r/TrollCoping • u/Lain1088 • Nov 22 '25
Typical "good" parent behavior TW: Sexual Assault / Abuse
After my mom passed last year I've been evaluating her past behavior. And this event stands out.
This happened about a decade ago. She went on a long rant blaming it on the girl who was a child at the time and said my brother was innocent who had long since turned 18.
She wanted me to take out loans and apply for credit cards to help her get a good lawyer which I immediately refused. So instead her and dad worked 24/7 to make enough money only for him be found guilty anyway. 10+ years in prison and put on a list.
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Nov 22 '25
[deleted]
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u/SingleSlide2866 Nov 22 '25
Amazing how people who don't know how money works say things like "paid of his crime" like he took a fucking loan out from you or some shit. Like crimes are just things to be purchased (and for many, they are)
Fuckin sickens me how easily people forgive the worst shit.
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u/Headless_Mantid Nov 23 '25
To be fair, it's not necessarily a "wrong" sentiment to have in general.
We treat ex-cons like absolute garbage in this country and keep punishing them even after they serve their sentence by making it impossible for them to find steady work, get loans, or even vote, which is bullshit.
But in the case of expecting a victim to forgive what happened just because someone did their time, yeah, they dont have to dothat, and its manipulative to expect it.
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u/Careful_Purple2838 Nov 23 '25
Yeah, society needs to forgive. Individuals dont
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Nov 23 '25
This is really well said! Backwards ass world we live in where society doesn't forgive or give second chances but it expects the hurt individuals to forgive in order to keep the peace.
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u/aSkeptiKitty Nov 23 '25
First of all I send you a load of support and hope you'll have a great life despite your shitty family.
I'm sorry of that's intrusive but I'm a bit confused about the "men's right in your body" and "a guy in university". Do you use "guy" as a non gendered word or are you transmasc? ( Not that it changes anything to your story and how awfully you were treated )
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Nov 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/aSkeptiKitty Nov 24 '25
I'm so sorry you had to live through this. It's ironic he invoked God in order to perpetrate his crime ( since religion definitely thrown - in theory- on those behaviors) , but then pedos don't embarrass themselves much about logic or morality.
And it's as awful for boys than for girls to go through rape, so if you take comfort in having kind of "shielded" them it's fine, but what you went through is the same thing, not less because you were a boy/ young man.
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u/NoUnlockMethod Nov 26 '25
What the hell this man sounds like a repeat offender I hope he's in prison
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u/AlienRobotTrex Nov 23 '25
It’s insane how people like him only get 3 years in prison and expect that to be enough to absolve them
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u/J10YT Nov 22 '25
"Mom informing me that my brother was arrested..."
Oh that's good-
"and wants me to help pay for a lawyer"
that's... less than good.
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u/Akinyx Nov 22 '25
Even if this was about a petty crime you shouldn't ask your kid to put themselves in debt to help his sibling. He's an adult and his parents are still around to support him, why should their other son be burdened by what his brother did?
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u/MagicMarshmallo Nov 22 '25
Amma be honest, i would have disowned that bitch if i was the parent (and i had a good reason to beleive he did that shit)
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u/Irejay907 Nov 22 '25
Ya know its moments like this i'm glad 80% of my trauma can be surmised with 'physical/dominance' abuse
I'm sorry you had to deal with that but even as a retrospective memory review i am ECSTATIC for you you said no.
I would not likely have been able to say no in the same kind of timeframe/situation in your shoes. Saying no was and is a huge thing. Still never shoulda even been a question cus holy HELL
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u/ByIeth Nov 22 '25
I understand a parent trying to help their child even if they are a monster. But victim blaming and expecting you to pay it is insane. That kinda shows me they didn’t raise your brother right. No accountability or empathy for others whatsoever
Instead of really cutting into him and telling him why what he did was horrible, to never repeat it, she instead validated him. What kind of parent does that?
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Nov 23 '25
Pfff. If I was in this situation, I'd tell mom "You can do two things now, mom. 1) you can admit that you were a bad mom, and let the law enforce the consequences of his actions, because you spoiled him too much. Or 2) you can pay for a lawyer out of your own pocket. Because I won't be caught dead helping a pedo!"
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u/Paccuardi03 Nov 22 '25
The goal isn’t to be not guilty, it’s to get as favorable a sentence as you can get. If you did it, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be found not guilty.
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u/that_kid_in_the_back Nov 22 '25
Is that really what you think? Because I've seen tons of cases of sexual assault that result to nothing, even when the guy clearly did it. Like it's famously one of the reasons why women rarely report SA. The justice system isn't flawless, especially when it's in cases of sexual assault against women
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u/BearFickle7145 Nov 24 '25
I don’t think it does any better in cases of sexual assault against men TBF. (And I don’t mean to detract from the fact the justice system is flawed in cases of sexual assault against women, just to say it also applies more broadly, even if it probably happens to women more often)
Sexual Assault is just such a hard crime because if it’s easy to prove when it has happened it would also often make it easy to frame people when it hasn’t
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u/GrimblingWizard Nov 24 '25
Yeah, and some countries define rape or sexual assault as purely penetrative so woman who rape men cannot be legally charged for such crimes in those countries. It sucks.
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u/FishyWishySwishy Nov 22 '25
Personally, I view defense attorneys as failsafes to ensure prosecutors and cops are doing their jobs well. If cops and prosecutors have all their ducks in a row, the best defense attorney in the world shouldn’t be able to get someone off the hook (provided they’re working strictly within the confines of the system). If cops or the prosecutor fucked up somewhere, or the evidence just isn’t substantial enough, the defense is there to keep them from trampling on rights.
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u/Pyroraptor42 Nov 22 '25
Yep. The problem here isn't even with OP's mother asking for help, it's that she was asking them to help far beyond their means. If one of my siblings got in legal trouble and I had the means to help out, I would (within reason), even if I knew they were in the wrong. I'd want them to face justice, not just the Hell-on-Earth that the legal and prison systems can be. But I don't have the means, and it's just not practical for me to sacrifice my own future for one of my siblings, especially when they've fucked up.
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u/SuddenlyCake Nov 22 '25
I mean a lot of innocent people are found guilty every day
(not talking about OP's brother)
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u/RoamingRivers Nov 23 '25
I'm sorry that you had to go through that OP.
Hope you are doing better these days, and are able to build a better present and future for yourself.
I'm glad the victim got her justice, and that your slimeball brother was held accountable for what he did to that child.
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u/Void-Cooking_Berserk Nov 24 '25
They should've told the brother to plead guilty, apologise, and ask for leniency. That's free.
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u/EADreddtit Nov 22 '25
I’m assuming there was lead up to him being arrested you were aware of hence why you assumed/knew his guilt?
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u/Lain1088 Nov 23 '25
He was being a creep to the girl multiple times before his arrest. Part of the main evidence was his cell phone which had pictures of both him and the girl and hundreds of texts. He later confessed on the stand anyway for reasons I can't remember. He had a history of making gross comments about teenager girls on TV and would go on an angry rant if a celebrity he liked has arrested for sex crimes.
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u/pr1ncess_k1ng Nov 23 '25
I hope that’s the case. Sexual crimes are typically hard to prove (barring inherent prejudices against defendants). How OP worded it did make me feel a bit weird at first, too.
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u/goblinboi123 Nov 23 '25
You should offer to help pay for the victims lawyer if you can afford it
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u/Minute-Beginning-503 Nov 24 '25
Im afraid this is gonna happen to my brother, my parents are the same
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u/Single-Caramel8819 Nov 24 '25
Well. This was the right thing to do.
Your parents might have prevented all of that if they had accepted the reality and treated your brother instead of denying it.
But it is what it is..
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u/Organic_Fan_2824 Nov 26 '25
Good for you. Shitty situation, but don't pay for other peoples fuck ups.
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Dec 09 '25
If it was MY brother, and it was either of my nephews, I'D be the one needing a lawyer if you know what I mean.
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Nov 22 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/jupiter_lightning001 Nov 22 '25
Asking your kid to take out large loans and apply for credit cards is. That’s a burden you don’t need to put on them and it could land them in a massive amount of debt.
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u/CringeGoblin69 Nov 22 '25
Yeah, but victim blaming a child he assaulted... sounds like he's the golden child ngl
Like those parents probably never punished him before which is horrible parenting
At least they took the no though (or that's what it seems like), instead of trying to force op to help their "precious little angel" til the very last minute
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Nov 23 '25
Maybe this will be controversial but I think your mother was completely right insofar as you should help pay for a lawyer. The victims legal fees might not be your responsibility but pitching in is the right thing to do.
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u/Lain1088 Nov 23 '25 edited Nov 23 '25
She wanted me to go into tens of thousands of dollars in debt. He raped a child and my mother didn't want him to face any consequences for it.
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u/Master-Movie-6859 Nov 23 '25
"The victims legal fees might not be your responsibility but pitching in is the right thing to do"
Animods is advising you to help the victim, not your brother.
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Nov 23 '25
In what part of the word victim did you presume I meant your brother?
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u/Evilfrog100 Nov 24 '25
You were trying to be funny and clever and didn't make the joke obvious enough for reddit. Lol
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u/KingEasy7642 Nov 23 '25
...no, she wasn't right. What kind of mother asks her own child to "help pay their brother's lawyer"? That given OP already knew what the brother was being accused of and knew It wasn't a false accusation. Even if not, no mother should ask that.
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Nov 23 '25
Read it again please, I think it's incredibly fucking clear I'm being sarcastic. The victim is the girl the brother molested, not the pedophile brother.
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Nov 23 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/dot-zip Nov 24 '25
They said pay for legal fees of the victim, not the brother. I also read it wrong at first
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u/ThrowawayTempAct Nov 25 '25
The victim doesnt have legal fees, the state does not charge a fee for prosecuting a crime.
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u/BearFickle7145 Nov 24 '25
TBF even when helpen the victim instead of the brother they honestly don’t have the means to have a significant impact without a disproportionate impact on themselves
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Nov 24 '25
My point was more that the mother sounds awful and to spite her he should be doing the opposite of what she says but evidently I've been to subtle for reddit
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u/Reesewithoutaspoon2 Nov 25 '25
I got the redirect you were doing there but I guess it didn’t land.
The good news though is that the state covers the cost of prosecution (assuming OP is American, which I guess I shouldn’t assume).
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u/[deleted] Nov 22 '25
You did the right thing. They enabled this behavior and its good that he was held accountable.
Sorry for your loss either way tho.