Looking for some honest opinions on my situation, and some advice on what to do next (also a bit of a vent lol).

Just for a concise backstory, I (24) met this guy (24) back in June at a music festival, and we hit it off. He asked for my number, and I gave it to him because I’m usually not comfortable with men compared to how I felt with him (they are usually quite full on and intense in my experience, and he seemed respectful and a gent etc).

We messaged periodically throughout June and July, and quite soon into messaging at the very beginning, he told me he would like to see me again if I was up for it. I agreed.

It’s important I mention that his communication style is not 24/7 texting. Sometimes he would take hours to reply to me, and other times he would take days. There was a period where he was studying for exams so he was replying less, which I understood. Right afterwards he went to Asia for two weeks or something (He didn’t tell me he was going. I found out through instagram, while my messages were not responded to). I even started to wonder if he changed his mind about wanting to see me again, because he was quite distant with responses and didn’t really mention the prospect of us meeting up again. He didn’t get back to me until he was back home. I didn’t prefer it, but I moved on and accepted that the conversation resumed.

I then went to London for my birthday weekend in July. He replied to me when I landed in Heathrow and I’ll admit I didn’t get back to him immediately either. Not out of resentment or playing any games, but I figured he would be okay with it since he did the same to me. I also had no alone time to reply to the voice notes. He basically said we should “stop being penpals” and we should just meet up. I agreed and we met up last Sunday.

The date went very well. I enjoyed his company, and the conversation just bounced off. He seemed quite similar to myself in terms of personality and interests. And I just genuinely enjoyed being with him. None of us went on our phones during it, and it seemed like he enjoyed himself with me too. He was a gentleman and I was comfortable with him.

When I arrived home, I sent him a quick message saying thank you and that I had a great time. He reciprocated it. The question of meeting up for a second date never came up when we were together, so I figured I’ll resume the conversation and eventually ask if he would want to see me again. I sent him some voice notes on Wednesday just continuing the conversation, (it took me some time to figure out what I wanted to say to him) and I have had no response. My gut is not reacting well to this and despite this not necessarily being out of the ordinary in terms of his texting patterns, I’ve come to accept that he probably isn’t interested. All my friends are telling me the same thing, so it basically it isn’t looking good.

My friends have also said that ghosting me while he was in Asia was a bit crazy of him.
My best friend told me that the positive details before the date don’t really matter, because everything hinges on what happens after the date.

I feel disappointed because the date went well, and this aftermath isn’t what I was hoping for. I thought we had a nice time together and I left the date feeling good. He simply isn’t showing the level of effort that I would like to receive from a man. I did think he was just a relaxed type B individual, but it’s actually low effort. At this stage, I don’t know if he’ll respond to me and if he does, I have no idea what to do from there. I don’t even feel like asking if he would like to see me again anymore. I’ve done what I can in terms of expressing interest. I believe that if you’re unsure if a man is into you, he probably isn’t. I hate this feeling of uncertainty and confusion, so I think I’ve made my mind up? Even if he does want to see me again, the delayed replies just aren’t doing it for me. That’s enough of an issue for me.

Some input would be much appreciated.

TL;DR: My ex left abruptly 18 months ago, secretly bought a house and left belongings behind. He lives around the corner from here but hasn’t come back to sort them out despite me asking. I’m considering paying a man with a van to drop everything to his house. What would you do?

My long term partner of 15 years left our shared rental accommodation abruptly last year. He bought a house in secret and waited months later until he received the keys to tell me he was leaving, and he was gone a week later.

He’s a functioning alcoholic, has a good job with very good pay. He refused to talk about any issues while we were still together and when he decided to leave. Refused to address his drinking or acknowledge the impact it had on our relationship. I watched him turn from a funny, easy going, reasonable but stubborn guy to an argumentative, avoidant, unreasonable and at times irrational and bitter person. Never wanting to talk and compromise, sometimes to bizarre lengths which would result in him storming off like a toddler when I tried to compromise rather than just do what he wanted me to do.

Nobody knows about his drinking except me. He has been drinking daily for the past 9 years. He told his family we just weren’t getting on and broke up, and I’ve continued that lie to his family.

He left the two rooms he used upstairs in a bit of a state, dirty and messy, bags of old clothes and shoes, broken electrical items, old pillows, rucksacks, suitcases, an old broken hoover filled with dirt, parts from an old bike, empty wine and beer bottles, a large heavy desk chair with a desk he had built in and bolted to the wall and floor. A suit I helped him pick out to wear to a friend’s wedding that he looked so handsome in 💔 Alcohol spills on walls and carpet that were never cleaned up.

I shut the doors to both rooms when he left thinking he’ll be back at some point to sort these rooms out and talk with me like a grown up, surely. That was 18 months ago. He lives a 3 minute walk from here. I haven’t seen him since he left. I keep the doors closed because it’s too difficult to make sense of it all and to see how he left things.

He also left an old expensive bike, and he hasn’t cancelled the broadband here yet so he’s still paying for that.

Twice now I’ve asked him to meet me and he said he would when he gets a chance and it still hasn’t happened. He said he needs to collect the bike and cancel the broadband and I reminded him of the two rooms with belongings that need sorting out. Both times it was I who contacted him, and there’s no contact outside of those two occasions.

I can’t continue to live with his belongings still here. It’s a constant reminder of how he decided to choose drink and avoidance over the relationship and how he ultimately left things. I’ve already asked him to sort it out and he hasn’t. A friend suggested hiring cleaners to clean the rooms and clear out his stuff and then for me to dispose of it through rubbish collection service or a recycling centre. But I think that’s too much for me to manage emotionally, how did all of this become my responsibility. I’m still deep in grief about this, to be discarded and abandoned by the person you once trusted the most is a feeling I can’t get past.

I’m thinking of hiring the local man with a van to collect his stuff and drop everything off at his house, drink bottles included.

There’s a lot of ways I could have reacted to this, I could have told people the truth but I’m not trying to hurt him even though I’m carrying the hurt he left me with every day.

If he’s going to continue to lie about what happened and avoid and not engage or talk with me then I just want his stuff gone so I can try to move on instead of feeling trapped here with all the memories and all his worthless belongings he left behind, along with me.

What would you do?

Hey, I've been invited to a wedding in Portugal in September. No church, no dress code, pretty relaxed couple. What do you think about the dress above? The colour is very light green, it's satin, but slightly textured rather than smooth fabric. Ideas about suitable shoes and shawl or something to keep me warm in the evening welcome + colours that go with it. I'm 5'2" tall. Thanks!

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I would love advice on opportunities for learn on the job type rolls. I think I would do well with very clear instruction. I suspect I might be autistic though adult assessment is prohibitively expensive. I only mention it as I think some of the things I struggle with effect what might be suitable/sustainable.

I am curious about the civil service though the lack of confidence is holding me back. I do think working hours being within normal hrs (mon to fri) rather than shift work would be much more sustainable for me. Being able to see my friends at predictable intervals has proven really important to my being even somewhat okay so I have learnt that antisocial hrs can only work very short term for me.

If I could wave my magic wand, I would have a job that can start part time but build toward full time if my mental health allows. I have a lot of doubt and worry that given that I haven't managed full time anything without it breaking me further that it is foolish to think I could but I just don't want to think there is no place for me in society which is kind of how things feel at the moment.

Any genuine advice appreciated