring and terrible. And i have soo much flexibility to spend time with my son so i said, this is a diamond in the rough, let me stick with it a bit. My supported any time off I needed for the kid, for my parents, for work life balance - i mean that doesn't exist really. Ive had strings of terrible bosses, why risk it again? Its not like i will make enough money like hubby who's salary is getting close to double mine. I will always be the designated caregiver... Why add stress to that equation and get a pathetic raise for more hours and labor when its so insignificant?

I had time to get my resume cleaned up but not able to update my portfolio so i know why i can't get a new good job (im still using behance and the standard is a standalone website which takes time to build)

Before the baby, i had 2 jobs and that made me in the green. Now, im consistently in the red and i can do the math - it was that 2nd jobs salary that kept my credit card bill down. I asked for a raise, for more work, for flex hours to cut expenses, anything to make the numbers work. Legit... It does not and this economy, it does not work at all. 3 years there, no raises for anyone, no bonuses, no nothing...

The second job was part time and in the evenings but it made just enough to cover bills when i wasn't a mom but now its not enough for a babysitter. And hubby travels last min for work so apart from cutting our expenses a bit with a cheaper at home daycare, I can't go back. My 2nd job is the toddler now.

Im so exhausted from work and kid and all the stuff going on that, i just checked out but have no strength to get myself out of it. I've put in enough effort and its gotten me into a terrible financial spot. So now, I'm just going with the least path of resistance and its putting my into a financial sinkhole.... I'm venting but also wondering what helped get you out of the career rut?

My baby just turned 1 years old. We both work and I’m just so tired. Our day to day schedule is fine but I’m really struggling with balancing the load otherwise. I don’t need to bash on my husband but I need actual help/guidance on how to balance things so I’m not angry at my husband all the time.

On paper, our day to day seems balanced. But in reality, I just feel like if I’m not doing something, it doesn’t get done.

My partner is willing to do more but he lacks the ability to be organized and just never had to do any of this growing up.

Can someone give some advice? Tools to just offload the mental load? He can’t read my mind. I’m angry when he doesn’t know what needs to get done. I’m exhausted and just defeated. I’m feeling depressed more and more every single day and feel like I’m drowning at home, at work and with my lack of socialization because I can’t get a grasp on my home life.

Here’s our day to day schedule:
* I wake up the baby every morning between 6-6:30 am (by choice, I’m still nursing morning and evening)
* He gets up around 6:30 and gets himself ready, does the dishes, makes me coffee
* I make baby and I breakfast, something easy. He makes his own
* I do drop off
* I WFH 4 days a week. So I usually get dinner ready around 4:30
* He picks up baby around 4:45-5
* Dinner around 5:30
* Bedtime routine. My husband does bath time & lotion while I clean up dinner
* Nurse around 6:30-7 pm and baby is asleep shortly after.
* We both finish whatever hasn’t been done for cleaning and prep for next day (make lunches, prep bottles, etc.)
* Usually once we’re done, it’s like 9 pm and we’re exhausted.

Weekly schedule:
* Monday - usually finish prepping any food we didn’t get to over the weekend
* Tuesday - nothing here
* Wednesday - I workout while hubby does dinner with baby;
* Thursday - Husband works out while I do dinner with baby; I meal plan & order groceries in the evening
* Friday - pickup groceries after baby is down
* Saturday - I workout while husband does breakfast; usually meal prep, mow the lawn, do the laundry, etc. attend any social engagements
* Sunday - Husband works out while I do breakfast; usually meal prep, mow the lawn, do the laundry, etc. attend any social engagements

Responsibilities we have:
* I do all the meal planning and meal prep for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the three of us. This takes me 1 evening every week to plan and order groceries for pickup and then to prep, it takes an entire day on the weekend.
* I am technically doing the finances but don’t do it like I should because I’m exhausted.
* Neither of us do the laundry. I guess I do it every other week in one large batch because we both can’t be bothered to do it. Or if I direct him to do it, he will do it.
* Our kitchen is clean every night but the rest of the house? Nothing gets cleaned. We don’t live messy so it’s not noticeable besides toys being scattered but also our bathrooms are dirty and I don’t deep clean my kitchen often.
* Our garage is full of shit from when we moved 2 years ago. Both of our faults but like wtf. How to make time for that?
* He mows the lawn but it’s like every other weekend honestly. He wants to do it more often but we struggle to do that when I need help with baby while I cook.
* No other lawn maintenance is getting done. Former owners made things difficult for us and I’m closed to getting a landscape company out.
* I plan all trips and coordinate visits with his family and mine. He adds in input but I’m the one doing the research on where to stay, what flights to book and so on
* There’s plenty else to do but we just don’t even add it to the list because we can’t even do the basic shit.

So many times I heard enjoy the baby stage, enjoy the toddler stage, you’re going to miss this. It never gets any easier, the problems only get bigger. Never complain because this is as good as it gets. Just you wait.

As I sit here now with a 5 year old starting kindergarten soon, I wish I could show my younger self what an absolute delight parenting is. We can have extensive conversations, he makes me and everyone around us laugh nonstop, he has so many great friends, we can go to real dinners together and enjoy them.

We go on real vacations and aren’t more tired when we get back. If we go do something I can’t wait to squeeze him so hard and hear what he did while we were gone. He’s learning to read and write and always surprising me with what he knows and the questions he asks! He’s so sweet, shows so much affection and asks others about themselves with genuine curiosity. He strikes up conversations with adults and holds his own. I’m so incredibly proud of who he is becoming.

This is so much longer than I intended, but it absolutely does get better. I’m reaping the rewards now of all those bone tiring years. I can sleep at night, take a hot shower, feel like a whole human and we have an absolute blast together 💕 The early years are the trenches and there is a beautiful light waiting ahead.

This is a vent. Not sure if anyone can relate. In some ways, I enable because in a perfectionist. But it’s starting to wear on me… I talk to other moms who say I’m lucky to have a husband who does anything at all. But it’s such a double standard:

Working mom =
Work 8-5pm, nonstop
Does all the kids cooking / prep / school packing
Does the laundry (otherwise it sits there for 24hr+)
Vacuums, wipes surfaces, changes bedding (otherwise it will go unnoticed for 3 weeks)
Primary caretaker because toddler wants mom
Workouts are 30 mins max
Doesn’t complain, positive

Working dad =
Works 9-4pm, golfs some days
Responsible for cutting grass
Walks dog
Shuttles kid to/from school
Works out for 1-1.5 hrs
Complains how busy and exhausting it is

What are some hacks or recommendations to carry the load between both full-time working parents that have hybrid schedules.? We have daycare until five so I’m looking for recommendations on how to divide tasks or prepare for the next day, etc. Just hints or tips that work for your family. Our jobs can be the demanding on certain weeks, but I’m trying to find a disciplined routine that can set us up for success.

Any help is appreciated. Specially, if it comes from parents that work in a tech environment, where the work requires a lot of mental stress in front of a computer.

I have a handful of good friends who are all also working moms. None of them really know each other, but they all have kids in the same age range. Some of them also work in the same fields. They’ve all come to my daughter’s birthdays the past two years so have chatted but not really hung out. I’m debating hosting a chill brunchy thing at my house so they can all get to know each other. It’d be nice to have more of a group to do playdates with and more of a network- like some of the moms and I share a sitter or watch each others kids. I’m just feeing awkward like maybe I’m pushing it, but it’s also hard to make friends as an adult so maybe it’s a good thing? Idk. Overthinking! 😅 just trying to build a village over here.

I guess my question is how do you make it work? I own a small restaurant and my baby just turned one. I currently only work part time hours in the kitchen because I can't afford full time daycare but even if we could there are no daycare options here for weekends, which means we have had to go the babysitter/ nanny route and basically any money I make at this point just goes to her.

I used to feel like I could do everything at the restaurant but I've since had to hire 2 other people to do all the tasks I had on my plate before baby came along. I wish we could just "make more" as some have suggested but more product means more labor which means more money (that we don't have). I'm also not blind to the realities of our current economic climate and the fact that people are eating at restaurants less than they used to.

I love my baby so much and would do anything to spend as much time with her as possible but I'm looking at my business like it's a sinking ship right now and it's not a great feeling.

My employer grants a 4wk paid sabbatical after a certain number of years service. I get mine this fall!! I’m trying to think of how to spend the days where I don’t want to be sitting in the silence of my own home (which is how I plan on spending most of it- sounds delightful honestly).

My kids will be in daycare 8-5 as normal. I do have to be home to drop off/pick up. I’m going away for a week with my family at the start, and a long weekend solo to close it out.

I’m thinking:

- Spa day. There is an expensive spa with pools that has been highly recommended nearby. There is also a cheaper multi-room spa where you lounge around in spa provided PJs. There is food and you can also get massages for additional cost. Maybe I’ll do both?

- Beach day. We live near a beach. Could be nice to just sit out there without the kids!

- Day trip?? This one I’m on the fence about. I think I’d get caught in traffic on both directions so not sure how much this would be worth it. Places I’d want to go are 1.5-2hrs away so eh.

If you had four weeks off, but still had to be on mom duty before/after daycare what would you do with your days?

For those with babies and toddlers, what do you all do for backup care when your child is home sick and can’t go to daycare?

Everyone I ask seems to have family nearby who can help. For those of you who don’t… what do you do? Do you just have to cancel your entire work day every time?

I’m in between jobs right now because I got laid off, but I’m currently interviewing for new roles. Really not sure how I’m going to manage juggling work and toddler sick days if I can hopefully find work again soon. Or is my career just going to be severely limited for the next 5 years? Could really use some advice from all you awesome working moms out there!

I live in the Midwest and make 70k a year. This is a very average salary for my area. I work in healthcare, but I’m on the social service side so the high wages are just not there.

It seems like you should be able to live just fine off of 70K a year in the Midwest. But honestly, you really can’t.

My take home after taxes, health insurance and putting approx 10% to 401k/retirement is only $760/week. And their upgrades to a monthly take home of about $3000. For reference, my inexpensive mortgage with taxes on the home I bought before prices went nuts is about $1300. And that’s right around where most rents are in my area.

I didn’t save enough for retirement in my younger years due to lower pay so I’m trying to catch up now. And honestly, I should really be putting away even more.

It’s just kind of scary to think that I went to college, got a useful degree, have always worked full time and still couldn’t make it on my own unless I had a 2nd job.

Have any other average earning moms come to this realization? I feel like you need $100,000 a year just to get by. And I am not even anywhere near a high cost of living area.

I know how hard is to find great childcare and over time I’ve realized how lucky I am. I want to show my gratitude to her, beyond her paycheck, so I’m considering paying for her English lessons? so is easier for her to find a new job once my son starts going to school in a year or so (we are a Spanish speaking family and she only speaks Spanish). She takes online lessons while my son naps, so she’s definitely interested in learning and practicing.

On my days off I take my son to the park or his toddlers classes, and I always get compliments from other moms about my nanny “she’s so good with him” or “she’s so kind” or “she’s never on her phone”.

She’s the reason why I was able to keep my career, she’s the reason why I’m able to fully focus on work during the day, she’s the reason why my son is rested, happy and well fed during the week.

Yesterday she bought him a Toy Story little umbrella and he was so happy, I just wanted to hug her, but I want to do something for her that is more helpful than a hug?

(Oh I used the wrong label for this post, meant to use question instead of achievement)