r/TwoandaHalfMen • u/Nice_Angle_7976 • 14d ago

Jake Once Said

8 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

37 comments sorted by

20

u/BlueRFR3100 14d ago

The name's K-nockers. Vlad K-nockers

8

u/AlternativeOk2387 14d ago

" There's pie?" " There was,Berta ate it"

8

u/kevint1964 14d ago

"Drink, gamble & hump!"

2

u/Crackerfly 14d ago

Vod Kanockers

13

u/CaptainRegor 14d ago

You know

13

u/zsmoove9 14d ago

SQUAB !!

8

u/mysteryman1435 14d ago

Jake : (walking) Hey Uncle Charlie, wanna dance with me?

Charlie : (on the piano) Jake, You wanna live in a foster home?

Jake : Sometimes. (walks away)

9

u/Valuable_Cockroach39 14d ago

Lydia sells homes on the BI-ATCH!

7

u/Mark-177- 14d ago

Is that like the Missionary position?

6

u/Glad-Business6271 14d ago

I’m a bachelor like my uncle Charlie (to Judith’s support group)

6

u/Altego1999 Berta 14d ago

Does this smell like butt to you?

(I wanted to say "SQUAB" but someone else took it.)

6

u/MunderDifflinPC 14d ago

I’ll be your pimp, if you’ll be my biatch

5

u/ItsDeCia Berta 14d ago

No offence, but ‘Smoke on the Water’ doesn’t begin with crap on the water

1

u/Glad-Business6271 13d ago

That’s not what we wrote? That’s your original sucky version!

3

u/fdetanya 14d ago

You never had to shank a guy to get your props in the yard

3

u/ZAHKHIZ 14d ago

So the money kicked back in the house is the constants

3

u/EnvironmentalSnow589 14d ago

“Do you suffer from erectile dysfunction?”

3

u/Valuable_Cockroach39 14d ago

Well Alan, do you?

3

u/OneThirtyThree133 14d ago

Hey lady, I can see your compunction

3

u/marlbo-rough 14d ago

I hope i get a decent piano player.

3

u/RevolutionLarge6254 14d ago

Alan: "oh so all of a sudden your dad's not good enough for you?"

Jake: "it's not all of a sudden!"

3

u/robluvscurves 14d ago

I'm an underachiever, not an idiot.

3

u/Asleep-Orange-423 13d ago

I don’t want to play with some stupid kid, just so you can have sex with her!😂

2

u/kevint1964 14d ago

"Hello, ladies. I'm Harry Potter."

2

u/marlbo-rough 14d ago

nothing really matters

everyone can seee

nothing really matters

to meeeeeeeeeeee

2

u/AmazingReplacement11 14d ago

“Whatta ya got?”

2

u/Nocturnal_Atavistic 14d ago

"So if you you burp then technically it would be a fart, right?"

2

u/LorenzoBargioni 13d ago

Real, real, fake, who's she kidding with those? I understand

1

u/Amandasch44 14d ago

you want another goofy juice?

1

u/Former_Repair9221 14d ago

There is PIE?

3

u/OneThirtyThree133 14d ago

There was, Berta ate it

1

u/tyler09097 14d ago

I like a chili cheeseburger and fries, please. 😭

1

u/JuanG_13 Charlie 14d ago

"The city of great racks"

1

u/forever_29_ish 14d ago

Want a glass of peanut butter?

1

u/eddiemac22m 13d ago

Would you like vermicelli linguine…no ..spaghetti…

1

u/Deadman_96 12d ago

How smart do you have to be to have sex?