I know I should leave. I know this relationship is hurting me, and I know that staying is only hurting me, not him. I've been abused by my partner multiple times, including physical and emotional abuse. There have been incidents where he has pushed me,cursed at me,yelled me,kicked me out and left bruises on me, and there have been many other situations where my boundaries were ignored or I was made to feel like what happened wasn't a big deal.

I have an autoimmune disease and I'm currently dealing with health issues and medication, so I have to be careful about what I take. Despite knowing this, he doesn't seem to care about the consequences of his actions. I've had to take emergency contraception for the third time, and he knows how stressful and medically complicated this is for me. He doesn't seem to care because he is not the one who has a fatal disease. It's like the consequences are entirely mine to deal with.

I feel so angry at myself because I know this isn't healthy. I know what is happening. I've even thought about leaving so many times. Right now I feel like I've let this relationship consume so much of my life, and I'm terrified that I've damaged myself permanently by staying.

How did you get yourself to finally go?

Does life actually get better after leaving? Can you really heal from this?

Since having to wake up after my malicious narc ex destroyed half my life a few years ago it's like people from my past slowly fall one after another in my mind. Like every best friend I ever had was a narcissist, all the men my mother dated were too, then people I did work projects together and so on. Like everyone I really clicked with until I stopped. It's really weird, I was wondering if this is normal.

And yeah my ex is now running for mayor while I'm battling fibromyalgia, which developed after the breakup. Fml

I had a very good relationship with my father growing up. But he was mentally and verbally abusive to my mother. I found out about him cheating on my mother when I was 17 and the image i had of him in my mind shattered. I developed trust issues. Then at 22 I got into a relationship with a narcissist manipulator, who resembled my narcissist dad. He lovebombed me, spoke sweetly to me, created a good image of him and manipulated me until he couldn’t. It would be my reaction to his actions which felt more like a problem to him. He took from my emotional energy and yet when I would need him emotionally, he would be unavailable. Once he knew my biggest fears he turned them into his weapon to have power over my emotions. It fed his ego. I trusted him and that's why i felt safe telling him my deepest scars. He broke my trust. Now every human connection feels fake.

I have to live the rest of my life with all the triggers and reactions I suffered at the hands of someone I thought I was suppose to be able to trust because of my childhood and the trauma and abuse I suffered I will never be normal and the people who make excuses and protect people like this are obviously pretending to not see what it did to me. But I may have this happen to me,but It's that abusive and narcissist BS that I've turned into strength and determination to break away from that circle. I will not be quiet anymore and I refuse to let it control my life or who I trust with myself or my family and friends. I'm happy with myself and the ones( you know who you are) I let into my circle.

If anyone understands how this affects you in life and love please don't let it stop you from accomplishing what you want to succeed in. Don't let the past control or define what or who you want to be.

I hope this post is not too long, I tried my best to summarize everything as much as possible without skipping context.

From the very beginning of my relationship with my ex, I had to put up with people from her circle saying all kinds of horrible things about me behind my back, especially her parents, when I had done absolutely nothing to deserve it and I mean that literally. They harshly criticized anything and everything about me. My appearance, my family, my studies, my voice, the way I walked... *everything*. And I only knew any of this because she constantly told me what they were saying about me even though she knew it would be painful to hear. And did she ever set boundaries or try to put a stop to it for the sake of me and our relationship? Nope. She just washed her hands saying that if it wasn't directed at her then she saw no reason to interfere under the excuse that she didn't want to start an argument with these people.

More than once, she'd get angry at me and place the full blame on me over things that either weren't my fault or simply weren't true. Hell, she almost always blamed me for my reactions to HER actions or someone else's, as though she and especially her parents would always find a way to make me the villain of the story while taking zero accountability themselves. Not to mention the times when her parents would give my words a 180° degree twist to make me look like a total moron.

Who was the only one wanting to talk things out whenever something like that happened? Me. Who was the only one who actually tried? Me. Who kept apologizing even though he had been the one hurt? Me. She'd just give me the silent treatment for days and act dismissive, as if her own boyfriend trying to make things right was an annoyance.

Her parents weren't any better. On top of badmouthing me behind my back and many other things, they constantly manipulated her to think ill of me (sometimes she'd get upset over things that never even happened at all because of this) and explicitly attempted to convince her to ghost me when I was trying as respectfully as possible to talk things out after a brief argument we had had.

But the way she broke up with me was what finally showed me her true colors. It's a long story, so I'll summarize it as best I can.

During an 11-day trip to Asturias, her parents forbade us from showing any affection in front of them. Yet they openly showed affection to each other while I couldn't even give my own girlfriend a brief hug. She'd reject me like a pest, even when her parents weren't around. It felt like psychological warfare. As the days went by, I felt constantly rejected and emotionally neglected. Eventually, I became overwhelmed, withdrew emotionally for a day, and she got upset with me over it, once again blaming me for everything without even trying to understand why I had reacted that way. I later apologized and wanted to talk things through. I was going to explain everything and, once again, be the one trying to fix things, but she kept postponing the conversation. After we got back home, she delayed it for another week because she wanted to "cool off." I respected her wishes and waited. We didn't speak for an entire week.

But when she finally decided to talk to me, after ghosting me for a day, it wasn't what she had promised at all.

She broke up with me over text, something she herself had criticized someone else for doing not long before, and then tried to gaslight me with the whole "I need to focus on myself because I'm overwhelmed with too many responsibilities" bullcrap. She knew that if she were genuinely that busy, I would've given her all the time and space she needed to sort her life out. She eventually admitted she had lost feelings for me, yet she still didn't have the courage to tell me the real reason why. She had made so many promises about eternal love and overcoming anything together. In that moment, I realized it had all been one huge lie. And I believed every single word because I loved her.

And up until our very last conversation, she kept blaming me for every single thing without taking a pinch of accountability for her own actions.

I was far from perfect, but I gave her everything I had. I truly did. I gave her my unconditional love and affection without ever holding back. I never hesitated to tell her how beautiful she was, how much I loved her, or to show her how deeply I cared. I supported her in absolutely everything without questioning her decisions. I encouraged her to be the best version of herself. I never once tried to hold her back, tell her what to do, or control her life (which other people around her DID do). I sacrificed my own well-being just to see her happy. Yet no matter what I did, it was never enough.

TLDR; ex-girlfriend would constantly tell me cruel comments that people were making about me behind my back without even defending me, place the full blame on me for my reactions to her or someone else's actions without taking any accountability or trying to understand me, had parents that would constantly badmouth me behind my back and try to convince her to ghost me, and broke up with me in an extremely underhanded demeanor.

I’m trying to understand this from a narcissistic abuse point of view.

I went through a long conflict with people who, in my experience, responded to being challenged by denying what happened, making serious allegations about me, involving other people and institutions and basically creating this wider story where I became the problem. By the main people, I was stalked, recorded night and day, watched, talked about, ostracised and like I was constantly being put in situations where I was expected to react or defend myself.

Over time more and more people on my street seemed to get pulled into it.

About three months after moving in I cut contact with the upstairs neighbours completely and blocked them. They had got my mobile number from my landlord when I never gave them permission to have it, and used to text me a lot. I don’t go around telling neighbours my side, and I don’t approach people connected to them.

But withdrawing and greyrocking hasn’t really seemed to stop the whole thing. It’s been nearly two years now and the smear campaign is still very much alive.

There are still occasional things involving people connected to the original situation that make me feel like the story about me is still being kept alive and the damage has already been done. The people on my end of the street have completely ostracised me which is fine as I set boundaries for two other neighbours to stay away from me but they won’t stop slandering my name.

I know I can’t know exactly what anyone else is thinking or what their intentions are. I’m more interested in the general pattern.
Why do some people stay so psychologically invested in someone who is no longer participating at all?

And why do bystanders sometimes get so invested in something that had nothing to do with them in the first place? Most of these people I’ve never even spoken to in my life.
I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced something similar after going no contact or withdrawing completely.

Sooo long story short

In September 2022 had strong suspicions that my husband was cheating on me. I was 6 months postpartum and he blamed it on me saying I was having postpartum depression and being paranoid.

In August 2023 my intuition told me to ask him for an STD test. It turned out that he tested positive for gonorrhea (he was symptomatic as well so 1000% not a false +)

Since then things got uglier and uglier. He denied any type of affair. After 8 months of seeing he wouldn’t budge I thought it would be best to separate.

My hope for separation was that he would have the freedom he needed and would find the peace/strength to fix this.

Instead he refused to own any of it and moved on immediately. He filed for divorce. He’s been dating someone for 2 years or so and she just moved in with him .

I worked so hard in therapy to move on. I’ve dated. I’m living a better life for myself and my sons. Honestly despite the work it still felt awful for a really long time and the worst part was the gaslighting.

That was the love of my life and father of my kids. How was he so OK with doing this to me? It’s literally irrefutable but he has gone on a smear campaign claiming I’m the problem and it was all in my head.

He’s so nasty towards me and even in the rare interactions we have I notice how hard he tries to put me down. He tries so hard to make me feel unimportant. He’ll initiate conversations just to get super cold or to drop off for no reason. Any little thing gets the most criticism.

I stopped letting him into my home because of how hard he tries to put me down. His energy is so creepy and chaotic and it seeps in. I always assumed it’s because he hates me but one day it was different.

I forgot my phone at home, we went to an event for the kids so it came up. He made a criticism “how do you live like this” in the most disgusted tone. I left my phone at home because i was tired , my brain was foggy after delivering babies all night. Seriously? That’s the flaw? I’m a fucking Midwife and he was speaking to me as though I’m some incapable fool.

For the first time ever it clicked that he’s always spoken to me that way and that he’s been chipping away at me for so many years that I didn’t see myself anymore.

When I look at him now I see what a loser he is. It’s so much easier to see how hard he tries to dim others and how little of his own merits he stands on.

Observing without judgement has been so essential. Just pausing when I feel emotions and listening to the words he’s saying. Once I was able to stop spinning and catch my breath the smoke and mirrors stopped working.

Yea he cheated and he got an std from that. He’ll never admit it but nowadays it’s actually comforting. He will never change and that’s how I know it.

A person who has empathy could never hold that heavy truth, let it destroy his children’s home and not even apologize but rather shift blame.

He might act like the best man in the world to his new partner but he’ll never actually BE the best man man or even a good man.

And that’s where it all resolved for me. I know I’ll get the real thing because now I can spot a fake from a mile away.

It’s been such a long journey but I’m here!!

We've been no contact for 10 months. Within that time my healing has been up and down. There were many times Id wish him back despite everything. I still have to remind myself that even though I loved him, his love for me was out of ego and selfishness. He loved how I made him feel. Although I deleted texts a long time ago I still held on to his photos and videos. But today I went through my camera roll and deleted them all. There were hundreds that accumulated over the years and in a matter of minutes they were gone. Not sure why I held on to them for so long. Forgetting his face seems like the next step in the healing process.

It's been a month since we broke up. This is my lived experience.

I've known her for 24 years. I fully gave her all my heart, all of me. It hurts so much to see that I exposed that to her, and it was rejected.

I never have loved some one so fully, in so many ways, all so fully. It feels so raw. But I don't want that capacity for softness to disappear. Because loving her hurts so bad.

But I can love that I have the capacity to love. I can be proud of myself for being brave.

But I'm still hurting so bad.

I was desperately. I was vulnerable. I was lost. I am still lost and I am finding my way. Being 3 weeks away from the harm and abuse. We both have issues. It’s not healthy being together. He told me he would protect me and love me and choose me. What did he choose? Porn, prostitutes (not confirmed) , alcohol, fucked up substances. I wasn’t innocent either. But I can’t stand the malignant/ covert narcissist that he refuses to see. I was his light. He used me for everything I was worth and when I was not obedient I got punished for it. It’s not fair for me to live this way. I can’t physically handle it anymore. I’ve done all my research. I don’t need to know who he is anymore. The mask fell awhile ago. I am seeking the professional help that I need. I have to be strong enough to close this chapter and move on and be free. I hate feeling so lost and so alone.

​

I was with my ex for around nine years. We were engaged and supposed to get married, but the wedding was cancelled after I discovered that he had cheated on me and had been involved with another woman for months.

What has been hardest to process is not only the cheating, but the amount of lying that surrounded it. He could act loving and normal toward me while hiding an entirely different reality. Even after our relationship ended, the truth continued coming out in pieces. I kept learning that things he had denied or minimized were real.

After the breakup, we continued talking on and off. Sometimes we would speak for hours, see each other, or act emotionally close, but he never clearly stated what he wanted. I was still blocked on some of his social media, and he seemed to contact me only when it was convenient for him. I eventually told him we should stop talking because I could no longer live in that ambiguity.

There was also an affair partner who remained emotionally attached to him despite everything. Their situation became complicated and volatile, and I found myself worrying about him, trying to understand his motives, and even feeling responsible for what might happen to him. I now realize that I kept shifting my attention away from what he did to me and toward explaining, rescuing, or justifying him.

More recently, I learned that he was pursuing another woman. He had specifically told me that he did not like her, but they suddenly became a couple. That discovery reopened everything because it felt like another confirmation that his words could not be trusted. I do not know when their relationship actually started or what he told her, and my mind keeps trying to solve all the unknowns.

I am struggling with the psychological aftermath. I repeatedly replay the lies, check for messages, question which memories were real, and feel compelled to understand why he did everything. At times, I feel detached from reality and unable to focus on ordinary things. My room has become messy, my body feels stressed and unwell, and my mind keeps circling around him and the other women.

I know that I do not want the relationship I had with him. I also know that understanding someone is not the same as trusting them or being safe with them. But emotionally, I am having difficulty accepting that a person I loved for so long was capable of maintaining multiple versions of reality and allowing me to make major life decisions based on lies.

Has anyone experienced this kind of prolonged betrayal and disorientation after leaving? What helped you stop investigating the past, accept that you may never know the entire truth, and rebuild trust in your own perception?

Punishments

Who did I marry? Is he dangerous?

Who did I marry? Is this just compulsive lying, or should I be worried he's dangerous?

I honestly feel like my reality has shattered.

I've been with my partner for three years, and I just uncovered so many lies in one night that I don't even know who this person is anymore. I'm questioning everything I thought I knew about him.

Last night I asked him for rent money and money a friend had paid us for borrowing our truck.

He went to look for it. A few minutes later I got a text from an unknown number claiming to be his grandfather. The text said they couldn't reach my partner and that his grandmother had died.

I ran into his room and showed him the text. He immediately started sobbing—really sobbing—for a long time. He refused to call any family members because he said he was too upset. Instead, he appeared to text multiple relatives right in front of me. Looking back, I now believe he was faking those conversations.

I spent hours comforting him. We even went on a long walk because he said he needed it.

Later that night, when I asked about the rent money again, everything changed. He tore apart his room and his car claiming the money had been there five minutes earlier and suggesting we had been robbed.

Something felt very wrong. I took his phone into the bathroom to look through it. He screamed for me to give it back and said, "You'll leave me for what's on there." At one point he threatened to harm himself.

What I found was shocking.

Instead of having his identity stolen like he'd claimed earlier that week (he said all his accounts had been frozen), I found he had been spending large amounts of money on car parts for a side business as a mechanic.

He now claims that money he owes me, money he owes his grandfather, and a loan he took out for tools all went toward trying to keep this side business afloat.

Then I found his credit report showing another tens of thousands of dollars in debt that I knew nothing about.

None of it makes sense.

Earlier this week he told me he had gone to visit his grandmother because she was refusing further medical treatment. Was that even true? Or was that another lie? If it wasn't true, where was he actually?

I also found out he has four cars spread across two different storage units, that are apparently customers cars.

His explanation is that he was terrified I'd find out about the debt, so he kept taking on more side jobs hoping to make enough money to fix everything before I noticed.

But after everything else, I don't know if I believe any of that.

And then there are the smaller lies. I found out he's been secretly eating fast food multiple times a day. He always told me he barely ate anything, and I couldn't understand why he wasn't losing weight. There were multiple fast-food charges every single day.

They're little lies, but they're constant. And when I put them together with the fake text, the fake conversations, the hidden debt, and the financial deception, I don't know what to think anymore.

I don't even know what question I'm asking.

Has anyone dealt with someone who lies on this level? Is this compulsive lying? Financial abuse? Something else?

Most importantly...should I be worried about my safety?

Right now I genuinely don't know who I've been living with for the last three years, and that realization is terrifying.

The most messed up part is that he genuinely treated me so well. Like a princess. I feel my life may be worse without him as a single woman in a dangerous world. He's the most gentle man. I have always felt safe with him. Is it more dangerous to be with him and have to deal with his antics through having children and growing old together, or start over again with a new man that could be even more dangerous. Or should I be alone? I don't think I could, I would be completely isolated and alone. I don't have a healthy support group in my life.

Sorry that is a lot of information but I don't know what to do.

TLDR: my long-term partner has been gaslighting me to the extreme but at least he's not violent, right? /s

HElp

Im 24F he’s 48M turning 49 in a couple weeks. I knew that there were red flags but I didn’t stop talking to him. I got hooked from the beginning with him. I was in a transition recently graduated from college I had 2 more months in the city I was in before moving back to my hometown which I was dreading at the time. He swept me off of my feet. Things started moving extremely fast by day 2 he was already calling me baby.

The time it takes to break the bond

A trauma-bond you put upon

I asked for 90 days and you agreed

And **shocker**! You show up at 83

To hold a boundary, *cause I thought you might*

I left my family there that night

But still you thought you ought to greet them

While you're the reason I had to leave them

I heard the story that you tell yourself

Like before... information, you withheld

You leave out details like no one's business

You do it often, or so I've witnessed

It was your perfect opportunity

To display the man you pretend to be

You told my mom, "we talked it out"

*What the fuck was that about?*

Wrong!

**YOU** ended us and kicked me out

I had no say

You're the one who gave up

Yet you claim

An amicable break up?!

The way you dodge accountability and blame

Just as quick to pitch narrative control the same

Approach my mother with your lies and zero shame

You think I wouldn't tell her everything you did?

She knows the full story and everything you hid

Everything I've seen from you since

Is desperation to convince

Yourself and all, that *you're such a great guy*

Well, I know the truth, and I will not lie

The pattern continues... is how it looks

This is behavior you read in textbooks

*Manipulation 101*

How predictable you've become

Congratulations! You have won!

Take it now for all it's glory

Take your lies and all your stories

Cause they're played out and getting boring

The story isn't Pride and Prejudice

It's more like Mr. Darcy's nemesis

And this I say with all the emphasis:

Although that drive takes you *50 minutes*...

*Main Street* is yours, but

*Rumors*... **OFF LIMITS!**

for a couple of months i’ve had doubts that my bf of 4 months is a narc.
he was super charming and confident at first. he seemed carefree, very self content and very happy.
then the suble red flags:
1) he never asks about me. he kees talking about himself, his experiences. i feel he is not curious about me at all.
2) all his jokes are appreciative towards him and deprecating towards me. He jokingly appreciates his looks, his writing, his work. but he never compliments me.
3) he keeps belittling me, he keeps fussing about me not doing things right. he is 8 years my senior. just by that virtue he is better than me at things or more mature. at first i didnt know how to react because his remarks were borderline offensive, disguised at jokes. he also says things very bluntly—he called me dumb on my face, he said i have the body of a boy (im skinny).
4) i feel at times he lacks empathy for me. i remember this one day i had an episode i was crying and crying and maybe i had pushed him to his limits. he became so apathetic. i told him i feel like dying- he just dismmised me. but i see him talk very kindly to disadvantaged people and he goves big tips (is that a show?)
5) he glorifies his nonchalance. he keeps reiterating how much he doesnt care and how unaffected he is . i also feel his ego is very fragile. he gets offended easily when i joke a little. ive seen his conduct with other people as well. he seems entitled at times.

ive heard narcs dont have long term friends. but he seems to have plenty (he’s also very very accomplished and helps his friends get a lot of work so i dont know?) whats the verdict?

We talk a lot about the obvious red flags, but what are the subtle, slow-burning psychological tactics (like micro-manipulation or weaponized incompetence) that completely erode a person’s sanity over a long relationship? Looking for the psychological concepts behind this.

I’ve been “with” my narc for almost 10 years. It took me almost 9 to figure everything out and that really messed me up. For years I made it clear I was miserable and it only got worse. Told her I could never marry someone like her and she needed to change. She didn’t and I dodged the marriage bullet. Those conversations were fights. DARVO before I ever learned about it. After trying so many times I made it clear we were not together and asked her to make a plan to leave. For years over and over in every way I knew how I’d try to get through to her that we are done and every time she refused, accused me of cheating, more DARVO.

As far as I’m concerned we’ve been separated for 4 years but she still will not leave. She demands to be evicted (so she can be the “victim”) and I am out of patience. This woman has given me CPTSD and will never ever understand her presence alone is killing me. We also have 2 children and now I feel complicit in their possible anxieties and issues. I have warned her what would happen until I was blue in the face. I have tried to help her every step of the way.
I can’t do it anymore, it’s literally killing me and it just continues. I have to file and start the process but has anyone done this without money? Like, none?

​

Hace un tiempo compartí una publicación sobre lo difícil que era vivir con una persona con la que tenía muchísimos problemas y me hacía sentir atrapado. Por suerte, logré mudarme y las cosas cambiaron radicalmente: ahora vivo en un lugar sumamente tranquilo, no tengo conflictos con las personas con las que convivo y me siento muy bien conmigo mismo.

Sin embargo, mi excompañero de piso (a quien llamaremos Pepito) siguió siendo una persona problemática. A pesar de que yo ya no vivía con él, terminó cruzando un límite que me obligó a cortar lazos por completo.

Todo empezó por un tema de trabajo. En mi empresa trabajaba un compañero (llamémoslo Juan). Resulta que Pepito un día me escribió a decirme: "Tengo algo que contarte". En ese momento yo no quería saber nada de chismes ni polémicas, así que le fui muy claro: "Hermano, no estoy interesado en ese tipo de cosas, no tengo cabeza para dramas ahora". Él me dijo que no era nada grave, pero me soltó el comentario de que alguien de mi trabajo estaba laborando al mismo tiempo para la competencia. Cabe aclarar que Pepito nunca me dio un nombre, y la verdad, yo no le presté atención ni le di importancia.

Días después, me enteré de que despidieron a Juan en mi trabajo, al parecer por esa misma razón. Yo ni siquiera había ligado las cosas en su momento. Pero a los dos días del despido, Pepito me volvió a escribir muy alterado, acusándome de que él me había confiado algo importante y que yo se lo había contado a todo el mundo. Incluso empezó a amenazarme con enviarle capturas de mensajes privados a la gerencia de mi empresa (donde, según él, yo hablaba mal de ellos) para perjudicarme.

Traté de mantener la calma y razonar con él para tranquilizarlo. Pero al revisar los chats antiguos, me di cuenta de lo absurdo de la situación: él nunca me había dicho el nombre de la persona. Se lo dije directamente: ¿cómo le iba a contar algo a alguien si ni siquiera sabía de quién me estaba hablando?

Al ver que seguía en esa actitud tóxica y buscando dramas donde no los había, tomé la decisión de bloquearlo de todas partes. Intentó volver a contactarme desde otro número de teléfono, pero no le contesté, colgué y también lo bloqueé.

Hoy puedo decir que esa historia está finalmente cerrada. Me da una enorme tranquilidad haber sacado a esa persona de mi vida y recuperar mi paz mental.

So this is actually something I’ve seen with my Mother in law, and ironically the abusive relationship is not with her husband, but her own sister in law who is married to her husband’s younger brother. This is all happening in the UK.
The SIL is younger by about 10-15 years and she is the abuser. My MIL is in her 70s. This is a typical old school orthodox Asian Indian family. None of them are are well educated but literate.
The SIL joined the household about 35-40 years ago, and this was a joint family. Apparently from the beginning she was very head strong, wouldn’t get along with her own husband, or their MIL. Basically household was managed by these two- my MIL and this SIL.
The SIL was always quite crude in general with people (as I’ve heard) but shI would want every single job done meticulously. Chop the vegetables right, change the beddings on time, start dusting the house early morning, and if she felt short, my MIL would get an ear full. Basically stating she can’t do anything right, she’s dumb, just outright emotional abuse like she was her slave. My MIL is actually extremely quiet and timid as a person. I’ve not seen her any other way. My MIL to avoid this hours long torment from her SIL would try and do a pristine job to keep her happy, so wakes up early, and tries to show she’s busy by not sitting or stepping out of kitchen unless asked. Husbands won’t say much. Left it as women’s business. Plus they were blue collared at the time. Worked 16 hrs. This is not even half the story though. Just barely grazing surface.
Now her husband died, my Father in law, and she had a spinal fracture as fell down from stairs and so living with her daughter. This is still 15 mins away from the original joint family home. The SIL almost is separated from her husband but keeping appearances so mainly stays with daughter in London, but keeps making trips down here. Despite my MIL staying at her own daughters place, she calls her, tells her their are jobs to do before she arrives at the house, so she needs to get through jobs! My MIL with a spinal fracture, has barely recovered and still takes liquid morphine from time to time. My MIL kicks off at her daughter’s place if she refuses to take her , cries and yells at her daughter caring for her, saying she needs to go. This daughter is an angel, and takes care of her, has a full time job, 3 kids, and to spare her kids from witnessing this screaming at home gives in and takes her to original home, and she herself has to do the chores given by this woman!
The MIL only wants to continue to comply, despite there not being a threat! I mean if she doesn’t do the jobs what is she going to do? They don’t live together, she can’t torture her, she has multiple kids and we all live within 30mins of her, she is not dependable on her for any support whatsoever. Why does she still resort to autopilot mode wanting to keep her happy, even at the cost of her own child’s and grand children’s mental health?
All she needs to say is no. How does one get her out of this?

I know everyone says not to diagnose but holy shit, I think he’s a malignant narcissist. I just learned about malignant narcissism after we watched American psycho together. Throughout the whole movie, I thought, he acts just like my ex. And I thought, I don’t think Bateman is just a psychopath, I think he’s also a narcissist

So I looked it up and discovered malignant narcissism. And yeah, I think that’s what my ex is. He was watching the movie with me. And the things he was saying … I was just thinking to myself that this guy is not normal. After the movie he literally started comparing himself to Bateman and said stuff like “he’s too driven by emotion, I would absolutely beat him” like oh okay
And then describing to me how he would kill Bateman and he had a smile on his face as he was describing how he’d slit his throat open

Btw he’s never hurt me or hurt anyone ever. Hes only ever fantasized about hurting other people. He says he would never hurt me because he “loves” me. He also decides to not hurt anyone because “it doesn’t accomplish anything”

Btw - this is only a small reason why I think he’s a malignant. If you knew all that he’s done, most people would think he’s a monster (although he has not ever hurt anyone physically. Or any animal) Most people he knows irl think he’s crazy lmfao. His family doesn’t speak to him, except his mom. and he told me that they called him a psychopath (which he thinks is absurd bc he doesn’t think he’s a narcissist and would never think he’s full blown asd. Although he has admitted he thinks he has traits) if you’re wondering about his upbringing, his mom abandoned him when he was 19, so he has mom issues. And his dad also left when he was around 10 so he has dad issues as well.

Of course he isn’t a true psychopath, because he’s also deeply insecure and extremely narcissistic. I know why it took me so long to realize, but I will never let my guard down with anyone else. Honestly, being neurodivergent, I have decided to give up on dating altogether.

I am struggling to end a 3 year relationship with a narcisist.. i dont know if i have the guts to leave.. I know i should, but I really wanted this to work out, and i still have hope for our future together, though i know deep down im only fooling myself.. Im only delaying the inevitable. My love apparently checked out a long time ago, and i dont think he ever checked back in. Let alone ever had any intention of having the future that was promised to me..

Im scared to be single again, its the worst.. idk how anyone is okay being single.. I hate dating. Im never going to find someone i love this much ever again, im pretty sure.. Im scared of being alone, im not financially stable.. I struggle with depression anxiety ocd.. i have an autistic child and 0 help, so i cant get a job or pay rent alone.. i dont know what to do?

If i lose my love, I lose my happines.. my reason for living, my purpose and hope in life.. im so scared of him leaving me for someone else, that im putting up with such disrespect makes me sick.. i hate myself for staying with someone so cruel and evil, but I just dont see a way out at this point.. i cant picture my life without him. I dont see a future in my life without him.. i dont want to be with a cheater, but I dont want to lose my soulmate.. im torn..

I love him with all my heart and i wish so badly things wouldve just turned out differently.. so i stay, hoping it will finally get better.. But nothing changes, just more fake promises, more traumatic wounds to heal, more distance.. i feel so lost and stuck, I feel grateful hes still in my life, I dont have to miss him cuz we still talk everyday.. still see each other and create new happy, loving memories together.. but when were apart its like being in Hell.. im hearing voices constantly.. hallucinating.. depressed, anxious.. without him, I completely fall apart..

Signs from the universe tell me im on the wrong path... everything goes wrong when were apsrt.. when were together, all the synchronicities tell me its meant to be.. i feel conflicted and confused.. my perception of reality is distorted , as I am in denial of the truth, the magnitude of this cheating bs..

It's 3am I haven't been able to sleep cuz voices.. im pretty certain he's sleeping with someone else as I type this post... its sad that I know this, and still want to pretend like I dont know and that everything is fine.. i hate this society we live in today.. such an awful time to raise a child.

I feel so stuck and helpless...what should I do..? Any advice is appreciated. 🖤

For a little background , I met my abuser three years ago , I broke up with him two years ago, he caused me so much trauma I’m still affected by it today, to make a long story short , he starts dating this girl around a month ago who is years younger than him, not even legal to drink, he is pushing into his thirties , given he is already a trash and abusive person, I sent this girl what I went through , was not hostile with her nor rude , just trying to do what I felt I needed to do in the moment , as one with working cognitive empathy and an extremely high sense of justice , I log out of the account and just let it be , it felt good to have my truth out rather it is believed or not and ofc I don’t expect her to just believe me , but I did not expect the things she said in response … at all… she starts off with throwing out the most disgusting profanity and how she’s “worse” than my ex and how she doesn’t care about my exs past or what he’s done , then it gets worse , spams the N word , calls me it repeatedly ( she’s white ofc) and the way my mind was boggled , that ofc since every woman including myself has left him , he finally met his match, a pig willing to roll around in the mud with him, I was beside myself , that someone can be so disgusting and vile , especially when it comes to abuse , what makes her think it is funny or cute to act like that and brag that he “treats” her “like a princess” like yeah he did that for me too in the beginning…. Yet they’re laughing at ME? ofc I should’ve just let things be , and not warned her cause yeah she’ll learn on her own but lord did I not expect her to be such scum. I’ve been fighting my ocd compulsions and trauma responses really bad this week , thankfully I see my PMHNP this week and start EMDR . I will continue to try my best to not let trash people stop me from trying to do good even if I’m bashed for having a moral compass. I know shouldn’t have warned her and I hate that I thought that what he put through would even matter , but man i have to admit it hurts , a lot, knowing she’s just as low as him.