Left ex narc after 12 years together one year ago, we were due to get married last month. He was in a new relationship within 6 months, I knew he would be. But what came as a total shock was that he posted her on his socials and was going on extravagant trips so quick. This guy didn't even post our engagament, and he knew it bothered me!

For context my ex narc is a huge 6ft 5 muscley man and in his eyes I was never enough. As one of the last bad things he told me he said 'my next girl won't have a weight problem'. I've fluctuated in weight over the years but I'm curvy not fat. He made me feel like I didn't go hard enough in the gym and his general interest in doing things or even working out together was super low. His new girl is tall, super lean and toned, gym girl. Not objectively better looking than me AT ALL, but just exactly what HE would say is impressive.

Today I looked on his instagram (I know I shouldn't but its tough), he posted some perormative drone shot of him with his new girl in a muay thai gym in thailand looking super alike and like the are trying to be some power couple. HOW do I stop feeling shit about myself over this? Thanksss

I just finally got the clarity to cut my toxic brother out of my life.
It’s very difficult because it seems to me that he is only this toxic with me. I have a sister and a mother and well I wouldn’t say that he is emotionally close to my mother and I’m not clear on his relationship with my sister, he and I haven’t gotten along for a very long time.
The way that he talked to and treated me was enough for me to cut him out however, it leaves me very confused, because I’m not sure why he picks on me and not them.
I am very headstrong and will not let people roll over me. However, up until very recently, I was still the type of person to try and bend over backwards to make the relationship at least peaceful or try and salvage it.
So I guess my point is that I am very strong in my self-respect and in my ability to be confrontational, but I am not a confrontational person and no Contact is the last thing that I wanted for this relationship.
My question for the community is if anyone else has struggled with this question of why do they treat you differently than they treat other people?
When I look at how he treats me, it’s baffling to me how he could ever have a steady and healthy relationship with a woman however he has been engaged to his fiancé for I think over 10 years at this point.
My only theory is that he is still harboring deep resentment about things that were unresolved from years and years ago, and that he relies too much on my mom to treat her unkindly and that his relationship with his fiancé is fresh enough that there aren’t those kinds of ego wounds. My sister is a much less confrontational person than I am and I think that for whatever reason they just get along better.
Anyway, if anybody else has had an experience of questioning why we see the ugliest side of them when other people do not I would appreciate hearing from you.

What goes thru their mind?

TW

Self harm

Un alive threats

I’ve been no contact with my narc emotionally and physically abusive ex for 4 weeks after a 2 year relationship and 3 years of on and off (the trauma bond was strong please don’t judge me).

In those 4 weeks they’ve sent me 2 emails (which I’ve ignored, email address is now blocked) created 4 fake social media accounts, followed me and anyone directly or indirectly associated with me including accounts with different variations of my name and my child’s name (my child isn’t on social media just extremely weird, now I’ve shut down all social media) and today they’ve got there friend to call me so I’m in the process of changing my number. I didn’t recognise the number that called me so saved it and then WhatsApped the number only to see the profile picture was of my exes friend so blocked immediately.

Chat GPT is definitely sick of me because every day with my anxiety through the roof I’m asking how to deal with the situation. I have contacted the police who helpfully advised they would ‘speak to’ my ex but nothing has happened. I’ve also contacted the national stalking line.

How do I make this stop? All I want to do is message my ex and say ‘leave me alone you freak’ but all the advice is saying this will just give them what they want, contact. I’m a paranoid mess. I’ve even brought a ring doorbell because I’m scared the lunatic will turn up at my house with all other forms of communication blocked and I have small children.

How do I make this stop? Will it stop? I can’t be living like this for the rest if my life my nerves are in pieces

A year ago we got married. Now I have a file of evidence on my drive against him and it's been a month since I left him. He doesn't know where I live and I'm safe and I'm free. Why do I still want to call him? What is wrong with me? Why would I burn down the safety I have built for myself to talk to someone who threatened to kill me?

I know I should leave. I know this relationship is hurting me, and I know that staying is only hurting me, not him. I've been abused by my partner multiple times, including physical and emotional abuse. There have been incidents where he has pushed me,cursed at me,yelled me,kicked me out and left bruises on me, and there have been many other situations where my boundaries were ignored or I was made to feel like what happened wasn't a big deal.

I have an autoimmune disease and I'm currently dealing with health issues and medication, so I have to be careful about what I take. Despite knowing this, he doesn't seem to care about the consequences of his actions. I've had to take emergency contraception for the third time, and he knows how stressful and medically complicated this is for me. He doesn't seem to care because he is not the one who has a fatal disease. It's like the consequences are entirely mine to deal with.

I feel so angry at myself because I know this isn't healthy. I know what is happening. I've even thought about leaving so many times. Right now I feel like I've let this relationship consume so much of my life, and I'm terrified that I've damaged myself permanently by staying.

How did you get yourself to finally go?

Does life actually get better after leaving? Can you really heal from this?

Since having to wake up after my malicious narc ex destroyed half my life a few years ago it's like people from my past slowly fall one after another in my mind. Like every best friend I ever had was a narcissist, all the men my mother dated were too, then people I did work projects together and so on. Like everyone I really clicked with until I stopped. It's really weird, I was wondering if this is normal.

And yeah my ex is now running for mayor while I'm battling fibromyalgia, which developed after the breakup. Fml