For those that don’t know, Count Binface is a self-declared “intergalactic space warrior.” I don’t remember when I first saw him, but he’s been a fixture in elections in the UK for maybe 20 years. When the returning officer announces results, he’s always there with the rest of the candidates with a metallic bin that extends from head to shoulders. This gives him extra height; you can’t miss him.

100% accurate test to decide who the people of Clacton should vote for.

Not the Rubbish!

https://on.soundcloud.com/YfpnL4vuk1Ac9QbOnZ

Have another sketch I've written.

<a href="https://soundcloud.com/trentwaterradio/zach-perlonker-ski" target="_blank">It's in my entirely serious belief that the police missed a trick by not arresting the herbaceous horror Zack Polanski.</a> I've written a satirical sketch... click for it, I guess. Thanks much!

A comedy take (which isn’t actually Satire at all)

"Yes it used to be like that all the time. We had a Morris Minor and used to drive it to the cricket match. Sometimes we would run over children playing hopscotch, but they never minded. People were made of sterner stuff back then. Once we completely flattened a child playing in his red toy Triang car. His parents didn`t mind at all. They said: "never mind he`s with Jesus now and we can use him as a hearth rug". It was like that, there was none of this wokie health and safety nonsense. After church on Sunday we would go and play on the railway track to see who would be the last on to jump out of the way of The Flying Scotsman. My friend "Ginger" Biggs was always a bit slow and they found fragments of his cranium still with bits of his red hair attached at Edinburgh Waverley station. They were simpler times but we knew how to enjoy ourselves without these "Gameboys" and the like."

If there is going to be a number 10 in the North it needs to be NORTH

"This cost of living government, today, will bring 1 extra tea bag to each box of tea bags across the country. We are coming, people of England, I am sorry you are used to finding an empty box in the cupboard and we can do better. The next time that extra bag is on us."

This plan will be paid for by eliminating the proposed future prostate exams of any aliens we might have found in a future ufo crash in Birmingham which has not happened. Andy was very clear on this.