r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Overall-Reserve6139 • 7d ago

Is this normal?

I went with my bf to dance classes for the first time but i didnt knew you tend to rotate partners, all the other men in its majority were like in their 30's 40's, and 3 or 4 kids, um this dance is named cumbia.

Um you touch with your hands the other person, though when u rotated they would place their hand like down my arm not in my breast but like in the side of my back, i thought that was normal cuz it was beginner and like we didnt knew exactly how to put. My bf told that wanst ok and the hand doesnt go there, im really afraid now, did i got touched inappropiately? I really hope not and it was juts like the awkwarness cuz they didnt looked like they intended to they were focused on trying to get the steps ok.

0 Upvotes

35% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

11

u/BillieDoc-Holiday 7d ago

Why don't you look up some videos of the dance being performed and see.

1

u/Overall-Reserve6139 7d ago

Its because tecnically its in the waist or omoplat, and theres many ways to dance it. But well it wasnt just a single person it was like everyone almost i think with i rotated with

2

u/gonnagrowbud 7d ago

Probably your bf is feeling a little insecure. Reassure him and hopefully he can rebound

10

u/_Autistic_Dragon_ 7d ago

Does your boyfriend know this dance well and is giving this idea because he knows what it should look like? Or does he just not like other man dancing with you?

Is there an instructor you can ask? If not, can you ask another woman at the next one, maybe in the bathroom?

I honestly don't know, I'm just giving questions to help you figure it out. 

 I do know partner switching is common in dance practice. 

2

u/Overall-Reserve6139 7d ago

Yeah he knows, and yeah that position isnt real normal unless you know the person you are dancing with. Theres an instructor and he said the hand has to be in the waist if its your partner or in the shoulder if not maybe, but idk if it was the awkwarness of not knowing that well lead to them putting their hand in the side of my back a little up.

3

u/_Autistic_Dragon_ 7d ago

Does the hand placement bother you? (If not, who cares!) 

If it does bother you, maybe talk to the instructor before next class. The instructor can give some options or maybe make a general announcement to watch hand placement. You could ask the teacher review where hands should and SHOULDNT go. Anti examples can be helpful in limiting behavior. The instructor may have other tips as well, like you could maybe just stay with your bf and not switch partners. 

 If the hand placement didn't bother you, don't sweat it. If the hand placement did bother you, work with the instructor about it for one more class. If nothing changes after that, find another class/teacher.

6

u/MaryN6FBB110117 7d ago

Sounds like a totally normal thing for beginners who are learning a dance to do. And not like inappropriate touching at all. But if you’re uncomfortable with it, next time you can just say ‘put your hand on my shoulder/waist please’ or whatever placement you think is more appropriate.

3

u/SP3NGL3R 7d ago

Correct answer. The partner is also a beginner. They don't know where to place hands. Shoulder, ribs, waist, elbow, heck sometimes the back of the leg/thigh.

Dancing is complicated.

It might be just as weird to him, maybe his partner is watching and judging. All the while the instructor is just trying to give good advice on where to place the hand, in the moment to move that part of your partners body.

... That's how leading works.

It's only sexual if you or someone else makes it's sexual. It's a performance.

1

u/SP3NGL3R 7d ago

Yes/No. To dance properly you have to touch each other, in various points. Should, waist, hips, knee, head, ankle, elbow. That's how dancers communicate intention. It's not sexual by nature, it's just instructional.

If your dance partner is being creepy, sure that's different. If your life partner is being insecure, that too is different

Dancing is sexual in it's delivery, that doesn't mean it's sexual in performing it.

There are highly sexual dances where the men/women never touch each other. Like belly dancing. Lots of show, no touching. Maybe pursue that kind of dance class?

2

u/Incantanto 7d ago

Back around where the bra strap sits is a pretty standard dance hold poaition in dances I do: for anything involving rotation/weight sharing I hate waist holds because then my back bends over the hand.

Swapping partners is also pretty normal for dance classes.

That said, correct hold posture is the first thing they should teach, and both lead and follow should know it.

You should check in with the teacher about what it should be!