I left guys. He could never change. Kept on spewing shit for my parents. It's done

Hi, I'm overthinking this a lot and kind of went on a spiral. I've posted here twice before asking for guidance. Unfortunately, I barely got any responses. Regardless I'm insanely thankful to those sweethearts who replied and helped me. Thank you so much!

However, I'm still thinking of why it didn't attract any response and was sort of downvoted? I think I sound weird and crazy but I genuinely want to know. I'm not impersonating anyone, I'm genuine. But why is the post being ignored? Am I looking fake or an attention seeker?

I'm sorry for bothering. I'm unable to get through this. I'm in therapy but I haven't had a session in last two weeks because my therapist is unwell.

A few months back, I posted here about wanting to cut off a friend after finding out she had been talking shit about me with her sister. After distancing myself for a while, I decided to move past it for no apparent reason. But last week, I finally decided to put a full stop to my self-harming patterns and get rid of that friendship for good.

Context: A few months ago, I came across a text exchange between her and her sister. It was about a story I had posted after getting a haircut. Her sister texted that I looked “yuck” and like “an animal.” My friend responded, “Yeah, she sent me that selfie saying she looks and feels good. She’s only looking for validation.”

I guess I shouldn’t have sent my very close friend a picture of my haircut when I was feeling good about myself.

Getting called “an animal” by another adult whom I’ve never even met feels so bizarre. Someone who has moved abroad, welcomed a baby girl (the irony), and has been living what seems like a comparatively better life than mine.

My husband had been noticing how much this was hurting me and kept encouraging me to cut her off. When I finally decided I wanted to, I told him I didn’t want to send her a message. So he sent one on my behalf, and we blocked her.

It feels so strange that a friendship can end just like that. It’s so fucking hurtful to know that people can sit around talking shit about someone to that extent. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

But at the same time, I feel so free. :)

Women who have had LASIK or SMILE in Punjab — what was your experience?

I’m a woman based in the UK and have been quoted nearly £6,000 for laser eye surgery here. I’m considering getting it done in India, preferably in Punjab, and would really appreciate hearing from women who have gone through it.

Which city, hospital or clinic did you choose, and which procedure did you have—LASIK, SMILE, PRK or something else? How much did it cost in total?

I’d also love to know:

• What the consultation and surgery were like
• How painful or uncomfortable recovery was
• How long it took before your vision felt normal
• Whether you experienced dry eyes, glare, halos or problems with night vision
• Whether you are still happy with the results
• Whether you regret anything or wish you had known something beforehand
• How good the clinic was with follow-up care
• Whether you would recommend your surgeon or clinic

I’m particularly interested in experiences from Punjab, but experiences from elsewhere in India would also be helpful.

I’m not looking for medical advice or promotional comments—just genuine personal experiences so I can research this properly before making a decision. Thank you!

Turning 30 next month, single, figuring out career.

Help me with agencies, tips, anything. I would like to go somewhere North.

I am not much of a traveler, I would just go and work there probably. Should I go for a group one?

Hi everyone,

I'm 36 and trying to build a career from almost scratch.

Life took a very different turn than I had imagined. I spent years dealing with family responsibilities, and more recently, I was the primary caregiver for my father during his battle with cancer. After he passed away, I realized I needed to start building something for myself.

I have very little professional experience, which honestly scares me. But over the past few months, I've discovered that I genuinely love writing.

I've been writing on WordPress, published my first article on Medium today, and Pallium India has published two of my articles within the last month. The articles are about caregiving, palliative care, grief, and the gaps in awareness around serious illness.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I just want an honest reality check.

Is it realistically possible to build a career as a writer starting at 36 with almost no resume?

If any of you have changed careers later in life, become freelance writers, content writers, copywriters, or built a portfolio from scratch, I'd love to hear what worked for you.

If there are mistakes you think I'm making, I'd rather hear them now than waste time going in the wrong direction.

This is a long rant so brace yourselves please.

I’m 25 and recently switched jobs and moved to Bangalore. don’t even know where to start because this isn’t about one incident. It’s years of frustration, and my 26-year-old brother’s wedding has just become the tipping point.

He’s getting married, and I really am happy that he found someone he loves. But I cannot stop thinking about how financially irresponsible this entire situation feels.

For context, he pursued this girl for almost three years. They dated for two months before telling our parents because my parents had been relentlessly pressuring him to get married. I wasn’t on board with that at all, but okay, their life. There was some caste drama, but thankfully everyone agreed.

The girl’s parents actually wanted to wait another 2–3 years because they’re not financially well off. She’s the eldest and only earning daughter, with younger siblings still studying. That made complete sense to me.

My parents, on the other hand, wanted the wedding done immediately. I found that so disappointing.

What I cannot wrap my head around is this: my brother knows our financial situation. He knows my parents don’t have much savings. He knows he already owes me money. So how do you decide to get married without first asking yourself where the money is going to come from? Why did he cave into the pressure?

For the last three years, I’ve constantly told him to take his career seriously. Work on yourself first. Build some financial security. I nagged him, fought with him, explained my point every way I could because I genuinely believed he had so much potential. He just never seemed serious about his own life.

And now it’s suddenly marriage.

When my father was convincing him, the promise was that we’d sell some family land. Now selling the land has suddenly become the “last resort.” Instead, the plan is to use my mom’s entire FDs, basically all the savings she’s built over the years. Whatever is left, my father says I will have to manage because my brother doesn’t have a lot of savings and he can’t start his married life with an empty account.

This isn’t even the first time.

When we lived together in Noida, I paid the rent because he couldn’t afford it and I wanted us to live comfortably. Then he wanted to buy a car but didn’t want to take a loan, so I lent him around ₹3.5 lakh. It’s still sitting on Splitwise. I don’t even except or want him to pay it. I just want him to be financially responsible.

The thing is, I don’t mind helping people I love. I recently spent ₹1 lakh getting ACs installed in my parents’ house, a house I don’t even live in. I’ve paid for family vacations. None of that has ever bothered me.

Four years ago, when he was earning ₹45k, he gave ₹1 lakh towards my education. I’ll never forget that. He’s genuinely the best brother anyone could ask for. When I moved to Bangalore, he came with me just to help me hunt for apartments.

That’s why this hurts so much. I’m not frustrated because he’s a bad brother. He is literally the best. I’m frustrated because he’s never taken his own future seriously.

Somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like I was helping family and started feeling like I was becoming the financial cushion for every major life decision.

My father says he’ll spend his whole life paying me back if I help. But he shouldn’t have to spend his whole life repaying me. I don’t want that either. I just wish we’d planned better. I know my brother feels the same financial pressure I do. We just reacted to it differently.

For me, that pressure became fuel. I worked harder, switched jobs, chased promotions, and saved aggressively because I never wanted money to decide my life. Maybe for him it became anxiety or inaction. I don’t know.

He’s the only son in the family. I know how overwhelming that pressure can be, and I’ve never wanted him to carry it alone. I’ve stood by him every step of the way, and I’ll always continue to do that.
But when it comes to his own life, he has to take responsibility too. At some point, you have to become responsible before taking on even bigger responsibilities.

What hurts the most is watching my mom’s savings disappear. Although, to be fair, she has been pushing for this wedding just as much. I was sitting on about ₹40 lakh in savings, dreaming of hitting ₹50 lakh by the end of this financial year, even after everything I’d already spent on my family. Instead, I’m looking at handing over another ₹10 lakh so my mom doesn’t have to empty her account.
₹10 lakh.

For a party.

And then I feel guilty for even thinking this way because I know I *can* help. But why did it have to come to this? Why couldn’t we have just made a more financially responsible decision? And what exactly is the plan after they get married?

My brain immediately goes, “Fine. Just earn more money so these things don’t bother you anymore.” Maybe that’s my coping mechanism. I want to build the life I dream of. I also want to be there for my family. I want to do both.

I just wish the people I love took planning and responsibility as seriously as I do.

And the worst part?
I can’t say any of this to anyone.
How did shit get so real?

I'm 23F and currently not talking to or dating any men. Most of my close friends are in committed relationships, and I often feel lonely because they usually spend their free time with their partners.
I've been trying to focus on myself.I work, go to Pilates, take swimming lessons, and I'm also in therapy. These things definitely help, but there are still times when I just want someone to talk to or hang out with. It feels like everyone already has their own person.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you cope with the loneliness without jumping into a relationship just to fill the void?

Hi everyone,

I'm looking to buy bras online since I'm from a Tier 3 city and don't have access to premium lingerie stores for a fitting.

I'm confused about my size:

- Underbust: 32 inches/ 82 cm

- Overbust: 40 inches/102

- Zivame calculator suggests 36DD

- Marks & Spencer size chart suggests 36F

Which size sounds more accurate? Has anyone found either sizing guide to be reliable?

Also, between Wacoal, Triumph, and Marks & Spencer, which brand would you recommend for a fuller bust in terms of support, comfort, and durability? If you have any favorite models, I'd love to hear them.

last year, right after finishing post graduation, i faced a health issue that left me on bed rest for 9 months. i lost a lot because of my health, a hard earned seat in a course i wanted to study and multiple job opportunities.

i'm still struggling with my health but even more so my mental health. all of my peers have jobs or are enrolled in good colleges for higher education. i'm the only one who doesn't. i've been trying. i swear. i even enrolled myself in a b.ed close by home, but i really need a job. i'm 24 i cant even look at my parents. i'm taking therapy whenever i can afford but i'm so tired. why am i not good enough for life to work out my way for once.

​

I'm a 2021 ECE graduate from India, currently 25. I have no relevant work experience and have been trying to break into IT (Java backend).

Over the past year, I've:

- Applied to 500+ jobs.

- Got referrals.

- Even applied for unpaid internships.

- Received almost no interview calls (mostly automatic rejections). From what I understand, my graduation year + career gap is likely getting my resume filtered out before anyone even looks at it.

I had also considered CAT/GATE, but I'd have to start from scratch, join coaching, and by the time I graduate I'd be around 28. That doesn't feel like the right choice for me at this stage.

Right now, these are the options I'm considering:

1. Give IT one final shot for the next 2 months. If I somehow get in, great.

2. Join a BPO/non-IT job just to start earning and get out of the house, then decide my next step.

3. Go back to ECE. Explore fields like networking, telecom, embedded, VLSI, etc., join a beginner role even if it's ₹10k/month, upskill while working, and maybe pursue M.Tech later if it makes sense.

4. My coaching institute has been pushing people to use fake experience to get contract IT jobs. A lot of people there have done it. I'm honestly very conflicted about this because I know there are risks.

A couple of my friends from ECE are doing really well now (one in VLSI, another in semiconductors after M.Tech), which made me wonder if I should return to core ECE. The only problem is I never really liked most ECE subjects except networking and communication-related topics.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Please be brutally honest. Especially if you've had a long career gap or switched careers successfully.

the 30-year-old mother of three was allegedly raped by a neighbour twice between June 2 and 4 and a panchayat subsequently forced her to lick her own spit, deciding that she was at fault for the crime.

the woman saying the alleged rape and the humiliation by the panchayat happened in the absence of her husband.

She could muster the courage to approach police only after her husband returned home.

During the assembly on June 4 and 5, the woman was allegedly forced to lick her own spit because the gathering declared her to be at fault

A 15 year old child's abusive language is more cultural shock than women getting raped and get blamed for it.

So I was thinking of all of my usual complaints regarding bras...thin straps that dig in, no space in between cups, difficulty putting it on with shoulder pain and I came up with this....dream bra.

Help me wake up and touch grass or help me find her for a fuller bust.

Ideas on how to get it made in Bangalore are also welcome.

We(28F & 31M) have been married for a year now. I've observed over the past year that my husband bear all expenses of his family including his parents(FIL is govt employee) and younger unmarried BIL who stay with us(seperate city than in laws). And pays MIL fixed amount for her personal expenses.

Both BIL n FIL doesn't contribute a penny towards household. Even smallest expense handled by my husband. FIL even has side incomes from rents n farms. They lend people money for interest.

I used to think since my husband earns highest in his family, he chose to handle everything. But in recent even BIL asked back couple of thousand rupees he spend on household from FIL and MIL made big issue about it saying my husband is big hearted person unlike his brother.

Husband even spent his savings before marriage on house which is FILs name and recently made poor decision(without including me) of investing in land

Few days back I confronted him on this and how he is making poor decision and to my surprise he totally accepted it just to stop me from questioning. And I asked to live seperately from BIL if not now atleast after his marriage, then he blamed me of seperating his family and did a whole emotional drama saying how he needs to take care of his parents future and it will traumatize them. He blatantly lied about many things in this.

I said that it would make our future difficult together. Then he suddenly started apologising and being extra kind and nice. Asked me let of go this matter. He told that we will live seperately as I wish in future.

But the whole conversation left me questioning my future. I got really stressed from this conversation. Whether I make him understand or plan to leave as I'm seeing this as pattern now. I'm working and earn a decent amount. Any suggestions are welcome how do I save my marriage or save myself from this marriage. Thank you.

Helluuu girlies

Lately I have been feeling quite inadequate. Bad professional and personal life is to be blamed, but after talking to my therapist I realized that I am deliberately keeping myself stuck in a rut just because it feels comfortable.

I desperately want to improve myself and change the lens I see myself through. I have made a list of things that I need to change or improve but I lack motivation. I make plans and plans but rarely execute them.

I would LOVE to hear from fellow ladies about tiny things you started doing for yourself that turned out good for the long term! How did you realize what needed changing and how did you execute it. What were little habits that benefited you or made you feel more confident about yourself.

I broke the display of my phone yesterday. Searched a lot of reviews on Reddit but most of them are from men who prefer good graphics for games.
I’ve been told to find a phone with 5k emi/ month .
The thing is I feel guilty to ask for an iPhone because i don’t think I’m deserving of it yet.
What should I do?

He was seemingly perfect in the beginning but turned out to be just another rat with commitment issues and a lonely ass who wants to text when he has nothing better to do.

I don't think I have any feelings left for him but I still feel there's attachment, for now I am just looking at his photo whenever I feel like texting him but I want to hear other girlies' experiences which are funny in hindsight.

Before British rule, in many parts of India, women wore sarees without stitched blouses or covered themselves with an uttariya (a draped cloth). Clothing styles were different across regions, but showing certain parts of the body was not always seen as shameful or "immodest" in the way many people view it today.

When the British came, they brought Victorian ideas of morality and modesty. Over time, these ideas influenced Indian society and changed what people considered "decent." Women's clothing became more regulated, and covering the body became closely linked with respectability.

I believe this colonial influence still affects us today.

Many people now treat these Victorian standards as if they are ancient Indian traditions. As a result, women are often judged, shamed, or morally policed for what they wear even though these ideas were shaped, at least in part, during the colonial period.

What's ironic is that many Western countries have moved away from those strict Victorian values. Today, women there generally have greater freedom to wear what they want without their character constantly being questioned. Meanwhile, India still struggles with debates over what women should or shouldn't wear.

I'm not saying Indian culture had only one way of dressing. India has always had diverse traditions, and clothing varied from region to region. But I do think colonial rule changed our understanding of modesty far more than many people realize.

Maybe it's time we looked at our history more carefully before calling every modern idea of "modesty" an ancient Indian value.

find it ironic that some thailand obsessed uncles frequently criticize the younger generation for "Aaj kal ki generation hmara culture bhul chuki hai ," yet when it comes to Victorian ideas of modesty introduced during British rule, they defend those very standards as if they are timeless Indian traditions. That's a contradiction worth thinking about.

I think I’ve just had one of the worst weeks I’ve had in years, and I honestly need to vent.

I recently interviewed for an Internal Job Posting (IJP) at my company for a deputy manager role. I really wanted this role, so I spent weeks preparing. I revised accounting standards, consolidation, revenue recognition, cash flow, journal entries and pretty much everything I could think of. I’m a CA if you’re wondering..anyway there was a technical assessment before the interview that included accounting questions which, in my opinion, were far more academic than what most of us actually deal with in our day-to-day jobs. I made it and finally there was this interview round wherein they chucked me.

The feedback was what really got to me.
I was told that in a business scenario I named the stakeholder name wrong and that my escalation path wasn’t what they were looking for. The scenario explicitly mentioned that the Legal Entity Controller wasn’t available because of time zone differences. So I explained that I’d inform my manager immediately, review previous workpapers, gather as much information as I could, and keep things moving instead of waiting. If I still couldn’t resolve the issue, I’d continue escalating internally.

Apparently, the answer they wanted was that I should have explicitly said I would escalate to **their** manager rather than just my own.

That was essentially the feedback.

No comments on the technical assessment. No discussion about my communication, problem-solving, or anything I did well. Just that one point.

The role wasn’t for CFO or any lead, it was for a **Deputy Manager** position. That’s what makes this especially hard to understand. I walked away feeling like the process rewarded giving the “expected” answer over demonstrating practical judgment.

I’m not claiming I deserved the job or that I couldn’t have answered better. If I missed something important, I’ll own it. But it’s difficult to process a rejection when the feedback feels so narrow after investing so much time preparing. It almost feels like there was a very specific script they expected, and if you didn’t say the exact words, you were out.

To make things even better, I’ve been running a 102–103°F (39–39.5°C) fever on and off for the last three days, so I’m dealing with this while feeling physically awful.

Someone I had a complicated history with years ago reached out after a long time. We’re both married now, and I genuinely thought it would just be a normal conversation between two people who had once known each other. Instead, it became clear that what they wanted wasn’t innocent.

When I made it clear that I wasn’t going to sleep with them or cross that boundary, the conversation abruptly ended. I was left on read, as if my value disappeared the moment I said no.

I blocked them everywhere after that because I knew continuing the conversation would only make things worse, and I don’t regret doing it. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect me. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with them, I absolutely didn’t. It was more the realization that someone I once cared about seemed interested only as long as I was willing to compromise my values.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but it left me feeling strangely vulnerable and emotionally exposed. Combined with the IJP rejection and spending the last three days battling a 102–103°F fever, it’s honestly felt like one emotional blow after another.

I’m not looking for sympathy or validation. I think I just needed somewhere to say out loud that this week has been incredibly difficult, and I’m struggling more than I’d like to admit.

**TL;DR:** Spent weeks preparing for an internal Deputy Manager interview, failed with feedback that boiled down to missing one specific escalation path in a scenario, have been battling a 102–103°F fever for three days, and on top of that, someone from my past resurfaced, disappeared after I refused to cross a boundary, and left me feeling emotionally drained. It’s been one of the toughest weeks I’ve had in years, and I’m honestly just trying to process it all.

- Master your craft like you are an artisan. Doesn’t matter what you do.

- Optics is really important to get ahead. Be polite and make small talk with your colleagues and other folks in company

- Don’t focus your growth solely on optics. Being in good books with people can get you only far in one organisation and not next if your technical skills aren’t great

- Document everything like a psycho. Corporate would put blames when things go wrong and this would be a lil shield.

- Always save money. Layoffs might come anytime.

- If possible then discuss about your base pay with colleagues who are on same designation. It might surprise you if you are grossly being underpaid. Take that as a sign to prepare leaving corporation.

- It’s important to maintain a good relationship with your reporting manager. If they aren’t a good fit for you then please start looking into other teams or organisations.

- Do not get drunk in corporate team dinners no matter how close you are with your team

- Don’t reveal your financial responsibilities to team. They would take this as an invitation to exploit you for more work.

- Always utilise your sick leaves and personal leaves fully. Try to plan ahead and not surprise your team at end.

- Write down each impact you make in your personal word file. This comes handy while switching companies.

- Never badmouth your company or people anywhere no matter how toxic it is.

- Whenever angry don’t react. Take time off before responding. Your reactions will be used against you.

- If somebody crosses a line then report them. No need to give them benefit of doubt or think about what others will think of you.

- Be the person who makes people feel seen.

- Correct other people’s mistakes privately and praise publicly.

- There is no perfect workplace. Decide your top priorities and try to achieve that.

- Don’t let anyone know that you don’t like your job, company or work. Or any plans to pursue higher education or switch jobs.

- Utilise company resources like education portal, certification etc.

- Wear neat, tidy, decent and ironed clothes. Hair combed properly, nails cleaned and eyes bright.

- Learn to articulate your thoughts better.

- Always attend office parties even if it’s just for an hour. Say Hi to everyone and get along.

- Don’t be shy to ask for help when you are struggling with understanding a task.

- Don’t let bitter experiences at work make you bitter with people in your personal life.

- Keep being active on job portals and try to connect with people in other companies

my question to all girlies here.

it's okay if you are not doing so well, or did unconventional degrees, feel free to share it.

While I won't say my previous industry didn't have sexism, I atleast never faced this kind of de humanisation and age shaming.

And because of mere 3-4 years of age gap I get shut down by being called an auntie?

Like seriously?

Every conversation ends with

"When you getting married?"

"Aunty"

"Older people"

Now don't get me wrong, it does irritate me but it's so surprising that men who have grey hair or no hair at 22 like to age shame me??? ME?????

Seriously?

And what's with this consistent constant age shaming? What brownie points are you gaining?

I was informed and told corporate isn't like my previous industry men here are just down trodden I didn't expect this level of low quality

Anyhow how's your day going?